Title: Ruminations
Author: BrynnH
Author's Note: This takes place during TSbyBS after the press conference, but before the final scene. It's written from Blair's POV. Not Beta'd.
Ruminations
by BrynnH
He doubted me. That's the part that hurts the worst. I don't like the negative attention from the media. I hate that the other detectives in Major Crime think I've let them down. It hasn't really hit me yet that my career as an anthropologist is over before it really had a chance to begin. As soon as it does hit me, I'm sure I'll have trouble dealing with that, too. But, man, the worst part is that Jim could even consider that I sold him out.
I mean, look at what we've been through together over the last several years. The first year, I would have bet anything I owned that our friendship was deepest, most solid relationship I've ever had in my life, and would have been pretty sure he felt the same way. The last couple of years have had their rough spots, but we've always come out the other side, if not better for the wear, at least still solid. But, man, he actually thought I was capable of doing something like this on purpose. He was trying to be all macho; all "Go for the brass ring, Sandburg." But, he was really hurt. He really felt betrayed.
How could he not know that I would never betray him? He means everything to me...more than my career, more than my reputation, more than any other person in the world...including Naomi, truth be known. I trust him implicitly. He's my best friend...well, was. I don't see him forgiving me for this. And really, if he honestly thinks I can betray him for money and celebrity, maybe this friendship was never the two-way street that I thought it was.
Well, I'm not getting anywhere sitting here ruminating over things I can't change. Time to pick up all my stuff at the U, and then, the even harder task of doing the same at Major Crimes. Then, off to parts unknown...maybe hang with Naomi for a while, doesn't really matter, as long as it's away from here.