The Missing Man

A hand placed itself on Ludwig's upper arm. The young man turned his head and looked down to a similarly young woman who smiled warmly at him. Her eyes were full of that first love grandfathers and grandmothers speak of. He did not smile back at her, but he did bring her hand up to plant a gentle kiss. This gesture may not seem much, but to the young woman, it meant wonders because Ludwig rarely exposed a glimpse of his true feelings. He always hid them well.

"Meri..." He said.

"Yes, my love?" She asked, her face curious. She moved closer to him. They were standing outside her hometown by the road. His horse was waiting, with bags strapped to the saddle, to be mounted by its rider.

Ludwig averted his eyes away for a moment then returned his gaze to his betrothed. Their engagement was secret however because he was on his way to join the army in his homeland in Germany. He had come to Meri's hometown during the end of spring and beginning of summer for work. During his stay, he had come across her and though he stayed stoic and seemingly uninterested, she had actually persisted him even when the other women and men warned against it or gave angry stares. This persistence eventually led to his giving in and allowing her to break past his shield. That in itself was an achievement for anyone who knew Ludwig long enough to know he didn't let just anyone develop any sort of relationship with him.

But this relationship between the two quickly turned into a strong and special one. They gave themselves to the other after a night of a festival where they danced-much to Ludwig 's discomfort-and drunk. After that very night, he asked Meri for her hand and she accepted with tears and joyful laughing.

Now autumn has come and he had decided only a few days ago to return to Germany.

He was not about to ask if she would wait for him; he was certain she will without question. Her hands gripped one of his and squeezed gently, urging him to speak. So he spoke, "If I do not return before the end of next summer, please, do not continue to wait. I will be dead if it were that the case."

Meri's smile withered at his words, she shook her head. "Don't. I wish not to think of that while you are gone, Ludwig. You will return, and we will marry and have a home and a family together. I accept nothing else."

The corner of the man's lips quirked up just slightly; she was stubborn-they both were-so it often resulted in minor quarrels between them. He looked down at the ground and shook his head slowly. There was really only one way to settle this: "Very well, I promise to return from the army. But please still keep my initial words in mind."

A smirk of satisfaction established itself on Meri's face and she nodded. "I will, Ludwig. Anything for you..." Then her smirk fell and her eyes watered, she looked down at their intertwined hands. She but her lip and breathed deeply to calm herself. "Please... D-don't die and never return. I-I love you, Ludwig. More than I ever did anyone else..." She clamped her jaw to choke back a sob.

Moments like these were always uncomfortable for Ludwig, he never had to comfort anyone before. So to have the only person he truly loved close to tears tore at his insides.

The best her could do was bring her to his chest in a gentle hug and kiss her head in attempted reassurance. "Don't cry for me, Liebling. You should be beating me with a pan instead for leaving."

Meri laughed a little at that, and she looked up at him with a forced smile. "I should. But I can't..." She swallowed down the lump of her heart back down her throat. "I love you. So, so much. Don't forget that."

Ludwig nodded, and his lips formed a real, soft smile. "I would be a fool to. I... I love you, too, Meri."

Soon, as the sun rose from its bed higher in its post in the sky, they had to exchange their goodbyes. Ludwig mounted his horse, and with another word of reassurance of his safe return, he rode off. As soon as he and his horse was out of sight, Meri broke into tears and panicked sobs. And simultaneously, though far apart, they both prayed to God for their reunion.

Meri gasped from her sleep and sat up with a hiss. She placed a hand over her distended stomach and rubbed it gently, softly whispering to the child she carried to go back to sleep with her, so she may rest. It was still dark outside, and only a small fire kept the room warm enough from the chill of the night. Summer was well on its way to the small town in which she lived, and so was the birth of the child. Ludwig 's child.

She had no doubt it was his. He was the only man she had let touch her so intimately.

But even so, the townspeople had called her a whore and practically shunned her. Her parents looked on in shame and embarrassment. Only her brother did not criticize her and allowed her to live in his house, providing her with every need.

Tonight, the child kicked and moved inside her, not letting her sleep. But Meri still stared at her own stomach in awe and wonder, thinking of how wonderfully blessed she was to have such the perfect gift from God. Her pregnancy, however, made her all the more anxious for Ludwig 's return. She worried constantly if he had, and was, keeping his word of staying alive and well to come back for her.

Oh, she could only wait with glee and anxiety of how he would react to their first child. Whether he would accept it and create that family they wanted; or if he would reject the child and leave with disgust toward her, believing that she had betrayed him. Meri hoped not for the latter. She prayed every day and night her love will believe her words, and so believe the child is truly his.

Abruptly, the baby stopped its kicking, and Meri paused in her thoughts to look down and rub her stomach. She whispered soothingly, "What is it, my child? Are you wondering of your father like your mother is? He will return; not for your birth, but he will come back by summer's end. And he will be happy, and we will all be happy. Because we will have you and each other."

She gained no response. But she only assumed the child had finally fallen asleep inside her, so she too returned to sleep. Her sleep did not last long, however, a sudden stab of pain permeated from her abdomen and she gasped in surprise, gripping onto the sheets of her bed. That stab terrified her, and she called for help.

Her brother came into her bedroom with the midwife he had hired not long ago because Meri was close to the end of her pregnancy. But the midwife immediately shooed him out of the room and began to prepare Meri to give birth to the child.

Even with the help of a midwife, the young woman was still terrified of labor's pains. She had heard plenty of girls and wives dying giving birth, and she obviously did not want that to happen to her. Not while she still had to wait for Ludwig 's return and show him their child.

The labor process was long and tiring, and the pain did not cease to being agony to Meri. She listened to the midwife's instructions, so when she was ready to push, she did. But even that did that end fast enough. Her screams could probably reach Netherlands and Spain.

Then a tiny, shrill scream replaced hers, and the new mother collapsed back onto her pillows and bed, panting from the exertion of birth giving. All she wanted now was to sleep, but she still managed to ask, "M-my child... I-is my child well?"

The midwife had already cleaned the still screeching baby and wrapped it in a fresh, soft blanket. She nodded, "He is healthy, my girl. One of the strongest screams I have ever heard from a small babe."

It was a son. Meri had given birth to a son for Ludwig. The joy flooded her faster than the pain had before during her labor. She stretched her arms out for the babe, and the midwife obliged.

Though he was tiny, his cries were enough to rival even the loudest drill sergeant. Meri smiled tiredly and whispered softly to him while she moved to give him his first meal. He immediately stopped wailing when his mouth made contact with her breast, and he greedily drank mother's milk.

Meri chuckled softly at her new son, leaning her head down to kiss his hair tufted scalp. Soon, she felt herself fading into sleep. She was so tired from labor; all she wanted was sleep now.

The midwife came over and took the newborn from Meri. Her brother had come into the room, and he stood bending over her. His words were distorted and muffled to her. She didn't want to answer him back, she only wanted to sleep.

Let me rest now, brother...

Autumn came again.

Ludwig returned to the small town that he had lived for only a summer one year ago. If he could, he would not have come back again; the people weren't exactly welcoming of him during his stay. But he did make a promise to someone he cared deeply about. He only hoped that Meri remembered her side of the promise and waited an entire year for him. He even prayed for it; and Ludwig was not a religious man.

The townspeople directed cautious glances at him as he pulled his horse through the main road. Whether some recognized him or not he didn't care. These people were just weeds eager to find anyone to ridicule and gossip about and even harass at times.

Finding the Bonnefoy household was easy enough; and luckily it was also away from the main road and with less people around to peer into Ludwig 's private affairs.

He gave his horse the signal to stay before he stepped up to the door and knocked, stepping back to give himself a fair distance from the threshold. The door opened, and a house servant peered at him through the crack.

"Yes?" the servant asked, she seemed uneasy. Ludwig concluded it was due to his rough and intimidating demeanor; it had that affect on most people.

"I would like to see Meri," he said it almost as a demand.

Now the servant seemed even more uncomfortable. She mumbled a "just a moment" then closed the door.

Ludwig frowned, but then again, Meri's mother wasn't exactly welcoming of working class people inside the house. The door opened again-by Meri's mother, not the servant- and she looked up at him with a look of utter superiority until she recognized his face. Her face turned into a mix of rage and... sadness, and her eyes watered as sobs broke out from her throat; her hand gripped tightly at her chest.

Before Ludwig could even comprehend what happened, Meri's father called to his wife and came to the door. Upon setting eyes on the young man, the usually calm and accepting man's face seethed with rage, and only rage. He began to scream at Ludwig, causing him to step back from the house entrance.

More confusion stirred inside his mind. All he asked for was to see Meri. Why was he receiving screams and tears instead? Meri's father yelled a fury of words in languages Ludwig could understand and others he couldn't. None made any sense at all except for the last: "Burn in hell for murdering our daughter!"

Then the door was slammed closed, muffling the cries of Meri's mother.

A hole ripped open inside Ludwig 's body, releasing floods of feelings and nausea. His hand found the saddle of his horse, and swallowing down the unfamiliarity of his stomach, pulled his horse away from the house. He had one last resort. And it was not a favorable one; but it might give him an answer for the screams and cries. No doubt half the town have heard Meri's father. But that was really none of Ludwig 's concern.

He hurried to the other side of town, avoiding the stares of people, to another house. He tied his horse to a rack and hurried more than he needed to the front door, banging more than knocking on it. Another house servant like from before opened the door, and before she could say a word, Ludwig spoke. "Matthew Bonnefoy. I need to speak with him. Now."

This servant jumped at his obviously threatening tone and nodded with "yes", she hurried off to get the lord of the house and land.

A man, about the same age as Ludwig, came to the door; and he gave him a glare of suspicion and distrust. Just like he always had. Meri's brother was almost a look-alike of her, but his eyes were a different color and so was his attitude to Ludwig. Matthew spoke, venom lining his words. "What do you want, bastard?"

Ludwig was used to that tone, so he was not phased by it. "Where is Meri? I want to see her."

"Oh, yes," Matthew nodded slowly as if in understanding, his voice did not change. "And I suppose after a year you expect for her to want to see you?"

Oh, of course. Already trying Ludwig 's patience. He took a deep breath, "Bonnefoy, I just visited your parents' home and they greeted me with rambled accusations and literal tears. What happened to Meri?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"Because I promised to come back and marry her! That's why I even bothered to come back to this Godforsaken town at all. Now where is she?!" He didn't mean to yell, but it came out that way. He was just so frustrated; he only wanted to hold his beloved again in his arms after so long away from her.

The other man pressed his lips together and he actually adverted his eyes down-a gesture that was strange for him at all. It was a signal of something bad. Ludwig felt his heart skip a beat.

Matthew glanced back up him, and in a very low voice, he said, "She fell ill at spring's end. And she died... She died only less than a week ago and was buried two days before you come here now."

A week...? He had missed her by only a week. So little time...

Ludwig felt the hole inside him tear wider by the second, creating a void. His mind denied Meri's death; but it also couldn't find any reason why Matthew would lie. His eyes stared ahead at nothing; they were dry. But his jaw was clamped so tightly that was giving him a headache.

He didn't notice a woman coming to Matthew, holding a young babe in her arms. She glanced at Ludwig, then at her lord. "The child is refusing to drink, my lord."

"Keep on trying, he will have to drink sometime," Matthew answered her quietly.

The woman nodded, "He misses his mother, perhaps." Then she left, the babe beginning to cry.

For whatever reason, Ludwig snapped back to himself at the child's cry. He stared after the woman as she left from sight with the child in her arms. Then he glanced at Matthew. "Who is that child?"

The other man's face changed slightly then immediately guarded itself. "You came to ask of my sister. Not of a child with no relations to you whatsoever."

"Then try me. Just tell who is that child's parents. I have no plans of doing anything rash, but I heard what that woman said and apparently the mother is not here to feed it." He felt a lump ride in his throat and he had to swallow it down, "Is that child Meri's?"

Matthew's face was now a mix of irritation and defeat. He clicked his tongue against his teeth and nodded slowly. "Yes, the child is hers."

"And the father?" He prepared himself for the answer. Dear God, please let it not be true that Meri might have betrayed him.

"You. She told me you were his father when she found out she was carrying the child. As a matter of fact, she fell ill right after she had given birth and was unable to recover..." The pain of fresh mourning was clear in Matthew stature and tone.

As if the news of her death wasn't enough, but that the cause was most likely the birth of a child that Ludwig sired. His son. He had a son. But he had no woman to call his wife and mother to his child. God, it was just stab after stab of pain when all he wanted now was for it to stop and that he was being played. That Meri will come up behind her brother and smile in welcoming then rush up to him for a long-awaited kiss.

None of that happened. There was no Meri. She died a week ago, and he was not there to hold and comfort her.

After some time of silence, Ludwig nodded slowly, restraining from doing anything he might regret. Or not, really. He could care less about the well brings of others at the moment.

Except the child. He was the last remnant of Meri, and Ludwig was not about to let that go.

"I will go pay my respects to Meri's...grave. But I also have a request. Give me the child. If Meri did say he is mine, then I will raise him."

Matthew blinked and quirked an eyebrow. He shook his head, "The child is better off with me. He will be given a proper education and many opportunities. I highly doubt you can give him anything close to what I already have."

Ludwig clenched his jaw, he hated it when the other man would do anything to make his life miserable. "Perhaps you didn't hear me. I am this child's father. Therefore I own every right to take him in my care. I have money-from my service in the army and from the accounts of my father when he died. It is enough to sustain a family of four for months." He was surprised with himself that he was managing to stay so calm. Anyone else in his position would probably be a broken mess of sobs and begging.

The other man didn't answer him back, he even seemed to be considering to shut the door.

Sighing, Ludwig somewhat soften his voice, "I know you are mourning for Meri... I am, too. And I know we both want to have the last fragment of her life that's left. But anyone would believe that a child deserves to be his father. That child needs a father." He looked down and closed his eyes, "And if I have to go on my knees and beg you, then I will. Please... let me take my son."

Matthew still gave no answer. His hands and lower jaw were shaking just slightly, enough to be noticeable. "You're a fool," he said. "It's just like you to come and demand things. I am tired; heartbroken. I do not need or want to hear your pathetic excuses." He breathed deeply through his nose. "However..."

Ludwig 's eyes snapped open and he lifted his head back up. Puzzlement etched at his mind from Matthew's last word. "However"? That definitely has to mean something of importance, yes?

"Meri..." Matthew sighed. "She told me repeatedly that if you did come back, Günter, that is the child's name, will have to be given to you if you accept him. It was her last wish..."

Was it really that easy with this man? Ludwig just knew Matthew was going to come up with some other excuse to refuse the child named Günter. "So you will give him to me?"

The other man shrugged then nodded, "Yes, so my sister may rest in peace. Truly, you are the last person I would ever trust a young infant to, and I would have called for the police upon seeing you when I came to this door."

A light scoff escaped Ludwig's lips; he wouldn't have been surprised if he did have him arrested. Then he cleared his throat and nodded, "Then I will take Günter in the morning back to Germany. Make sure he is fed when I come for him."

With that said, he gave another nod and turned away from the door. He untied his horse from the rack and mounted it, riding off the property to the local church. The cemetery was right behind the old chapel.

Ludwig dismounted his horse and left it at the gate. He passed though the front grounds and headed straight for where the freshly dig graves were. He found the one he wanted quickly enough. On the stone head was Meri's name and the date of her birth and death. Though he was partially illiterate, Ludwig knew her name when he saw it.

The air was cool from the new season, but the ground was still soft and showed signs of a freshly dug grave.

Ludwig stood before the stone, just quiet and unmoving. No one else was visiting the cemetery, so he was grateful for the privacy. He slowly knelt down, keeping his eyes on the name that had been carved in the cold slab.

"Hello Meri..." He closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his jaw, feeling an unfamiliar sting at his eyes. "I... Well, I almost met Günter. Our son… I suppose you did listen to me when I said if I ever did have a son, I would name him Günter... I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry I couldn't come here sooner and say goodbye to you. If only you just hanged on longer... No, I should have come back sooner... Please, forgive me. I will raise our son to be a good man..."

He felt something escaped his eyes and run down his cheeks. Wiping at them, he realized he was crying. So he just knelt there, his hand still on his cheek. Then he felt his previously impenetrable wall crack and then break, and he began to sob. And while he sobbed, his eyes released tears as if they were endless and eager to escape from years of being held in. He even wailed, but did so behind his hand so no one would hear and come. He did not want anyone to see him. There was so much he was letting go. So much pain and sorrow.

It was autumn; the season of the dying.