Sixty four downworlders dead. Seelies, werewolves, vampires. Not Magnus, at least… for now.

He poured water into a glass and looked through it, his reflection distorted. The blond hair, tortured eyes and defeated pout, that was exactly what a traitor, and a fool, looked like combined.

"Jace," said a well-known voice and when Jace turned to his left, there he was. Simon, in his pajamas pants and t-shirt, entering the kitchen in the middle of the night of an almost empty Institute. "Clary asked me to check on you."

Jace's response was clear. "Leave," he said, and he drank his glass of water as if Simon wasn't there.

"She's worried about you."

As usual, Simon didn't need to do much for Jace to know exactly what his vampire face looked like -scared, tense, frowning- without even looking at him. Jace chose to walk pass him, bitterness on the tip of his tongue after a long sleepless night. "Well, too bad for her. I don't wanna see her, and I won't take messengers either."

He was about to leave the kitchen when Simon muttered, "I wish there was something I could say to help out."

Jace stopped for a second, not wanting to turn around. "You can't. Nobody can."

With that, he left Simon behind and went to his bedroom. When the door was closed, he got into his underwear to be comfortable and leaned on the window. It was really dark at 2am. Dark, and heavy, not just because of the hour but because the world was a more horrible place as from now on, thanks to him. He was reflecting on what he had missed out in Valentin's words about what was really happening. Right now he had no idea what to do next, the world was upside down and there was no way to fix it, no way to put patches on something that was already broken. Like him.

A knock on the door stopped his train of thought. Tired and wishing to find nobody there, he got closer to the bedroom's entrance. Simon's voice came out from the other side.

"Jace? Really, can we talk?"

Couldn't he just leave him alone? Deep down inside, Jace knew it'd be impossible. If Clary had asked him to make sure that Jace was all right, he was never going to stop. Therefore, Jace opened the door.

"Hey, sorry, I'm sorry, I know you said I shouldn't…" apologized Simon, and then his eyes landed on Jace's. He frowned, probably when he saw marks of tears on Jace's face. "Can I come in? I'll be just a sec," Simon added, and Jace shook his head, walking into the room. Simon entered as well and closed the door behind him. "You shouldn't blame yourself. You couldn't know you would activate the…"

"I think we've already had this conversation. What do you want now?" asked Jace, sitting on the bed.

As expected, Simon started talking non-stop, even if he seemed tired. "Just to tell you that… I know what it feels like. To not know what you're capable of. To think you're someone one moment, and the next you just have no idea anymore, except that you could hurt others so much…" Simon's words hung in the air, and he took a deep breath, folding his arms with discomfort. "I know it's not the same, but I thought my life was over when I got turned. I thought I wouldn't be able to live with myself, being a danger to everyone around me. Not being able to be near Clary…" Simon gulped, as if he did not want to ge tinto that particular subject, and yet he said, "It wasn't easy. I already loved her then… and I know you love her now, too."

There was the bomb. If there was something Jace was missing, was to talk about how impossible his relationship with Clary was.. or had been… or would always be. "I can't, ok? And she's not even my sister," he snapped.

Simon seemed to have freezed all of a sudden, out of confusion. "What?"

"You heard me. Valentine told me that she's not my sister and that he's not my father."

"But before, he…"

"I know, but it was all a lie. He was hold the Soul-Sword when he said it. He wasn't lying then."

A shadow passed Simon's face. He looked helpless now. "Oh. So that means you and Clary can…"

"No," Jace stated, no doubt in his mind. "She's with you. She's happy. As long as you do things right, I'm not gonna get in the way."

There was a moment of silence when they looked at each other. Jace swallowed, sure that he would honor his promise, even if it killed him inside.

"Ok. I believe you," concluded Simon. He knew that Jace really loved Clary, and would never do anything to sabotage whatever made her smile. Still, Simon could sense that part of Jace's speech was made out of guilt, like he was punishing himself over and over again without ever planning to stop. "I'm sorry, but I have to say it again. You shouldn't blame yourself…"

"I should be dead," stated Jace, and took a deep breath, lowering his gaze and probably reflecting on what his own disappearance from the world would mean.

"No… don't say that." Simon took a step forward, not knowing how to revert the terrible thoughts that might be running through Jace's mine.

"No, you don't understand. That was the solution for everything," said Jace, visibly making an effort to control the rhythm of his words and his tone. "We put a master plan in place, and all for what? Our friends and allies are dead, and the Soul-Sword is gone. I could have killed Magnus without even realizing it. It was just a matter of luck that he wasn't in the room, and then Alec would have never forgiven…" He stopped, closed his eyes and opened them again. "Forget it. This is my burden, not yours."

"It is mine, too. I drank your blood, remember? You saved me." Simon took another step forward.

"I should have let you kill me. Would have been far better than this," said Jace.

"No, because Valentine lied and we have to stop whatever he's trying to do. We need you… and we'll keep reminding you of it as long as necessary." Simon said the words like he really meant it. He understood what Jace was going through perfectly.

In that moment, Jace's voice got tampered with anger. "Don't try to be my therapist. Besides, I'm a lost cause."

Simon took another two steps forwards, leaning barely over Jace to make his point. "You're not. You're really not." He was clearly showing compassion.

"How can you say that?"

"Because if you are, we all are. When I was drinking your blood, I could see into your mind. I just knew what you felt." He was talking softly, trying to make him understand. Jace probably hated him for it, but it didn't matter.

"You couldn't possibly know how I felt in that precise moment," Jace stated, eyes darkening.

"But I did. It's a different thing that I choose not to bring it up… unless I have to." Simon felt nervous about explaining himself, but he was ready to receive a punch right on the face if it made Jace feel better. "And I'm really sorry. I thought about things… you know what I mean. They weren't right… with you. They were crazy, actually."

Simon had to say it, and it didn't surprise him that Jace got tense. "You thought I was Clary."

Jace knew, and Simon continued, "Yes, but I didn't see any difference between you and her, so I kept going… I kept drinking… because you were responding. I should have stopped but I couldn't. It was just too strong, and it felt too good to be with…" Ok, Simon was probably reveiling too much. "I shouldn't have said that."

Jace swallowed. "It's ok. I know what you mean. I don't know why, but when you bit me, I let myself go… I knew that a vampire drinking your blood could make you feel that, but I never imagined…" he murmured, and he stopped, as if he'd realized he'd been about to expose his feelings.

Simon knew exactly what he was talking about. He'd felt it. The truth was that in that moment, it had been like all the frustration, all the worry, all the hate and sadness had suddently go away, making room for… well, something completely inappropriate the two of them should never talk about again. They'd been far too intimate just by sharing blood, to be in a room alone now, just chatting about it.

"You sure you don't want another bite?" said Simon, to lighten the mood.

Jace shook his head. "Very funny. I understand Izzy now, but I'm not like her."

"I know. You'd be far worse," answered Simon, smiling softly, and he shrugged. "Just joking."

"Thank you for taking care of Clary. You're important for her," admitted Jace changing the subject.

Simon thought he felt defeated in the battle for Clary's heart. Even if he was happy to have her, he couldn't help but feel guilty about it. "You too. She cares about you."

"Yeah. She's probably the only one," said Jace. His intention was probably to make a Joke, but his words ended up sounding weird and depressed.

Simon was very serious when he muttered, "She's not. I worry about you too. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here."

Jace couldn't understand. "Why?"

Simon deeply reflected on his answer. "I don't know. I just… I just do. Even more after we… anyway," he said, feeling uncomfrotable, and he was, because he didn't really know what this conversation was getting them into. He signaled the door. "I should probably…"

"Yeah."

Jace walked Simon to the door, and when it was open, he stopped to clarify something. "I know I'm being a jackass. I can't help it, but I want you to know that it's not personal."

"I know that. But you're not alone," insisted Simon, who never gave up on his reasons to make people feel important and cared for.

"I know your intentions are good, but what I'm going through is not the same as becoming a vampire. You don't understand…"

"I told you, I do. When we were connected, I knew you felt relief. You felt clear from all your thoughts and worries. Like you were completely giving in, letting yourself go from everything that was in your heart and mind… so much, that you even wanted to…"

Simon stopped. He knew what he'd say if he kept going. He would basically explain how Jace had thought of him, the things he wanted to do if they were alone, and how, and how much he didn't care that the other person turned out to be Simon, whom he mocked so much all the time. Also saying all that would mean that Simon would expose himself as well, as he had thought exactly the same thing -that had wanted Jace no matter what, in a world where Clary was a long lost memory.

It was crazy, and still there was something in the air between them, something strong, like an energy that didn't let Simon leave the room. Jace had also gone silent. He hadn't said goodbye. He was just standing there, by the door, eyes red again, skin too pale, and the look of someone who'd been abandoned by all hope. As if he wanted to say something but couldn't, Jace run his fingers through his hair, messing it up. That was when Simon caught the sight of his wrist. It still had two marks on them and although they were not bleeding, they were pretty open.

"It… it hasn't healed," he observed, and Jace barely nodded. He looked as his bitten wrist, like it represented the last time of his life he'd felt like something other than a complete disaster.

"I didn't want to… use a rune. I wanted to remember what I did… whatever it is… I wanted to… just feel…" Jace's eyes were full of tears that he was clearly holding back. Jace, who never showed vulneravility and always had a cocky answer for everything. When he looked up, Simon wanted only to help him desperately.

He took one last step forward, only one idea in his head, but stopped in his tracks. He couldn't. Jace would never allow it, and it was wrong. How could he even think about it?

Yet Jace just stood there, looking at him. Begging in silence. Simon didn't know if he was interpreting it right until Jace took a step forward himself. They look at each other, an unspoken agreement between both of them, and Jace pushed the door closed, leaving them both inside again, away from everyone else.

They walked back to the middle of the room and met halfway, without talking. Jace offered his wrist, and Simon took it, like it was the natural, desperate, correct thing to do. He got his fangs out and keeping his eyes on Jace's, he bit him, trying to not damage the skin too much.

At first, it felt absolutely wonderful. All the blood entering Simon's system, giving him strength, telling him that he was a powerful creature that had the right to take whatever he wanted. Whenever he got that rush, product of a possible future addiction, Simon found it very hard to fight his instincts, but this was different. This type of Angelic blood was something he'd only tasted once, and it was from Jace, and it tasted so new, so pure, so perfect and heavenly, that it was impossible to leave it.

The next time he opened his eyes, he was above Jace, who was sprawled over the bed. Simon continued drinking, not being able to stop, until a sudden feeling of being slightly overdosed got to him. He removed the wrist from his lips, feeling the warm blood leaking from his lips, and saw Jace's face very close, eyes dark and mouth open, chest going up and down… and when Simon looked further below, he found Jace was palming himself over his underwear slowly like it was torture. He watched him move his hand up and down, suffering to get some friction through his boxers, and couldn't help but lower his head to that same spot to place an open mouthed kiss on that covered, aching cock.

And Jace moaned, his eyes rolling back, every time Simon's tongue danced and pressed on his member, the bitten wrist resting over the sheets. Simon felt him writhe beneath him, the sound of Jace's blood in his ears while the liquid was still pumping through his veins, and it was like he could not deny him the pleasure.

But it was Simon's pleasure too the one he wanted to satisfy, and he knew Jace was tugging at his pajama pants, demanding that he took them off. Simon obeyed his commands without any resistance. Vampire speed felt completely natural as he took his pants off and lowered Jace's boxers as well. It took him two seconds to get ready and to spit on his hand and place it on Jace. And then Simon was positioning himself over that damp cock, knowing that Jace would guide himself into his open and welcoming hole.

Wrist to mouth again, their exchange was short but more intense than anything Simon had felt before. Speeding up without warning, just to get slow and heavy a second later, Jace filling Simon up with blood and his body, Simon taking everything from Jace as if he were his, forever, until they were spent. A minute later, Jace's frantic movements made him empty himself inside Simon, and Simon let a soft moan out when he came over his and Jace's stomach.

But it wasn't over. Jace was urging him with his free hand to move, to turn around, and Simon did. He turned very quickly, just shifting the angle to keep drinking from Jace's wrist one last time. But when he felt the tip of tongue dipping into his most intimate area, licking the fluid that was dripping from him, that was too much. He drank faster, and harder, and all he could hear were moans beneath him, desperate noises to get more and more and more.

Until the sounds were over, and all that was left was heavy breathing and tiny licks on two bite marks. The aftermath of something forbidden and sinful.

By the time Simon realized where he really was and with whom, he didn't know what to do with himself. With shaky hands but with great care, he laid Jace's hand over the sheets, and removed himself from the bed. He put his pants on silently, and then walked towards the door, wanting to disappear.

He just looked back once.

Jace was still laying on the bed, all flustered and out of himself, breathing with his mouth barely open, as if he was still riding out his ecstasy somehow. Simon turned around immediately and left, scared by the intensity of it. He closed the door with a slow movement so that nobody heard, and then walked the empty corridor without really being able to grasp what had happened inside that room.