The usual "I don't own Naruto blah blah blah" that is painfully obvious and depressing.

There are three things I have never once doubted:

Number One: I have all my limbs intact.

Number Two: When working at a store that sells slushies and porno magazines, you will meet some interesting characters.

Number Three: Males should never wear belly shirts. Never.

Of course, all three of these things have been proven on multiple occasions, but I have never, not once in my entire life, had one person prove all of the above.

The day started ordinarily enough. The small shack, creatively named "The Good Stuff", was hotter then hell, buzzing with massive flies, and humming loudly with the dull vibrations of the dingy slushie machine and the flapping of the porno magazines being blown open by a squeaky fan.

I had already scammed the store of four (unpaid for, of course) slushies, the first one I had spilled on the counter, the second one was chugged and was still leaving pangs of the most extreme brain freeze on the planet, the third one was drunken slowly, but thrown away only half way through when my porky boss popped in "just to say hi", and the fourth one was held against my forehead to cool me down and to keep me from looking sweaty and gross. This was all done by 11:00AM. Of course the store only opened at 10:30, but hey, when you work fast you'd be surprised how much you can get done in thirty minutes.

I rested my cheek against the cool tile of the counter and watched through half lidded eyes as a creep in a belly shirt browsed through our wide selection of "love" novels. It could very well be the flickering fluorescent lights playing a trick on my eyes, but I'm pretty sure this man was the whitest guy I have ever seen. If it wasn't weird enough that he had black hair to contrast with his borderline albino skin, he chose to wear a belly shirt. No, I'm serious here, a belly shirt.

What the hell? I closed my eyes and ignored him, taking a gulp of my slushie. Ah, sweet relief. A book was dropped next to my face, successfully gathering my attention. I lifted my head slowly, peeling my cheek off of the counter. Damn, I'm now regretting not cleaning that spill better.

"Ew," I mumbled blandly, rubbing my cheek and glancing at the item he was purchasing. "Icha Icha I'm a Creepy Closet Pervert." Or something like that, anyway. I raised an eyebrow and he responded with smile that made him look constipated.

… So perhaps I was a bit judgmental today. I blame it on the ungodly heat.

"Is that all?" I asked, scanning the item.

"Yes." Simple answer.

"Would you like a bag?" Simple question.

"It's not for me." Stupid answer.

"Who said it was?" Stupid question.

There was a long pause.

"So… Would you like a bag?" I repeated.

"I'll be alright," he responded, looking at the book cover. There was a long pause and I cursed myself for being so awkward.

"Uh… have a nice day."

"I will," he responded, not moving from his spot.

There was a longer silence and I mentally willed him to leave so that I could rest my head on the sticky counter again.

"So… nice shirt," I lied.

He smiled.

"It's nicely… tailored. Was it custom fitted?"

"Oh, no, I just lucked out." Smile.

He looked as though he was deep in though about something, and after much concentration he came up with, "You have brown hair, brown eyes, two legs, two arms, and are incredibly ordinary looking."

"Thanks…?"

He almost looked proud. "Your welcome."

There was more silence before he said, "If my teammate wants another book I may or may not be back." Vague statement.

"If we are open I may or may not be working." Vague response.

Number One: I have all my limbs intact. Check.

Number Two: When working at a store that sells slushies and porno magazines, you will meet some interesting characters. Check.

Number Three: Males should never wear belly shirts. Never. Check.

Huh, what do you know? Some people can prove all three things in one visit.

Yeah... *nervous shuffle* Ta-dah!

I'm a feedback whore, so go ahead and tell me what you think. Otherwise I'll virtually kick you in the virtual ovaries. No, just kidding.

Lines that I find hilarious that would only work if this story was AU:

"It's nicely… tailored. Was it custom fitted?"

"Oh, no, I just lucked out." Smile.

"Was there a sale at Baby Gap?"