Word count:3692
in names is hidden a truth that is forgotten
"Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours"
Ours – Taylor Swift
Your parents are fighting again. You don't really know why, but you know that it's bad. Each time it happens your mother ends up screaming and crying when she thinks no one can hear her, and your father leaves the house for days. He only comes back when he has to – to keep the image of the perfect Pureblood family up.
You don't understand what happens, but you know it's bad, because every time it happens your sisters hide you. Sometimes, like today, they even hide with you.
That's how you know it's bad.
('Shh, be quiet. They can't find us if we stay quiet.' Bellatrix's whispers are harsh, and her eyes glow with a deadly black light as she blocks the door.
You learned long ago to stop being scared of that light, because it's just your sister's way to protect herself from everything wrong in the world, even if in her mind it means she has to become the bigger monster.
Now you find it reassuring, because you know that as long as it's there your sister won't leave you.
Andromeda never got that though, and as she glares at Bellatrix she also gather you closer in her arms.)
Andy's embrace is warm and kind and it's everything you think a mother's embrace should be. Of course Andy's not your mother, but she's your big sister and you know she loves you, so in your mind it doesn't really matter.
You can't help how you feel anyway.
Being with Bellatrix makes you feel protected, but there's always that aura of danger around her, like she's standing on the edge of something too big for her to understand. You want to tell her to beware but you're afraid of what's on the other side of that precipice too, so instead you quietly watch as she inches closer and closer to a world where you can't follow her.
(perhaps if you don't say anything it won't happen and she'll be safe. She'll stay the older and wiser sister who can't ever be wrong, and you'll stay the young sister who has to be kept safe forever. Maybe if you don't think about it nothing will ever change.
You don't want things to change.)
Bella's your sister and you love her and in your mind you pray desperately for everything to stay just the way it is now, not perfect but not (yet) broken either.
You think that maybe it's the best you'll ever get.
(once you told Bella that you didn't want her to change. The look on her face as she told you that you were too young to understand the importance of what she was doing is graved in your mind.
You never spoke of it again.)
Bella is like fire and she burns and she burns, but she's more like Fiendyfire in that she wants to burn more and hotter and brighter until she has consumed everything.
It's why sometimes she scares you, because you fear that by staying beside her you'll get burned and turned to ashes like the rest of the world.
But Andromeda just feels safe. When she tries to help you she's nice about it and though you know that she admires Bellatrix too, you also know that one day her blind faith will shatter. It's what blind faith do after all, since we're all bound to see the light one of these days. You just hope it will shatter right.
If Bella's Fiendyfire, then Andy's the roaring fire in an old chimney in the middle of winter. It warms you, it comforts you and most of all it feels safe.
You know you're safe with both of your sisters, but with Andy it's instinctual, you actually feel it in your bones.
Outside the room you hear the sharp sound of flesh hitting flesh and you know one of your parents took it too far. Next will come the sound of broken glass as your mother throw whatever she finds at your father, then the shouting will start again but soon there will be spells.
It's always the same routine and you're tired of it. Well, right now you're also just tired. It's already late after all, and you're not even five yet, you're young – you just want to sleep and forget about the outside world.
You look up to Andromeda and you see that she's eyeing the door with anger. Her face doesn't really show any emotions, but her eyes have always been an open book to you, and right now the brown orbs are tinted with the ginger of passion.
It's just another thing you like about your sister. Her eyes are always so expressive…
(Bella's always seem almost dead. They're dark and unchanging, like the deep abysses under the oceans.
She wears her feelings on her face but her eyes are empty and sometimes you wonder if she really feels anything.)
"Andy… Why are mother and father fighting like that?"
"Oh 'Cissa… I hope you know this nothing to do with you, don't you?"
Had anyone else told you that, you wouldn't have believed them, but it's Andy and Andy has always told you the truth. Anyway, you know that if the day comes when she'll lie to you, her eyes will stay truthful.
You feel relieved of some weigh you didn't know you carried, so all you do is nod against her chest. You can't trust words in moment like this one.
Bellatrix scoffs in her corner and it makes you smile because you just know that's typically her, but it seems to offend Andromeda, because her hold on you tightens and you know she's just that close to yell at Bella.
Fortunately (or not), something crashes onto the door, and you see a flash of yellow light from under it. You know it's not a good sign but you can't help but feel slightly happy, because now you won't have to see your sisters fight while your parents screams in the other room.
"Can we leave now?" You ask as you tug on Andromeda's sleeve. Her eyes leaves Bellatrix's, and you're suddenly very aware that you're the only thing able to get between the two of them, to stop their fights.
(in the back of your mind, you fear the day you won't be enough and there will be a fight you can't stop)
They share a look that conveys things you don't fully understand, but in the end Bella nods and you all set to leave the room, to leave this house that is not a home and perhaps never will, for another home that is not your house.
('perhaps it's not a home either though', whispers your mind when all is silent enough for you to hear it, 'perhaps it's nothing but another prison, for another part of your family, for people who want to leave but can't and for people who live but would rather be free')
"Grimmauld Place," you say as you enter the chimney, and the world spins out of control and turns green until you feel your sister take a step with you in her arms and everything spins back into reality.
You hate the Floo, but you'd take it any day if the other option is staying in a house full of yells, violence and spells crashing against closed doors.
Aunt Walburga's house is much better than your parents' anyway, even if her House-Elf is a bit creepy and you've already found a cup that ate one of your scarves.
You love coming here because your Aunt is always nice to you, and she has given you one of the best guest-rooms. This place is safe, even with all the danger that comes with it being a Black house, and here your parents won't find you until they've calmed down.
They'll act like nothing happened and neither of the three of you will bring the latest fight up. You'll just wait for the next one to slip out of the house; in this endless circle you wish would break.
Aunt Walburga is perhaps the only one in the family to know what's happening with your parents, and though she won't say anything, you know she disagrees.
You can see it because her eyes always darken when you come after nightfall, just the three of you with no parents and no warnings.
(Tonight will be no different. She'll come down to see you as soon as you arrive because she knows the only ones able to Floo in there are family, and that the only ones to Floo at this hour are her three nieces.
Then she'll send word for Kreacher to prepare some food for you and to make your beds. She'll take one look at you and of course you will try to hide a yawn, because yawning isn't proper and Backs are proper, but she'll forgive you because she knows you're trying not to show weakness, which is more than many in your family did at your age.
You'll be sent to bed and your sisters will be in the closest rooms to yours, and as soon as they realize Aunt Walburga is in her room and won't get up until the next morning, they'll sneak into your room.
Andy will lie on your bed next to you and hold you close, while Bella will take the other bed. You know she won't sleep until you do, and it's fine with you, because you know Bellatrix is not one to give comfort and that it's her way to show she cares.)
Everything happens the way you thought it would be, but you see that your Aunt looks rounder than she did the last time you saw her.
When you ask, she tells you she's pregnant and that it means that the Black family will soon have an Heir. You can tell she wants it to be a boy and suddenly you feel both frightened and another strange feeling you're not sure you like.
You see your Aunt and that other child, looking happy and like a (mostly) normal family, and your inside burns.
You refuse dinner tonight, and go straight to your room. You stare at the ceiling in a bed too big to be yours, and you wonder if your Aunt will still want you, will still look at you like you're special when she has her own child to look after.
You stare at the painting hanging on the wall that you can barely see until the house turns dark, and you can hear footsteps creaking on the floor toward your room.
Usually you'd smile and get up to open the door, but tonight you just sit in your bed and wait for Bellatrix and Andromeda to enter.
"I don't want her to have a child," you whisper to Andromeda when she's settled next to you, "I just want her to be our own because she's the only one to be nice to us all the time."
"Nice to you, you mean," Bellatrix scoffs until Andromeda shuts her up with a glare.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it. You're her favorite, we know that. It's fine, really."
The look they share tells you it's all but fine, but before you have time to ask more about it, Andromeda distracts you.
You notice, of course, because you're a younger sister and it's usually your job to distract your sisters. It's a very weird change, and you really don't think you like it.
"I think you're jealous Narcissa," she says, and you realize that putting a name on the emotion doesn't make you like it more, and you still don't feel any better.
"I don't want to be jealous though," you protest.
"It'll pass, you see." She exchange a mischievous look with Bellatrix, and then focus back on you, leaning toward you ear like she's telling you a big secret. "We used to be jealous of you, you know. Obviously it's gotten better now, so you have nothing to worry about."
She winks at you and makes that smile that always make you feel special, and just like that the burning in your stomach isn't as hot anymore.
There's a moment of silence, and then you find yourself speaking more.
"Do you think it'll have a star name?"
You're not sure you actually want the question answered, but when your sisters speak in hushed tones you feel glad you asked.
"I hope not, for its sake. Those names are weird," Andromeda replies, sounding almost mocking even though you know she loves her own name.
"It has been in our family for generations, who cares that it's weird?" Bellatrix sounds more serious and you know she really disapproves of this discussion. Bellatrix has always been the one to take traditions very seriously.
Before the two of them can begin another fight, you speak again.
"Why is it so though?"
"You tell her," says Bellatrix almost angrily. You know her better than that, and you've always been good at reading your sister's emotions, so you know she's not really angry. It's her way of saying she thinks Andromeda's the best story-teller of the two of them.
(she made you swear not to ever tell anyone that she said that, though)
Andromeda shuffles a bit in the bed, and her cold feet make you shiver each time they touch your back. It happens just a little too often for you to believe that it's just an 'accident' as she says it. In the end, it doesn't really bother you in the end, because you know that's her new way to try and cheer you up.
"Andy, why are the Blacks named after stars?" You ask once you notice she stopped moving. You don't want her to fall asleep before she tells you the story after all, especially now that you're so intrigued by it.
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"Yes," you whisper eagerly; and even if it's utterly dark in the room you can't help but wonder if the gleam in your eyes can be seen by your sister.
"Are you really sure?"
"Yes." You answer a bit louder this time, because you hate it when she teases you like that. She says it's her job as she's older than you, but this time it's really not funny. You want to know.
"Dear Morgana, just tell her Andromeda! Else we'll be there all night!"
"We will be here all night Bellatrix," Andromeda snaps back, but you stop both of them once again.
They can fight another day, preferably far away from you and after you've gotten your story.
"Andy… Please?"
(apparently puppy-dog eyes aren't only a matter of look but also of tone, because even though they can't see your face they both turn they attention back on you and Andy starts her tale)
"It all begins with this legend, this almost myth, which says that stars are beautiful, but they must not take an active part in anything; they must just look on forever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it was…"
"Really? They don't even remember it?"
As she answers, you can hear the smile in her voice. It's a good thing she's the one telling the story, because Andy is the only one who never minds when you interrupt her to ask questions.
"No, they can't, just like you can't remember when you were a small baby."
You nod vigorously, because you know this, and it makes sense. On the other side of the room, you can hear Bella listening religiously even though she tries to hide it.
(to Andy it's like she's asleep, but you know she's drinking every words. It must be one of her favorite stories, and even more so since it's about their family)
"So the stars are looking on the human race. They see everything about us, every little or big events in our lives, from your birth to your death, but they're cursed, because they can't interfere with what they see.
"The stars live forever but their forever is lonely, because they're so far away from each other and the only things they see is our endless circles of lives and death, of love and hate, of success and mistakes, of pain, misery, suffering and tears but also of joy, cheers and laughs. They're our guardians, the silent watchers of humanity and they are so so sad because they see us making the same mistakes but are unable to help us."
"That's sad… The poor stars…" You can't help but feel bad for them, even though your mother told you that stars were just dead bodies full of hot gazes when she caught you staring at them one night.
(you find Andy's story much more beautiful and you really need something beautiful like that in your life right now)
"Yes, but don't worry, they found a solution. After all, they have had eternity to think on their fate and on ours, and they will have eternity to see if their idea works."
She then brings her mouth closer to your ear and in a stage whisper that could almost make you shiver of fright if you weren't so enthralled in the story, she tells you the biggest secret in the world.
It's the secret of your family and yet it's also a secret for the whole world. It's a truth hidden so well nearly no one knows it anymore, but yet as it's truth, it remains behind.
(after all, it's not because a truth is forgotten that it becomes false)
"One night, several thousands of years ago, the stars manages to lift their curse for just that small sliver of an instant, and in that instant they sent their essence to us, hoping that their act would give us the chance to become more than what we were, to evolve beyond what they had already seen and that with this help they were giving us, we would finally learn to walk instead of stumble."
"But what did they do?"
"Didn't you listen 'Cissa? They made us more," rails Bella from her bed, and her voice sounds strangely bitter against Andy's soft tones and the beauty of the tale she's waving for you to hear.
(it's the first time you want her to shut up as much as Andy does. You really don't like it)
"The stars managed to send their powers to us that night 'Cissa. They sent us their magic and we made it ours. We became more, we became wizards and witches and left behind the mundane world, the common people, to found our own society.
"Everything you feel and live 'Cissa, you owe it to the stars. We're Blacks and we know it. We're Purebloods and we haven't forgotten our ways, we haven't forgotten that we have a duty to this world, to our world and our people. We give stars name to our children because it's a mean to honor the stars and to remember where we came from. It's a sign of our superiority over common people, a sign of what makes us different from them."
"And that's why you should bear your name with pride Andromeda, not with disdain. It's a sign that you are more than those disgusting Muggles, than those Mudbloods who think they know everything when all they have is our gift. They don't have our culture and they don't want to learn it. We need to be careful, or they'll erase us, and all that will be left will be stones and old names that once were uttered with devotion," lectures Bellatrix, and even though there's not an ounce of light in the room, you know she wears that face, the one she has when she thinks she's on the edge of the world.
(it looks like she's on the edge of her salvation, but there's something in the gleam of her eyes that tells you that this salvation is a double-edged knife, capable to carry her toward the heavens as easily as to bring her down to the furnaces of hell)
"But… Why don't I have a star-name then, if it's a tradition in our family?"
You ask this almost as much because of curiosity as because of your wish for them not to fight. The story was beautiful and you can almost see stars dancing with magic behind your half-closed eyelids, and you don't want them to waste it.
Your voice must have sounded more worried than you actually feel, because Andromeda's hold on you tighten and she kisses the top of your head as Bellatrix tells you it's nothing to worry about, that Narcissa is a beautiful name for a beautiful girl, and that it fits her.
"You don't have a star-name because our parents saw in you what everyone can see 'Cissa."
"What is it?"
"You're your own star, and you don't need another one to shine for you. You'll make your own light, you'll see, and one day everyone will know your name just as surely as everyone knows the names of the stars in the sky."
(You smile and in your sleep you dream you're high in the sky, watching everyone around you, immortal and eternal and burning as bright as the sun, sending light and hope to those who see you. It's a very nice dream, and it's almost as nice as waking up in the same room as your sisters.
A storm is coming, you can feel it, but you're glad to know you won't be alone to face it. You have your own guardian stars after all, and nothing and no one will ever separate you from them.)
AN/
So it really seems that I'm unable to control myself when I try to write the Blacks. I just happen to love those three so much… There are so many things to say about them, and so many things we don't even know… It's perfect.
I'm not sure if Sirius was born yet or not, but that would only give him a five year difference with Narcissa, which doesn't sound so bad to me… Anyway, let's just say that in my HC, Sirius is younger than her. That'll work.
And to continue on this terribly long author note, this was written for the:
- Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry Challenge/Competition , Astronomy (Write about how The House Of Black became known to name their children after stars/constellations - Words: Ginger, Action: A character must hit another character, Quote: "Stars are beautiful, but they must not take an active part in anything, they must just look on forever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it was." ― J.M. Barrie, Major Character: Bellatrix Black, Genre: Drama, Sentence: It has been in our family for generations, who cares that it's weird?)
- Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry Challenge/Competition, Exam (Genre: poetry, Pairing: Narcissa/Andromeda, Year: 1959, Setting: Grimmauld Place, Word: Young, Song: Ours - Taylor Swift, Lyric: I hope you know this has nothing to do with you - Big girls dont cry, Emotion:Jealous)
-HP Potions Competition, Muffling Draught
-Legendary Gods and Goddesses Competition, Izanami no Mikoto
-Legendary Creatures Competition, Amefurikozou
-As Strong As We Are United Competition, Version Two
- The Ultimate Side of Disney Movie Challenge, Lilo and Stitch
This author is poor. This author is nice. You like this author. This is not an attempt at hypnotism (unless it's working, in which case it totally is).
Leave a review?