One-hundred and seven years. That's one thousand, two hundred and eighty-four months; five thousand, five hundred and sixty-four weeks; thirty-nine thousand, twenty-nine days, and too many hours, minutes, seconds, and moments than I care to figure. Every single one of them spent waiting; waiting for something familiar. For something worthwhile.
And then she came along, and my wait was over.
I'd known, from that first day in Biology, that she was it. The epiphany I'd been seeking. The answer to the unasked questions I'd clung to for the past century. She was there, and in the form of some terrible destroying angel. My wildest dream and my worst nightmare, folded into one small, delicate, brown-eyed frame. The way she smelled. . . it was almost more than I could handle. It was bordering disastrous.
After that, it was a few more days of waiting – waiting for my curse to subside enough that I could engage her in a conversation, enough that I could sit beside her without fighting tooth and nail against my will. And then waiting for her to make up her mind – although before I'd even spoken to her, I could feel her attraction. It was much different than magnets. It was something much stronger – a force of nature that could not be reckoned with.
Before, waiting had been sweet relief, for I knew that, eventually, something revolutionary - something good - was coming. I only had to wait for it to arrive.
This form of waiting, though, was hell.
The big steel plane around me felt like a cage. The seats were small and confining, and the seatbelt buckled around my waist could have been easily snapped. In fact, I felt I could get to Sky Harbor International much faster if I were to simply burst through the emergency exit. . . the fall wouldn't hurt, merely a shocking way to land.
Carlisle's hand landed on my arm, where it rested on the armrest. I'd been drumming my fingers. Emmett, who was to my right, had long since adopted a pair of headphones, tired of my quiet sighs, snarls, and vehement exclamations. Just wait, Carlisle's thoughts pleaded. We'll be there in a matter of minutes.
Minutes still felt too long. Too long until I would see her, waiting in the terminal. Too long until I would see her eyes light up when I met her gaze, and too long until I could hold her in my arms. It was all too long. Carlisle's hand tensed on my arm momentarily, before he let go.
The seatbelt light flared into life above our heads, and as if to make his point, Carlisle smiled at me. I didn't attempt to smile back, only stared at the back of the gray headrest directly in front of me. I barely heard the announcement to prepare to land. I had prepared half an hour ago.
I didn't watch the ever-growing landmass below us as it loomed outside the window. It was taking much too long to land for my taste. I put my elbows on my knees and rested my head against my palms, waiting. Just. . . waiting.
It seemed like hours later that the plan around me jostled and people began to move around us; Emmett had removed his headphones and nudged my shoulder. I stood up and waited for the passing crowd to move; they seemed to move as if time itself was freezing, and I could feel my nerves beginning to fray. Carlisle collected their bags from the overhead compartment without speaking, but his thoughts were far from silent. Stay rational, Edward. Five minutes until we reach the terminal, at most. Stay calm. Once we find the rest of the family, we can head for Phoenix and find James. But we'll do it together.
I nodded quickly before taking my bag from him and following him into the aisle. It took every particle of my being – every particle that remained convinced of the fact that more was at stake than just Bella's life, but also my familys' – to take slower steps than I so desperately wanted to. It would not do, under the current circumstances – where every second was infinitely more precious than the last – to expose myself for what I was: a monster. I painstakingly lifted each foot and set it back down, all the while cursing these weak and impressionable humans around us for exiling us the way they had for so many millennia.
We finally reached the small porthole leading to the long, rickety tunnel that would carry us to the terminal, and my breathing – rather than relax – began to come in quicker, smaller, silent bursts. The generic advertisements on the walls passed as slightly colorful blurs, meaningless. By the time we reached the opening of the terminal, I was no longer breathing.
The airport blossomed around us; living, breathing, thriving, a perverse opposite of me. My eyes searched for one face, and in doing so saw every single one around me.
There was a small group of people – a family, from the looks of it – gathered around an elderly woman. As we passed I heard one of the young boys say something about a grandmother. A small ways past them, a couple embraced, their arms fitting around each other as if that's what they were designed to do. The ache to feel Bella in my arms and to make sure she hadn't hurt herself threatened to bring me to my knees, and Carlisle's hand found my shoulder again.
"Almost there," he murmured, and I nodded stiffly. I could see a tuft of Jasper's blond hair, sticking out over the throng of moving people.
Emmett quickly cleared a path for us; his sheer size scared most people into submission, and they backed away quickly and without protest. I silently rejoiced; he acted as a strange bodyguard, cutting a route directly to our desired destination, as well as protecting us from exposure by my hand. With him in front of me, and Carlisle behind, the urge to run much faster than I should was dulled. It was there, but it wasn't as strong as it had been on the plane.
And then there was a glorious break in the crowd before us, and Alice's face caught my eye.
There was something wrong with her expression. Anger, sadness, worry, stress – all combined into one rolling wave that kept clouding her features. I was too focused on her face to notice her thoughts, until three lone words crossed my mind.
He'll be furious.
It had an effect I hadn't expected of some small statement; my anger flared, and I was moving much faster than the casual pace Emmett had set for us. I reached Alice's side, and she flinched.
"Alice. . ." My voice was ragged and hoarse.
Jasper took her hand and she looked down. In that small gesture I read everything I'd blocked out from my extra hearing; now the voices swelled within my head, and I did nothing to try to block them out. Instead, my hands clenched into ice-white fists, and I focused on the tone of Alice's thoughts.
She's gone. She ran, and I'm so stupid to have let this happen. . . I'm so sorry, Edward. She threw in the apology for my benefit, so she wasn't forced to say the words aloud. I didn't think I could handle hearing that again, her voice dripping with her regret. She was truly sorry, and I could see how angry she was at herself. I couldn't comfort her, though. My legs had chosen that moment to stop supporting me.
Carlisle's hand shot out and caught me by the elbow, so that I wouldn't collapse onto the small pile of luggage at my feet and crush it. I struggled to gain control of my senses, and felt numb; there was a room around me, but all I noticed was the ceiling swimming overhead, seemingly not in any fixed position. People milled about me, apologizing for accidentally elbowing me, but I didn't hear any voices, didn't feel anything. There was nothing but the small ring my family had created around me, and the crushing, desolate sense of loss I felt.
She ran. She went in search of the monster, and now would probably die because of it – because of her fear that I would be hurt. It seemed so stupid, and yet I knew she thought herself noble. Perhaps she was. But I couldn't care.
I didn't say a word to my family as I charged through the airport in search of the doors, wondering if, possibly, I now traced Bella's last footsteps, and praying – to whatever god that would hear me – that wasn't the case.