After Texas

Chapter 1

Jocelyn sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair with an uncharacteristic sports cap worn low on her head to cover as much of her face as possible. The last thing she needed was to run into any one of the vast amounts of people she came into contact with on a weekly basis here. Her stomach was in knots and she felt like she was going to throw up at any minute. Although she'd justified the decision in her head with a thousand different reasons, it still felt wrong because he didn't know. Then again he probably wouldn't care even if he did know if his behavior after they returned from Texas was any indication. For once he had let his guard down and let her infiltrate the impenetrable force field surrounding his heart and emotions and it had led to an incredible night of passion and comfort she had never experienced before. When he left her in the hotel room to pursue a lead to Finch's position in Maryland, he'd kissed her passionately, told her to be careful on the way back to New York and promised her he'd be there soon with Harold.

Once Reese returned to the city with Finch, he'd ignored her initially which she'd chalked up to him being worried about Finch's state of mind. Then the first time they spoke since Texas during the Sophie Campos case, he didn't mention anything about that night and reverted to business as usual. Finally when she saw him for the first time, after Texas, outside the bar with the thugs she immediately recognized his emotional mask in place and she knew she had been shut out. The pain Jocelyn felt at that revelation was intense but she refused to let him see it. She put on her own mask and saved her tears for when she was alone in bed that night hiding her gut wrenching sobs in her pillow.

After that night she refused to shed another tear for John Reese and she decided to move on from that fantasy and resigned herself to remaining an asset to Reese and nothing more. She'd even been on a couple of dates with Cal Beecher even though she knew she was not attracted to him like she was John. She was determined to move on with her life and was taking the necessary steps to do so when she had been eating lunch with Fusco two weeks ago and had to make a mad dash to the ladies room to empty her stomach. She immediately blamed it on the food but in her heart she knew a cold cut sandwich wouldn't upset her stomach. After two more days of random bouts of nausea, she gave in and took a home pregnancy test knowing the result before she saw the blue positive sign in the indicating window. Thinking back to Texas, she couldn't remember how many times they'd woken each other up to share their bodies and she hadn't been consistently taking her birth control pills because there hadn't really been any need to in a long time.

Now there was a life growing inside her created by the incredible night of love they shared that he wouldn't even acknowledge. Carter thought about Taylor and how much joy he brought into her life but she also remembered how hard it had been raising him alone. So many times she wished she had a partner to reassure her and provide a male role model for her son to follow. What if there was another boy inside her who would suffer the same fate as his older brother? Taylor is a great kid but she knows he's missing out on having a father, especially now that's he's becoming a man himself. While she knew this baby would be beautiful and smart, Jocelyn rationalized she didn't deserve to have it if she couldn't provide a proper home with both parents. With her decision made, she'd scheduled an appointment and refused to dwell on any other possibility and now she was just waiting for her name to be called so she could do what was required.

Some time later Carter rose and headed on shaky legs to the exit. Looking down at her feet she reached for the door and became aware of an immovable presence in her path. Reflexively her eyes sought to find the obstacle in her way and met with red-rimmed angry blue eyes filled with moisture.

They stood facing each other speechless for over a minute. Carter was completely stunned as indicated by the deer in headlights expression on her face and Reese was angry as indicated by the vein throbbing in the middle of his forehead.

"What the hell are you doing here," John's voice was lower than usual?

Instantly Carter got over the shock of his appearance as anger overrode all other emotions.

"Fuck you John," she said as she attempted to push pass him to leave.

He grabbed her wrist uncomfortably tight as she moved past him.

"If you think I'm going to let you walk away, you're crazy," Reese accompanied his statement with a cold glare.

"Let me go John, I don't owe you anything," she spat as she tried to yank her hand from his grip unsuccessfully.

Reese put enough pressure on her wrist to pull her outside but not to cause any real pain. Without saying another word, he pulled her along until they reached a black Lincoln double parked at the street corner. Using her trapped wrist as leverage he forced her back to the rear quarter of the vehicle. He stepped so close to her she could feel the anger radiating off of him and she could feel his breath on her face.

"You can ride in the trunk or the passenger seat. It's completely up to how you behave but you're getting in this car," he said in clipped tones in her ear.

Carter glared at Reese but she knew by the wild look in his eyes he was far from bluffing.

"Let me go John," she snapped.

"Which is it going to be detective," he asked angrily?

"The seat now let me go," she shouted drawing the attention of a couple of muscle bound men walking on the sidewalk nearby. The men nodded to one another and made their way over to John.

"Hey man, let the lady go," the larger man said while the other man moved towards Jocelyn to protect her.

Reese immediately let Carter go and grabbed the man's hand and twisted his wrist hard bringing him to his knees with a loud cry.

"Don't touch her," he said menacingly while twisting the man's wrist even harder.

Carter recognized the situation was getting out of hand quickly so she wrapped her arms around John's waist.

"John please let him go, I'm sorry guys we were just arguing about something silly, he would never hurt me," she said smiling at the man who was still standing.

Reese let the man's hand go and tried to stop his heart from pounding at the feel of Jocelyn's soft curves pressed against his back.

The two men weren't sure the woman was safe but they realized there was more to the man than his appearance and she seemed to want to be with him so they gave Reese a sharp glare and continued on their way.

As soon as the men turned away, Carter let go of Reese and quietly got in the passengers seat. Reese stood next to the vehicle for a couple of minutes trying to get his emotions under control. He was so angry and hurt he couldn't think straight but then she'd touched him and he'd just wanted to hold her. It wasn't fair his body betrayed him. It just made him angrier and he stormed to the driver's side of the car, got in, slammed the door and pulled off recklessly.

By the time they reached the isolated safe house he wanted Jocelyn's stomach was revolting and she was shaking uncontrollably in her seat. Reese hadn't looked at her for the ten minute drive so he was shocked when she threw the door open leaned out .and began vomiting. He was by her side instantaneously gently pulling her hair out of the way and rubbing her back. The painful sounds emanating from her throat as she retched overwhelmed his already breaking heart. Tears ran unchecked down his face as he suffered her pain with her. Soon her stomach was empty and dry heaves shook her small frame violently. Reese stepped in a clean spot and held her tightly attempting to absorb the shock into his own body. Finally it stopped and she just buried her face in his neck and cried softly.

With one arm still holding her to him, he used his free arm to release her seatbelt and slide under her legs and lift her up in his arms. Her hot tears were running down his neck and his were still pouring from his eyes as well. Reese kicked the door to the car shut and made his way to the door of the safe house. Luckily the door was voice activated so he stated his name and the heavy metal door swung open slowly. He entered quickly and made his way to a large comfortable couch in the center of the room. Gently he sat Carter on the couch.

Her eyes were closed but she was still crying. He touched her face and she didn't respond.

"I'll be right back," he said softly and then he stood and walked away purposefully. Reese secured the door and disconnected all the surveillance equipment. He then grabbed a bottle of water and a bowl from the small kitchen area.

He knelt down in front of Jocelyn and took off the top of the bottle of water and placed the bottle in her hand.

"I know your mouth doesn't taste good, rinse it out, I have a bowl for you," he said softly.

Jocelyn finally opened her eyes and she saw John kneeling before her with a bowl in his hands and tears running down his face. She stared at him for a long minute before taking the water bottle and rinsing her mouth into the bowl.

"Better," he said concerned blue eyes fixated on her?

She nodded. Reese stood and left with the bowl. Carter's mind was in chaos. Why was he being so nice to her? Why was he crying? She heard water running in the kitchen and then Reese was standing before her reaching his hands out to her. She accepted his assistance in getting up. He entwined their fingers and walked her to a small bedroom in the back.

"There are clothes in there you can change into and the bathroom is the next door down. It has new toothbrushes and other toiletries in the mirror cabinet. I'm going to make arrangements for Taylor to go to your mother's house after school and when you're ready I would like for us to talk. I'll be right out here if you need me." John waited for a small nod from Carter before he released her hand and left the room to contact Finch.