Based off a Robot Chicken sketch. It was funny. I changed a few things around, though.
© Naoko Takeuchi, Seth Green & the Robot Chicken team
Some OOC moments.
Zirconia is a girl in the Japanese!anime, so I'm keeping it that way.
Typical.
That was the word that could only be describing Usagi's day at the moment. Typical. Typical. Typical. It was such a bland word. And...dull.
She sighed. Luna walked at her heel, and glanced up at her every once in a while.
Minako and Mako-chan were busy, Ami had to study for a quiz she was sure to ace, and Rei was having 'crazy day' at the temple. Prices on charms were so low, it was crazy. (Hence the name.) Mamo-chan was taking Chibiusa to some carnival or movie or something, which annoyed and perturbed Usagi to say the least.
"Usagi, what's wrong? You seem awfully down today."
"Eh, it's just one of those days, you know. Just going with the flow, waiting for some villain to show up and completely ruin my day."
"You there! Innocent bystander who looks mysteriously like our enemy! Show me your beautiful dreams!" Usagi looked up to see Tiger's Eye in all his metrosexual glory. He had a hand on his hip, and his lips pursed.
"Speak of the devil. Well, I should go transform." She thought of a way to distract him. Sighing, she thought of an easy way. (Since the villains really weren't very smart to begin with.)
"Look! A distraction!" She pointed to her left, and Tiger's Eye jumped up.
"Huh?! Where!?" Usagi took this moment to run, run as fast as her little feet could carry her. She slid behind a wall, and sighed.
"Moon Crisis, Make-up!" Usagi twirled and sparkled, taking the estimated ten minutes to change into Super Sailor Moon without anybody noticing that a naked, rainbow-colored teenager was spinning around, and around, and around. Because plot holes make-or-break a good anime. See children! If you want to become successful, make your story as broken as possible.
Back inside the fourth wall, Usagi had now transformed into Super Sailor Moon and her tailcoats of destruction flowed behind her as she faced Tiger's Eye.
"Stop right there, villain! Dreams are beautiful! They are not meant to be tarnished by villains like you I am Sailor Moon! And in the name of the moon, I will punish you!"
"Like hell. SUPER EXPLOSIVE ATTACK, GO!" Usagi's eyes widened to giant dish saucers, but was conveniently saved by the expected token Male character.
ROSE.
"Do not steal the dreams of the innocent, for they are beautiful and deserve to retain their beauty! Sailor Moon, you can stop him!" Tuxedo Kamen said, hopping down gracefully from the tree he was standing on, and stood beside her.
"Venus Love and Beauty Shock!"
"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!"
"Mars Flame Sniper!"
"Jupiter Oak Evolution!" Tiger's Eye blinked as the onslaught of various elemental attacks came towards him. He side-stepped them.
"Well...that was useless."
"You can't stop be, Stupid Senshi! I work for the Dead Moon Circus, and even though it's pretty obvious that our imminent downfall will come, I will go against that!"
"Well, I will stop you and-oh my God! What is that!" Usagi and the rest of the Sailor Senshi—plus Tuxedo Kamen—grimaced and looked away at the insanely huge bulge in his pants. It was literally like making a hot dog horizontal.
"Don't get off subject. I will...oh...oh...um...oh God! I'm so, so sorry! This is totally disrespectful!" He picked up a nearby trashcan lid, and covered up his er, excitement with it. A growing blush of embarrassment crawled up onto his cheeks, and he crouched down.
"Ugh! Ew! What the heck is wrong with you!?! Can't you control your raging hormones?! I mean, come on!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's just...well...you girls are pretty hot..." Tuxedo Kamen lobbed a rose at him, and scratched Tiger's Eye's face.
"That's disgusting." He said, covering Usagi's eyes.
"Um...should we...should we still fight? Because I really...I'm really not in the mood anymore." Usagi grabbed Mamoru's hand, and brought it down, grimacing as she saw the bulge.
"Yeah um...we might need a rain check on that. After all...you've totally disgusted all of us here." Makoto said, with the other five agreeing with her.
"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea. So uhm...yeah. Bye." He backed away slowly, then ran. Oh how far he ran.
The rest of the Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen each had a look of perturbed disgust on their faces, desperately trying not to melt their eyes out with a piece of molting hot iron, or just find something sharp to stab their eyes in with.
Five minutes of awkward silence passed before Usagi backed away very, very slowly and took off in the other direction. The other five were still looking as if God him/her/itself had just appeared before them, and were completely still.
"I gotta go...I left a....a....food...in my oven......" Tuxedo Kamen ran in the same direction as Sailor Moon, trying not to vomit up his lunch from the incredibly disgusting scene they all had just witnessed.
However, Minako was not so lucky.
"I'm....I'm gonna hurl..." Minako stumbled off to the bushes, and emptied her stomach.
"Mina-chaaaan!"
"THE SOAP IS BURNING MY EYES!" Usagi stood over Mamoru's sink, rubbing soap in her eyes to get the image of Tiger's Eye with a raging erection out of her mind.
"I'm pretty sure the more it burns the more the image gets out! Scrub harder, Usako!" Mamoru said, in the kitchen, doing the same thing to his eyes that Usagi was.
"I'm doing it as hard as I can!" Usagi yelled back, the soap literally burning her eyes.
"....that's what she said..."
"MAMO-CHAAAAAAAN!"
"Sorry, sorry!" He said, coming into the bathroom, wiping his face with a dishtowel.
"You know, we probably shouldn't be yelling. Chibiusa is still asleep, and probably wondering what we're yelling about." As luck would have it, a girl with pink meatballs in her hair stood in the doorway, watching her parents blind themselves with soap.
"Usagi, Mamo-chan...what are you doing?" They turned to face her. Chibiusa's eyes widened as both of their eyes were totally red. Usagi smiled down at her.
"...erm...Chibiusa, how about Mamo-chan and I read you a nice story, hm?" The two of them laughed awkwardly, and Chibiusa inwardly cringed.
"Oh...um...okay. Can it be 'The Princess and the Pea'?" Chibiusa asked, rubbing her eye.
"Sure, sweetie! Just um, go to bed and never, ever ask about this again, okay? We'll explain it to you when you're older." Mamoru said, and he put an arm around Usagi, who faked a rather large smile. Chibiusa walked away slowly, wondering what the hell was wrong with her parents.
"...okay, good to go?" Mamoru asked, and Usagi nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. Alright, I'm going to continue to blind myself, and you go read Chibiusa her story. We'll get the image out of our mind eventually." Mamoru nodded, and went off to read Chibiusa her traditional bedtime story.
"And they lived happily ever after. The end." Mamoru closed the book, and Chibiusa furrowed her eyebrows at Usagi, whose eyes were completely red from scrubbing and scrubbing. Needless to say, the poor girl would be having nightmares tonight. Again.
"Alright, you have a good night sleep, tyke." Usagi kissed her forehead, and Mamoru ruffled her hair.
"Night."
Chibiusa shuddered. Why did she have to have the superhero parents? Honestly, couldn't it have been Kensuke, the annoying turd who always dipped her hair in green paint? Honestly, life just wasn't fair sometimes.
"I'm sorry Zirconia, but I failed to find Pegasus again." Tiger's eye said, bowing to Zirconia. Fisheye and Hawk's Eye snorted.
"Your failure is irritating me, Tiger's Eye and—oh my God! What the hell is that thing?!" She tensed up, and Hawk's eye and Fisheye gasped and had a giggle fit at Tiger's Eye's increasing bulge in his pants.
"Oh. Oh God! Not again! I am so sorry! It's just...that...well....I kinda like it when you yell at me. It—It's hot." He said awkwardly, putting his hands in front of his crotch to shield them from the horrid sight.
"Tiger's Eye, get the hell out of my sight before I have good reason to have you castrated!" Hawk's Eye and Fisheye were nearly rolling on the floor laughing, almost coughing up a kidney because damn...getting yelled at because of a raging erection by your old-as-sin overlord was not something that happened every day.
"This is so not happening again..." Tiger's Eye moaned, and slapped himself in the forehead.
"Again? What are you talking about, Tiger?" Fisheye said, filing his nails. He looked up at the poor Tiger's Eye, who was having some sort of panic attack. He collapsed on the ground.
"Well...erm...I found this girl. I was gonna look into her dreams, but she distracted me. And then Sailor Moon and her stupid Senshi showed up after Tuxedo Kamen came and rose'd me. And then...well....she and her Senshi are pretty hot! I'm sorry, but....they are!" Hawk's Eye patted him on the shoulder.
"Well, next time you see her, think of old, wrinkly nuns. Or Fisheye."
"I resent that!" The blue haired male said, "Besides, I would've gone for the guy in the cape. He's pretty hot." Fish's Eye sighed dreamily. Hawk's Eye shook his head.
"We are some team..."
"...and then he get s a friggin' erection because he thinks that all of us—well, minus Mamoru-san—are really hot. And then Mina-chan threw up. I swear, that was the weirdest fight I think we've ever been in. And that's saying quite a bit." Makoto said, sitting around in Rei's temple, talking about their 'fight'. She looked at Artemis, who seemed rather perturbed and disgusted.
"Mako-chan, please don't remind me. Usagi-chan called up a bit ago, she er....said 'Oh God, my eyes, why does it burn when I blink, oh God, Mamo-chan, telling me to wash my eyes with soap was so not a good idea'." Rei said, sighing, "Apparently, our lovely Odango Atama thought that rubbing an entire bar of soap in her eyes was going to help."
"That's our Odango." Minako said, looking rather pale and....vomit-y.
"Mina-chan, stop trying to talk. You threw up once and I don't want you doing it again. Vomiting all over my room this time." Rei said, exasperated.
"Well...you four had a rather....long night." Artemis said, clearing his throat awkwardly.
"Yeah, hopefully it'll never happen again." Ami said, shuddering. She changed the towel on Minako's forehead.
"Now that I think about it, are mini-skirts really that convenient for fighting in? I mean, they're really short and....who designed our outfits anyway?" Ami said, and the rest of them—minus Minako--, shrugged.
"Er...that's actually a good question. Oh well. If it's a distraction to the enemy, that's a good thing, right?" Makoto pursed her lips, and shrugged once more.
"Hell if I know. Who wants cake?!" The girls all perked up, (even Minako, to some extent) and gladly delved into Makoto's famous chocolate cake she had brought, the image of Tiger's Eye with a raging erection hopefully out of their imagination.
Three days later, the image of Tiger's Eye with a raging erection (you won't be getting that out of your head any time soon, dear reader) had soon dissipated into nothing but a mere memory Minako threw up at every time it was brought up.
Great way of getting out of school, though.
"Mamo-chan, Chibiusa asked me to ask you if you would pick her up some Tasty Flakes at the Grocery. Since your college is like, super-near the Grocery, could you pick it up?" Mamoru nodded, and continued walking along the sidewalk hand-in-hand with his Usako.
"Stop! Innocent bystander who, yet again, looks suspiciously similar to our enemy!" Tiger's Eye appeared out of nowhere, pointing an accusatory finger at the couple.
"Great, now I have to transform—Hey look, a distraction!" Usagi said, pointing to the north.
"Huh?! WHERE?!" Tiger's Eye looked around, and Usagi and Mamoru took this chance to run and transform.
"WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THAT?!" Tiger's eye said, pouting and throwing a hissy fit. The couple were securely behind a concrete wall, and Usagi gave him the A-OK to change into Tuxedo Kamen.
"Tuxedo Kamen, Make-Up!"
"Moon Crisis, Make-up!" Again, they both swirled and twinkled and sparkle and were as multi-colored to the heart's delight.
After twirling and sparkling and being multi-colored, they knelt down next to each other and tried to formulated a plan, or what they thought would be a plan.
"So um...I think we need a plan." Tuxedo Kamen said, and Sailor Moon blinked.
"Um...does running in, start kicking people in the face sound like an A-OK plan?"
"...Usako, I'm going to give you a minute on that one." Usagi rolled her eyes.
"Alright, alright. I get it. I say we stall him until the Senshi arrive, then we can formulate a decent plan whilst simultaneously trying not to lose any limbs." Mamoru blinked.
"...well, I'm all out of ideas. Why the hell not?" The two of them jumped on top of a building, ready to make their corny speech of JUSTICE.
"You're evil. Time to die!" Usagi said, unable to think of anything that was more heroic and...well...pointless, stupid, and time wasting.
"Jupiter Oak Evolution!"
"Mars Flame Sniper!"
"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!"
"Venus Love and Beauty Shock!"
The cavalcade of attacks was side-stepped (again) by Tiger's Eye. He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand obviously.
"Well, nice meeting you Sailor Stupids, but I've got to find Pegasus."
"We will never let that—EEWWW!" Usagi covered her mouth, and tried to not vomit. Mamoru pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed deeply, while Minako ran off to the bushes again and Makoto followed her. Rei and Ami were, well...dead inside.
"What? What is it—OH GODDAMMIT, NOT AGAIN!"
I have a sick, twisted little mind.
Jesus must be on my side today. Dammit.
And get a blond, metrosexual with a raging erection out of your head. Trust me, it's going to take a while.