The old wooden cherry floors creaked underneath our feet, as he spun me around from the living room to our kitchen. My heels lightly scuffing up his dress shoes. My skirt was now flying up in big circles. His grin was as big as Dallas, as my laugher filled the room. Our song, call me irresponsible, echoed thought our small house. I could not imagine being anywhere else. "you know babe, we should go out dancing more!" I rested my head on his shoulder still laughing.
"No way!" I said in between my laughter, "There is no way I will every dance in front of other people!" He looked down at me with his famous smile.
"You deserve to be shown off." And just like that he had me in a daze, like a love sick school girl. He dipped me down and planted a soft kiss on my lips. As he pulled me up the kiss intensified, it felt like our wedding night. It was a great night.
"Charge to three hundred!" The doctor leans over his body with the paddles hovering over his chest. "Clear!" He pushed them down, Jakes body jolted. I stood in shock. The cancer had taken him over, and now it was taking his life. He still had a flat line. "Charge to three fifty!" The same procedure went out, no rhythm of his heart was detected. This went on twice more, then they called it. "Time of death, 11:26 am." I slumped to the ground. I had know Jake since my freshman year of high school. We had been together for 11 year, and married for seven. Now all of that was gone. My life, ended the second his heart gave out. The doctor gave me there respects, told me he was out of his suffering. They said he's in a better place, where he'll never be in pain again. The Neuro fellow came over to me also, his name was Dr. Shepard. He had been on Jakes cases since he was diagnosed three years ago. He was always nice to talk to when Jake was asleep, and he never hid the truth he always told me what was really going on. With me being in med school it help out know what to expect. He sat down in the waiting room chair with me.
"It's all bull shit." He said as he stared in the empty space before them. "This is all just bull shit. He should have been okay. All his mets were gone. His stats were good. He's chemo was going great. And now... And now-"
"He's dead." I finished the sentence for him. "It is just bull shit." My head slumped down on his shoulder. "It's just not fair. We had a life, full of love and happiness, and he just dies. I did not ever give him permission to give up and die. When did that become okay?" The tears finely came out.
"Come one, lets go some where more privet." He took me to an on call room, he sat down on the bed with me as I curled under the covers. The sobs came out now. All my composure was gone. He laid down beside me. A hand rested on my arm. My body shook with the sobs, "it's okay. Let it out." He said, I think he laid there with me for at least thirty minutes. He was always more of a friend then a doctor. then it came to me. I couldn't go home, not with all of his things there. I sat up in the bed and composed myself.
"Thank you Derek, but I have to call our family and make arrangement to stay somewhere for a few nights. I'll see you at the funeral." I slid on my shoes and stood up.
"If you need anything, food, water, or even just company, don't hesitate to call. Okay Mer?" I nodded and opened up the door and left. The walk down the hall was just agonizing. Jake and I had a memory just about everywhere in the hospital. Every where I turned there was always something there to remind me of him. It was torture.
"I've got you, under my skin. I've got you deep in the heart if me. So deep in my heart that your really a part of me I've got you under my skin." His deep voice rang though the halls as he sang along to his hand held radio. The nurses used to ask us to keep it down, until he pulled the dying cancer patient card. Of course I did not condone his behavior, but I should did enjoy his voice. The thought that I may never hear him sing again... So I made him sing all the time.
"Mrs. Rodgers, are you okay? Do I need to help you to Jakes room?" I looked up and saw nurse Olivia. I guess I must have just been stating here.
"Oh, I'm sorry Olivia. I just was going home. I don't know what just came over me." Her face had a questionable look upon it. "Olivia, are you okay?" She nodded her head and her look disappeared.
"I'm just fine, but you don't need to leave, you just got here. I'm sure I can send someone to get what you need." I put my hand on her shoulder, and shook my head.
"I'll be just fine." I gave he a small smile, and continued on my path to the exit of the hospital. I needed to collect Jakes thing but that would have to wait for later. I need to get out of there. My pace picked up once the elevator were in my line of sight. It was so strange leaving the place where we had spent our last few months together. Soon his room would be clean. The sheets washed, all our belongings gone. All the traces of him would be gone. Just like that. Almost as if he never existed. Soon all the doctor would forget him too. His face would leave there memory, I would no long step foot in here. Jake would be nothing but a body in the morgue to them. He was really gone this time.
The out side of the hospital was freezing. I had forgotten that Christmas was almost here. I raced to the car in the parking garage and got in. I cranked in the heater and just sat. I had nothing to do other then to sit. My life, my reason for breathing, died.