Title: Need you in my life
Summary: She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Chuck\Eva\Blair. Post 4.03. ONESHOT.
Authors Note: Listening to "You" and watching 4x03 inspired this fic. Also Dan is being portrayed as Gossip Girl in this which is why GG's so fond of DS whereas I love SN. I know that the baby isn't with Dan in the show atm but it's implying Blair doesn't know about that yet.
Disclaimer: I own nothing as always.
She hated it. She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. She hated her for being the centre of his attention. She hated it all. The feeling of pain, the immense pain that did nothing to dull down long after she had gone home from the party. Did nothing to dull down over the days that followed. It had been a whole week since the party and she still didn't feel any better. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Having Gossip Girl so fondly name them as, quote, "The sweetest couple we've seen since Serena and Dan." Having newspapers and magazines she subscribe too capture their every move and print it onto paper. It made her feel sick to her stomach.
"Tell him how you feel," Serena would say. She didn't like the fact that Blair was pretending not to hurt when she was. Blair simply scoffed and threw the magazine across the room. She turned her attention to her best friend, pausing when she heard a male's voice downstairs. Her mouth fell open in shock.
"Is that Dan Humphrey?" She exclaimed. Seconds later said Humphrey was standing at Serena's doorway, nervously looking around.
"Don't you have a baby and a Vanessa to get back too?" Blair oh-so-innocently asked. Going as far as too bat her eyelashes.
"Uh, yeah. I do," He replied, he mumbled a goodbye too Serena and was out of the Penthouse in record time. Serena glared at Blair and picked the magazine up from where Blair had thrown it. Her eyes scanned over the front page.
"Oh, B." She mumbled in concern and pity. Blair Waldorf would not be pitied. She hated being pitied. She hated it more then anything, more then Chuck roaming around with a new whore on his arm. No, she hated the latter more. She needed him so badly, she wanted him so badly but she couldn't have him for several reasons. First, he had done something unforgivable. Something she would never be able to forgive. Ever. For as long as he may live. Secondly, he had a new girlfriend. He had moved on before her.
That's what hurts the most. Before she had ever come along, before she had ever slept with him, before she had ever loved him, he had never had a girlfriend. Had never even considered having a girlfriend and now here he was flaunting his new girlfriend around. She gulped and picked up her bag, slinging it onto her shoulder.
"I have an errand to run." She informed Serena before taking off, practically sprinting to the door.
She had arrived at the Empire under the guise of visiting her dearest friend Nate already knowing he would be out for the day. Both Chuck and Eva's heads spanned up at her arrival.
"What are you doing here, Blair?" Chuck asked point-blank. She pointed to Nate's room.
"Visiting Nate."
"He's not here." Eva told her. Blair couldn't help but notice how bitchier Eva seemed. She wasn't an actual bitch, per say, but she didn't seem so sweet and innocent to Blair anymore. It was something in her tone, it was colder, harsher.
"Well do you know where he is?" She asked, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. She raised an eyebrow expectantly at the pair. Her heart thumping in her chest just being this close to Chuck made her want to jump off a cliff. He had hurt her too many times, and she had ended what they had, had but even now he was hurting her and all she wanted was the pain to go away or make him feel what she feels. "I think I might wait for him." She decided, walking over towards his room. Her heels clicking against the floor. She hears Chuck tell Eva he'll be right back and he's behind her even before her hands reached the doorknob.
"What are you really doing here, Blair?" He asks her, his voice deep and husky and pained? She hears something that resembles pain in his voice, a cold laugh escapes her lips at the thought of him hurting. While she wanted him to hurt more then anything, he had everything, no reason to ever feel pain.
"I'm here too see Nate." She slowly repeated, as if he were an infant who didn't understand. He moves closer towards her and her breath hitches in her throat. He's too close, breaking all boundaries. Her first instinct is to run, as far away from the Empire, away from all the pain the hotel has caused. Her second instinct is to slap him, tell him that he's got a girlfriend sitting in the other room and that he's so close to cheating on her but they would be admitting to him that if he made a move on her she wouldn't push him away. She twists the knob and steps inside the room, crossing over to Nate's bed. She sits down on it, primly and proper. Hands folded in her lap.
"I know you didn't come her to see Nate." She hates that he see's through her. Anger rises up in her, threatens to explode. He has no right to tell her what he knows, too act as if her and Nate aren't friends, that Nate means nothing to her.
"For your information, Bass, I did come here too see Nate. He and I are friends and," Her mind's rushing with ideas. Not even a few seconds have passed until one pops up into her mind, "Apparently his relationship with Juliet is falling apart and I want him back." She easily lies and he almost believes her. Almost.
"You don't want him back. You don't belong with Nate," He scoffs.
"Since when do you get to decide who I belong with." She keeps her cool, she doesn't yell although she wants too. The idea is so appealing. He sounds jealous and he's not allowed to be jealous not when he was the one who hurt her and is the one with a new girlfriend.
"Your just trying to hurt me, like I hurt you." Memories come flooding back too her. A wedding where she reunites with someone she didn't want to admit she had feelings for, a talk after a summer of hurt and pain.
"You didn't hurt me."
Her eyes close shut. She can't say that, it's a lie and everybody knows it. He hurt her so much, why should she bother hiding that?
"You hurt me, Chuck but I wouldn't want anyone to ever experience the pain you caused me," Lies. All lies. True, she wouldn't want just anyone to experience that pain but she wanted Chuck to feel it. To experience it. "I'm not ever going to deny you hurt me because you did. You crushed me," Her eyes shut again, her hands flying up to her chest where her heart lies, "It still hurts, Chuck. I trust-, I trusted you and you broke that trust but I don't want you to feel that. Maybe, I do want to be with Nate. I love him, Chuck. I always have, you were just a distraction from me being an Archibald. It's always been me and him. Always." She finishes and she sees the pain in his face, the hurt in his eyes and then he's gone. He vanished and she feels as if she can finally breath. She sighs out of relief.
But it didn't make her feel good, seeing Chuck in pain. It hurt her even more. She cursed herself for being so weak, for being so dumb to fall for a Bass. They would do nothing but destroy you and so she waits. She waits until Nate returns and when he does, she cries. She cries in his arms and he holds her, sending soothing words his way.
And she leans in first. She doesn't love Nate. But he's nice and he's there and he doesn't stop her. He lets her kiss him, and he responds to the kiss. He forgets about his girlfriend and his best friend.