The noise that woke Darcy Lewis up that morning was a strange, high-pitched sound that reminded her an awful lot of a boiling teapot. She sighed in relief when it finally broke off, grateful for the silence. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. The sound picked up again, entering her head like a freight train before it began driving spikes of pure pain and confusion directly into her brain. Sadly relinquishing her fight for more sleep, she opened her eyes. Her vision swam for a moment as they adjusted to the harsh light, calling attention to the pounding in her forehead. The familiar heavy weight of a man's large and very well-defined arm stretched across her stomach, a similarly muscular thigh on her hip, was a comfort as she sought to orient herself.

What time was it? Where were they? How on earth could Steve be sleeping through that god-awful racket? And why could she not remember how she got here?

Thor.

Goddamn Thor.

She groaned quietly, careful not to wake the super soldier turned human barnacle still snoring—the Steve Rogers version of snoring, which was basically the most adorable soft little inhale followed by a short huff of air out— away to her right. As Darcy stared at the ceiling above her, the faint pacman like shape of a decades old water stain finally came into focus. Huh. That almost looked like—

She gasped and sat up, Steve's close to preternatural reflexes were the only thing saving him from an untimely face to face meeting with the floor as Darcy nearly threw him off the other side of the twin bed.

"What the hell?!"

Her eyes took in the room, the brightly colored posters and photographs hanging on the wall, the silly little stuffed animals sitting in the small chair in the corner of the room—

"Darce?" Steve asked, his voice still husky with sleep, "Um. Where are we?"

She turned to look at him, the confusion clear in his shocking blue eyes as he leaned on his elbows, eyes flitting about the room. She shook her head, almost unable to believe what she was about to say.

"We're in my room." She said, somewhat in awe of the situation.

Steve's eyebrows furrowed in response, "This isn't your room." He'd spent nearly a quarter of his time in Darcy's apartment since they'd officially started dating. He knew what her bedroom looked like.

"No, no," she sighed, "not my room in New York. My room in Kansas."

"What?"

"We're in my childhood bedroom, in my parents house in goddamn Lawrence, Kansas!" Her voice started to take on a rather frightening shrillness, "I am so going to kill Thor." In the confusion, neither of them noticed the sound of the teapot turning into a brief snort followed by complete silence.

Steve opened his mouth, no doubt about to do his best at calming her and to remind Darcy that Thor wouldn't go down without a fight when a new, rather distinct voice, spoke up.

"What? What the hell? Why the fuck am I in Kansas?"

Darcy whipped her head around so fast she was surprised she didn't break her neck. She would also have to forgive herself later for her rather unattractive and impromptu impression of a goldfish as she worked her mouth open and shut, having been rendered speechless. Clearly she was still in some drunken haze leftover from the previous night, and goddammit, she really was going to kill Thor. She rubbed her face with both hands, trying to decide what to ask first. She settled for the easiest. They could work their way backwards.

"Why are you on the floor in my bedroom?'

"Well clearly there was not enough room on that abomination you call a bed, otherwise things would've probably gotten a hell of a lot more interesting last night," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively before pausing in thought, "of course, seeing as how I can't remember what exactly did happen last night, I suppose it might be too soon to say I can't cross that particular fantasy off my list."

"Tony," Steve warned.

"Fantasy?" Darcy asked, "So you want to sleep with me? Or you want to sleep with Steve?"

Tony raised an eyebrow as he pushed himself up to a sitting position, "Or both."

"Both?" Steve choked on air as she questioned Tony.

"Well, I mean, there's you," he said as he waved his hands vaguely in her direction and settled them, cupping the air, in front of his chest, "and who wouldn't want to say they got a piece of that particular patriotic pie?" He dropped his hands, "Huh. Say that three times fast."

Darcy turned her head to look at Steve. Steve with no shirt. Steve with his blonde hair still messy from sleep. The golden hue of his skin currently fighting a war for dominance with the red blush spreading from his face down to his chest, the fine hairs catching the sun coming in from the window. His lips slightly puffy from being pressed into the pillow—Darcy turned back to Tony.

"Point made."

Steve made a noise that Darcy swore she wouldn't tease him about later as Tony grinned and then, wincing, pressed a hand to his lower back.

"What about Pepper?" She asked.

"Pepper would be mad she missed out," he winked before pausing, "So. Dorothy, not-so-cowardly-Lion, any idea about what happened last night, or does everyone else have a black hole instead of a memory?"

Darcy shook her head.

"Sorry, Tin Man," Steve said, apparently having gotten his ability to form words back and also probably a little proud of himself for getting that reference.

Tony chuckled and was about to speak when the dulcet tones of AC/DC made them all jump.

Tony scrambled to dig his phone out of his pocket.

don't you worry cause it's your turn tonight, yeah, let me put my—

"Auntie Em, Auntie Em! How's tricks, Pep? No. Yeah, they're all here. No, we're all fine..."

Darcy left Tony to his conversation and turned back to Steve. He was slightly hunched over, elbows on knees, head bowed. He looked at her from the corner of his eye and lifted a brow.

"Thor, huh?"

"Fucking Thor."

"You'd better not be. I think both Jane and I would have something to say about that," Steve said and Darcy snorted.

"I thought we learned our lesson last time, man," She sighed as Steve brought up a hand to sweep her hair back over her shoulder as he chuckled lightly.

"I thought you were supposed to remind me to never accept a drink from Thor again," he grinned at her, cheekily.

"Nope. I remember I specifically said something to the effect of if we were ever throwing another party for Thor coming back to earth, then I would remind you of such things. Since last night we were celebrating their engagement, I remain of clear conscious and not-so-sound mind!"

Steve just continued to smile as he massaged the back of her neck.

"I can't believe they're engaged," she said quietly, "he's only been back for a few months, and before that they only knew each other for like three days! Kids these days, I tell ya."

"First of all, shouldn't that be my line?" Darcy huffed an amused breath. "Secondly, they're both older than you, Darcy. One extremely so."

Darcy shot him a glare with no real heat behind it, "Well, come on, Steve. I mean... if you really look at it, they've pretty much only been dating about the same amount of time as we have!"

He nodded and stared at the wall for a moment, deep in thought, "I know what it's like. To wait for something, to know it's there, only for it to be taken from you without warning, before something truly amazing had the chance to grow," he sighed, "You know our lives, Darcy. As much as it pains me to say it, tomorrow isn't a guarantee. It's not a guarantee for any of the Avengers. Hell, it's not even a guarantee for those in our periphery." He looked sad and resigned, and Darcy felt something nasty uncoil in her stomach.

"Nuh uh!" She cut him off before he could continue his line of thought, "don't you dare make me think you're going to break up with me for my own safety," she shook her head, "break up with me because I'm mouthy, because I let the dishes pile up in my sink all week, or, hell, break up with me because you've found someone else, but don't you dare break up with me for my safety. Like it or not, with or without you, I'm in this. This is my life now, whether we're together or..." she sighed, "I'm still going to be Jane's best friend. I'm still going to be working at the tower. I'm still always going to be on the outer edges of this thing you guys have going on. In that way, I'm always going to be in danger. It's my life and I accept that. Hell, I more than accept that. I love it. I can't imagine how dull my life would be without you crazy kids and your muscles and science and freaky ninja moves!"

Steve grinned at her, "Darcy, you do realize that you are probably the youngest person involved in 'this thing'," she could practically hear the quotes in his words. She stuck her tongue out at him. He just shook his head, "But that's not what I was going for. I just meant that I know what it's like to lose something because you're waiting for the right time. I've learned my lesson. With us, if we find something like that, something special, we've got to grab on and not let go. So, no, I don't think they're moving too fast."

Darcy felt the air whoosh out of her lungs, "With us? You mean—I—you're talking about them, right? Thor and Jane? You're not—oh, god—you're not going to—just. Okay. We are going to talk about this later. When, you know, we're not hungover and in the bedroom I lost my virginity in with Tony Stark sitting on the floor."

"Sounds like a plan." The boyish grin on his face was downright goofy, and she was sure something akin to its twin was slowly forming on her own lips. He ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture that never failed to make her heart feel like it was about to beat right out of her chest, when the sunlight caught the glint of metal on his chest and her heart skipped a beat entirely.

"Oh."

Steve lifted his head again, looking at her with concern, "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I think. Just, you know, last time this happened we both came out of it with a few new accessories," she saw him glance down to her chest, a flash of lust crossing his face before he looked back up as she continued speaking, " I'm kind of afraid to see if there have been any more recent additions."

Steve's eyebrows went up, "Oh."

A loud beep from the nightstand interrupted her line of thought, she grabbed the cell phone off the cluttered surface, the flashing light indicating a voicemail.

"Oh, this ought to be good," she said in undertones as she dialed her inbox, turning on the speakerphone.

"You have five new messages. Press one to—"

"Oh, sweet jesus," she said before pressing 'one.'

"Darcy! My sister from another," a hiccup, "mister!" Jane giggled—since when did Jane giggle? "No, Thor, stop! I'm trying to talk to," another giggle, "Thor, please! Just give me a sex-second here," a pause, "thank you," Jane sighed. "Darcy," a loud crash in the background, "oh, god, Thor, no! Put the hammer down!" The was a series of subsequent crashes and a squeal that trailed off into laughter before the beep indicated the end of the message.

"Well that was... enlightening," Steve said. Darcy just rolled her eyes.

"Next message."

"Hey, Darc-ay!" Clint was shouting into the phone over some impressive bass in the background, "where'd you guys go? Man, you all just disappeared on us! I thought Nat was the only one who could do that—oh, wait! There's Steve's shirt! Why is Steve's shirt over there? Where is the Steve that belongs in Steve's shirt?" Darcy glanced over at the shirtless man who was staring at the phone as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "Anyway. You guys must be safe if Steve's shirt is—oh, shit." The last two words were muffled, a loud clatter followed before the beep.

"Next message."

"Hey, Darcy, it's Natasha," the same loud bass playing in the background as she spoke, "looks like everyone got split up. Jane and Thor have... retired for the evening and I'm going to take Clint home before he causes any more damage. Last I saw, you and Steve were sitting at the bar with Tony, so I'm going to assume that you're off with them—doing god knows what—somewhere. If I'm wrong, I will find whoever took you and I will kill them. I have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career... anyway, be safe!" Darcy sniggered as they heard a muffled, "Clint, goddammit, get down from there!" before the message ended.

"She really loves that movie doesn't she?" Steve asked.

"Oh, you have no idea."

"Next message."

"Um, hi. You don't know me but I found this number written on the naked guy I found in my backyard. I don't really know what's going on, there was a very large hole in my fence but he woke up a bit and said someone would pay for it. I tried to get him to move but he didn't seem to want to go anywhere and he didn't seem like he was doing anyone any harm so I just, I brought out a pillow and a blanket for him and he's just sleeping out there. He was mumbling something about rainbows, too. I don't know. But his arm said, 'If found please call,' and listed this number. So, yeah. I found your friend, if someone wants to come pick him up—"

"Oh, god," Darcy spoke as the caller listed an address, making a mental note to call Pepper or Happy to have them swing by the address. "I really don't remember a single thing last night. I mean... one minute we were all in the Tower having a nice little engagement party and the next," she gestured to the room.

"Kansas?"

"Kansas. Mother fucking Kansas."

"Next message."

"Darcy, this is your mother speaking—"

"Seriously, woman? I know what my own mother's voice sounds like. You don't have to tell me every time."

"Darcy." Steve said in a tone that immediately made her want to apologize.

"—it's about eleven in the morning here and your father and I are sitting on a beach in Hawaii. Hawaii! You didn't tell us how niceMr. Stark is! Of course, usually we'd refuse something this extravagant, but your father really needed a vacation and Mr. Stark just wouldn't hear no for an answer, you work for him, I'm sure you know how he is—"

"No kidding," Darcy said and Steve shot her a quelling look.

"—anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you and your friends are more than welcome to make yourselves at home, there are leftovers in the fridge! Just make sure to lock up when you leave! And I knew Captain Rogers was an attractive man but wow he sure is something else in person, it more than made up for the wake-up call in the middle of the night. I'm so proud of you, Pooky! Love you!"

Darcy blushed, not sure if she was more embarrassed by the nickname or her mom's comments on her boyfriend, as the message ended.

"You have no more new messages, to play old—" She hung up the phone and tossed it on the foot of her bed.

"Well, that doesn't really answer any questions," Tony added, he must have ended his call, he was sitting on the floor looking up at them.

"Did Pepper have any insight?" Darcy asked.

"No," he said, then reconsidered, "well, she said she got an alert when we took off on the plane. So she called me, and I said something about talking monkeys or flying monkeys or something. Then she said she gave up trying to understand me and told me to behave and to play nice with whoever I was about to pester."

"Which would explain Hawaii," Darcy said.

"I do play very nice, don't I? Anyway, then she said she called you, and you went on and on about how there's no place like home. So here we are."

"...Kansas." Steve added.

"Looks that way, Capsicle."

The room sunk into thoughtful silence, and Steve shifted next to her, scratching his bare side.

"Ugh. Why am I—you know what? I'm not going to ask why I'm sticky. I don't want to know. Instead I'm going to ask if you'll show me the way to the bathroom so I can shower and get this gunk off of me." Steve looked at Darcy hopefully.

"Sure thing. I think I've got some old sweats that might fit you. We might have to nick one of my dad's shirts though. There's no way those shoulders of yours are going to fit into anything of mine." She got out of bed and started rummaging around in the dresser, "Aha!" She lifted up a pair of grey sweats that had obviously seen better days and tossed them to Steve. "What about you, Tony?"

He shook his head, still looking extremely hungover, "No, I'm good. Just point me to the coffee. I've got a few calls to make."

"Out the door, down the stairs, hook a left. Can't miss it." She grabbed a pair of worn-in jeans and a tshirt that she had left on her last visit home. "Might not be the quality of stuff you're used to, though."

"Caffeine is caffeine is caffeine."

"Alright," she turned around, beckoning Steve to join her, "Come on, Rogers. Let's go get you cleaned up. We'll meet you in the kitchen in a little bit," she threw over her shoulder to Tony as her and Steve left the room.

They managed to find a rather startling collection of unopened toothbrushes in the hall closet. Steve brushed his teeth while she started the shower, and then switched places with her while he made sure the temperature was nearly scalding, just the way he liked it. She bent over to rinse out her mouth and felt him approach behind her, close enough to feel the heat from his body. She straightened up, tossing the toothbrush in the cup, and lifted an eyebrow at him in the mirror.

"So I'm fairly certain I don't have any new jewelry or ink additions, but I feel like I should check just to be sure. I could probably use your help for some of the... harder to reach areas."

She heard him inhale roughly, his eyes darkening as his lips fought the dirty grin she knew was threatening to break free. "Tony's downstairs probably waiting for us, you know," he said.

"So? I'm pretty sure he'd be more upset he wasn't in here with us than by us making him wait a few extra minutes."

She felt his hands land on her hips, fingers slipping under the material of her shirt and rubbing lightly on the skin beneath, "I suppose you do have a point," he said in a low voice. She raised her arms and, ever the obedient soldier, he took the hint, sliding the shirt off and watching as her hair fell back into place, cascading across her back. He tossed the shirt to the floor and brushed the silky strands to one side as he tangled his left hand into her hair, bending forward to leave a soft trail of kisses down where her neck met her shoulder, his other hand tracing a line up and down her bare arm.

"Nothing new here," he murmured against her skin, and she shivered in response. She reached behind her, unclasping her bra, letting it fall to the floor in front of her. Steve lifted his head and groaned in response. Darcy stepped back, leaning her body flush against his as he brought a hand to her stomach, rubbing slow circles. She turned her head and tilted it up, an invitation for a kiss that he eagerly accepted. It started out slow. A soft meeting of lips, a light brush of tongue but soon enough there were promises of things to come, there was intent behind it.

One hand fisted into her hair as the other came up to massage and knead at her breast. He flicked the piece of metal in her nipple, "And that one is old hat," he said as she moaned into the kiss and grasped at the fabric on his hips. He took the opportunity to assume control, his tongue delving into her mouth, tangling with her own. She reached between them and massaged, resulting in a near-growl from him as he stepped forward and pressed her against the counter.

She broke the kiss, breathing heavily, "You know, some girls, they get piercings to, ah," she gasped as he sucked lightly behind her ear, "they get piercings to enhance stimulation during sex. I never thought I'd be one to do that, but apparently I'm all about doing crazy things when we're drunk." She felt him smile into her neck.

"I should probably check on that for you, shouldn't I?"

"Yes, you most definitely should." She turned her head back to him, resuming their kiss as he slid his hand down her stomach. His fingers teased along the waist of her pants, just barely lifting the fabric, running back and forth as his lips and tongue continued to turn her boneless. He slid his fingers under the fabric slowly, and she ground back into him, silently begging for him to just get on with it already, when finally his finger slid into—

A loud knocking made them jump.

"Hey, lovebirds! I'm sure you're being diligent and cleaning every nook and cranny. Any other time I'd be all encouraging and shit, but I've gotta take a piss, so I'd appreciate haste in this situation!"

Darcy nearly threw something at the door as Steve withdrew his hand and huffed out a laugh, resting his forehead on her shoulder, "Told you."

"Shut up, smartass."

"Come on, let's just take a quick shower, and we can pick this up when we get home."

"I don't think I'm that patient, Rogers."

"Well, I'm sure we can figure something out in the meantime," he said as he stripped off the rest of his clothing and pulled back the shower curtain, winking at her as he stepped in. She stuck her tongue out at him again and divested herself of her pants and hopped in after him.

A record ten minutes later, with wet hair, legs a bit wobbly and sporting a couple of fresh bruises on her knees, Darcy opened the bathroom door. Tony was leaning against the opposite wall looking at his phone with interest.

"Bathroom's all yours, Tin Man."

He peered up at her through his eyelashes and grinned, "Thanks, Dorothy. You kids have a good time?"

She glared, "Would've been better if you didn't have the bladder of a ten year old. A guy your age should get that checked out." She could practically sense Steve's blushing behind her.

Tony raised his hand to his chest in mock hurt. He pushed off the wall and tossed her the phone, "Looks like the paps got a few pictures of us wandering around New York after we ditched everyone last night. Also, the plane should be back in a couple of hours to take us to New York, and I talked to Pep again. She's sending someone over to pick up our resident mad scientist."

She looked down at the phone, stepping out of the doorway, Steve following her dutifully. Darcy scrolled through a few pictures as Tony went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Photos of Steve and her holding hands and laughing, following a Tony who was clearly drunk and on a mission. Photos of her staring adoringly at Steve as he signed an autograph for a fan. Nothing too bad, she thought. She kept scrolling until she saw the photo of them walking into a familiar looking, colorful doorway. Her eyebrows furrowed, neither of them seemed to have any new jewelry or body art, and they had checked thoroughly in the shower. So what did they—

"Oh my god, what the fucking hell is that?!" That was definitely a tone she'd never heard from Tony before, her head whipped up as she looked at the bathroom door. She watched as Steve walked back to the door and knocked lightly.

"Tony? Uh, is everything okay?"

"Holy goddamn shit, no, everything is not okay! There is a piece of metal—oh my god I am going to kill Thor!"

Darcy started laughing, drawing Steve's attention back to her. She held up Tony's phone in front of her and pointed to the picture, "That? That door is to the very same shop we went to last time."

"What? But neither of us..."

Darcy shook her head, grinning, "Oh, no, neither of us did."

"Tony? But why is he only just now—"

"Tell me, Cap. Have you ever heard of a Prince Albert?"