I love the rain. Calming. It reminds the sky of what it is. Reminds us of the skin stretched around our bones. Deadens sound and amplifies perception. Brings patterns to my feet, just like it was made for dancing, this storm-noise. It's raining, it's pouring. Lullaby song, sends the world sleeping. They drift, drift to resemble a mentally whole human being. I am awake, nightmares. Turning in circles, in circles. Rain, it makes me remember. Too much, too much I wasn't meant for this. Some other girl, this is some other girl with her skin stretched around me. Too many. Too many inside underneath not I, this is not me, not your little girl, safety. Pattern is drifting. No dancing, too tired. Don't listen, they're not listening, don't want to hear this! Fall asleep you wake up screaming.
No screaming in sleep.
Just drifting, nothing. Sleep so easy. Silence is sleep. Not empty, too much. Too many. I won't remember, don't let me.
Rain floods. Floods me. River fears the rain. Lull you to sleep, don't wake up. Won't wake up! Can't remember silence if you don't wake up. I remember for them. Screaming screaming. it's them and it's me. No. No no. It's too dangerous. Please. Don't listen. They don't listen. I don't want to hear. No more dreaming, no more being awake, won't remember.
Poor River. Poor River is round the bend. Stupid girl to understand too much. Skin stretching broken around bones. No bones for the broken, silence. Not silence. Should be and isn't. No safety. Safety is sleep falling. Apart. Not apart enough. Please, leave me separate away, not like you, not you. Not anyone to have anyone's memories. Stop them! Make me smaller. Small pieces of River, building patterns of safety.
Rain rain, go away..
Better if I go away. Shrinking in skin broken, too much sharp inside me. Broken. Storm rain wet with flooding. Drown me, you'll drown me. Be careful.
Don't want it. Fingers in my ears, I can hear you. Poor little River won't listen, won't hear you. Round and round dancing like dizzy silence, don't fall. Falling, I can feel it, you're screaming.
Wake up.