AN: Had plans for this but not sure if I'd push through with it as I'm more focused on my other fandoms. May or may not get a sequel, but could be a (really sad) standalone.
"Ryuunosuke."
It was her voice. The one that made his heart beat so fast, yet he will never admit it. She was standing behind him but he refused to face her. Refused to let her see how red his face is and how affected he was by her presence.
"Ryuunosuke," she repeated. He gave a grunt of acknowledgment. This seemed to be enough for her for she continued, "do you love me?"
Twenty-two year old Akasaka Ryuunosuke woke up with a start, sweat soaking his nightshirt. It was that dream again. He'd been having this dream randomly ever since they had the very same conversation. Ryuunosuke's replies in his dreams varied greatly. Sometimes he pushed her away, sometimes he told her he loved her – to his great embarrassment, and sometimes he woke up before he could reply, his breath coming out in short puffs, sweat covering his skin. Despite how his dreams differed each night, however, what happened in reality was something he couldn't change whether he wants to or not.
Ryuunosuke didn't know that it was possible for the human heart to reach this level of speed without breaking apart. It's true that he had been accustomed – daresay, even fond – of Rita Ainsworth's company in the many years that she tried to win his affections, yet there was a strange turn that the girl took lately that made him uneasy.
It was heralded by the return of her fake smile. He didn't call her out on it, and he supposed that was where he was wrong. Maybe this wouldn't have escalated to what it is now if only he was more vigilant. Yet, what's done is done, and soon, he found himself on the receiving end of Rita's pursuit. It was different in a way Ryuunosuke can't quite put his finger on. If he would describe it in a word, perhaps he would say it was more serious? More melancholy? More urgent?
Yes. That's the word. Urgent.
Urgent, as if time's running out.
It didn't sit well with him. This sudden interrogation too, left a bad taste in his mouth. Rita's tone was completely different from what he was used to. In an attempt to mask his discomfort, he reverted to his snide remarks, reminiscent of the way he was as a teenager.
"Ha," he managed to ground out evenly, "as if I ever would."
He sighed in frustration at the memory of that night. It had been a great day. She'd arrived from England a few days before that day to spend time with Mashiro and their other friends. That day had been the time she had scheduled for the two of them alone, and despite him saying otherwise, he had been looking forward to it. He wouldn't say it out loud, of course he wouldn't be Akasaka Ryuunosuke if he did, but he missed her. He missed her greatly. Her hair and her eyes and her tinkling laughter. Her touch and her voice and even her unexpected kisses. He would never admit it, but he had long stopped seeing Rita Ainsworth as a friend.
And he was annoyed at himself for saying what he did. "As if I ever would?" He huffed under his breath, "who are you kidding, Ryuunosuke?"
He hated himself for lying to her, for being so quick to throw his barbs at the very least hint of a possibility to get hurt. But most of all, he hated himself for hurting her the way he did.
Rita was quiet after his declaration, which was rather unexpected. Before, she would cry out that it's fine! She'd make him fall in love with her! Before, she would hug him from behind and declare that even though she doesn't love her, her love is great enough for the both of them so it should be okay. But now, there was silence.
"I know," she said so quietly, Ryuunosuke thought he was imagining things. He turned to face her, only to see her wearing her mask again. "It's getting late," she said with a glance to her watch, "I'll be leaving now. See you soon, Ryuunosuke."
What he didn't know was that she caught the earliest flight to England the following morning. And today marks four months since he last saw her. Being from different countries, this was no novelty. However, what used to be regular correspondence by mail or call turned into dead air. He was used to ignoring her calls and her messages. Suddenly, he found that the tables have turned and it was her now who was doing the avoiding. He missed her voice so much, he had turned to calling her phone despite knowing she won't answer, only to hear her speak from her voice mail recording.
It was when he asked about Rita, as subtly as he could during Sakurasou's monthly dinner get together, from Mashiro that he realized he had done something truly and terribly wrong of proportions he hadn't considered before. Ryuunosuke didn't think it was possible for someone as frail and delicate-looking as Kanda Mashiro to explode in anger. Yet she did, and at the mention of Rita's name, Ryuunosuke found himself drenched with juice and random food items thrown at his head. Thankfully, Mashiro's husband restrained her before she got around to throwing steak knives at him.
"Sorry about that," Ryuunosuke heard Kanda Sorata say from beside him as he tried to clean out the juice from his hair using the bathroom sink. "Mashiro's been more emotional ever since her second trimester. And you know how much she loves Rita."
Ryuunosuke sighed, "I get it. So how is she? Have you heard from the former freeloader lately?"
Sorata didn't answer immediately. "I'm not supposed to say," he finally said.
Ah.
So it was only Ryuunosuke who Rita was avoiding. Makes sense, as he was the one who hurt her after all.
"But, is she okay?" He inquired further. He had to know.
Sorata smiled, albeit it didn't reach his eyes. "She's doing great."
Ryuunosuke let out a sigh of relief, a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Good."
"Akasaka, what happened with you and Rita?" Sorata asked, concern tinging his voice.
"None of your business." Ryuunosuke replied quietly.
Sorata sighed, "alright. I'll be here if you need a friend."
Ryuunosuke was roused from his memories by Maid-chan, notifying him that his mail has arrived. Getting up to his feet, he gathered the pile of letters by his front door. Standing out from the monochromatic grays and whites of corporate letters, was a pastel stationery envelope with gold lining.
It was an invitation.
To Rita Ainsworth's wedding.
The pain coursing through Ryuunosuke's being was one he had never felt before. Unconsciously, he crumpled the invitation in his fist. Grabbing his coat, he left his apartment and thought he might have to take on Sorata on his offer of friendship.
It was Mashiro who answered the door, and to Ryuunosuke's annoyance, she was holding an identical card to the one currently crumpled in his fist.
"I see you got an invitation as well," she said in her normal, emotionless tone.
"What's the meaning of this?" He asked, shoving the invitation in Mahshiro's face.
The blonde girl stared at him, "it means Rita's getting married."
"I know that!" He snapped, "but why? Why so soon? I didn't even know she was seeing someone!"
"Rita doesn't have to report everything she does to you," Mashiro said, as spiteful as her typical dead tone can manage.
Ryuunosuke deflated visibly, "I know, but - "
"It's an arranged marriage." Sorata said, suddenly appearing behind his wife's back. "The Ainsworth is a long line of highly-esteemed icons of European art. The children are traditionally trained by their grandfathers at an early age until they reach legal age. This wouldn't be possible if the grandfather is already too old to train the child, however. As such, Ainsworth children should produce an heir by the time they reach twenty-five."
Ryuunosuke's eyes widened in shock, "that's utterly barbaric! I can't believe people are forced into marriages like this in these modern times!"
"Rita wasn't forced." Mashiro interjected, her voice clear as a bell. "Her parents merely presented men they thought suitable. It was still up to her who she'll pick in the end."
"What do you mean?" Ryuunosuke asked.
"I mean Rita wants this marriage to happen. That's all." As if declaring this conversation to be over, Mashiro slammed the door in front of Ryuunosuke. The man, meanwhile, didn't even notice for he was too occupied with his thoughts.
'Rita wanted this?' He thought, his chest hurting at the idea. He doesn't understand, and being a genius programmer, he wasn't used to not understanding something. Why was Rita doing this? Didn't she tell him that she loved him? Fishing out his phone from his pocket, he quickly instructed Maid-chan to book him a flight to England. He didn't know why he did this, only that he felt like he would deeply regret it if he didn't.
Rita didn't live in their family home, but instead, in a flat at a far corner of England. She enjoyed the independence and the peace and quiet that came with living alone. Another perk that came with living away from her parents is that they didn't hear her crying at night or the way her eyes were swollen in the morning. The wedding was set in two months. As she requested, it was going to be a simple affair with only their closest friends in attendance. Her family weren't in the mood to wait any longer either. This match had been presented to Rita close to six months ago. Granted, he was a good man, handsome as he was well-educated. He was a family friend and they knew each other way before Rita even knew Mashiro's name. To both of their families' eyes, it was a perfect match. And perhaps, she could convince herself to think that way too. She had put off her duty to her family for too long in her wait for Ryuunosuke to come around. In her wait for him to reciprocate her love.
But perhaps, such a thing was too much to ask for. She had expressed her desire to marry her parents' choice as soon as she arrived home four months ago. Their families had been elated. Rita sighed. The invitations should have made it to her friends in Japan by now. She wondered if Ryuunosuke would come, and if she even wanted him to come to begin with. Suddenly, she was interrupted from her musings by a series of urgent knocks on her front door.
"Coming!" She yelled as she got up to her feet to open the door.
Only to find a familiar pair of eyes staring back at her. For a second, she thought she must have flown back to Japan in her sleep. There was no way he was here. In England. For her.
"Ryuunosuke," she gasped.
He had travelled miles to get here, to see her, to hear her once more, yet why was he speechless when he found himself in her presence again? His heart was beating fast in his chest, his eyes locked on her beautiful face. He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to ask why. Why was she getting married? Why was she avoiding him? Yet no words came, for Ryuunosuke was great at a lot of things but conversation was not one of them. As usual, it was Rita who breaks the silence. It had always been Rita.
"You should come in!" She said in a falsely cheery voice, another of her fake smiles etched on her lips. She turned and motioned for him to follow, when before, he was sure she would have held his hand and dragged him inside. He watched her boil some tea in a kettle and offered him jam-filled biscuits.
"So," she began as soon as both of them were settled. "What brings you here in England?"
Ryuunosuke frowned, "what kind of question is that?" He said, "I heard about your wedding." The last word was said with so much vitriol, he was surprised that all Rita did was smile and nod as if they're talking about the weather.
"Ah, right. I suppose you would have received the invitation already. But you know, if you wanted to RSVP, an e-mail would have worked just fine. You needn't come all the way here."
Was this her way of telling him that he was unwelcome? "Well, you never answer my e-mails or calls anymore."
"Right, right," she replied with a smile, "I suppose I've been rather busy with the wedding preparations. Sorry about that!"
"Enough of this game!" Ryuunosuke snapped, causing Rita's calm and cheery façade to falter for a moment.
"What game?" She said, trying to smooth things over, "I don't know what you're talking about, Akasaka-kun."
"Akasaka?" He said, bewildered, "since when have you called me Akasaka?"
Rita looked away, "I figured I've been too familiar with you the past few years, Akasaka-kun."
And it was the truth. Rita had been too familiar towards him, more than his liking. Yet as time passed, he found himself not caring at all, and even enjoying the easy friendship and camaraderie he shared with the blonde woman.
"And you think calling me Akasaka now will change that? How stupid."
Rita frowned, "if you came all the way here just to insult me, you can leave." She said. "I have a wedding to prepare for."
Before she could stand and leave him sitting in her kitchen, he unthinkingly grabbed her wrist and held on tightly. It was the first time he initiated their contact and both parties can't help but feel a thrill run up their spines.
"That's what I don't get," he whispered, staring at the floor. "You told me you love me. So, why? Why are you doing this?"
She was quiet for a moment. "People make mistakes, Akasaka-kun."
Mistake? So that's what she thought of what they had? A mistake?
"Bullshit!" He shouted, "you don't get to call the past six years we spent together a mistake! I forbid it!"
Rita turned on her heel to face him, "you're not the boss of me." She said defiantly, "and I will call that pathetic excuse for a relationship whatever I see fit!"
Ryuunosuke wondered if this was how she felt when he lied a few months ago and told her he didn't love her. He wonders if this is karma rearing its head. He wonders if people die from broken hearts. Ryuunosuke can't help but agree with her, though. It was a pathetic excuse for a relationship. And he was a pathetic excuse for a man for not realizing that.
Rita left after her outburst and Ryuunosuke wandered around the vicinity for a while after that until he found her sitting in the nearby park, her head bowed. He approached her slowly, as one would a skittish animal.
"You do realize you left your home at the mercy of a guest?" He said, taking a seat beside her on the bench.
She raised her head and smiled, "it's fine. We're friends and I trust you."
Ryuunosuke let his lips curve upward into a small grin. Despite her tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyes, Rita was, and always have been, beautiful. It was the perfect moment to tell her so. They were practically alone in the park, birds were chirping sweetly, and the sweet scent of grass carried over in the breeze. The setting was just like in a movie with a pair of lovers enjoying each other's company in a warm summer day. It was the perfect moment to hold her hand. To tell her what he truly feels for her. But he was Akasaka Ryuunosuke and these things do not come easily to him. His fingers twitched towards Rita, as if having a mind of their own. It has always been her who initiated physical contact between them, and now that she was the one who was withdrawn, Ryuunosuke missed he touch. His fingertips were inches away from hers, his heart pounding against his chest at the nervousness that comes with trying to touch her hand, when male voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Rita?"
The man who called out to Rita was tall, and obviously a local. He held an air of confidence and his clothes were casual yet looked expensive. As soon as Rita heard his voice, she jumped up from the bench and walked to his side. Ryuunosuke's fingertips met cool air and his hand withdrew in disappointment.
"Akasaka-kun," Rita spoke, capturing Ryuunosuke's attention, "this is my fiance."
They say that one doesn't truly know the value of something until the time it is about to be taken away. Right now, Ryuunosuke felt like he was fruitlessly grasping at something that was continuously slipping past his fingers. Ryuunosuke didn't even hear the name of the man when he introduced himself. Robotically, he extended his hand for a handshake as common courtesy required, yet his mind was preoccupied with a swirl of disorganized thoughts. With the appearance of her fiance, Rita's impending wedding seemed realer than when he first received the invitation. Rita as a bride, Ryuunosuke thought. He knows for sure that she would be beautiful.
He heard the couple saying goodbye, but he can't do anything else but nod stiffly. He watched the man wrap his arm around Rita's waist, a gesture that seemed to be so easy for him. He wondered if, given enough time, he would also be comfortable enough to reach for her, the same way she has done countless of instances before. The point is moot, however, for the story of Rita and Ryuunosuke had no more time left.