Hello everyone,
new story again, even though 'Come back to me' is not yet finished.
But this is only a two-shot. Just one more chapter to come.
Okay, pairing is Neji/Sasuke. That's becoming like my second favourite pairing in Naruto.
Like with 'Come back to me': This is Mpreg (male pregnancy)! If you don't like that or something, simply don't read it. Also Shounen-Ai, but nothing really sexual. So you've been warned, no flames.
This is rated M because of mentions of suicide and maybe because I'm silghtly paranoid.
Disclaimer: Look at my other stories, I don't own anything there, so I don't here either.
Okay, basically everyone is OOC, expcept maybe Neji.
And this chapter is from Sasuke's POV.
Empty and cold.
This is all I feel. The apartment I am in is empty and cold. At the moment I am laying in the bed, curled up as good as I can these days. When I reach out a hand to the other side of the mattress I feel it again. It's empty and cold. No other body warming it, no warmth lingering, not even scent. I don't even feel any warmth from the blanket covering me anymore, it's only cold. And this is exactly how I am feeling inside. Empty and cold.
It's been like that for over six months. Since he died. My friend, my flat-mate, my halt and my love. Why did Tsunade have to send him on this mission? Why exactly him? Ah yes, right, because originally Naruto should, but he refused because Sakura was two months pregnant. Two months! I know by experience that as far along as that, one is perfectly capable of looking after one's self alone. But the dobe, being Tsunade's pet got his leave. So they needed another strong fighter from our circle. I was assigned to do a different job, so it left him, the other genius. Even though he knew the mission he got didn't really fit his abilities, being the dutiful person he is he accepted. He listened to neither my nor his cousin's words to don't do it.
The mission was set to take around three months. The first went fine and we received constant messages from his team. But five weeks into the assignment the contact was lost. There was a one week long wait, but no message came. At that time I had already been confined to the village so I was there the whole time. After that a search group was sent, but all they came back with was one gravely wounded member of the team out of four. Not him. After three weeks in a coma this person told us that what no one wanted to hear. The other three ninjas had been slaughtered in front of her eyes. And so had he!
Again I was left completely alone. I know it's not his fault and he didn't want to leave me, but it hurts so much nonetheless. Too much to be honest, I can't take it any longer. I have been left alone too often in my life.
The first time was when I was still a child, seven years old. It was when my family left, they were killed. It was a day in autumn and I was on my way home from a kunai training. I was late and it was already dark. Everything was well until I entered the Uchiha district where I lived. Bodies were laying on the street, people I knew and loved. When I ran into my family's home, I saw them laying dead as well, my brother looming over them, bloodied sword still in hand. I don't know why he didn't kill me that night. There are moments I wish he did, because dying is so much less pain than being left completely alone. It hurt so much back then. A child can't comprehend, so it only suffers. Suddenly without anyone to trust, anyone to speak to, anyone who loves him. It turned me into the cold person I am today.
The second time was when I left to Orochimaru. Okay, to be honest this doesn't count, because I left on my own accord and wasn't left. But I was still practically alone in the snake's lair. The dobe always chased after me, but of course no one came close enough to understand me (to be correct my own fault as well). I killed my brother and after knowing the reason why he killed my clan it left me even more alone. I let myself be led my Madara, Tobi, Obito or however that guy was called. But after some time I lost faith in him and fought with my former friends throughout the whole battle. I returned to Konoha after that and due to my help in the war didn't receive a real punishment.
I hoped from that on I would never be left alone. How wrong I was.
The third time started relatively happy. After around a year back in Konoha for some reason I fell in love with the dobe. Today I can't say why anymore, but I did. It took me another half a year to say it to him. He seemed happy and we got together. I thought I finally found happiness. Only to learn the harsh truth after two years of relationship. In the last time of it he already became a bit distant and spent more time somewhere I didn't know, but I thought nothing of it. That is until I caught him in the middle of it. I had been sent to retrieve Sakura for Tsunade, only to find her not alone in her apartment. No, with the one I believed to be my boyfriend. And the position they were in told me all about their relationship. I remember slamming the door shut and only running away. I couldn't think straight. Again I was naïve and thought he would come after me and apologize, but he didn't.
The next time I saw him was two full days later and he acted like nothing happened. I couldn't take it anymore and confronted him. And what he told me shocked me more than I would ever admit to anyone but the one person who saved after it. The dobe said that his relationship with Sakura began only two months after we came together. They have been doing it behind my back for basically the whole time! When I asked why he only shrugged. He didn't think I could mean something with our relationship, that I didn't really care about him, only saw him as someone to sleep with. But in reality it was exactly the other way around. That was what I was to him. Someone to have fun with while he was together with a girl. I got angry but he didn't care. I was only some stupid traitor anyway, he yelled. I didn't deserve someone caring for me, someone who loves me. He already spent too much time of his life with the search of me and now he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I was more than hurt, especially by the honesty I saw behind his words. Again I ran, I don't know anymore if I cried, but I guess I didn't as my tears have long all been wasted.
And the best thing was that nearly everyone from our circle knew! Each of them except Team 8 and Neji knew that in truth Naruto was together with Sakura and not me. It split our group in the end because the four held to me while everyone else to Naruto. To be honest I was surprised that the Hyuugas turned against him as well. But Hinata lost her infatuation with him, because she suspected the false relationship and got together with Kiba. Neji's reason though I would find out later.
After that I was completely broken. I locked myself in my house and didn't come out for weeks. I didn't eat much, neither slept and slowly faded away. No matter what Hinata, Neji or anyone tried I wouldn't react. I was alone one time too often. But especially the Hyuuga boy wouldn't leave me. Nonetheless after some time like this even darker thoughts invaded my mind. I thought of suicide. I tried it. But I didn't take enough sleeping pills and failed. The next time I tried I sliced my wrists. And it would have worked if not for a certain brunette again.
He told me later that he got a bad feeling that day and when he came to my house and smelled the blood rushed in. I don't remember it though, I was unconscious by the time he arrived. He brought me to hospital and my life was saved again. In the beginning I wasn't at all happy about that and only shouted at Neji for interfering. But he didn't get angry, instead he watched over me the following time. He got Tsunade to make me move in with him to prevent more suicide tries. At first I thought he would treat me like a burden like everyone else did, but not in the slightest. He took care of me until I was well enough to do it myself, even took unpaid leave from missions once. He was there whenever I had a nightmare and comforted me when I needed it. I'm only human as well, yes (even though I try to deny it). He even disobeyed his clan when they forbid him to associate with me (luckily Hinata solved that or they probably would have killed him).
I tried to push him away but he was persistent. In the end I yelled at him, why he cared so much. He only chuckled and asked me if I wanted the real reason. When I did, he hugely surprised me by saying he loved me. Of course I thought he lied or was making fun of me or something. But he stayed calm and said he didn't. This was the first time I told anyone what Naruto threw at me that day. He was shocked, but also angry and the first thing he said was that I shouldn't believe that, because it was not true. It took him a long time to convince me that he was honest in all he said, but in the end I broke down in his arms. Pitiful when I think back to it today, how low did Sasuke Uchiha sink.
But to be honest I don't really regret it. Because after it I got a new relationship and a much more calm, caring and safe one at that. I slowly began to open up to him and he showed me what it means to have someone care for you. He became my halt in the world and after some time I came to love him back as well. He accepted my insecure behaviour in the beginning, like I would snap at him only because he talked with Tenten a little too much. But no matter what I did, when I needed comforting he was there and I realized that he went through similar loss in his childhood like I did. Maybe that was one thing that made me trust him so fast.
It's been five and a half years since the last time I tried to kill myself. Five years spent in relationship with Neji. Five happy years. I also became friends with Hinata, Kiba and kind of with Shino in this time as they were the only ones who stayed with me. But now Neji's gone. I have lost the one thing that saved me from suicide the last time. My world is completely dark again, empty and cold. It's been like that for months. And Team 8 are surely not enough to keep me in the world. Then why I am still here, you ask.
Well, to be correct I am not completely empty, only my heart is. Because at the moment there is a new life growing inside me. A child. I'm pregnant, good eight months. Sounds unbelievable as I am a boy, right? Well, it isn't. Of course I was more than shocked when Tsunade said my throwing up and tiredness was coming from a baby growing inside me. But from what she said it's Ororchimaru's fault. He experimented on me when I was in Sound, that's true. But I would never have thought that he put female reproductive organs into me. But apparently he did and made me able to bear children. Back then I was shocked but happy at the same time (I was also glad that it didn't already happen when I was still with Naruto, I would not want to have had to bear his child). I always wanted to have a family, to restore my clan was one of my goals after all. But I kind of had to let this go when I discovered that I was not at all interested in girls. But now I could have a child with the person who saved me from the (my second if you want it like that) dark. Because at that time he was still considered alive.
Of course that ended in my world breaking even more when he was declared dead. The child would never know his father. Back then I wanted to leave the world and join him on the other side, but I couldn't. The thought of killing the child inside of me as well kept me from doing it. Nonetheless I don't have the strength to continue living on my own, not even for my child. For now I am still alive so that my child can life, but I won't survive after the birth. Everyone (well, everyone still with me) tried to persuade me that Neji would want me to live for him and for the child, we both know what it means to grow up without parents, but I can't. That means I've got less than one month left to live and then I can see him again. I bet he will be angry at me for giving up.
Ouch! That was a hard kick, baby. I know you don't like these thoughts either, but I can't help it. Right now I am at home, it is hard to move too much with the bulge I developed and my bad state doesn't help. So basically all I do is lay in the bed these days, not having the will to do anything else. Hinata or Kiba come every day to make sure I eat and so on. They want to at least keep the baby alive. And just as I am thinking that the bedroom door opens with a creak.
"Sasuke? Are you there?" Hinata's timid voice asks, at least she isn't stuttering anymore.
"Hn" What am I supposed to say? It's not like I can really move anywhere.
"You have to get out of the bed sometimes, you know," she sighs and walks over to the window, drawing the curtains open, "It's a beautiful day outside and you haven't been out for weeks."
I groan when the sunlight floods my eyes and turn away, my bump getting in the way. The girl sighs another time, then I feel the bed dip close to my head and the smell of food invades my nose.
"Here, I brought something to eat. You need it to keep the baby healthy," she says, running her hand through my hair to get my attention.
When I don't react, she pulls the black tresses, forcing me to sit up, "You will eat that, Sasuke Uchiha. Even if you have given up, the child doesn't deserve it to die because of your selfishness."
I groan but comply. It's fascinating how much she changed, from the shy girl in the genin days. I guess seeing your long time idol and crush become so different to what he once was forces you to change as well. She is sitting next to me while I eat the meal she made, trying to get my appearance a bit fixed, while I avoid looking into her eyes, these white orbs, so similar to Neji's. Suddenly she speaks up in a small voice.
"Sasuke I know it's hard for you but… Can't you please try to live? I am sure Neji-nii-san would never want to see you like this. He kept you from… killing yourself last time, I am sure his opinion hasn't changed. And even if he is already gone I am sure he wants you to carry on without him and especially if he knew of the child."
She leans slightly forward to rub one of her hands over my belly, a small smile passing over her face when she feels a kick. I know that she and Kiba have been trying to have a child by themselves for some time now, but it didn't work yet. She continues.
"You and Nii-san understood each other like nobody else could and I know he would want you to live. You can't simply give up, not the child nor his love and his wishes. He would want his kid to have at least one parent and maybe one day you can find someone to love again and…"
But now I stop her rant by raising a hand, "I know what you want to say, Hinata. You made it clear many times already and I understand as well. But I simply can't anymore. I know you only want the best for everyone, but I have broken too many times and just can't carry on anymore. No one can save me. Well, maybe if Neji by any wonder came back suddenly. Maybe then but I'm sorry there is no other possibility," my voice is raspy after not using it for so long, "But you will take the child after all, like we discussed?"
She lowers her head and nods sadly, "Yes, we will look after the child and give him all the love you and Nii-san would have given him. I'm sorry Sasuke, I'm sure you will be missed."
I force a sad smile, murmur something akin to a thank you and cuddle back into the covers. Hinata stays seated on my bed for a moment then she sighs and leaves the room, but I can hear her sniffles when she goes.
I close my eyes. I know it's unfair for the child, the few friends I still have and most of all Neji, who saved me from self-destruction with big effort only for me to fall into that pattern again. The baby delivers a strong kick against my stomach and I rub the spot.
"I'm sorry, little one, I won't be there when you see the world. If you really want that I am, hope that your father will return before you're born…" I murmur while I drift back asleep, only to dream of Neji coming back as I have so often already.
Three weeks left to live.
That's it for today. Thank you for reading.
Not a nice Naruto, but I couldn't think of anybody else (and maybe it was because I don't really like him).
So, yeah, hope you liked it nonetheless, some Feedback would be great.
Next chapter should be coming out sometime in the next two weeks. Hope to see you then.