Hello, everyone! Katierosefun aka Caroline here! And it's that time of the year again! Today, November 20, marks the third year I've been on Fanfiction dot net! Woo-hoo! Now, I know that I've been somewhat inactive in the last few months, especially since my old laptop broke down - but here's to new beginnings and a new time period in all of our lives.
I just want to say thank you to every one of you amazing people who decided to stick around even after I got disconnected. You guys - even after I couldn't produce as much content as I usually would - still stuck around, which I think is something that I will be eternally grateful for. I'm used to a lot of people getting disappointed in me after a certain length of time (five years, to be exact), and I'm even more used to being shoved into a dusty little corner that people eventually forget about - but the fact that I wasn't pushed away - the fact that you guys were still reviewing my stories/following/faving/sending me kind private messages will be everything to me. Thank you. So much. Thank you for getting over this hurdle with me for another year. It means so much.
And now...without further ado, enjoy!
Inspired
She was thirteen years old when she first ran into her.
She was hiding in the closet, her hands wrapped around the top of her head. She could hear the men and women screaming around her – children were whimpering and curling up against each other. She heard gunshots – smelled the acrid stench of burning metal and flesh. She couldn't see anything except the dim outlines of soldiers and droids marching in front of her. The thin wall that protected her and the rest of the villagers from them would only last for so long.
A shudder ran through the whole hut, and then she was burying her face in her knees again, sending out a silent prayer each time she heard a cry. She couldn't tell if it was from one of the people behind her or from outside. Whoever had uttered it, it had been full of pain and very real. (Too real.)
She turned around to see a little boy trembling in a woman's arms – his mother, maybe. Or an older sister or an aunt. She couldn't tell – but she knew the boy was frightened. His dark cheeks were streaked with tears, his wide eyes swollen up with the dirt and sand kicking up from the ground. The woman by him kept stroking his hair, warbling out a song, as though that was supposed to help.
She watched the spectacle for a while.
The last thing she knew before the explosion hit was seeing a bead of sweat dribble down the side of the woman's face.
xXx
"Survey the village! Check for survivors!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
She blinked her eyes open. She made out a few motes of dust swirling in the air around her. (Like a coffin.) The sun was in her eyes, bright and scorching and white. Her lips were dry – she didn't even have the strength to suck some moisture from her mouth.
Help, she thought. Help me.
If she could, she would lift her hand. She would scream. She would make some kind of noise – some kind of signal that she wasn't one of the dead ones. (Because that's what everyone else was right now, right? They were all dead. She was sure of it.)
"Check the most damaged huts first," someone was saying. The voice was female – that much, she could figure out. "But move quickly. Don't stop. Don't linger – let's try to save as many lives as we can today."
"Yes, Commander."
There was a rush of feet pounding against dirt and she felt the urge to scream again. Please don't trample me, she would say. Please don't hurt me. Please save me. Save me.
Save me.
She blinked her eyes a few times, trying to adjust to the brightness around her. She was starting to make out droids – wait, no. Not droids. Droids didn't wear helmets or suits of white. Droids didn't have tanned skin or brown eyes or wear black gloves.
"Commander," someone said from the background. "Commander, there's a few survivors in this hut."
She blinked again – and then the sun was gone, blocked out by a darker figure standing in front. She could see just a few rays of light wrapping around her now, like a pair of wings.
"Hey," a soft voice was saying – the voice from before. The female one. "Can you hear me?"
She stared. The voice belonged to a small face – a face that she hadn't ever seen before. There were strange markings on her face, bright white against her orange skin. Her eyes were the brightest she had ever seen, and her lips were a dark purple color. And at that moment, she wasn't sure she had ever seen anyone look so calm or welcoming.
"I'm Ahsoka Tano," the female said. She stuck out a hand. "What's your name?"
"I –" Her mouth felt dry. There was too much dust – too much…sand.
"It's okay," Ahsoka said gently. "I'm not going to hurt you. None of us are."
She regarded Ahsoka warily. Looked down at the hand still held out in front of her. Flicked her eyes to the figures behind Ahsoka, all wearing white suits and carrying large guns. Though most of their faces were covered, she could make out the tan heads from before. Though they all looked tired, she couldn't tell if they were dangerous or not. (Well, nothing could be more dangerous than the droids, could there?)
She took Ahsoka's hand. Instantly, Ahsoka clutched onto it and tugged her up to her feet.
She wobbled a little, legs weakened and whole body trembling with goosebumps (despite the fact that it was extremely hot). She inhaled a sharp breath, surprised by the way the air seemed to clear from here – and tumbled straight against Ahsoka, who only laughed lightly.
"Hey," she said quietly, "it's okay. Everything's okay now."
She stared straight back at Ahsoka. And then she looked back down at the hut she had been staying in.
Her heart sank instantly.
Things were not okay now.
She saw the little boy from before with his eyes wide open, staring at everything and nothing at once. She saw an old woman with a part of the hut sticking straight through her stomach. She saw the men in the white armor carefully tugging other survivors out of the rubble – and for a brief second, she wondered if she looked as pathetic as the others. Everyone's faces were streaked with tear – with sweat – with blood (whether it was their own or someone else's was a mystery)…their eyes were empty and hollowed out by the damage that had already been done.
"Don't look," Ahsoka suddenly said, grabbing her by the wrist. Her eyes were bright blue, clear and focused. "I'm sorry, but you can't look."
"I…"
"Let's focus on something small, okay?" Ahsoka gently directed her away from the hut – away from her home. "I never caught your name."
"Nemo," she managed to say. "My name is Nemo."
"Nemo," Ahsoka repeated. "Okay. Well, Nemo, let's get you to a safer place, alright? I might have to leave in a few minutes, but if there's anything wrong, just tell the others that you need to see me." She gave Nemo's hand a tight squeeze. "And I'm sorry for your loss – I really, truly am – but we're going to make sure you'll be in a better place. Did you…" For the briefest of moments, Nemo saw a flash of sorrow in Ahsoka's eyes. "Did you have any family or friends that you need to make sure are safe? Anyone at all?"
Nemo shook her head wordlessly. "Just me," she replied.
"Just you," Ahsoka nodded.
xXx
She was eighteen years old the second time she saw her.
Nemo was a mechanic working in a Coruscant garage, running her own business with an older man who smelled like something earthy. He was kind, with the darkest blue eyes she had ever seen and hair that sometimes flew in every direction when the wind hit it.
His name was Arion, and Nemo loved him more than anything else in the world. And love seemed so incredibly important these days, since there was an ever-growing lack of it. Ever since the Republic had fallen…
It was a funny twist of fate. Nemo hadn't felt attached to the Republic as a young girl, even when she was first transported to Coruscant. She hadn't cared too much for the politics or the charity – only cared that she could start over, even if starting over meant working harder than ever.
But the Republic had become her home. After all, it was during the time of the Republic when she first met Arion. And it was during the time of the Republic when she started to pick up her own pieces. And it was during the time of the Republic when she was promised that things were going to get much better – when there were other people to look up to.
Now those people were gone, and the promises made now only seemed to hold bitterness instead of hope.
"Did you fix the speeder?" Arion asked on that day, only the lower half of his body sticking out from underneath a pod.
Smiling, Nemo crouched down and handed Arion a wrench. "Fixed it this morning, remember?" she said lightly. Arion let out a laugh from underneath the pod, replying, "Right – how could I forget? You keep showing up early, and I'm going to forget who started this business in the first place."
"Well, that can't happen – partners, aren't we?" Nemo grinned. She took up one of Arion's hands, planting a quick kiss on it before walking across the garage to work through the other things that customers had left her.
She was just about to grab her gloves (and get started on another long, tedious day) when the garage door slammed open.
Nemo's first panicky thought was that the Imperials must have decided to pick on Arion and her today. Maybe they'd toy around with the hard work done in the garage. Maybe they'd accuse Arion and Nemo of hiding people from the Empire. Maybe they'd kick them out. Maybe they'd –
"I've damaged my data pad," a cool, female voice said from above Nemo.
Nemo managed to lift her head.
Her heart jumped again – only this time, it wasn't out of fear.
She stared. The voice belonged to a small face – a face that she hadn't ever seen before. There were strange markings on her face, bright white against her orange skin. Her eyes were the brightest she had ever seen, and her lips were a dark purple color. And at that moment, she wasn't sure she had ever seen anyone look tired or worn down.
"I –" Nemo felt something catch in her throat. "I –"
"Here," Ahsoka Tano said, completely unaware of the stutter in Nemo's words. (Or maybe she was aware and choosing to ignore it.) "I have a few credits with me, if you would prefer me to pay up-front."
"No," Nemo instantly said. Ahsoka looked up, her eyebrow-markings creeping towards the top of her forehead. Nemo felt heat well up in her cheeks. "I mean..." she swallowed. "I – no, you don't need to pay up-front. Everyone's supposed to pay after I fix whatever needs to be fixed. Store policy."
"Ah," Ahsoka murmured, and she seemed to relax just a little bit. "That kind of policy seems rare these days."
"Well," Nemo smiled weakly, "we do the best we can."
"We?"
Nemo wordlessly gestured to the back, where Arion was still tucked underneath the pod. "My partner," she explained as Ahsoka's eyebrow-markings lifted a little higher. "We run this business together." She paused. "Which is the definition of a partnership."
A smile flickered over Ahsoka's lips. "You two are close?" she asked, pushing the data pad towards Nemo. Taking it gently, Nemo replied with a grin, "Oh, yes. I'm lucky to have him."
"She means I'm lucky to have her," Arion said from underneath the pod. "And – speaking of which…" He rolled himself away from the pod, wiping his hands on his cargo pants. "Nemo, I think you're going to have to take another look at that if you have the time – I fixed it, but I'm not sure if I can trust it all the way."
"It'll be fine," Nemo responded. "Just watch – I'll come over there in a minute, and it'll be running perfectly."
"Yeah, but you know your stuff better than I do," Arion grinned, walking up to Nemo. He wrapped an arm around her waist, and then looked up at Ahsoka –
Nemo felt his muscles stiffen before she could say anything.
"You're –" Arion's jaws slackened. He looked down at Nemo. "She's your – the –"
Nemo took Arion's hand. "I know," she whispered. "But don't just –"
"What's that?" Ahsoka asked, her eyes suddenly hardening. She started to reach for the data pad still in Nemo's other hand. "Actually, I think I can find a different place –"
"No, please!" Nemo frantically said, pulling away from Ahsoka. "It's not what you think –"
"Who did you call? The authorities?" Ahsoka demanded. "Who did you call?"
"No one!" Nemo cried, stepping away. "We didn't alert anyone! We're just – please give us a chance to explain!"
Ahsoka's whole body remained taut, though she gave a slight nod. "Thirty seconds," she said roughly. "You have half a minute to tell me what exactly is going on right now."
Nemo felt a shudder run through her body. She watched Ahsoka's eyes warily – and with some sadness, realized that this woman (only just a year older than her, maybe?) meant it. Whatever happened to the girl Nemo had met on her home planet had changed drastically, along with all traces of gentleness and hope.
"I met you once," Nemo managed to say. "Back when I was a little girl." She pressed her lips together, her words only barely wobbling out. "There was a bombing, and you were the one to pull me out of the rubble."
Ahsoka only frowned.
"I don't expect you to remember me, of course," Nemo said quickly, bowing her head. Out of respect or fear or disappointment, she couldn't figure for herself. "I'm sure you've saved countless other lives, but…" Her eyes flitted up. She couldn't read the expression on Ahsoka's face now. "I never forgot about you. Or how you helped me or got me on Coruscant. I had always seen you as someone to trust." She weakly lifted up the data pad. "It seems only fitting that I at least help you fix something that you couldn't."
A long silence passed between the two women. Nemo felt a drop of sweat fall past her eyes and down the side of her face. She clung onto the data pad like a shield, wondering if perhaps Ahsoka didn't believe her – or if Ahsoka still didn't trust her.
Not that Nemo could put any blame on her. She had heard the news of the Jedi's destruction. Everyone had heard the news of how the Jedi were secretly corrupt and that the war had been their faults the whole time. Nemo remembered she had been sitting on her couch with Arion that day. Arion had fallen asleep, but it was Nemo who shook him awake when the news first came on.
And though everyone seemed convinced of the Jedi betrayal, Nemo had clung onto that single memory of one particular Jedi-child who didn't seem to fit the description of corruption. Not quite.
"You know who I am."
It wasn't a question.
"Yes," Nemo breathed out. "I know who you are. Commander Ahsoka Tano."
For a moment, a shadow of the Jedi-child Nemo had met seemed to darken over Ahsoka's features. Nemo watched as Ahsoka's hands started to tremble, dragging away from her hips (where she spotted the gleam of weapons) and fall limply at her sides.
"We're…not going to call the authorities, if that's what you're worried about," Arion said timidly.
Ahsoka let out a forced laugh, and after a second, she clamped a hand over her lips. Nemo didn't miss the all-too-familiar gleam in Ahsoka's eyes – after all, she had seen it before. Seen it in the eyes of broken-down parents – seen it in the eyes of lost children – seen it in the eyes of people still looking for something that couldn't be found.
"Oh," Nemo whispered. She handed the data pad to Arion, who took it without question.
Nemo walked forward, slowly taking Ahsoka's other hand.
xXx
"It's been a while since anyone's called me that," Ahsoka said wistfully as Arion pushed forward a mug of tea. She took it with a brief, grateful smile. "Commander Ahsoka Tano," she mused, shaking her head. Ahsoka tapped her slim fingers over the mug, adding, "I didn't think anyone would recognize me in these parts."
"We said we weren't going to call anyone," Nemo reminded Ahsoka. "You'd be safe coming here."
"And your neighbors?" Ahsoka lifted an eyebrow. "In these times, it's hard to expect what people will do."
"Hasn't that been true even before the Republic fell?" Arion pointed out. "Besides, if our neighbors know what's good for them, they'll keep their noses out of the business that isn't theirs."
Ahsoka's lips twitched into a smile. "Optimistic, then."
"It's what keeps us going," Nemo replied, scooting down the side of the table so that Arion could pull up a chair. "Surely, you believe in a better future as well?"
"As of now?" The expression on Ahsoka's face darkened. "It's…difficult to believe so."
Nemo tried to swallow around her disappointment again. She stared down at the table, scratching away at an old part of the wood. The awkwardness in the silence that hung around the three was palpable.
"I apologize," Ahsoka murmured. "I didn't mean to sound discouraging."
"It's alright," Nemo replied, though it didn't feel alright at all. Ahsoka Tano was a Jedi, wasn't she? If even she didn't have too much hope left, then what did that make Nemo and Arion? Fools?
"How did you survive, anyways?" Arion asked from beside Nemo. "I was under the impression that most of the Jedi had been missing or –" He cut himself off. Again, the tension in the air was thick and obvious. Nemo vaguely heard Arion mumble an apology.
"It's fine," Ahsoka said, though Nemo could sense a forced edge in her voice. She was lying, too. This was not fine at all. "I was banished from the Order – as I'm sure most of you are aware. It was all over the news just two years ago."
Nemo remembered that, too. Arion had been a bit cynical about Ahsoka claiming her innocence – that was, at least, until Nemo had told him exactly why she believed in Ahsoka Tano.
"I was on the move most of the time," Ahsoka continued. "I traveled to other planets, found some new friends. Re-connected with old ones. When I heard the news of what happened to the Order…" Her voice caught briefly. Eyes blinking frantically, Ahsoka regained composure as she finished, "I returned to Coruscant immediately. By then, it was too late. The Temple was up in smoke." Ahsoka rubbed a finger over her eye, but even then, Nemo could detect a slight tear mark hovering over the bags under her eyes. "I decided to stay here because I wanted to see if there was…perhaps any survivors left. I would be waiting for them." Ahsoka smiled sadly. "So far, I haven't had too much luck."
Nemo furrowed her brow. "There had to be some survivors," she said hopefully. "Not everyone could have died – there have been rumors of people potentially being able to escape."
"And it was only you looking out for other Jedi," Arion added, shooting Nemo a smile. "But we could help. If there were three people looking out for survivors instead of just one on the whole planet of Coruscant, we'd have a little bigger chance of saving more people, wouldn't we?"
"It's been two years, and I still haven't found anyone," Ahsoka responded in a small voice. "As much as I appreciate the effort, I can't fully believe that two more pairs of eyes will make too much of a difference."
Nemo felt something tighten in her chest. She felt a flash of pain in her hands – and she looked down to realize that her nails had been digging into her palms this whole time. She removed her fingernails, staring down at the little pink crescents torn into her skin.
"When you first got me out of the ruins of the hut," Nemo started to say, her eyes still staring down at her hands, "you were the one to lead me into a better place. You kept telling me things were going to be fine – and I don't know if you knew it or not, but I didn't believe you." She scraped her chair back. It made an angry scratching sound against the dirty tiles, but she didn't care. "I thought that all hope was lost. I thought that you were just trying to make me feel better – but that wasn't it, was it? I came here to Coruscant, just like you – I ended up finding a decent job, getting a decent home…meeting a good person." She didn't bother looking at Arion. "And in the long run, things have become better. I…" Nemo felt heat well up behind her eyes. "I still miss my old home. I miss my planet, where everything seemed to at least fit with me – but I still look at this new life and think that this…really isn't too bad. Is it?"
Ahsoka stood up. "We are in completely different situations," she said, her voice low.
"How different, really?" Nemo shot back. "You lost your friends – your family. I lost the only home that I knew for the first thirteen years of my life! You lost what you thought was everything – I lost what I thought was everything. You feel completely alone – I was alone on this new, foreign planet. You've been fending for yourself – I finally decided to meet new people." Nemo felt something tear in her voice. "I understand our problems are of different sets, but really, haven't we all lost something?" She gripped at the edges of the table. "You once made it very clear to me that I could either choose hope or linger on the horrors of other people – and I chose hope because of you. And now? You'd go against your own words?"
"Things are different now," Ahsoka replied sharply. "You've seen it. I've seen it."
"I still can't believe that."
"You might not – but I don't have the luxury to." Ahsoka backed away from the table. "I'm sorry for taking up your time, but I should get leaving now."
Nemo felt her heart sink. Too far. She had gone too far.
"No – wait," Nemo started to say, scrambling away from the table as Ahsoka pushed past her. "Listen – listen, we should talk more about this –"
Ahsoka paused at the front door of the garage. Pulling her cloak hood over her head, she said quietly, "There's nothing more to talk about."
And then, she started to open the door –
"Excuse me?" a small, childish voice whispered from outside. "I'm sorry – I'm sorry – I don't mean any harm –"
Nemo watched Ahsoka fall to her knees.
There was a young, dirty girl standing outside, her tan robes torn and her skin darkened from the dirt and soot on the streets. She wasn't human – Tholothian, it would seem – with bright, turquoise-colored eyes that gleamed in the dim lighting of the garage.
"Ahsoka?" the girl asked shakily. "Force, it is you!"
"Who is she?"
Nemo turned around to look at Arion, who was staring at the sight with the most bewildered look on his face. Nemo followed his eyes to find Ahsoka wrapping her arms around the girl. Both were crying now, clinging onto each other like lost friends. (For all Nemo knew, perhaps that was what they were.)
"I think she's proof that Ahsoka needs to hope a little more in this galaxy," Nemo replied softly. She looked down at the table, where Ahsoka's still-warm cup of tea sat. She started to walk for the kitchen again. She had the feeling they were going to need more tea.
xXx
She was twenty-three years old the third time she saw her.
She was standing on Lothal, a planet that was just as foreign to her as Coruscant had been.
It wasn't much – mostly grasses and little trading towns and cats – but she didn't mind it. It was quiet here, and the sunsets and sunrises weren't too unlike the ones on her home planet.
Arion would have loved it here. He would have gone out to sit with Nemo every morning, marveling at the open skies.
Only of course, he wasn't here anymore.
Nemo rubbed the ring on her finger, feeling the old sadness seep into her bones. It had been nearly three years since he had died, when he had been found helping surviving younglings from the Jedi Order get onto a ship. The younglings had managed to get away – but that was only after Arion had –
Ahsoka had been there, too. She had arrived late, coming only to see Nemo holding onto her husband's body in the warehouse. Nemo had been screaming, desperately trying to revive Arion – tell him to wake up, shine those eyes of his back at hers just one last time – feel his hand squeeze over hers before he could fully leave –
It didn't change anything.
Nemo had left Coruscant shortly after that. It had been painful to work in the garage by herself – it had been painful finding herself straining for Arion's non-existent footsteps or his obnoxious humming in the morning or his arms around her waist each time a new customer came in. She needed a change of scenery – a place that wouldn't hurt so much.
Lothal was the farthest away from Coruscant Nemo could think of.
So now she was here.
And three years of sitting by herself had been enough. Three years of abandoning herself had been enough.
It was a new day.
Nemo held her breath as a ship landed in front of her. A ramp lowered itself in front of her, and a single man walked out from the ship.
"Senator Bail Organa," the man said, extending a hand. "Commander Tano extends her regards."
"I'm sure," Nemo replied with a smile. She took Organa's hand, walking up the ramp. "Well, then, Senator – lead the way to this new revolution of yours. And don't leave out the good parts."
A/N - Well, you guys all know how much I love symbolism. The character Nemo, I think, is supposed to represent literally anyone - whether it be you, or someone you know - who has been through a rough patch of life in recent years. An interesting fact about Nemo - no, not the fish movie - the word nemo actually comes from Latin, which translates to 'no one'. In this story, I wanted to pitch the idea that a Nemo - a no one - can in fact, actually, become someone so much more.
And Ahsoka, I think, represents the kind of hero we've always looked up to - and even our favorite heroes don't always live up to our expectations. They have bad days, too, which I think is hard to forget. They sometimes lose hope and faith, therefore causing us to lose a bit of our own hope and faith in good things - but really, in the end, isn't hope all we've got left? Hope for a better future - hope for good, better people to come into our lives - hope for a new and brighter day - hope for comfort, hope for love, hope for friendship - it's something that we, as humans, strive for.
Recently, I've been losing a lot of hope over personal parts of my life - and though this particular stage of my life is frightening so far, I fully intend on not to lose my own hope or go into the bad place that I was in a few years ago. I fully intend on fighting for the hope and faith that I know so many people hold dear in their hearts.
So I encourage you to do the same - and I apologize if this sounds incredibly cheesy/sappy - but I truly believe that you deserve all of the hope and faith you can get. Rough patches and hurdles are just that - rough patches and hurdles. And you will get over them.
And again, I would like to give out a thank you to everyone who's encouraged me to hope in these last few days - all of you amazing, beautiful, wonderful people who always seem to stand right behind me on my worst days - thank you. Thank you for everything.
And here's to another year, yes? Here's to another bright, happy year with you guys.
Luv ya bunches,
katierosefun xx