Loving You

"There is no sweeter innocence then our gentle sin."~ Take Me to Church, Hozier

I remember one night, our parents held a huge party at our home. Kaoru and I were still real small so we weren't allowed to be there. However, once the nanny who was responsible for tucking us in left the room, we cleverly snuck into it.

It wasn't that difficult, seeing as all the adults were pretty much wasted by the time we got down there. There was loud laughter and chatter everywhere. They were all too busy trying to impress each other with stupid over exaggerated stories to see us crawl under the desert party.

It was a normal party as far as we could see. (This wasn't the first time we snuck into a party of course.) Overly dressed women with way too much make-up. Men dressed in tight suits and smiles. Everyone was wearing a mask… not real masks that people wear during masquerades or Halloween parties… but the masks people wear when they leave their houses. Our mother was the center of attention, of course, and father followed closely behind being his normal quiet and polite self.

When we knew they weren't paying attention, we would reach up and feel for cookies or cakes. Then we'd stuff our mouths full and laugh. The adults were so oblivious sometimes. We froze though when we heard a familiar sound of silverware tapping glass.

An announcement.

We gently lifted the satin sheet and peeked under to see our mother standing on a chair. She was smiling brightly and was gazing around the crowd. Her big dangle earrings would smack the side of her head with each turn.

"Hello! Thank you for everyone attending our party. Now last season, everyone was introduced to my young assistant that I had taken on. I arranged this party for her when she called me saying she was now engaged to a young fellow. So, I want everyone to congratulate them on their happy news." She spoke.

So, that was it… an engagement party for a worker. Mother was too kind to her servants sometimes.

Kaoru and I just shrugged and continued to steal the sweets from above. Who care what it was for just as long as they were delicious.

"I wonder who that boy is?" We suddenly overheard.

One thing about hiding under the tables of parties, was that we got to hear what everyone really had on their mind. We called it Sweet Talks. (I know so original considering we always hid under the desert table.)

"I don't know, but it's disappointing. She could've gone far under the Hitachiin brand, but she's giving it up for a nobody. What cruelty." We heard another voice.

I started to chew slow, trying to listen to them.

"Marriage is cruel?" Kaoru had asked. He was the deep thinker so hearing that must've really had him doing that. Thinking. "But Mama and Daddy seem just fine?" I just shrugged. Adults were stupid, like most people who lived outside our walls.

"I bet she's pregnant. That's the only thing I can think of. What else could make a young girl turn on such a horrid path." The first voice spoke once again.

"Sin." Said the second as we saw their feet walk away from the table.

Sin? I remember asking myself in my head. Looking at Kaoru I knew he was confused to. I thought it was love that made people get married and have babies. That's what Mom said. She always told Dad she loved him and vice versa. So why did those ladies act like it was a bad thing? Ad call it sin?

Kaoru and I just gazed at each other until we came to a conclusion.

Love was sin.

Though we were in luck, because we had each other, so we were never going to get married.

Looking back at that memory now, I see how foolish our minds were. Perhaps in our world in made perfect sense, but in the real world it was just a fantasy.

Kaoru and I are older now. We are two years into high school and have more people who we consider friends, but only one has ever made it through our gate. Only one has mingled into our hearts. Only one has ever opened our eyes and see just how bright the sun really shines in the real world.

Haruhi Fujioka.

I can honestly say that I learned to love someone other than Kaoru ( and our parents). I don't know what it is or how she did it.

As a designer's sons, Kaoru and I have seen plenty of beautiful women. We see them in the Host Club too, but none of them could ever compare to how beautiful Haruhi is to me. Kaoru told me that it was love. He said I was in love with her when I vented my feelings to him. I remember how proud he looked when I finally let it settle.

I was growing up.

But that day came back to me. Love was a sin, right? So, that means that it was bad… but Kaoru was right (Like he always is), Mom and Dad are just fine. In fact, they're always smiling when they're together. How can something that makes people so happy be a sin?

Perhaps, I should just stay away. These thoughts are way too confusing. Besides, it's not like they really matter. Haruhi is way out of my league. Funny, how I'm the rich and famous one, but still can't seem to be good enough. Love is dangerous. So, I should just stop and move on.

"Hey Hikaru?" I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard her voice so close to me. Just as I started to focus on her face, I felt her small hand place itself on my forehead. "Are you feeling okay? You look completely out of it." Before I had time to answer she looked back at Kaoru who was just watching with a small smile. "Did he sleep well last night?"

"You know now that I think about it he was tossing around all night." Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek. That bastard. He knows what's been on my mind. He knows that I couldn't sleep because I was too busy think about her.

But before I could yell at him, Haruhi locked me down with one gaze.

"Classes are over for the day. You need to go home and rest. Don't worry about the club. I'll cover for you." She spoke with a monotone voice. She then backed up and grabbed her bookbag and placed her spirals in it. "Kaoru make sure he gets some sleep. If he spaces out again tomorrow, he'll be behind on the review for next week's finals."

And then she was gone.

"She kept staring at you in class." Kaoru said. I snapped towards him. He bent over and started getting his own stuff. "You really had her worried, so I suggest we do as she says."

"Worried? I was just thinking." I muttered.

"Yeah, well you know her. She doesn't know love sick from regular sick." Kaoru laughed when I fixated a glare on him. He didn't even have to look up from his bag to know I was doing just that. "People worry about those they love. You should feel happy."

Love… Haruhi loved me? Was that even possible?

"You know what I was thinking about earlier? That one party we snuck to when we were kids. You know, the assistant's marriage shower? I was thinking about what those two ladies said." Kaoru spoke. I just stared. Sometimes our twin bond was even scary to me. "Love is a sin. Love is bad. Love leads to failure… but that's not true. Those old hags were just jealous. Love is something precious that only come to a certain few. Like our parents and Haruhi's parents." He then looked up from his task. "Don't be an idiot because your scared."

"I'm not." I said offensively.

"Love isn't a sin, Hikaru. It's a sweet innocent thing when it comes to the right people."

I let that sink in as I finally got up and started to pack my things… Of course, Kaoru was right. Why else would I my heart still be racing from her touch.

However, even if it was a sin… Haruhi is worth it to me.