It had all happened so fast. I clasped my hands over my mouth to stop myself screaming. Tom Clarkson had fallen off the roof of the school he worked at, the school he loved, the school we called a second home. Some students screamed and many looked away. I called for an ambulance but seeing Christine like that with him; I knew my attempts were futile he was dead.
I couldn't feel anything; I guess it was the sudden shock. I couldn't breathe even though the night was clear. I can't sleep; I keep playing it over and over in my head. The torturous image in my head, his eyes slowed that beautiful blue before they closed for the last time. After looking peaceful, I guess his pain had left him and he returned as an angel with his soul departing. It's weird to think of Tom, I mean I actually loved him. I mean love like a best friend; he was always there for me and I was for him. We were perfect for each other; I wouldn't know how to survive without him. His small smile and friendly laugh, his passion for teaching, all these little things that made working at Waterloo Road so much better. When I first joined his preconceptions until he realised I was there to help.
It wasn't about me though was it? What about Josh? That poor boy, he'd been through so much. I was scared that if he knew he'd relapse. At the moment life had been going well for him, working for Lorraine in Manchester at the call centre, he'd found a boyfriend and he was earning decent money and was making a good life for himself This would turn him upside down, inside out. I felt sick to the stomach about how to tell him, I still couldn't get in my head. I could hear the ringing of his phone, like the pain of the news I was about to break. 'Hey, Nikki how are you?' the worst part is he seemed so cheery but hearing my muffled sobs he paused. 'Josh, it's your dad.' 'What about my dad? Is he hurt? Where is he?' All these questions, tears flowed freely down my face, I couldn't contain them forever. 'Josh, he fell off the school roof and he….he…died. Josh I'm so sorry.' I could literally hear his jaw dropping; the silence was enough to hear a pin drop. 'Josh, JOSH!' I spoke louder this time; I had to keep his attention. 'Nikki, I'm sorry too.' He hung up; I dropped down back against the wall, head in my hands and let everything out.
I was used to seeing death. Being originally from the army, I had seen men die; I had even killed a man. Now that was something terrible but this image was going to stick forever. Sometimes I would have nightmares, wake up in cold chills sweating from the image of the bullet wounds, the sniper to the chest, a guy whose body was hanging in shreds. I had laid on top trying to control the bleeding. We felt sadness for the guys that died out there, we felt for their families but we didn't know them how I knew Tom. This was more personal. He looked peaceful. It made him look like he was genuinely sleeping, maybe in a minute he would have jumped up after a nice nap. Comparing the images was like learning about oxymoron's in English; our subject. Contrasting the grotesque dark images with someone sleeping, serenity and calm. Tom used to laugh at me saying how I was bitter sweet; you needed to know me well to see my soft side. Afterwards the fireworks had shot into the sky; no one could see the beauty in them anymore, only the loud sharp bangs. It reminded me of the guns blaring, the bombs exploding roadside.
You know the one person I would want to call at this moment, the one person to help me get through this would have been Tom. To think I'm never going to hear his voice again….My phone rung, filling the vast empty space beside me. Lorraine. Even though she had left Waterloo Road, we'd still been in contact. I had wished her businesses well and she thought my teaching was good, a different approach. Neither one of us had moved on since nor at this current moment in time wasn't I going to move anywhere, forwards, backwards, I was still. 'Lorraine.' I murmured. 'Nikki, I heard, I'm so sorry, I know you too were close.' 'Me too.' I choked back more sobs.
'We are here to remember , who died yesterday. Teaching was never a job for him, it was a calling. A calling that drove him to put every fibre, every fibre on the line for you, every day. That is how he died, risking his life, to save a pupil. Doing the job he loved.' I couldn't listen to any more. Holding back the emotions was a chore. 'I guarantee that as long as there is a school called Waterloo Road, Tom Clarkson will never be forgotten.' Even Christine was having a hard job keeping it together now. Thinking back to all those memories, I was having a hard job letting go.
'Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.' The funeral was beautiful, the sun shone, it was like Tom was smiling back, glad to see how many people cared for him. I was glad to see Josh was doing well, holding his boyfriend's hand; I was pleased to know someone was there for him. My eyes pricked with tears at his eulogy, I was glad to be done. I ran my hand through my hair roughly rubbing the area around my eyes; turning around Lorraine was watching me. 'Oh Nik, come here.' Her arms were open and gladly I fell into them. I wasn't over Tom dying and I wasn't over Lorraine. She put back a loose strand of my hair tucking it behind my ear gently, I kept crying, making her shirt wet. 'Shhh, everything's going to be ok Nikki, I promise.' She whispered in my ear, kissing my forehead.
2 years ago was the death of Tom Clarkson. I was lying in a hospital bed with Lorraine stroking my hair that was up in a makeshift pony. I gripped her hand tightly as the last few contractions rippled throughout my body. This was a totally different type of pain. 'Congratulations, you have a baby boy!' The midwife called out placing the squirming small fragile new born in my arms. I ran my finger down his cheek, kissing his head before kissing Lorraine on the lips. She pulled us all into a hug. 'Hello there baby, I'm your mummy and this is your mummy too, she's the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world, yes she is.' I murmured, ask me two years ago and I would never have though I'd be as soppy or sentimental but when Lorraine asked me to marry her just over a year ago and I accepted, I never looked back. I was crying happy tears when Lorraine asked 'What do you want to call him?' She nodded giving my approval knowing what was coming. The small baby, a huge responsibility was cradled in my arms. He had a small tuft of brown hair and blue eyes. 'Tom.' I said clearly. 'Well I think that's a beautiful name.' Lorraine replied, she understood how much Tom had influenced me as I am today. I handed our son to Lorraine watching with pride as she carefully rocked him side to side, sitting down on the bed next to me to snuggle close. Lifting a chubby hand, I swore I saw him smile. The rays of sun shone in through the window and I knew in that moment that Tom Clarkson was watching and man was he proud of the little life we had created.