I won't say I'm in love
I told myself that I would never fall in love again. After all of the pain and suffering I've been through, a second time would be catastrophic. But I broke that promise. I fell head over heels in love with him. I fell in love with Jacob Black. The last person I ever thought I would. But I can't find myself to admit that to him or anyone else. I can barely admit it to myself. You might be a little confused as to how this all started, so I'll rewind it for you.
6 months ago
It's been a few months after the Cullen's moved away to Seattle, and Jacob was taking it pretty hard. It was a pretty cold night especially for December. Jacob and I had patrol together, and silence was never in our presence.
"C'mon Black, I know you can do better than that." I thought to him, trying not to breathe too heavily. I liked testing my Alpha, especially when it came to racing. It's true I was the fasted in the pack, but only barely. He was right on my tail and I knew he had something up his sleeve, because he was trying too hard not to think about it.
"You're going down Clearwater." Same old Jake, never backing down from my ridiculous competitions. "Eat my snow dust Black." And I left him in the dust. I mustered up everything I had and ran so fast it felt like I was flying. The next thing I know, this russet fur ball comes charging at my side flinging me sideways, and I take it with me rolling in the snow with him. I got up and barred my teeth at him. He stood with his hackles up.
"Bit off more than you could chew, eh?" Cocky bastard.
"That's what what's-her-face told you the other night, remember?" I sneered at him, remembering a memory he showed us on patrol one night. He growled and lunged at my neck and tackled me. Damned stupid big ass fur ball. There was no way I could get out from under him, and he knew it. He snickered and got off me. He phased back and pulled on his shorts.
"Truce?" He held out his hand to me with a cocky smile. I stuck my head up and trotted off. He ran after me and jumped on me.
"Phase, Leah." He commanded me with his Alpha tone. He never liked using it unless he had to, so it must be important. I phased and pulled on my shorts and a tank top.
"What do you want?" I crossed my arms over my chest to hide the hardening of my nipples from the cold. He tried to pretend he didn't noticed, but he never does succeed.
"Leah, I just really needed to talk to you."
"So spill."
"I wanted you to hear this first from me rather than Paul or Quil or any of the other guys first."
He took a long pause, and looked straight into my eyes. "Emily is pregnant."
Those words cut like knives. I was over Sam and everything, but now it felt more real. And I thought attending their wedding was hard, and being the maid of honor, this was the hardest. Sam was getting what he wanted. He always wanted kids. What hurt the most was that I could never have kids.
"Ok thanks Jake. Good for them."
"That's it?"
"What were you expecting?"
He shrugged his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck. He started walking and motioned for me to follow. "I don't know, Leah. I mean it's you. No offence but I expected you to maybe yell or punch me at least."
I rolled my eyes. He should know better than everyone else that I wouldn't take this badly.
"It's whatever Jake. I'm happy their happy. Why can't everyone see that and drop it?"
"I know Leah." He understood me. He was one of the few who did. Jake got me through a lot. More than I would like to admit. I also got him through stuff as well. We had an understanding between each other.
We got back to my house and hung out in my room. Jake was playing with my hacky sack, and I was typing a paper for my new internship at Forks General Hospital.
"Leah?"
"What?"
"Have you, uhm, been with any guys since Sam?" I looked up from my computer to his face. He was trying to make himself look busy by picking at my carpet. His face was turning darker and I could swear he was blushing.
"What are you getting at?"
"I was just wondering."
"Spit it out Black. What are you getting at?"
"Isn't it like, unhealthy to go without, doing it, for a while?" He looked up at me and quickly looked away.
I rolled my eyes. "I guess. But to answer your question: Yes. There's been a few one night stands, but not for a year or so."
"Oh. So it's been a year for you? How do you do it? It's been 3 months and I feel like I'm going to explode!"
I laughed. "Maybe it's because I'm not a teenage boy who thinks about sex all the time." OK that part was a lie. I mean the whole thinking about sex thing! I thought about it a lot. I missed it, but I didn't have the time or energy to find a guy.
I blurted out, "Fuck me." I was surprised to hear this coming out of my mouth. So was Jacob. He didn't say anything, but looked at me with lust filled eyes. He was thinking this over in his head.
"I dare you to fuck me. I bet you can't make me scream." Taunting him was always the key to him. He never could back down from a dare. He stood up. I sat up on my bed and threw my computer to the side. I was waiting for him to make a move. His hands were balled into fists at his sides and he was breathing through his nose. He could probably smell my arousal.
"You want me to make you scream?"
"You can try."
With that he stepped towards me and cupped my face, our faces mere inches apart. His heart was beating fast and I was breathing hard. He stared straight into my eyes, and then lowered to my lips. He leaned in so slowly, it was almost too painful. It took everything I had to not grab his face and kiss him.
Finally, he kissed me. A long, soft passionate kiss. I pulled back and looked at me. I was almost too dizzy to say anything.
"Is that all you got, Black?" He growled at my remark and attacked my mouth. He pushed his tongue past my lips and started searching around. I nibbled on his lower lip slightly and let out a low moan. He growled and pushed me hard, onto my bed. He kissed me and I didn't hold back. I started roaming my tongue around his mouth and sucked on his lower lip. He pushed my shirt up and flicked his thumb over my nipple. I let out a slight gasp and he snickered.
He caressed my breasts and squeezed them. I let out a long moan. It's been a while since a guy has touched me like that. He went lower to my neck, and then to my chest. He sucked on my right nipple and licked it. I grabbed his hair, and started rubbing my core against his. He felt so big and hard. He let out a groan. I pulled his face back up to mine and kissed him. I pulled my shirt off and pushed him back. It was my turn to take charge now. He obeyed and laid down. I straddled his hips and gripped his shoulders. We started kissing, and I started moving my hips over his covered erection. He groaned and gripped my ass hard. My hands traveled south, lingering on his chest, and to his button and zipper. I popped open his button and pulled down his zipper.
His cock flung out, and it sure was a sight. We both moaned and I took him into my hand and started pumping him with long and slow stokes. "Fuck." He gripped my ass harder. I scooted lower so I was face to face with his cock. I flicked the head with my tongue. I licked the precum off and took him in my mouth. He sighed and moved my hair out of my face so he could get a better view. I could feel him thrusting is hips slightly and I gripped his thigh.
He pulled my face to his and kissed me, tasting himself on my lips.
"My turn." He said with a very mischievous look, it almost scared me. He lunged at my mouth and sucked on my tongue, leaving me breathless. He laid over me and gave my breast a tight squeeze, making me let out a whimper. He moved his hands down to my shorts and tore them off me and down my legs. I opened my legs to him so he could see. I was dripping with so much want, it felt like I was the one to explode. He stared at my womanhood and breathed through in his nose. He licked his lips and rubbed my thighs. He put his face in front of my pussy. He licked me long and slowly. I sucked in my breathed and gripped the sheets. He started attacking my clit with his tongue. His tongue was rough and fast. I wouldn't let myself come undone just yet. He inserted his middle finger and I moaned. "Fuck. Ahh." He moved his finger in deeper, while suckling my clit. He started nibbling and thrust a second finger in. That did it. "Shit Jake." I gripped his hair so tight and wrapped my legs around him. I came and he still wanted more. He pumped his fingers in and out of me so fast I could see stars. He curled his fingers and hit my g-spot like ten times. After the third time I came, he lapped at my juices and sat up. He spread my juices over his cock and started pumping it.
"Just fuck me. I have enough lubrication, trust me."
He gave me a wicked smile. "If I could barely fit two fingers into that tight little pussy of yours, then how do you expect me to fit inside you?"
"Like this." I lunged at him and straddled him. I took his dick in my hand and lowered myself on him. I slid in all the way, fast. We both let out groans, mine probably louder.
"See," I grimaced, "That wasn't so hard." I grinned at him.
He rolled his eyes and grimaced. "Fuck you're so damn tight. Give me a minute to stretch you out." He rubbed my thighs and his hands traveled up my breasts and gave them a squeeze. I couldn't stand it. I moved up and down slowly. I gripped his shoulders and started moving my hips fast. He gripped my ass so hard, I felt it bruising already. He moved my hips up and slammed them down on his hard cock.
"Fuck!" Ugh I almost screamed. I bit down onto Jake's shoulder to muffle my moans. He began thrusting into me hard and fast. I couldn't let him control all of this, so I pushed him further into the bed. I ground my hips into him hard and began moving them so fast he couldn't keep up. I sneered down at him and he growled. He lunged at me hard and moved himself between my legs. He positioned himself and thrust hard into my entrance. I moved my legs up and he gripped them and put both over his shoulders. He began kissing and nibbling at my neck. I grabbed his back and gripped him hard. I smelled blood, and he liked it. The harder I gripped him, the harder and faster he thrust into me. I came so hard I finally screamed, "Jacob!"
At hearing me scream his name, he came inside me. He pumped the last of his seed in me and fell over next to me, breathing heavily. I looked over at him, and he did the same. We both let out a sigh and said, "Fuck." In unison. I'm screwed.
This became a daily routine of ours. But one night, in his sleep, Jacob moaned my name, and said he loves me. After that we kind of became exclusive. A couple I guess. I just don't like titles. It didn't take long for everyone on the Rez to find out. No matter how much sneaking around you do, they all eventually find out. The most awkward thing was one night when my mom walked in on Jake eating me out. It was awkward for them for a little while, but they got over it. Nobody necessarily like the idea of us, but they kept their comments to themselves.
We fought all of the time. It was either over something small and stupid, or they were big outburst where we went days without talking to each other. I must admit, it's not one of the healthiest relationships I've been in, but I loved him. I loved him so much it hurt. It felt like I could lose him at any moment. I never would admit this to him of course.
We would fight over the remote, sex positions, games, and the smallest things like not changing the sheets for days. We always teased each other. We pushed ourselves so much just to find out who can go the farthest. Both too competitive beings, fighting for the same thing.
Because of my internship of becoming a doctor, I was excused from patrolling and phasing. It's been a few months and one day I got my period. I was so shocked and surprised. Damn, I forgot how much they hurt. But on the upside, when I ovulate, the sex is so much better.
We finally took the biggest step ever, and moved in together. Our small two bedroom house was constantly a mess. But every Sunday, I devoted that day to cleaning and make Jake get off his lazy ass and do the laundry. It wasn't exactly a mansion, but we loved it, and it was ours.
After I got home late from my twelve hour shift, I nearly collapsed on our bed. Jake didn't even stir. I slept for maybe two hours when I woke up with a jolt of nausea. I ran to our bathroom and puked my guts up. Well there goes my tuna salad and yogurt, oh and Doritos. I can't remember the last time I ever got sick, but it couldn't have been this bad. I puked up everything from my stomach. I didn't even hear him come in, but he held my hair and rubbed my back.
"Go away Jake, this is gross." I smacked his hand away.
"Shut up Leah. Will you ever just let me hold you and comfort you?" He looked frusturated.
"What are you talking about? You hold me every night." He's being annoying. I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and brushed my teeth. His hands were balled up in fists at his side.
"Get out, I need a shower." I shooed him away and turned on the hot water. He didn't move.
"Take off your clothes." He ordered me.
I was so not in the mood to be bossed around. "No."
"Take off your clothes." He used his alpha command. I couldn't help but obey this. I threw my scrubs off, unhooked my bra, and stepped out of my underwear. I stood in front of him naked, and the way he looked at me made me so wet. He pulled down his sweats and stepped out of them. His member was standing at full attention, throbbing with anticipation. He stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.
"I love you so much Leah. I hate when you resist me. I hate it when we fight." He nuzzled my neck and held me.
"I know." That was all I had to say. He ground his erection into my ass, and moved his hand to my dripping core.
"Get in." His bossiness always turned me on .I obeyed and stepped in the shower. He followed and whispered into my ear, "Bend over and hold on to the wall." I let out a moan and obeyed. He hissed when he felt me bend. He slipped into me so easily and started pumping into me. I loved it when he let the beast take over him. But he was still the man I loved, and the man that I loved would never hurt me.
He pulled my hair back and gripped my ass with the other. He knew I liked it hard. I was never much for hair pulling, but Jake got me into it after one night of exploring. He slammed into me so hard I almost lost my footing. He caught me and held me like a small child. He turned off the water and wrapped me in a towel and held me in bed all night.
A few nights later, after a big fight, I woke up with agonizing pain and Jacob yelling my name. He pulled off our sheets and there was blood everywhere. It was coming from between my legs.