THE HOGWARTS TRAGEDY
Summary: Harry Is as arrogant as Snape always believed. After being treated so badly for ten years of his life, he should deserve somthing better, right? Right. One-Shot. Warning for a LOT of hilarity...Rated K.
"Our new...celebrity," Snape sneered.
"Of course I'm a celebrity, Professor," Harry responded in surprise. "I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, aren't I?"
"Just as arrogant as your father, Potter!" Snape sneered.
"Oh, it's only arrogance if it's for no reason. But I have a reason, right? I'm the Boy-Who-Lived!"
"Potter, there will be none of that in my classroom," Snape said.
"Oh? But I'm the Boy-Who-Lived!" Harry said, with an air of surprise. "I get special treatment. Right, guys?" he said, turning to look at his classmates.
His classmates looked at each other, amused.
"Well, you did banish You-Know-Who," Ron said cautiously. "and you've been living with those horrid Muggles. I say it's time for you to finally get your reward! Far as I know, nothing happened other than you became a celebrity."
"See?" Harry said triumphantly. "I DO deserve special treatment!"
Snape groaned. "We need to do somthing about this."
"Oh no, I'm the Boy-Who-Lived! We DON'T need to do anything about it!"
"Come with me, Potter"
"I already know the way!"
"You don't even know where we are going!"
"Of course I do! I'm the Boy-Who-Lived!"
"Now it's getting out of hand," Snape grumbled.
"You're - "
"Can we just have our Potions lesson already?" Hermione Granger demanded. "Or is Potions the place where Professors argue with eleven-year-olds instead of teaching? No disrespect, Professor Snape," she added.
"I'm taking Potter to the Headmaster's office, as he is too arrogant for his own good!"
Hermione decided she wouldn't argue with the professor - she'd already made her point, anyway.
"Come, Potter," Snape spat.
Harry followed, shaking his head the whole way.
"Headmaster, this... boy is as arrogant as his father!" Snape spat.
"Why, Severus, what happened?"
"Potter happened! 'The Harry Potter', 'the Boy-Who-Lived' is as arrogant as his father, and I won't have it! At least not in my classroom. He demands special attention, and -"
"I am not arrogant!" Harry interrupted. "I just get special treatment for getting rid of You-Know-Who and enduring the Dursleys for ten years!"
"Well, from everyone else's perspecitve, it is a bit arrogant, Harry -"
"Don't address me as Harry! I am the Boy-Who-Lived, use my title!"
"This is - " Snape fumed
"I see." Dumbledore responded. "Hmm."
"Don't escalate it, Dumbledore," Snape said tiredly.
"I know!" Dumbledore said. "I'll teach Harry's class."
"But sir!" Snape protested. "That's special treatment! And I need that classroom!"
"Oh, you'll keep you're classroom, I'll use a different one."
"But it's special treatment! It'll go to his head!"
"Thank you, Headmaster Dumbledore," Harry said. "I can't wait to tell the rest of Gryffindor that our class will be taught by Professor Dumbledore! And they will think me as the best even more, for getting them out of classes with the batlike greasy git!"
"Twenty-five points from Gryffindor, Potter!" Snape snapped. "You will address a teacher with the respect due!"
"I'm the one due respect, Snape! I defeated You-Know-W- actually, it'd be much easier to invent a name for him, rather than saying You-Know-Who all the time. What about Tom? Tom's easy enough, and it's not so scary that way, either. Tom it is!" Harry proclaimed. "Anyway, I don't owe you respect, I defeated Tom! Actually, calling him Tom makes it sound like I beat up a little boy. I'll - what's his real name anyway?"
"Before he was Voldemort? He was a Tom before he was Voldemort."
"Voldemort! I'll just call him Voldemort! That's a ton scary, and nobody else says it, so I'll prove I was Gryffindor for a reason!" Harry puffed out his chest.
"Dumbledore, I demand you do somthing!" Snape cried. "I don't want to encounter him anymore!"
"I'll think about it. Now, you should get back to your class." Dumbledore said gently.
Snape grumbled the whole way out.
(Harry's fifth year, during the Christmas Holidays)
"Severus, would you do me the favour of teaching Harry Potter Occlumency?"
"NO! I've told you before, and I'll tell you again, I won't have anything to do with Potter at all!"
"But, Severus - "
"But nothing!" Snape returned. "I'll not teach him Occlumency! Couldn't you do it?"
"I suppose."
(Some time later...)
"Severus, would you teach the boy Occlumency tomorrow? I will be too busy for the next week or so to do it."
"Fine. But I will not be responsible for my actions if he does somthing uncalled-for."
"I thought Professor Dumbledore was teaching me!" Harry cried in astonishment.
"I am doing it today, Potter, as the Headmaster is busy."
"I get special treatment!" Harry asserted. "Call in the Headmaster."
"No, Potter, I - what was that?" Snape dashed out the door.
"Special treatment!" Harry crowed when he saw the Pensieve sitting on the desk to the side. "In I go!"
"POTTER!" Snape hollered.
"I get special treatment!" Harry asserted again.
"THat does NOT give you the right to go looking through my memories!" Snape spat.
"but I'm the Boy-Who-Lived!" Harry said in astonishement. "I have the right to do anything!"
"NO YOU DON'T!" Snape screeched.
"I'm the Boy-Who-Lived!" Harry announced again. "I get special treatment! And STOP yelling at me and show some proper respect!"
"What has Dumbledore been doing for the last five years," Snape moaned to hiumself, sitting down. "I will not tolerate that, Potter!"
"I see! I'll do what my father did! That'll cure you of your being a batlike greasy git!" Harry said, brandishing his wand. "Levicorpus!"
"POTTER!" Snape hollered, waving his wand and righting himself. "Come with me!"
Harry smirked to himself and followed Snape. As they were stepping down the stairs, Harry decided to get revenge. He cast a Stinging Hex at Snape's back.
Snape hollered and jumped, tumbling down the stairs. "Ha ha!" Harry crowed. "special treatment! See you later!" he said gleefully. "I can get away with anything!"
(Harry's Sixth Year, near the end of the year.)
"Harry, would you like to accompany me while I gather a Horcrux?"
"Yes! Special treatment!" Harry said.
"No, Harry, I will drink the potion. You have to make sure that I - "
"But I get special treatment!" Harry argued. "I'm the Boy-Who-Lived! It won't kill me!"
"If you must, Harry," Dumbledore said weakly.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH" Harry screeeched, when he began drinking the potion. "AHHHHHHHHHH STOP IT NOW I GET SPECIAL TREAMENT! STOP NOW DON'T YOU DARE KILL MY MOTHER I GET SPECIAL TREATMENT! I AM THE BOY-WHO-LIVED! YOU DON'T GET TO KILL MY MOTHER! AHHHHHHHH!"
"Oh dear," Dumbledore mumbled.
"WATER! I GET SPECIAL TREAMENT!" Harry screeched, when the potion was done. "WATER! NOW!"
"Oh dear," Dumbledore mumbled. "If you must,"
When the Inferi began climbing out of the water, Harry hollered again. "I GET SPECIAL TREATMENT! GET BACK IN THE WATER! I AM NOT GOING TO DIE!" Harry screeched.
The Inferi climbed back in the water. Harry looked at Dumbledore. "Give that memory to the greasy git. Having special treatment works."
"No it does not, they are coming out behind you," Dumbledore said mildly.
"Get us out, then! I'm not gonna die just because that Voldemort decided to leave dead people here!"
"I can't, Harry, I - "
"I GET SPECIAL TREATMENT!" Harry screeched in Dumbledore's face.
"Oh dear. I think we are going to die."
"All your fault, Headmaster," Harry said smugly. "And a correction: you are going to die. Not me. I'm the Boy-Who-Lived."
"Merlin, Harry, that means nothing!"
"Yes, it does!"
The Inferi grabbed Harry from behind. "AHHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF! NOW! I'M THE BOY-WHO-LIVED! GET OFF ME!"
Dumbledore was grabbed from behind. "Oh dear. My next great adventure is right on schedule, if an hour earlier than I thought," Dumbledore said mildly. "I hope Severus doesn't die."
"Merlin, you care about the greasy git? I'm DYING over here!"
"I am sorry, Harry I truly - " Dumbledore started gurgling as the Inferi pulled him under the water.
"Dumbledore, get back - AHHH!"
"Where is Harry?" Ron asked McGonagall.
"I don't know. Only that he left on an adventure with the Headmaster a bit ago. They should be back by now," McGonagall asnwered, worriedly.
"HArry! Dumbledore! Get over here, Hogwarts is dying!" Ron cried.
"Oh dear. I lost the old manipulator and the arrogant Potter spawn," Snape said mildly."I should be yelling in delight, but I think Hogwarts is being overrun. Good-bye, dunderheads!" Snape said, his voice rising in glee.
"Bloody - bloody Merlin, mate, just come save us already. Special treatment has to count for somthing, right"? Ron said weakly, as he bled out on the cold stone floor of the Entrance Hall.
"I am the Boy-Who-Lived!" came an odd voice. "I get special treatment! I will live on forever!"
"HARRY!" Ron hollered. "YOU'RE DEAD!"
"Of course I am. So's Dumbledore, but he's not a ghost."
"But... you're the Boy-Who-Lived! You can't die!"
"I think that one part was exaggerated," Harry's ghost said sadly. "Apparently, I'm only invulnerable to Voldemort."
"Merlin, Harry," Ron said weakly. Then he died.
"What's the use of being a ghost if everyone's dead?" Harry complained. "Oh! I'll go see Moaning Myrtle. She said she'd always have room for me when I died. Maybe I'll be happy, finally, instead of needing to demand special treatment."
Author's Note:
How do you like it? It's hilarious and rediculous, all in one. Also, Arrogant!Harry was fun to write. Even if he seems WAY out of character...