Sat in that skanky little motel room, munching on the hamburger that whale paid for, I hated myself.
I hated myself for forcing myself to take his big V. I hated myself for degrading myself like that. But most of all, I hated myself for betraying Britt.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten into that fight with her. I just knew it.
After a particularly steamy make-out session, I met her eyes. "Britt?"
"Yeah?"
"I've been thinking about Coach Sue's assignment. I don't know who to pick. I mean, I know we're the hottest girls in school and can get anyone we want..."
Not exactly true.
"...but that makes it harder to choose. I want a guy who'll boost my rep, y'know. And you have to approve as well. Obviously."
Something changed in her face. "Do we have to talk about this after sweet lady kisses?" she replied, bitterly. I wasn't used to her speaking like that. I definitely touched a nerve. I tried to joke around a bit to brush it off because I really didn't like it.
"What? It's not like I'm cheating on you or anything" I laughed nervously "You're my best friend with benefits. Just because I'm gonna have a piece of man candy on my arm doesn't mean that's gonna change. Business as usual, right?"
I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that I'd said the wrong thing. Brittany pouted and I moved in to hug her. Pushing me away, she said: "What are you asking me this? If you're not cheating then why do you need my permission?"
"Because you're my best friend!" I whined, trying to make her see I was sorry.
"Yeah, with benefits. I know" she snapped, her tone of voice totally uncharacteristic.
Then, she grabbed her backpack and left my bedroom.
"Britt? Where are you going?" I called after her.
"I just realized I have to clear the cigarette butts from Lord Tubbington's bed, okay?" she replied, her voice thick and eyes averted.
I knew it was a badly constructed excuse but I let her go. There was no point in forcing her to stay. I felt so guilty for making her cry. I didn't get why she was so upset though. It wasn't like she was in love with me or anything? Right?
The next day, she told me she was dating her sister's friend and and that I should sleep with Finnocence. I should've noticed that something was off but I listened to her, trying to make up for how I acted the night before.
Later, sat in bed with one Finn Hudson, I knew she only said that to get back at me. Brittany definitely had a mean streak, even it was hidden most of the time.
I lost all my appetite. I wasn't even hungry anymore. The burger tasted like shit anyway. I couldn't bring myself to eat the rest.
I was too disgusted by myself.