Disclaimer: All characters are not owned by me and are used without permission solely for the entertainment of fan-fiction readers.
Author's Note: This fic is the follow-up to my story "If Only". I decided that after writing things from the "Old Wounds" episode from Barbara's perspective, it would be interesting to try to write it from Dick's point of view.
Prologue
It was a calm, quiet night in Gotham City. Or so it seemed. There was never a quiet night in the city of the Bat. The silence was disturbed by the roar of a motorcycle speeding through the city streets. It cut like an arrow through the night, faster and faster. The figure riding it drove with purpose, anger flaring in his eyes.
How could they lie like this to me? How could SHE lie to me like that?
I was so angry, it made me shake, threatening to steer me clear off the road. But I could have hardly noticed. I felt too betrayed at that point to care. I had to get away. Get away from him and his rules, his hold on my life. He had betrayed my trust. Not only that, he had betrayed what he was supposed to stand for. Justice. I could see now that he was beyond that now. It was all about revenge now.
When I arrived at the cave, Alfred questioned me, but I brushed him aside and stormed up into the manor. I didn't even bother to change out of my costume. I gathered only what I needed from my room, leaving behind all my cherished items from childhood. And what kind of childhood could it be called? I had been torn from whatever childhood I could have hoped to have when my parents died. After that, all I could remember was sadness. And anger. So much anger.
Bruce had taken me in, and when I found out about his nighttime activities, I had been drawn to the simplicity of it. Taking my anger out on the criminals of the city in the name of justice, it was too good to be true. I could channel it all towards a greater good. So I became a believer of Bruce's crusade, blindly following him into nightly battle. I was so young back then, so naïve. But for me, it was the time of my life. I felt like I finally had a purpose.
But year after year it became harder. I began to see things. Things a young boy like me shouldn't have to know about. And soon my eyes were opened to the reality of this so called crusade I had become a part of. It wasn't like in the fairy tales where good prevailed against evil. No, it was far from it. In this world, there was not really a good versus evil. Sometimes good had to perform evils in order to stop it.
Was it possible to cross the line in the process? Cross that line between justice and plain old revenge, or even worse? Sometimes I wondered just how close to that thin line we were treading. There were many things I should have done differently, tried to stop, interfered somehow. But it was all easier said than done. Once certain things are set into motion, it's hard to stop them. All I could do now was wonder what if?
I packed just one duffle bag full of clothes and gave my room one last look over. The circus posters on the walls looked back at me, reminding me of a childhood that could have been. Memories that were long gone. The pictures by my bed were those of happy times, even if they had been tainted with the nightly dealings I participated in. Barbara's face was the one that stood out the most. It sat there, mocking me of my present situation.
I pelt a pang in my chest. Barbara. The betrayal was more than I could bear. She never told me. I could hardly blame her though, for I hardly been truthful to her either. But, for some reason, I had held her to a higher standard that I had myself. She had been the one pure, innocent thing in my life. And now that image of her had been shattered. Just the thought of her having to deal with the atrocities I knew lurked in the night . . . I didn't even want to imagine.
I shut the door to my room, closing the door forever on my youth and everything I had once believed in. I no longer trusted Bruce. I couldn't stand by and allow him to continue this masquerade. It was something I no longer believed in. And I certainly did not want to end up like him. Alone. I could somewhat comprehend the extent of why he was so bitter now. But at this point, I didn't really care. He didn't deserve my compassion. No, he certainly didn't.
My footsteps echoed through the main hall as I exited the manor. I hardly gave Alfred a second glance, though it pained me to do so. It was truly admirable, the way he stood by Bruce. He had never waivered in his loyalty to the man he had raised from a boy. It only made me wonder if he knew the truths about what Bruce did at night. But that still didn't excuse me leaving without saying goodbye to him. But it had to be done. He could easily persuade me to stay. And that was something I could not do.
I walked down the long driveway of Wayne Manor, taking in my final moments in the place I had called home for so long. I had left my Robin costume discarded on my bed, not even bothering to fold it neatly as Alfred had taught me. I sighed as I reached my bike and started the engine. The mask was probably still on the rooftop where the end had occured. The end of Robin and the end of my time here in Gotham City. I gave one final glance back at the beautiful estate before speeding out the main gate.
That night changed my life. There were so many emotions that I never thought I could feel. It all happened so fast, sometimes I can't believe it. But it did happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. Things change.