Cold Nights
By Blue Roses
Email: blue_roses42@hotmail.com
Website: www.geocities.com/blue_roses42/
Pairing: Max/Michael
Rating: pg
Summary: One cold night, Max realises that there are more possibilities for happiness than he realises.
This is m/m *slash*. That means it contains gay themes, so if you don't like the thought of that, please don't read it, it'll make us both feel better if you don't. If you do like it, please enjoy. I had a go with a slightly different style from my usual, and I hope you like it. This is a new fandom and a new pairing for me, it's short, but I quite liked doing this.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed here, and I am not making any money out of them. This is done purely for entertainment purposes.
()()()()()()()()()
I meet him outside, in the frozen night, when I know he will be walking home. It is dark, and the stars seem even further away than usual. It's been a hard few days for him, and that is reflected in his expression. "Michael" I say, and he jumps, not having seen me, being too wrapped up in whatever he is thinking about.
He greets me more warmly than I would have expected, the underlying friction that seems to often inform our relationship curiously absent. If I were interrupted in my thoughts on a night like this I might be more frosty, but he asks me why I am here without any hostility.
"I just wanted to see if you were ok." I say, and it's true, but not true enough. I wanted more than that, but I don't know how to express what I wanted. I wanted to be near him, because being there meant I wasn't alone. I can feel isolated in a room full of people, but when he is there, I am never like that. He makes me alive, whether it is to fight with him, or against him, or simply to talk as we are doing now.
"You know" he says, looking into me, and not at me at all, "We're not human."
I look at him in surprise for the non sequitur. Of course I knew that. Why did he say it? "I know" I say, allowing my confusion to creep into my voice. He'd know what it was I didn't understand, he always seemed to know what I was thinking better than I did myself.
"Then why do you think we have to act like them? Why do you accept all their values without questioning them first?" he looks angry when he says this, and I know he's getting at something, but I can't work out what it is. "First it was Liz. You wanted the whole normal family, lots of kids, perfect romance sort of thing. When will you realise that that's not what you should be looking for."
I start to tell him that he's forgotten about what happened between me and Liz, that he's forgotten about Tess, but he hasn't, and pausing only to catch his breath he continues.
"Then there's the whole thing with Tess. Human values haven't quite worked out for you, so you take the word of the next person that turns up for what you should be doing. I've got nothing against Tess, but couldn't you have thought that there might be other choices for you? You don't have to be with someone just because you've been with them before. You can't even remember it properly. How do you know you weren't forced into marrying her or something?" Michael looks at me almost desperately.
I was sure he was working his way towards a point, but he stopped. I can't work out what it was. I'm sitting here in silent confusion, wishing he would say something, so I say something to encourage him "So, what do you think I should do?"
That sets him off again "That's exactly what you shouldn't do. I'm telling you to follow your own feelings, not anyone else's. Do what you think you should."
I still think he's not telling me what he wants to tell me. All that desperation for something like this? It can't be, there must be something else. Yet, he seems to believe in what he's saying. I look at him to try and see what he is thinking, but as usual, I am thrown into even more confusion.
His eyes are on a level with mine, and he is close to me, right next to me. I am struck by the nearness of him, as if it is a sense memory. I lean into him, wanting to touch him, so I could really see his thoughts, and he stays entirely still, almost as if frozen.
Although the night is as cold as it gets here, I don't feel it, I feel warm, connected, fully alive.
It strikes me suddenly. Why would he be complaining about Liz and Tess if he didn't think I shouldn't go out with them. If he weren't jealous.
The last word echoes in my head, and I tentatively lean even closer. He doesn't move, which I take to be an assent. If Michael doesn't like something, he'll run or fight, he's not the sort to stay silent. Perhaps he does want me, perhaps I do want him. Possibilities stir in my mind, and my decision is made.
Screwing my courage up, I finish the move and kiss him.
He opens up to me, and the connection is instant and confusing, yet somehow familiar. I have done this a million times, and I feel their echoes in my mind and in his.
This is the closest I have been to home, and on this cold night, I don't think anything else can come this close to warming me.
End.