so basically i made a debtam edit to happier by ed sheeran (you can find it on my twitter (weiszagron), insta and youtube channel (anneshathagay) if you wanna check it out) which inspired this thing i wrote.
For Tammy, whenever Debbie looked at her, it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from her lungs.
Every time Debbie kissed her, it felt like the world stopped, leaving just the two of them.
Every time Debbie held her face between her hands, it felt like she was untying all of her knots, holding her in the arms she'd grown so accustomed to.
This is what falling in love was like, a story you never wanted to end. For so long, Tammy had longed for it and she couldn't bare to lose it once she got it.
But she did lose it.
So, what now?
"Debs? Did you accidentally dial my number again?" Tammy answers the phone, confused as to why Debbie's calling her when the blonde's beentrying to distance herself from everyone since the heist.
"No, I actually need to talk to you about something." Debbie says, biting her bottom lip.
Tammy momentarily forgets how to breathe. She hates those words. She hadn't heard them since Debbie broke up with her all those years ago.
"Oh, what about?" Tammy needs to know before she ends up having a panic attack.
She should be over this by now.
"Can you just come over? You'll see." Debbie hangs up right then and there.
That short conversation was enough to send Tammy back to a time she never wants to revisit.
Tammy still remembers that one night, tracing Debbie's lip lightly with the tip of her finger.
It pouted slightly, and Tammy had such an urge to bite it, to kiss it, to wrap them up in a quilt and just listen to their gentle breathing while sharing crooked smiles.
Debbie's lip felt slightly chapped under Tammy's feather light touches but she simply could not have brought herself to gazed so intently and she didn't want to look up. Because if she looked up, she may find herself staring at eyes, pleading, begging to know what she was doing when she wasn't at liberty to say because she simply did not know.
"Do I love you?" Tammy could not form an answer with her lips because she was so focused on Debbie's.
She does have an answer now but, it's clearly too late.
The memory passes, and Tammy wishes she had known just how painful her fixation on Debbie's lips would be, because loving the rest of her was torture, and sometimes she looks back and wonders if she could have even stopped herself, warned herself away from the heartbreak that was to come.
Would she have even listened?
But what's sad is, Tammy would do it all over again if it meant being with Debbie.
She feels like she should be ashamed of that somehow. Yet she prefers to be strong; strong enough to risk being broken all over again, to love again, knowing her own fragility.
She's known heartbreak enough to shatter her mind, to leave her soul feeling like dust in the wind and her body unwilling to live.
But, honestly, Debbie would be worth it.
That's when she remembers something else.
Tammy's hand reached for Debbie's and they interlocked as they kissed tentatively, passionately and then, tenderly.
Debbie pulled the thick sweater up over Tammy's head and she felt little sparks of static. She wasn't sure whether they were from her sweater or if they were from where Debbie's hands gently skimmed her skin, but either way, it was a magical feeling.
Debbie's lips pressed against hers with passion, love, and affection as her warm hands roamed all over her naked body, leaving a trail of sparks in their wake.
"You're so beautiful." Debbie whispered as Tammy wrinkled her nose in protest
"Shut up and kiss me." Tammy whispered back.
Debbie's lips gently brushed Tammy's and she could smell her minty breath as their naked bodies pressed together.
Debbie slowly massaged Tammy's breast as they kissed, causing the blonde to arch her back and moan softly into her mouth. She rolled her head to the side, her chest rising and falling dramatically under her influence.
Tammy smiled into the kiss as her fingers tugged at Debbie's hair and her other hand scratching at her back.
"Debbie, I love you." Tammy whispered as their eyes made contact.
Tammy shakes her head and attempts to regain her breathing.
She remembers the first time she said 'I love you' to Debbie so vividly as much as she wishes she didn't.
Debbie didn't say it back at the time but Tammy didn't mind. She knew how hard it was for her to get those three simple yet complicated words out.
Tammy was patient with Debbie. She was always with her and encouraged any sign of progress in terms of showing affection since that's obviously not easy for someone with abandonment issues.
Showing affection to someone when they could be gone in a split second.
As patient as Tammy was, Debbie always beat herself up for not being able to be the loving girlfriend her partner deserved.
Well, that is the reason Debbie broke it off after years of dating. She felt like Tammy deserved better and she would just be wasting her time.
Debbie thought she was helping her but what she didn't think about was how badly this would affect Tammy to this day because she did get Debbie and didn't mind her needing time.
But, it's now clear to Tammy it was for the best and it was actually Debbie the one who deserved better and that's what she got when she met Lou.
"Okay, I need to stop dwelling on this." Tammy says, wiping away the few tears that managed to escape her.
She was glad her kids were out camping with their father so they wouldn't have to see her like this.
"I'm here!" Tammy calls out as soon as she enters Lou and Debbie's place for the first time in a long time.
"Tammy!"
Before she even has a chance to answer, she's pretty much attacked by the entire group of girls hugging her and nearly tackling her to the floor.
Well, the entire group except for Debbie.
"Oh my god, we missed you so much!" Daphne mentions, being the first there to hug Tammy.
"Wait, you did?" Tammy asks when they all pull away, genuinely shocked she was missed especially by Daphne.
"Of course!" Daphne exclaims immediately. "Where have you been?"
"Oh, you know, busy taking care of the kids and stuff." Tammy simply replies
Not entirely a lie but also not entirely the truth.
"It's great to see you again, Tam-Tam." Debbie shoots her a smile from across the room.
"It's great to see you too, Debs." Tammy returns it. "So, why are we all here? Don't tell me it's another heist."
"No, it's not that," Debbie chuckles before approaching her best friend. "Remember last time we talked? You said that more than one thing can make me happy, right?"
Tammy nods and she seems confident but she genuinely feels like she's about to pass out. The not knowing is killing her inside.
"Well, I just needed you here because I couldn't have done what I'm about to do if it wasn't for you."
Debbie then turns to Lou and gets down on one knee, Tammy's smile dropping in the process.
"I've never been good with words so I'm going to keep this short and simple," Everyone is watching on the verge of tears, Tammy for an entirely different reason, as Debbie pulls out a small velvet box and opens it to reveal a ring with a diamond, clearly belonging to the Toussaint on it.
"Well, I have a diamond now. Will you marry me?"
"Took you long enough." Lou simply says with a smile as she pulls Debbie off the floor and leans in as they share a passionate kiss while the entire room cheers, Tammy looking on with as much a smile she could muster on the spot, not allowing herself to think about the fact the night Debbie broke up with her was the night Tammy was planning on proposing.
Guess she wasn't enough.
When Debbie pulls away, she comes up to Tammy with a grateful smile as she mouths 'thank you' before wrapping her arms around her.
"Seriously, I never would've been able to do this without you," Debbie says, frowning after getting a good look at Tammy's face after the hug."Are you crying?"
"I'm just…" To say Tammy is struggling to find words is an understatement. "I'm really happy for you. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world." Tammy finally says with a teary smile.
"So do you. Please never doubt that." Debbie leaves off before walking away which is exactly when Tammy's smile drops.
"Hey, where are you going?" Daphne walks over, noticing Tammy was heading for the door and finding tear tracks below her eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah, that was just really emotional I guess," Tammy gets out before wiping her eyes. "And I have to go pick up my kids now."
"Wait!" Daphne stops Tammy in her tracks once again. "I said this before but I know bad acting when I see it and you're clearly not okay." Daphne reaches for her hand. "I'm going with you."
"Don't you have a movie to film?" Tammy questions while they were heading out.
"It can wait. This is more important." Daphne says with sympathetic smile as she squeezes Tammy's hand.
Daphne could be a fresh start but Tammy has lived long enough to know that what she shares with Debbie can't be replicated with another.
That love, that feeling, is just Debbie and Tammy no matter the ending.
Tammy believes she could travel the world and the seven seas, yet she'd still have to come right back here if she wanted true love. It's not that nobody else wants her, or Debbie, but that they were born to spark and run the same course.
They're basically the protectors of one another, confidents and true friends. The trust Tammy gives Debbie, that Debbie gives Tammy, is what keeps them safe in this world, in this life.
So whether Tammy's heart beats another day or another hundred years, it will always belong to her.
But at least Debbie looks happier now.
And honestly, so does Tammy.
obviously listen to happier by ed sheeran if you want this to be even sadder than it already is.