This plot bunny has been nagging me for the past few weeks. I'll admit this short-fic is inspired by Kitana/McDonald's memes that's been floating around.

I wanted to write another fic featuring Jade pestering our favorite royal ninja. And this is what my mind came up with! I decided to add Liu Kang at the last minute because… have y'all seen him in the MK11 Story Mode and his official reveal trailers? He. Is. Fine. As. FUCK! Now his voice on the other hand… eh…

I know it's weird that I'm a Kitana fan who's having a good laugh at the memes. Most Kitana fans are upset. I'm not upset because I make fun of everyone else's favorite characters. My favorite character isn't exempt from this. And anyone with a sliver of common sense knows Kitana isn't fat. That ugly, bulky, periwinkle-colored armor/Dark Empress jumpsuit NRS put her in makes her look fat. That's all. If you read Edenian Nights… you can consider this to be a sequel to it. It's not absolutely necessary to read it if you haven't but you'll get a better understanding of certain things in this fic if you did. The fic is available on my DW account.

Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Kombat nor am I affiliated with the series. The series belongs to Netherrealm Studios, the WB and Ed Boon and 'em. I don't work for those companies or people; I write for fun.

Summary: Jade confronts Kitana about her sudden weight gain, which festers insecurities in the Edenian Queen's mind. Thankfully Liu Kang is around to ease her uncertainties.

Genres: AU/Humor/Friendship/Mild Romance

Warnings: This short-fic is rated M for Mature! It's mostly humor-laced, but it will feature a little bit of sexy time between our favorite Kouple. This short-fic isn't explicit though. But I have to rate it M because it features implied sex. This fic will also joke about weight gain. If that subject makes you uncomfortable, you have options.

1. Click your browser's Back button (the arrow pointing to the left) at the top-left corner of your screen.
2. Click the X at the top-right corner of your screen. Regardless of your choice, you won't see this fic anymore. I'm not homogenizing my writing to abate anyone's triggers. Your comfort isn't my responsibility! My fic is rated properly. You have to decide if you still want to proceed.

One more thing if you do choose to proceed: I received a critique on my one-shot Reconnaissance from someone mentioning they don't like reading fics where the timelines are merged. It was a fair critique and I can understand anyone who reads my MK fics may become frustrated. I have a tendency to merge certain events from both the old and new timelines. And while the critique is fair, I have no intention of writing fics featuring one or the other timeline. I enjoy taking inspiration from both the old school and the new school to create something new. I like the idea of pursuing "what-if" scenarios (I have an AU addiction). Just thought I'd give you guys a heads-up if you decide to read this. And the revenants never existed in this fic.

McArgus'

Unnamed City, Edenia

The Edenian Queen gripped the railing of her large balcony. She stood looking out into the vast Royal Courtyard, past the colorful trees with leaves of an array of oranges, reds, yellows, and browns. It was early fall in Edenia, but the temperature was still fairly warm in the late afternoon.

Kitana's dark brown eyes looked beyond the picturesque scene and into the distant mountains of her home realm. It was rare the royal kunoichi could enjoy times of privacy to herself. Her duties and governmental responsibilities to her realm and her people kept her busy with the Regal Council.

A soft, rueful sigh fell from the fan-wielder's lips as her mind drifted to memories of her beloved, Liu Kang. It's been six months since the sapphire assassin's official coronation as Queen of Edenia. Her mind replayed to that day—more specifically—the night they shared. It was the night the Champion of Earthrealm gave her the greatest gift one could ever receive from their lover. Liu Kang shared his innocence with her on that unforgettable, special night—the night the two of them consummated their relationship and became one.

It was a shame the Shaolin warrior couldn't be here with her despite desiring to have his presence near. It was their duties and political differences that kept them apart.

As the two-time Champion of Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang had to return to Earthrealm as its defender until the next tournament. Kitana, of course, had to remain in Edenia to rule over and protect her own people, so she understood why the White Lotus member couldn't be here with her. It was a bittersweet price the sapphire assassin paid for falling in love with a foreigner from another realm.

The royal Heiress felt her cheeks warm as her face flushed scarlet at the memory of their coupling. More heat began to increase as Kitana looked down at her attire. She wore the exact gown from her grand celebration and the flashback came at full force, filling her mind with every touch, kiss, and amorous words exchanged between the two of them.

She decided to don the garment after searching through her wardrobe for something to wear after her relaxing bath. Subsequently eyeing the light blue silk in her expansive closet, aristocratic ninja resolved to put it on, wanting to feel closer to her beloved. The gown fit a little tighter than she remembered, but it wasn't overly uncomfortable.

Memories of what the pyromancer did to her while she wore this dress made her body's temperature rise from the vivid reverie.

Covering her face with her palms in a poor attempt to shield herself from her own embarrassment, the royal kunoichi did not notice someone was behind her watching her every move with levity. "Heavens! I'm behaving like a naive adolescent!" She scolded herself. "This is unbecoming of a Queen. I can only envision how the Regal Council would react if they witnessed my behavior right now. And Argus, help me, if Jade were to see me in such a state, she'll never allow me to live it down."

SMACK!

Within the blink of an eye, Kitana felt two palms strike hard against her backside.

Releasing a loud gasp of shock, the sapphire assassin let go of her face, summoned her treasured steel fans, and quickly turned around. The Edenian Queen swung at the assailant behind her and scowled when her blades didn't cut their intended target. Her dark brown eyes narrowed when she noticed no one was standing there. Despite her seemingly empty bedroom, the fan-wielder still felt the presence of her attacker in her chambers.

"Show yourself, coward!" The Heiress called out to her intruder, her dark brows creasing and her pretty face reddening in anger. "Face your death like a warrior you despicable swine!"

"You'll have to be swifter with your attack if you expect to end my life, Your Highness," a feminine voice husked into the air. Within moments Kitana watched as a green fog began to manifest in her bedroom and the form of a shapely, brown-skinned woman began to appear.

The sapphire assassin's visage was soon filled with the image of her childhood friend, the Edenian General, Jade. The royal kunoichi's anger softened, only for her countenance to be replaced with aggravation. "HOW DARE YOU? I can have you beheaded for doing something like that, Jade!" With a flick of her wrists, the Queen's fans disappeared in flecks of light blue. She reached behind her, rubbing her sore tush after her best friend's assault.

Cradling her belly to control the laughter that erupted from it, the emerald assassin wiped tears from her green eyes and gasped in between her chuckles, "I couldn't... resist! It seems you have put on... some weight since your coronation... Kitana. You're... filling out quite... nicely... Ha, ha, ha!"

"Hmpf!" The Edenian Queen folded her arms over her breasts and tapped her gold, high-heel sandal on her polished, hardwood bedroom floor. "Your lack of decorum is appalling! If you were anyone else I would have you beheaded!" The aristocratic ninja's plump red cheeks puffed in agitation as she rolled her eyes at her Right-Hand Woman and released a sigh of exasperation. "Surely you did not enter my bedchambers to disrupt my private time with your trivial quips, Jade."

Remembering why she sought out the royal kunoichi, the brown-skinned beauty knelt respectfully before her Queen and courteously bowed. "My apologies, Your Majesty. You are correct. There is a reason why I sought out your counsel."

The fan-wielder was taken back by the bojutsu specialist's immediate change in her demeanor. She released a soft gasp of surprise and raised her brows in curiosity.

There were only two times the informal Edenian General referred to Kitana using the proper address; when she was being playful while the two childhood friends were in private, and when she was serious, especially while in the presence of others. The somber look on the veteran kunoichi's face alluded that her best friend was no longer in a jaunty mood.

"I searched for you in the Throne Room, and when I discovered your absence I decided to check your bedchambers. Please forgive my intrusion and earlier behavior."

Stepping closer to the virid ninja, the Edenian Queen reached out and palmed the bojutsu specialist's shoulder. "Jade, please rise and tell me what is the matter."

Obliging Her Majesty's request, the emerald assassin rose to her feet and briefed Her Highness about what was amiss.

"Of course, Milady." Giving her childhood friend a curt nod, Jade began. "I came here today to inform you of the whereabouts of the Edenian traitors, your former betrothed, Rain, and the diplomat, Tanya." The veteran kunoichi didn't try to hide her absolute disgust when she spat the name of the seductress.

Kitana recalled Tanya and Jade always harboring a deep-rooted hatred for one another, even when Edenia was still merged with Outworld and they all served under Shao Kahn. Despite their home realm's emancipation, the bitter feud the two women share never dissipated.

The weapons expert also rolled her eyes at the mention of the hydromancer and their short-lived engagement. When Edenia was still merged with Outworld and under Shao Kahn's rule, the Emperor summoned both ninjas in his Throne Room and announced their betrothal in front of a small group of people, with Jade being one of the witnesses, effectively making Rain the Prince of Outworld. Kitana was a 9,500-year-old adolescent at the time, the equivalent to 17 in Earthrealm years.

However, the amethyst assassin's ambitions, repugnant narcissism, and foolishly believing her former stepfather would grant him leadership of his own army is what ended the political union. And it was for the best. The royal kunoichi mentally shuddered in disgust at the thought of sharing the Edenian throne, her life, her body with such an individual.

Rain became incredibly jealous of Jade when Shao Kahn promoted the brown-skinned beauty as General of the Outworld Army. He defected from the Emperor and joined Mileena, Tanya, and the Edenian Resistance when Kotal Kahn ascended the Outworld throne. The demigod even betrayed the late Khanum, his partner in crime, and his native people all for a chance to oust the Aztec Sun God and sit in his royal seat.

"Please continue, Jade."

"Yes, Your Majesty." The General cleared her throat and continued on. "Soon after Mileena's execution, Kotal's troops searched the expanse of the Kuatan Jungle where the seditious trash was last seen. The pair remained in hiding for quite some time, always just managing to escape Kotal's grasp."

Kitana's brow arched higher at veteran kunoichi's informal address of Kotal Kahn. The bojutsu specialist didn't refer to the Outworld Emperor by either of his titles and that roused the sapphire assassin's intuition that the two of them were occupied with more than bringing the Edenian criminals to justice. The fan-wielder kept her suspicions to herself—for now.

Outworld and Edenia agreed to a peace treaty since both of their respective realms are under new leadership. And the Heiress was pretty much convinced Kotal Kahn and Jade took full advantage the political agreement in more ways than one.

"After spending a few months on the run as fugitives, Tanya became frustrated with Rain and the entire ordeal of being refugees. She betrayed the turncoat ninja to Kotal and his forces in exchange for leniency. Agreeing with her terms, Kotal granted the whore a life sentence in prison. As for Rain, he was burned alive for his crimes."

Presenting her Queen with a gold urn Kitana just realized Jade was holding, the emerald assassin informed her childhood friend, "These are the remains of the demigod. Kotal wanted me to give them to you as a token of his sincerity for the treaty."

Tentatively accepting the vessel filled with the hydromancer's ashes, the aristocratic ninja thickly swallowed and the beautiful features in her face instantly became hardened. "Tanya must be imprisoned here in Edenia. She will be brought to justice before the Royal Court for her crimes. That is non-negotiable, Jade. Inform Emperor Ko'otal immediately."

The virid ninja's green eyes shifted to the side, avoiding meeting her best friend's dark brown ones. She let out a huff of air, biting her bottom lip before meeting Kitana's gaze again. "Unfortunately, Milady, I am afraid that is impossible." The brown-skinned beauty began slowly.

"And why is that?" The royal kunoichi asked.

Rolling her eyes at what she was about to tell the Edenian Queen, Jade released another breath and decided to forego procrastination and deliver the news without embellishing it.

"Because less than a week after her imprisonment, the bitch managed to escape captivity. She murdered several of Kotal's guardsmen and fled the dungeon. Her current whereabouts are unknown."

"By the Gods!" Kitana's eyes widened and she nearly dropped the urn she was holding, thinking of the topaz vixen running amuck, endangering the lives of anyone who's unfortunate enough to cross paths with her. "That—That Tanya! She's as cunning as a snake and as elusive as a mouse!"

Before Her Highness could voice another word, the bojutsu specialist assured her, "Kotal and I have consolidated our forces and our men are scouring the expanse of Outworld. The Wastelands, the Sea of Blood, the Living Forest, right down to the borders and the bowels. No place in Outworld will elude our eyes. We will find Tanya, you have my promise, Kitana."

"We must inform—"

"I have already done so, Milady." Jade interrupted the fan-wielder. "I have informed the Regal Council before I discovered your whereabouts and the Edenian Police Force about Tanya. The Head Inspector sent out a Crime Alert to everyone in the city concerning the deceiver in case she's foolish enough to return here. There's also a cash reward for anyone who has information about her location and who can bring her back to Edenia, dead or alive."

Setting the container of the amethyst assassin's remains on her dresser, the Heiress collapsed on her nearby azure chaise lounge, overwhelmed with the news her Right-Hand Woman just delivered. "You and I both know Tanya's far too intelligent to return to Edenia. She could be anywhere within the realms by now."

Sitting next to her best friend, the veteran kunoichi nodded, silently agreeing with Kitana's anxieties about the enchantress.

Reaching for the aristocratic ninja's hand, Jade entwined their fingers and comforted her with a smile. "Everything will be alright, Your Highness. We're doing everything we can to bring Tanya to justice. We must have faith in our strength, our forces, and the Elder Gods."

Returning the General's nod, Kitana replied, "You are right. Even if I have to leave my perch and drag her before the Royal Court by my own hands, Tanya will pay for all the crimes she's committed."

Jade's smile soon turned into a smirk as thoughts about the topaz vixen dispersed from her mind. The brown-skinned beauty let go of Kitana's hand and smoothed her palm along the side of the Heiress' full thigh showing from the waist-length slit of her gown. Her touch caused the royal kunoichi to jolt from the contact.

"Do not think I have forgotten what I said earlier Kitana." The emerald assassin's smirk widened at her childhood friend's irate visage. "You have filled out quite nicely due to your recent weight gain. I think it is time Liu Kang paid you a visit, Milady. Perhaps he too will appreciate your added curvature."

With a flick of her wrist, one of the steel fans manifested in the Edenian Queen's hand. Slowly the sapphire assassin stood and gripped her weapon tightly in her enclosed fist. She returned the veteran kunoichi's smirk with her own sinister grin. "I still need to repay you for what you said. It is high time you learn respect, Jade."

Rising to her feet, Jade reached for her glaive and unfolded it, revealing all three golden blades of her boomerang-like weapon. "Now, now, Your Highness. How many millennia have we've known each other? Decorum has never been a part of my charm."

"It's no surprise you and Kotal," the fan-wielder stressed the Outworld Emperor's name, knowing it would invoke a reaction out of the virid ninja. "Get along quite handsomely."

The bojutsu specialist's smirk instantly turned into a scowl. She narrowed her green eyes at the aristocratic ninja and replied, "Enough talk. Let us proceed, my Queen."

"Yes. Let's." Kitana agreed before the two of them charged at one another.

It was a month after Jade delivered the news about Rain and Tanya. The hydromancer's ashes were scattered on the outskirts of Edenia, and the whereabouts of the seductress was discovered.

The Earthrealm mercenary, Erron Black, brought the Edenian diplomat within an inch of her life to Kotal Kahn's feet beaten and in shackles. Nodding his head and rubbing his chin in approval, the Aztec warrior paid the bounty hunter his due and added a sweet bonus for making sure Tanya was still breathing.

The topaz vixen was now locked away in the bowels of the Edenian Palace facing execution for her past transgressions.

Kitana lay in her bed on her stomach with her head cradled against her pillows and smiled, knowing the deceiver will finally be brought to justice. She cuddled deeper in her pillows, allowing a quiet sigh to fall past her lips as she basked in the light kisses her beloved peppered on the small of her bare back.

It was one of those rare times when Liu Kang could visit from the Wu Shi Academy in Earthrealm, and whenever he did, the two of them would spend the entire day making love.

The evening had long since past and it was currently in the wee hours of the morning. A single candle burned in a lantern on the Heiress' nightstand next to her dresser, providing the only light in her bedroom. The kouple lay tangled in her sheets, catching their breaths and slowing the beating of their hearts after yet another round of consummation.

Feeling her lover's calloused palms massage the round cheeks of her bottom made the Queen blush scarlet from embarrassment. While the Shaolin warrior's kisses and caresses felt nice, Kitana's mind replayed what Jade said to her about her weight last month and the spar they had in her bedchambers afterward. The sapphire assassin prevailed in their bout, but insecurities began to arise.

The weapons expert's clothes didn't fit her the same anymore, prompting the fan-wielder to hire a seamstress to construct new garments tailored to accommodate her body. And as Queen of Edenia, Kitana spent most of her days in the Royal Palace engaged in meetings with the Regal Council. Some of her other days were spent traveling around her home realm, greeting her people, and interacting with locals and politicians.

Her training was scarce, and during these times of peace, kombat was a thing of the past. So the aristocratic ninja wasn't as mobile as she used to be. Although, perhaps she could return in the Training Room to tighten up every now and then. Heaven's sakes, Jade! There's nothing wrong with the way that I—

"You seem distant," Liu Kang's voice snapped the royal kunoichi out of her thoughts, and it was a welcome distraction. "Is something the matter, bǎo bèi?" He stopped laving her bottom with kisses, his full attention now on his woman.

Wiggling the cheeks of her posterior in his face, Kitana tried to coax the pyromancer into kissing her backside again.

Laughing merrily at her silliness, the Mortal Kombat Champion laved several gentle pecks on her rear, followed by soft nibbles from his teeth.

In between her cute giggles and quiet moans of pleasure, the Edenian Queen propped her elbow on her pillow and cradled her chin in her palm. She looked over her bare shoulder and into the dark hair of her beloved. "It is nothing, Lover," the royal kunoichi began explaining herself.

"A month ago Jade confronted me saying I've gained weight. And now as I lie here with you, the memory returned. And I am feeling a tad melancholy about it. But it is nothing," Kitana reiterated. "It was just fatuous banter. You know how uncouth Jade is."

"Mmph." The White Lotus member grunted in agreement. He lay his head on the cheeks of her derrière, using the swells of flesh as a makeshift pillow. Reaching in between her legs, Liu Kang thumbed the soft curve of one of her full thighs, noting the gooseflesh that prickled against her skin as he caressed her.

Of course, he noticed Kitana did gain some weight since her coronation, especially below her waist. Her body had a few pudges and rolls here and there, but it didn't make the fan-wielder appear unattractive. Not that the flame fist kombatant would ever find the love of his life unattractive. Her body was soft to the touch, and the added weight only complimented her naturally curvy shape. And he was appreciative of it.

"Would you like to know what I think?" Liu Kang asked, Not waiting for a response, he indulged his woman. "I still find you beautiful regardless, Kitana. You are a very curvaceous woman. You've always been one." He kissed her left cheek and gripped it in his palm, giving the muscle a light shake. "Your added curves enhances your beauty. You should not focus on what Jade said to you."

Again Kitana closed her eyes and thanked the Elder Gods for sending such a wonderful man into her life. And again she asked herself how did she get so lucky to have Liu Kang as her Chosen One?

Opening her doe eyes, the sapphire assassin reached for the Earthrealm defender and palmed his shoulder. She smiled at him and replied, "Thank you, Lover. Those were very kind words." She added with humor dripping in her voice, "Nevertheless, I would appreciate you looking me in my eyes and saying those words to my face and not my backside."

Giving her right cheek a quick bite, Liu Kang lifted his head and turned to his woman. They both shared a laugh before quickly kissing each other. When their lips parted someone knocked on the bedroom door.

"Are you expecting company at this hour, Kitana?" The Champion lifted his brow in question when the Heiress' eyes became alight with excitement."

"Yes. I've been expecting our visitor for quite a while now." Quickly untangling herself from the sheets, the Queen slipped into sky blue satin robe with sakura petals decorating it. Securing the sash around her waist, Kitana reached for the lantern on her nightstand and padded to the door, opening it.

The moment she did the familiar smell of her favorite cuisine entered nostrils. There standing in the doorway was a young female servant presenting two paper bags filled with food on a silver cart.

"Lady Kitana, your meal has arrived." She respectfully bowed at Her Highness, pushing the cart in the aristocratic ninja's direction.

"Thank you," the royal kunoichi bowed in return before pulling the cart inside her bedchambers and closing the door.

Liu Kang's curiosity was now piqued. Noticing the very familiar smell of the food and even more familiar shapes of the golden arches printed on the paper bags forming the letters MA, the pyromancer sat up fully in her bed. Silently he looked on as Kitana placed the paper bags and lantern on a nearby table. Elder Gods! What in the name of the realms…? It couldn't be…?

Facing her beloved, the Heiress began to explain. "Jade recently visited Earthrealm and she practically raved about this particular establishment that serves cuisine."

"A restaurant…?"

"Yes," the fan-wielder nodded, failing to notice the sarcastic humor in the White Lotus member's voice due to her enthusiasm. She set up their plates and continued. "She returned home and told me about the excellent cooking, something Earthrealmers call 'burgers' and 'fries' and 'colas', and the expedited service of the company's staff when she quickly received her meal. It all sounded so wonderful, and after listening to Jade detailing her experience, I knew we had to open a similar establishment here in Edenia."

Scrubbing his palm over his face, Liu Kang didn't know if he should sigh in exasperation or laugh at the absurdity of his woman gushing about fast food. This cannot be real, the pyromancer told himself. I must be entrapped in one of Shang Tsung's illusions.

"I placed an order with McArgus' for the both of us earlier this evening. Usually, they'll deliver much sooner, but since it's the weekend, I suppose they're especially busy tonight. That tends to happen more often now the business has gained popularity. Perhaps I need to summon another meeting with the Regal Council about the possibility of opening another McArgus'. The company has done absolute wonders for the Edenian economy since its creation."

Setting the double cheeseburgers and fries on their plates, and their carbonated beverages next to them, Kitana presented their meal with a zealous smile. "Every night I order from McArgus' for my late-night indulgences and since their cuisine is inspired by traditional food from Earthrealm, I knew you'd be familiar with their meals. So when you visited today, I wanted to make sure you'd have comfort food for sustenance."

This time Liu Kang couldn't hold back his laughter and he didn't know which was funnier; Kitana having an addiction to fast food, or Kitana being unaware that it's the fast food that's making her gain weight. How was it possible for a deadly ninja to be this cute?

Climbing out of bed and securing the black satin robe the Edenian Queen had laid out for him around his body, the Shaolin warrior padded over to where his woman stood and kissed the top of her jet-black hair. Circling his arms around her pudgy waist, he grinned down at her and said, "Yeah, let's eat."

At sunrise, he'll plan for the two of them to train together.

This was supposed to be a humor-fic, but I dunno what happened. It became pretty somber when I mentioned Rain and Tanya. But I wanted to feature them in my fic because only heaven knows why Kittel-shit refuses to give them the proper treatment and respect they deserve in canon.

My math is off. I know 1 Edenian year is equal to 500 Earthrealm years. But I think I was close enough with the age of Kitana's adolescence. Also, my knowledge concerning royal politics is also off. Eh. Oh well.

This is my last fic before MK11 debuts. If you're anything like me, you've already viewed the spoilers. And… I won't give anything away. I'm only going to say two words: Liu Kang. And I ain't talking Story Mode!

I'll see you all at MK11! Don't hesitate to drop a review, too!