Disclaimer: I do not own Treasure Planet
Death of a Mother
For awsmninja
"Xavier."
Xavier looked up and saw his wife standing in the doorway glancing over at him. She had been so quiet and still he could have mistaken her for a ghost. She almost looked dead standing there almost without a soul. It was almost like she knew. It was like she had known for the entire time, even when he told his lie when he came home. She looked at him and should have known that she was smarter than that. Her golden red hair was waving back and forth in front of her eyes, was the window open? He looked around and saw that there wasn't even a breeze. He turned back to her and licked his lips. She looked tired. He didn't blame her. This pregnancy had been difficult but apparently she was determined to have it. Almost as if to prove something. Not to him but to...No, he was imagining things. Not that he was proud of it but...There was something about the way that she looked at him now. She had become so distant from him since he could back from the wars. They hadn't a child in a while. Not since he returned from the wars. She had her hand resting over her overly swollen belly. She had look which was somewhere between deep affection and indifference. He could never read her mind like he used to. Sometimes he was never really sure as to what she was thinking sometimes. It was difficult after he had returned from the Celestial Wars. Ever since...
"Darling. You should be in bed."
He got up and walked towards her. He missed those times when they would embrace one another when the children weren't looking or when he would wrap his arm around her waist and dance with her around the hallway, like on the evening when they first met. The small, ghost of her smile grew more as he came closer and closer to her. She was looking a little hopeful now. He almost felt a little hopeful himself but he always knew what would be hiding behind that smile. Almost as if she had a touch of doubt in him which he would never blame her for. Particularly when he returned from the wars. Everything changed after that day. They never spoke of it and she never questioned his decision but there was always something which laid within this decision which made him doubt him. After that, all there seemed to be which lied between were lies. There seemed to almost be an under-layer of guilt there somewhere, mostly within himself since he was the one who was carrying it for the both of them. He was the only one who had done anything wrong. A dark secret he was never going to tell her.
"The baby is due any day now and the doctors say that you need your rest."
She nodded. "I know. I was just wondering when you were going to come to bed."
She stroked his arm affectionately which made goosebumps go up and down his arm. It reminded him when they first met. He was so nervous, but he always felt a spark with...He shook his head trying desperately to forget the dark green eyes and the midnight black hair.
"Soon. I just have to go through this paperwork and then I will be done."
She sighed. "Then you will back on another adventure of yours in a week. It's so close to the birth, Xavier. I almost think you're going to miss your first-"
Then she bit her lip stopping herself from finishing her sentence. Xavier, however, was not going to let this go so easily since he had a feeling about what she was actually referring to.
"What?" He said rather softly but a bit too forcefully.
She finally looked up at him with her bluebell eyes and blinked. "It's just you'll never talk about it. I sometimes think you're never going to tell me the truth about where you found-"
"Sweetheart, please. You know I will tell you everything one day. But right now it's too delicate a matter."
She sighed softly but then her eyes widened slightly. She gripped her stomach and then gave out something between a moan and a cry of pain.
Xavier frowned. "Darling."
She gripped his arm. "Xavier. The baby's coming."
~ (***) ~
It was over. She was never going to see her again. Such a strange thought as well. She couldn't continue denying it or hoping for time to reverse, wishing for such things was fickle and wasteful. She was dead. She was cold and dead and there was nothing she could do about it. In less than a few hours she was going to be buried the ground, become part of the earth and eventually faded away body and soul. Her memory would always remain a stain on her mind. The little girl stared out the window as she watched the bleak sky, stained by the falling rain feeling as empty as the colourless sky. The weather seemed to suit the day when a bright, warm soul had now passed from this world to the next, leaving this world cold and empty. The warmth that she brought to this world had now been savagely and selfishly snatched away by death. She wore a traditional mourning dress of black silk with white lace on the cuffs and neckline. She felt she would remain in this dress for all eternity. Her black hair was savagely pulled back into a bun and with her pale complexion, the dark rings under her eyes and her dark, bright green eyes made her look almost like a vampire. She would forever always be the dead wondering amongst the living but her soul remaining with the loved one she had now had lost. She would wander amongst the mists of purgatory searching for her mother.
Her senses were numb and the world around her seemed like a void to her now. She couldn't feel anything. She could never have expected a month, or even a week ago that she would be like this. She was never aware of that the fact you could experience this level of sadness. Apart from the sound of rain falling from outside, the only thing she could hear or more accurately what she thought she was hearing was the disillusioned sound of a woman's cry echoing about the silent mansion. She wasn't sure whether it was real, whether it was the echoes of ghosts or her own mind tormenting her. It was if it had been abandoned and was only occupied by ghosts. Living ghosts. Those who still occupied the house and was still living were merely visitors, this was truly only a home for ghosts. Cassandra being one of them. She turned to the vacant bed, no longer with any bed clothes or a corpse occupying it. Yet, she could still picture the lifeless body and the blood stained fabric as if the nightmare continued to haunt her. Whenever she would come into this room, she would always be able to see her dead mother's eyes staring at her. All that remained was the image, that lonely room and the child which brought new life and early death into the household. Nothing would ever be the same again.
All emotion had been drained out of her. She felt like she had been wounded in battle and had bled so much that beyond her death she was still hovering about her graveyard and amongst those she used to love. Now she could no longer touch them let alone even smile at their unseeing faces. Any chance of empathy had been snatched away. She wouldn't be able to comfort her brothers who needed it just as much as she did. She didn't resent the infant nor did she acknowledge it as her sibling or give it any sisterly affection. To her it was just a piece of evidence or inarguable form of proof that her mother was dead. Whenever she looked at her she felt like she was staring at a bloodied knife or a gun. Despite that it was what was expected of her, she decided to have nothing to do with it. She was expected to take on the role of her mother as if she was a good enough substitute for a mother. How could they expect her to carry out a responsibility like that? At nine years of age as well. She wasn't going to hate it but she wasn't going to love it either. They couldn't force her. She turned back to the window and returned to staring out into the blank sky and her silent, solemn state. She ignored the hard, quick knock on the door nor to the second time when it was more like a banging. She didn't want to go to the funeral, she already had enough reminders of her mother's death.
There was a pause. She let his voice drift in the air. She decided to let it hang there for as long as he was willing to. She wanted to be the one to win this game of resilience and control. She wanted to show him that she wasn't going to give into what he expected her to response. She didn't know why she had to be the one to respond. She knew he would be fuming behind the door by now. He would give her a moment before taking charge as he always did. He always liked to be the winner. When she heard a youth strode into the room in a majestic, superior manner she couldn't help but smile cynically. He was so predictable. He scanned the room and his thunderous eyes soon resting on his younger sister. He turned to the young girl and understood the emotionless state the young girl was in. He sighed, half annoyed, half worried. Probably more annoyed than worried, but then again he was glad she wasn't being incredibly emotional opposed to the behaviour she was displaying now. His younger brother had been in tears all week. That was no way for a man to behave. On the other hand, he would rather roles had been switched. For her to be emotional and the other brother to be emotionless. He just hoped she would perk up a bit on the appropriate occasions.
He cleared his throat and walked up to her, stopping when he was only a few feet away. He still wanted to be a cautious distance from her, as if she had some disease he was scared of catching easily. There was something frightening about the way she was behaving. It was almost as if someone else had jumped into her body and stripped her of all her emotions. She had changed so much over the past few days. It was like her spirit left her body empty and flown off with their mothers after that terrible, bloody night. Or he had heard that it was a rather bloody affair. She didn't scream or act out rashly but he was afraid of her snapping almost at any moment. Her demeanour was so cold, so haunting he almost mistook her for a ghost. The girl continued to stare out the window and didn't seem to register his presence. He was unsure whether she was even there let alone if she was aware that he was standing in the room. But she knew he was there. As such as she was in the world of the dead she was also still trapped in the world of the living. However the lack of acknowledgement began to annoy him. He was the almost the head of the family, after their father. He deserved at least some respect from her. He cleared his throat so savagely it felt like he was dragging a rake against it. Her eyes flickered at the sound as if she woke from a gentle dream. She turned her head slightly to show her regard for his presence.
"Cassandra?" He asked, narrowing his eyes, gradually becoming vexed and anxious by her behaviour.
She was silent for a long time before she answered, making her quiet, weak voice all the more haunting.
"Yes, Fredrick?"
The room suddenly went cold for a moment and was more afraid of her right now than going back to his father without his sister. There was something about her which had completely changed. She was like a different person now.
He shuddered slightly before answering her. "The carriage is here to take us the cemetery."
She nodded as if a wedding planner had confirmed that all the plans were running smoothly. There was nothing more to be said on the matter. She knew she had to be strong now. She was the only Richardson woman left and she had to show herself to be one. She was the daughter of the bravest ship captain in the galaxy and she was going to behave like it. Not some crybaby girl who needed to go to a Ladies Academy. Her eyes looked a little wide and had some assurance of her sanity. In that moment Fredrick really believed that she was actually alright. That their mothers death really hadn't affected her as much as she allowed the rest of the household to believe. Fredrick didn't mind her reserved manner at the moment in time, but compared to her previous nature, the adventurous, wild child that she was made this new Cassandra all the more frightening. He wished that father hadn't dismissed the servants for the day, otherwise he wouldn't have to deal with this. He had protested before going up to summon her however Captain Richardson scolded him for his spoilt nature and ordered him like a servant to go fetch her.
"Come, Cassandra."
He held out his hand for her to take. She turned round slowly and gracefully placed her hand in his. He shivered at her cold touch and led her out the room. She stared hauntingly into his eyes, dark circle around her eyes showing lack of sleep from the previous sights of tragedy witnessed by one so young which would haunt her forever.
"We mustn't be late." He whispered, with a lump in his throat.
~ (***) ~
Cassandra was more preoccupied with the rain rather than the actual service. She thought it appropriate for it to be raining. Someone which the world needed was gone. She also felt like it was trying to wash away all the blood which had been split that night. She supposed is was a better thing to concern herself with. She was avoiding the whole affair but she was only nine. She should be excused for avoiding having to participate in the event which commiserated the death of her mother. She glanced around at the rest of her family and her nanny, Gina and there was nothing but disgust in her eyes. They didn't understand the horror of her mothers death. She didn't realise the amount of pain she had been put through, no one would ever understand, save her father. They weren't there. Perhaps Gina could be dismissed because of this but she wasn't attending her mothers funeral. Cassandra was. Cassandra was the one who was going to have to go without a mother. The rain continued to pour down, pounding against the earth, willing for the lost mother to be finally buried in the ground. She snapped her fingers impatiently and glanced up at the sky again. It was the heaven crying the tears which Cassandra couldn't show. All except her were mourning without shame. That bloody sight had snatched away all childish notions, or the sentimentality that she had left inside her, leaving her empty.
She never thought that she was ever going to go back there again. There was no one who was going to be able to bring back all those things which her mother made her think was real. There was no way that she was ever going to go back to being the person she once was. When she walked away from the place of her burial she felt like an adolescent walking further and further away from childhood. It was strange but good. She was glad that she had found out about all this now rather than going a second longer knowing about all of this. She was glad the transition of childhood to adolescence was happening now and not too late on in life. That was what was really happening though wasn't it? She was being stripped of everything she once believed and she was exposed to what really was. It was a strange but liberating feeling she had to admit. It didn't mean that it wasn't painful. Of course it was to be painful otherwise what was the point of growing up? Still, one always felt a sense of regret when this happened them, it made you wish that you could actually go back but then you realised there was no going back. It wasn't supposed to happen this fast. Her innocence was supposed to slip away gradually. She could see that now. She knew the unspeakable pain of having all of it being ripped away from her all in one go. Instead of picking off the petals of the daisy one by one the entire head was completely ripped off in one swift action.
All those things she once believed had now died along with her mother. All those stories she would tell her before she went to sleep. All those songs that she would sing to her through those restless nights. All those beautiful, imaginary misconceptions of the world were now gone, she had no use for them any more. How could you take things like that with you into adulthood? What was their purpose there? They were all trivial to her now and all that remained were the harsh truths of the world. Her other brother, George, who was a few years older and miles closer to her affections than her other brother who walked beside her. She didn't even look at him, the old Cassandra would have taken his hand by now and comforted him. She didn't want to acknowledge anyone at the funeral. Not even the people giving their condolences. The one who was behaving a little better than George was. She glanced at him as saw with a pang of malice the signs of mourning. His eyes were scarlet red with despair and loss of a parent. She couldn't understand how someone older than her could be more sorrowful than her. She was in more sorrow than these people, she couldn't even bring herself to shed the tears she yearned for.
"I can't believe she's..." He couldn't finish the sentence.
She knew what she was going to say before she even interrupted him. She did it because she wanted to set him straight. He had more of a reason to be sad than most people at this funeral but no more than her, she was there when their mother died. They didn't know what their mother went through to bring that child into this world. The one which wasn't even aware of the sacrifice their mother had made to bring her into this world. It was possible to believe that she was dead or maybe it wasn't necessary. Maybe he was too much in mourning to be able to articulate his feelings and emotions.
"No. It's not." She replied coldly.
She looked at him through slanted but curious eyes. It wasn't so hard to believe. They had watched her being buried in the ground. They had seen it with their own eyes. She found it difficult to believe that if she could figure this out why he couldn't. Perhaps he really did know he just didn't want to admit to it. They had just witnessed her being buried in the ground, the all witnessed the blood which dominantly marked that memory in their minds as concrete assurance that she was dead. It was all over. There was no going back, destiny had thrown in its card and there was no way it was going to be able to take it back, even if it wanted to. There was to be no more wishing. No more fantasies of her being magically brought back to life just because it was the only way to accommodate that pain that you felt. What was the point in wishing for the impossible? Why did people find it so difficult to realise that the one that had passed was now dead? It made the blood in her cold body boil with intense anger, driving her to the insanities of dragging her mother out the earth. She wanted to scream to the heavens and rip out her hair for them to know what real torment was.
George Richardson stared at his younger sister with absolute horror and despair, shocked at the depth of her coldness. "How can you be so heartless?"
Cassandra shrugged. "Death has made me so. I feel like death. I am death. Therefore I have no heart."
George drew away slightly, glancing for a moment towards their father with concern. "Cassandra why do you speak like this?"
"Because death has made me so." She replied simply. "If you must blame anyone blame death. I will do so the day I meet him face to face."
Cassandra was only a child of nine, yet to George she was speaking like someone who had lived for a thousand years. Who had witnessed too many deaths and still yearned for their own. Over one night his sister turned from the affectionate, outspoken young girl to the serious, cold young woman detracting herself from her earthly life.
"Cassandra." He said before she walked off into the distance.
She wanted to be away from the petty mourners not truly understanding the depth of real despair and of the real tragedy that took her mother.
~ (***) ~
Marianne sat in the darkness thinking...That was all, just thinking. That was what she had been doing for all these years. She was always wondering about her since that was all she was left with. She could only ever wonder about all that had passed. She glanced outside at the people down below wondering what it would to be able to do that, to be normal. Although you couldn't do normal things like walk out in broad daylight carelessly when you were wanted at a high price by almost every government. That was one of the privileges of being the daughter of a famous pirate and on top of that making a name for yourself. There were other reasons why she had to hide from society. It was because he asked her to. It would reduce the chances of her finding out about her existence. Of her ever finding out the truth. It was for her he said. She would have done anything for her and for him but...She couldn't help but feel like she had been cheated. That she had been given a bargain of some sort which seemed to be in her favour when it turned out that actually there was nothing in it for her at all. Then again this was always going to be a one-sided deal. That was all she could do nowadays. Everything had been taken from her. She shouldn't blame him. He was doing it all for the best but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. She felt like she had been stabbed in the back sometimes.
"Heya, Lass."
She smiled at the familiar voice and craned her neck. "Hey Dad."
"You doin' alrigh'?" He inquired before setting himself down. "Blimey its dark."
"Has to be." She replied stonily. "If no one is to ever find me I had to remain invisible for the rest of my days."
Her father narrowed her eyes at her in the dark and watched her look out the window with a small, regretful smile on her face and a sorrowful look in her eyes.
"Is that for your sake or his?" He asked carefully.
She sighed. They had been over this time and time again and because he was her father and she was his only daughter (but not his only child) he was never going to be able to let this go. There was something almost worrying about his behaviour sometimes. Whenever he was brought up he always had this look as if to say it was going to go after him.
"Mine...And hers."
He leaned forward. "But...Marianne, love. She was your-"
She stopped him knowing what he was going to say next. She couldn't heart it. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't need to hear it. She didn't need anyone's pity. She just needed to be left alone. She wanted all of this torment to be over. She didn't want to have to go another day where she would come to her mind again. But she knew that was never going to happen. She was always going to be thinking about her.
"No." She interrupted hastily. "No. She was never...It's better if I forget about it all. And so should you."
~ (***) ~
Xavier Richardson was worried about his daughter. It had been a few weeks now since the death of his wife and it still hadn't exactly sunk in yet. She was still cold and distant from others and he had no idea what to do in order to get her back. Before he was such a happy child and was excited at the prospect of a younger sibling. However now she silently passed through the corridors like a ghost and she refused to even look at the child let alone hold her or be a sister to her. In her eyes she was the reason why her mother was dead. He first knew he should be worried because the night of his wife's funeral his younger son came running into the room crying not only from the death of his mother but also for the loss of his sister. When the Captain asked his son what he meant by this he relayed everything which she had admitted to him at the funeral to his father. When he had finished telling him everything he felt his blood run cold. He could see now that his wife had vanished she was beginning to resurface. This was something which he had feared more than his wife discovering the truth about what happened during the war. He kissed his son goodnight and assured him that he would speak to his sister in the morning and that there was no reason to fear. The boy nodded, but still looked a little uncertain. For his first lonely night, Xavier Richardson slept sleeplessly in his bed.
All he could think about was her. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about her. His wife was dead and his daughter was unable to admit that she was in mourning when she was pretending to be brave about it all. She called it mourning when it was actually denial. He couldn't help but feel like she was beginning to finally shine through her daughter. Not just in her looks but there was something about her which always seemed to remind him of her. It was strange that it took until now for her to finally make an appearance after all these years. He was almost beginning to miss her. It was a cruel thing to say considering his wife but there was something about her...He just couldn't stop himself when it was that moment in time. He tried to convince himself that it was all in the past but there was no point denying the fact that there was something about her and he was beginning to see her in her daughter. He got up the next morning and confronted his daughter asking her about what her brother was concerned about. She replied with a cold but polite demeanour and the maturity of an middle-aged woman. It was like she had aged overnight. He was shaking all over but he was determined to keep his resolve. He was going to break through to his daughter.
One some says he would try to talk to her when she was walking around the house. She started doing that a lot lately. Just aimlessly walking around opposed to when she would run around with George chasing her around. Sometimes he would see her walking down the corridor looking down at the ground. She knew that this was the only way to avoid having a conversation with anyone. She didn't want to look at anyone. She was avoid everyone's pity and she was avoiding the other things people were saying.
"Darling do you want to talk today?" He would ask pleasantly.
She would look at him and wonder what he was asking her about. It was the way she narrowed his eyes at him, almost as if she was asking why there was any point in asking her to talk to him. Something which was so mundane and pointless.
"What would you like to talk about?" She asked dully.
It was eerie when he heard her talk like that. She actually reminded her of his mother sometimes when she spoke to him in this austere, strict tone.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Anything you would wish to talk about."
She considered his proposition. "There isn't really anything I am interested in talking about." She replied finally.
He would sigh and let her go on her way. He just didn't know why he just couldn't get through to her. It was like he wanted to smash his head against the wall and cry out. She just didn't realise what she was doing to the rest of the household. Her brother left for school and wished to give a hearty goodbye but when he wrapped his arms around her she simply stood there as if she was a statue which made him even more upset that his sister didn't want to say goodbye to him.
For months he persisted but there was still no progress. It was almost like he was talking to a brick wall most of the time, then again she might as well have been as emotionless as a brick wall. Sometimes he just wanted to scream at her and tell her to snap out of it. That it wasn't just about her loss and grief. She just didn't want to communicate to anyone about what she was going through. She still continued to read and she never played with her brother, George as she used to which made him even more unhappy since his brother never had time for him. His sister was always able to make up for that. He had to admit, sometimes Xavier liked to think that she was the best gift that he had ever given his son. Strangely enough, it wasn't another brother but it was another sister. Although now she even refused to speak to him as much as she used to. She was still as dull and lifeless as she had been from the day of the funeral. It was like something had been sucked out of her. He was almost tempted to throw in the towel but he knew that there was no need for that. He was never going to be so willing as to give up on his daughter. He would never do that to her, or to any of them. He made a promise to her. He owed her that much, after all she never really wanted to give her up...
~ (***) ~
She looked around making sure that she was at the right place. He even had a plate stating his name and profession. Xavier was always like this. He was always so bloody official about everything.
"Marianne...Should you be here?" Her father whispered.
It was rather laughable that he was being so paranoid about being here. He was usually the one who lived for danger he was the one who caused her to have a fit when he went out to do something which she knew that would get him in trouble. He was getting old, he wasn't able to get away with as much as he wanted to any more. Plus, she knew the real reason why he came here. He was looking for something which he had been looking for since before she was born. He always thought it as something which he believed to be his birthright.
She raised an eyebrow. "And I inquire father why you are here?"
He turned away and tried to play innocent. "Um...I came along for emotional support and to talk some sense into ya coming here." He growled.
She had to stop herself from laughing out loud. Emotional support...When was the last time when he actually wanted to give her emotional support for anything?
"Well I am here so you didn't exactly do a good job did you?" She replied cunningly. "So why are you really here?"
"I can't believe we're having this conversati-"
At that moment some servants came around the corner wittering to one another. "The master is in such a bad way..."
"Not as bad as the little miss though. She's never been the same since her mother died." Said another.
"Hm. Strange though..." The maids gave him a look. "Well I heard that...Well that she isn't exactly...er."
Before Marianne could beat two lights out of this snob someone else came the master's young daughters aid.
"Isaac. I hear you speak in this manner again I will report to the master."
This silenced the man who walked off to do the rest of his duties. Her father watched the entire scene and then turned back to his daughter who was pressing her lips together to stop herself from crying.
"We should leave." She decided and got to her feet.
He sighed and followed after her wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders. "It's alright, Darlin'. It's going to be alright."
~ (***) ~
There was a knock on the door. Xavier jumped at the sound hoping that it was his daughter. He always hoped for such a thing. He hoped that the sound of a footstep was her. He hoped that when he heard a female laugh that it might her as well. Anything for a chance to make her the girl she once was or perhaps even to make her happy again. He looked up and saw Gina walked through the door with her usual kind smile on her face. He sank down in his chair but nodded towards her gratefully nonetheless.
"Evening, Captain." She greeted. "I thought you might want something to relax you." She said placing a hot drink in front of him.
"Thank you, Gina." He said softly. "You're an angel. You know that? Where would I be without you?"
She tilted her head. "I'm sure you would be fine...Sir? It is not my place but...I know you are having a lot of trouble with the little miss but it will take time. She just lost her...mother."
He nodded solemnly. She smiled sadly and pressed her hand down on his shoulder and squeeze it reassuringly.
"Sometimes I wonder whether I will ever get her back. It seems like she's gone and...I don't think I'm ever going to find her again."
"You will." She said in time.
She gripped onto his hand and both of them felt something which neither of them either felt in a long time or in Gina's case never at all. She remembered one of the rules instructed to her when she first began her training to never over step the line between servant and employer. As she stared into his eyes and could feel herself shake all over she was sure that she was undeniably stepping over that line.
"Sir..." She apologised and bowed her head respectfully.
As he felt her hand slip away he felt his heart sink and gulped before he grabbed it as fast as a lightening bolt. She gasped at his swiftness and froze. He got to his feet and wrapped his arm around her waist. He pulled her closer until his lips hovered over hers. She was shaking all over. She couldn't believe she was doing this and before she could protest all resistance died on her lips.