Sawada Tsunayoshi was having a sleepover, because his home tutor Reborn told him too.
Now, normally that would not have been a problem, having a sleepover with his friends. That was, until Reborn told him, "And you have to invite your Cloud Guardian, Hibari Kyoya."
That one sentence told Tsuna exactly how badly Reborn wanted to see him bitten to death.
Badly. Very badly.
But that afternoon, while he watched his no-good student fret on and on and on about how to invite the secluded prefect, Reborn felt somewhere in his black hole of a heart pity for the aspiring mafia boss. So he called Tsuna's predecessor, Dino Cavallone, for help.
Later that evening, there was a knock on the door. Tsuna, who was still anxious about failing to obtain the prefect, answered the door in a fit of jitters.
He was quite relieved and surprised to see who was there. But the anxiety that washed away from his body was immediately replaced with a great fear for survival.
Dino stood in front of the Sawada residence, next to what felt like an icy glacier radiating violent intent.
"Dino-san!" Tsuna said happily. Then he glanced at Hibari, who was motionless as a statue. "Y-you brought H-hibari-san t-too…Eh, why don't you come in?"
"Great, Tonfa-freak's here," Gokudera, who had arrived hours earlier, muttered. Hibari blew past him and strode into the living room, ignoring them completely.
"Hibari-san seems grumpy.." Tsuna said, looking worried. Gokudera snorted.
"What a tart. What'd you do, Cavallone, kidnap him?"
Dino grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Ah…Not so much kidnapping…eh…a…compromise?"
oOoOoOo
"Awwwwwwww, c'mon Kyoya, it'll be fun!"
"Stop crowding around me, herbivore. You're taking up my breathing space."
"…..If you go, I'll let you fight me!"
Hibari shot him a baleful glare and strode away, his jacket billowing impressively in the breeze. Dino hurried to catch up with him, tumbling head over heels in the process. Hibari gazed down at him disdainfully, as if to say I have no reason to fight you in this condition.
"Maa, maa Kyoya, I'll be surrounded by my men then. I swear, I won't hold back, okay?" Dino offered eagerly as his student stopped in his tracks, thinking the proposal over. After a moment the prefect shook his head and continued on his way.
Dino sighed dejectedly as he watched Hibari walk away. He couldn't let his cute sworn little no-good brother down! Then a beam of inspiration hit him.
He quickly dashed forward, meaning to grab Hibari's jacket; instead he toppled headfirst into the prefect's back, sending them both sprawling.
Even face planted in the dirt Hibari managed to exude a killing intent that made the Dino's hair stand on end. But he had an idea. One that would not fail! Dino thought proudly as he held Hibari's arms pinned to his sides.
"Listen, Kyoya," the Cavollone boss began, slyly even by his mafia-seasoned standards. "If you go…you can fight me…and I'll try to arrange a battle with Rokudo Mukuro."
Then he shut up and let the Mist Guardian's name work its magic. Hibari froze, began trembling in rage, froze again, and trembled some more before snarling, "Sop hugging me."
Dino obediently got off and dusted off while his student rose and began slinking away.
"O-oi! Kyoyaaaaaaa! Where are you going?" the blonde called as he chased after him, surprised that he had ignored the bait that easily. The black-haired tonfa-wielder glanced back and scowled venomously.
"To the herbivore's house."
Never mind. Operation Kidnap Kyoya success!
"Wait…Kyoya…You're going the wrong way."
oOoOoOo
And there they were, Hibari present and Dino all in one piece. The blonde felt he had quite the right to be smug.
But no one chose to dwell on Cavallone's victory, and they walked through the door.
Chaos ensued. The evening passed by in a very loud, very troublesome blur. Gokudera jumped Yamamoto more than ten times, attempting to strangle the baseball fanatic. Ryohei demanded an EXTREME video game boxing match to the EXTREME, before roaring EXTREMELY about how EXTREMELY EXTREME the EXTREME sleepover was TO THE EXTREME!
Dino insisted that they played Russian roulette, at which point Tsuna vehemently demanded they use nerf guns, afraid that Reborn might slip in another dying will bullet.
Then Tsuna's mom came in with pizza, encouraging everyone to eat up. And so they did, with extra pizzas sent whizzing through the air by a certain energetic cow-suited toddler. Reborn told Lambo to clean up his mess, urging the kid along with a sharp whap to the head and a cocked gun pressed to his afro.
Afterwards they played Monopoly, Dino surprisingly dominating the majority, sending Tsuna and Yamamoto bankrupt with almost contemptuous ease. The game left Tsuna, Yamamoto, Gokudera, Lambo, and Ryohei watching a surprisingly energetic financial battle between Reborn, Hibari, and the Cavallone boss, Dino winning in the end.
Then somehow they found themselves in front of the T.V., watching one of Tsuna's mom's chick flicks, much to Tsuna's chagrin. On the whole, though, his friends didn't seem altogether too bothered. Much to his amazement, Dino, Ryohei, Gokudera, and Yamamoto were utterly fascinated.
"I didn't know vampires sparkled in the sunlight," Dino said, eyes wide with awe. "I gotta remember that."
"So if you see a person sparkling, you have to shove a spike through their chest before they suck the blood outta you?" Yamamoto wondered aloud.
"No, idiot," Gokudera muttered crossly. "They're vegetarian. There's no point."
"He must be an extremely extreme person to sparkle so extremely!" Ryohei decided.
And then the movie ended, so they began telling the stories.
Hibari told everyone present he'd bite them to death before burrowing himself into his blankets, opting to ignore them and their mingling.
Ryohei recited a long, epic ballad about an EXTREMELY EXTREME boxer who conquered the world to the EXTREME with his EXTREME boxing EXTREMENESS.
Gokudera narrated a moving tale about a certain faithful, gray-haired Smoking Bomb who slayed the stupid baseball idiot and became the Tenth's right hand man, swearing to serve him forever and always as long as he lived.
Lambo yelled something about 'Broccoli monsters', 'Tail-heads', 'Reborn', and 'Beloved Grapes' before trailing off into a loud string of "WHO AM I? LAMBO-SAN!"s.
Dino laughingly told a story about a no-good middle schooler who became a great, whip-wielding mafia boss through the efforts of a certain infallible baby hit man.
Reborn said that if he joined them in such idiotic past-times he'd catch their stupidity.
Finally, it was Yamamoto's turn.
"I was inspired by that movie we just watched," the Rain Guardian admitted, rubbing his head sheepishly. "So it has vampires in it.
"Once upon a time," Yamamoto began, a face-splitting grin plastered all over his face, "There was a happy, happy kingdom called Vongolaland where they played dangerous mafia roleplays all day! There the great and annoying King Gokudera and his beautiful Queen Tsuna ru—"
"HOW DARE YOU BLASPHEME THE TENTH'S NAME LIKE THAT? I'LL KILL YOU BASEBALL IDIOT! EN GARDE!"
There was a muffled bump and Gokudera's loud roars split through the house while Tsuna watched, bemused. Finally Dino decided that having a dead Guardian would not be a good thing and reached over to pry the Storm Guardian's hands off the baseball fanatic's neck. "Go on, Yamamoto-kun," the blonde said, all too amused.
"—uled," Yamamoto continued obliviously, as if there had never been an interruption. "They had an adorable daughter named Princess Dino—"
The Cavallone's smile immediately fell.
"—And the Kingdom was very happy! Hahaha! 'Cuz they were good rulers…and stuff…and the roleplay games were fun…Uh, I think I forgot the rest!"
"YOU FORGOT!" For the twenty-fifth time that night Gokudera jumped him and began trying to strangle the black-haired boy to death. "YOU ACT ALL GOODY-GOODY AND THEN YOU FORGET? I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Never mind, I remember now!" Yamamoto exclaimed cheerfully, seemingly unaware of the fizzling stick of dynamite that had appeared mere inches from his face. "And here goes: Except one day an evil vampire named Hibari appeared and threatened to bite everyone to death. And he actually did. Now, they couldn't have people dying left and right, right? That would really suck. So the beautiful, now fully grown Princess Dino took her whip and confronted the evil Hibari, fought with all her might, and got bitten to death.
"The end!" Yamamoto declared, beaming happily. "Pretty good, right?"
"I-I died?" Dino's eyes were wide with shock, very worried about the fact that his story-self perished. Of course, he didn't seem the least bit bothered about the fact that his story-self was the wrong gender. "How did that happen?"
"It's obvious," Gokudera muttered, seemingly slightly appeased that Dino's story-self had gone through biological function termination. "Your subordinates weren't there, so you failed."
"W-WHAT? But Romario would never abandon me to die!"
"He just did. Suck it up," the gray-haired delinquent stated emotionlessly.
"But I don't wanna die!" Dino protested, flailing his arms.
"B-But Dino-san…You didn't actually die…" Tsuna said, trying to placate his surprisingly childish 'elder brother'.
"I would be more than happy to change that." Hibari's muffled, murderous voice drifted from the under a mound of blankets. "You herbivores mingled too much and woke me up."
The prefect crawled out from his avalanche of sheets, looking disheveled and quite capable of killing everyone present despite being dressed unassumingly in plaid pajamas. He blinked sleepily and glared at the 'mingling herbivores', who had all frozen and were watching him apprehensively.
He scowled, looking quite annoyed. "Continue," he said icily as he took a seat next to his teacher.
"…"
Silence greeted his words.
"The story," the prefect prompted, looking quite irritated. "If you make me repeat, I'll bite you all to death."
"Eh heh…Okay Hibari! But…The story's done."
"Make a new ending. It seems a certain bratty herbivore wasn't happy with your original one and woke me up." With that Hibari yawned and stretched. After a moment he added, "Not that I had a problem with it."
Actually, they could all tell the prefect would be quite happy to make that ending become reality.
"Eh-heh, okay!" Yamamoto said. "So Princess Dino traveled to the great castle Nanimori to battle the evil, people-biting vampire Hibari and dragged along big, big sacks of garlic! 'Cuz vampires are allergic to garlic..and stuff… and she had a lot of crosses! And then Hibari stared at the Princess, sniffed the air, and ran away."
Immediately a tonfa smashed into Yamamoto's head, sending the baseball fanatic toppling over.
"Redo it," Hibari ordered frostily, reaching over to retrieve his signature weapon. "That was unsatisfactory. If you perform below standards your punishment will be to be bitten to death."
Yamamoto blinked, looking slightly deflated.
"…Okay, Hibari. Give me a sec… "Yamamoto sat there for a few moments, mumbling to himself while using his arms to draw weird signs in the air. Finally, after moments of mindless hand motions and sounds, he grinned up at them.
"Okay! This one's gonna be out of the park!" Yamamoto promised, clearing his throat dramatically. "Okay, so Princess Dino went to fight the evil vampire Hibari, right? The vampire decided that he would bite her to death just like anyone else. But she was so beautiful he decided to turn her into a vampire instead! And they lived happily ever after, biting people to death together! How's that?"
…
Silence.
Then a loud exclamation, "THAT WAS EXTREME! TO THE EXTREME!"
Gokudera was trying hard not to burst into laughter. Tsuna blanched, cowering. Lambo was long asleep. Reborn was perched on the sofa arm, whistling to himself while he polished his guns. Ryohei was posing, roaring about how extremely extreme the extreme story was to the extreme.
Mortification and fury seethed from the stone statue that was Hibari, his eyes narrowed darkly and mouth curled. Somehow he looked like a demon summoned from the deepest pits of Hell, dressed in plaid pajamas and plopped in the middle of the Sawada living room.
"Eh..Yamamoto-kun…" Tsuna stuttered, fearing for his friend's life. He looked quite pale and horrified and he immediately scrambled behind Gokudera. "Th-that's not…"
Gokudera was trying hard to stifle snorts of laughter. "Lived happily ever after? What a joke…Oh! Tenth! I'll protect you!"
And immediately he moved protectively in front of the Vongola X, drawing dynamite out in warning.
Dino, of course, had chosen that moment to fall asleep. The Cavallone boss had tipped over and was sprawled over the floor, completely unaware that the story had just ended.
Hibari eyed his teacher's snoring form with disgust, angered that he alone had to bear the burden of Yamamoto's ridiculous story. He had spent more time in the company of herbivores in this one night than he had ever had in the past sixteen years of his life, and that was all because he agreed to Dino's wishes. Every time one of the foolish animals had come close to him he had recited the blonde's promise in his head over and over and over, restraining the urge to bite them to death.
And now Dino had the gall to sleep during his torture and humiliation? This was just too much.
"Herbivore, I'll bite you to death," Hibari rasped. Then he lunged forward.
oOoOoOo
Dino was having a really nice dream. It involved not being killed by Bianchi's poison cooking, not tripping down stairs to his death, and not being attacked by his own turtle. Instead, he was back home in Italy, with his subordinates. They were having a party. And no one was dead, either!
A miracle.
They were celebrating the fact that his adorable sworn little brother Tsuna had become the Vongola X and was ready to take over the Family. But right before Tsuna was officially named Vongola X, Dino felt something sharp bury deep into his arm peeked his eyes open. Then he turned to look, his eyebrows rising skyward, blinking sleepily. His soul soon joined his eyebrows when he caught sight of the mass of silky, wild black hair that obscured his arm from view. Kyoya's dark eyes peeked through the locks, glinting evilly at him.
Dino stared, eyes twitching.
"K-Kyoya….What are you…"
And that's when the full extent pain fully registered in his mind.
"ITTAI! K-KYOYA! TH-THAT HURTS!" Dino howled, involuntary tears leaking out, trying desperately to shake the prefect off.
"Hibari actually bit him! Cool! Does that mean he's really a vampire? Hahahahahahaha!" Yamamoto laughed, scratching the back of his head obliviously as Dino raced around the room, a very wrathful Hibari attached to his arm.
oOo Finale oOo
A/N: I was just thinking about how funny it would be if Hibari actually bit Dino, and my friend and I (I'll call her Canzone, in honor of the Italian theme) somehow got the idea of Yamamoto telling a bedtime story. The vampire Hibari thing was from Tsuna: Monster Tamer and well…vampire's don't sparkle. So a brief cameo from Twilight, I guess.
Well…Yeah. It's probably not as funny as I intended, but… Oh, and I apologize for the OOC-ness….
Playlist: Tanoshiku Nacchau Uta (Belphegor and Fran version), Funny Sunny Day (Squalo, Belphegor,and Lussuria)