Shades of Grey
Author's Note: Thanks to my good friend Ashley, who over the past week has hooked me in, I have written the very first part to my very first Taito. Please don't be too hard on me, but I'd like reviews with comments and seggestions please!~Matt~
Have you ever felt alone? I mean, really alone? It's like you're invisible to the world to the world. No, wait, it's like you're the only person living on the planet at all. When society as a whole pushes you aside and marks you as a poison for the rest of humanity, it's not a very nice feeling. Everything that you've worked for, everything that you've accomplished, everything that you are is meaningless because you are different from the norm.
Metaphorically speaking, it's like an artist, a painter let's say, who spends his life creating wonderful works of art. The colors are vibrant and rich, the detailing, perfect. It is a masterpiece and everyone who lays eyes on it knows it. Now, visualize that same painting, stripped of all its glory. The color, dull and the detail, diminished.
That is where I am now. Wandering around this messed up world, examining my life and the decisions that I have made. The decision, that led me to the state of which I am now. I dwell deep within the shades of grey.
Has it always been this way? Of course not. Up until a few days ago I was still the same old matt, but now everything has changed. Let's say we start from the beginning. That way you'll better understand. I'm taking you back; three days prior to this one, where life was just like any other day. Well, it was a normal day for everyone else at least. Me? I was struggling. Trying to make a decision that would change my life.
~Tai~
"Hiya Tai! Hello Matt!" Kari greeted us as we walked in the front door of my apartment. "How was school today?"
"School was school" I shrugged.
"Did you hear anything more about the Valentine's Day dance?" she asked. Out of the corner of my eye I watched a Matt cringed.
"No, nothing yet." I told her
"No dates yet?" she asked slyly.
"Nope not yet!" Matt suddenly broke in. "C'mon Tai, let's get this stuff over with." he said as he yanked me toward my room.
"You seemed rather apprehensive out there Matt. What's up?" I asked him when we were behind closed doors.
"Nothing, I'm just a little upset about this whole dance thing." he told me.
"Are you afraid that you're not going to get a date or something?" I asked.
~Matt~
"That's part of it." I whispered under my breath. "I just don't care for Valentine's Day very much." I said, louder so that Tai could hear.
"A hunk like you doesn't like Valentine's Day?" he looked surprised.
"Look, could you please not call me a hunk? If you want help getting these boxes to your car we'd better go now. I have a rehearsal to get to, remember?" I snapped.
"Whoa, sorry Casanova. I don't want to make you late for your fifth rehearsal this week." he retorted.
"Look Tai, this gig is very important. You never know when a record producer is going to show up out of nowhere. Every one of them counts!" I explained.
"A record producer is going to show up at a community dance? You're head's stuck way up in those clouds Matt. Get real!" he shouted.
"What do you want from me Tai?" I shouted back.
"I just want my best friend back!" he told me, before storming out of the room with a stack of boxes.
"I want you too." I told his empty room, before I followed him out to his car.
~Tai~
"If you have to get going, I can finish up with the last couple of loads." I told Matt. He had been glancing at his watch again.
"There's not that many left. I have time to finish." he told me.
"No, I insist. Get as much practice time in as possible. You need it!" I spat.
"Fine!" he yelled. I could see the smoke coming out of his ears. I should have probably omitted that last comment, but he makes me mad. He's known me for much longer then he's been with the stupid band and lately I've been playing second fiddle. I know that his music is important to him. I just wish that he would get his priorities straight.
"I won't need your help decorating either. I'll get Sora to help instead." I called after him.
"That's a good idea, because you'd be waiting a hell of a long time for me to show up. Who knows how long I'll need to rehearse." he called back, before ducking into his car and speeding out onto the street.
~Matt~
"How can he possibly think that I've replaced him with my band?" I sobbed. "Doesn't he know how much he means to me?"
"No, because you haven't told me." Great! now I'm hallucinating! Well, it's better company then being by myself. I turned to the figment of Tai sitting in my passenger seat.
"I haven't told you because you are the last person that I would tell!" I countered.
"Well, then I guess I'll never know." he replied.
"My brother doesn't even know. Nobody knows!" I reasoned.
"It's not the end of the world Matt. So what? You're gay. You can't change the way you are, or how you feel. he countered.
"I feel so alone." I started to cry again.
"You can fix that problem. You're the one who wants to keep this to yourself." he reminded me.
"Great! I can't even win an argument with an imaginary person! Even my own sub conscious is against me. How am I ever going to get through this?"
~Tai~
I spent the most of the evening at the community center with Sora. I had called her to help me decorate for the dance, just like I had told Matt I would. I knew that I had plenty of friends who would come and help me if I called, but I still sort of wished that Matt had shown up.
"Are you ready for Valentine's Day?" Sora asked me as we were hanging the welcome banner over the door.
"Are you kidding. I think I want to spend the whole day in bed." I told her.
"But how can you tell Matt how you feel about him if you're... oh" she blushed.
My eyes widened and I almost fell off the ladder when I realized what she was thinking.. "It's not what you're thinking at all!" I defended myself. "I'm going to stay in bed to get away from Matt."
"But you've been telling me that this would be the day for months now. How can you just back out of it like that?" Sora made her way down the ladder and made her way over to where I was admiring the work.
"I know, but I just can't!" I told her.
"Why?" she persisted.
"Because, what if he doesn't feel the same way? I mean, I value our friendship more than anything in the world and I'd die if after I told him he'd run from me." Sora has known about my sexual preferences for a while now. She's the only one that knows. Besides Matt, she's my best friend and I trust her with everything.
"Tai, Matt's not like that." she reasoned. "Besides, your friendship has to be stronger than that. There's no way that Matt would end a life long friendship just because you told him you were gay."
"I'm not so sure of that"
"Why would you think such a thing?"
"We had a huge fight tonight. We've been fighting a lot lately and that doesn't make the situation any easier." Sora stayed quiet after that and pulled me into a warm hug. I knew that it was up to me to end this suffering and that's why I'm on my way to Matt's locker.
~Matt~
I hadn't been able to concentrate on the music at all last night, so rather then chopping the songs to pieces more than I already had, the band and I decided to call it quits for the night. I went for a long walk in the park after that and I came to a final decision. I am going to tell Tai as soon as I see him.
"Hey Matt" I got weak in the knees at the sound of Tai's voice. He must have been coming from the other direction. I hadn't counted on him sneaking up on me like that.
"Hi Tai" I said nervously.
"Look Matt, there's something I have to tell you..."
"I have something to tell you too." I admitted. A long silence followed. I needed a way out.
"Hi guys!" It was Mimi. THANK GOD! I'll have to tell him at the dance tomorrow night.
~Tai~
I was extremely relieved when Mimi had shown up. I knew that I wouldn't be able to tell him, but if she hadn't shown up when she did, I might have had to lie and that's not a good way to begin this confession. "Hi Mimi!"
"Are you guys set for the dance tomorrow night?" she asked innocently.
"Not yet." I admitted. "There still something I have to do."
End of Part 1
~MPF
End Note: Why was Kari interested in the dance? Will Tai and Matt ever confess their feelings at the dance? Where are the other Digidestined? When will I stop asking dumb questions? Find out in Chapter 2!