AN: one shot written for the QLFC week 1

Position prompt: BEATER 1: "Four Yorkshiremen". Best dialogue? "You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road." / "Cardboard box?" / "Aye." / "You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank." Write about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Additional prompts used:

Prompt 1: (genre) humour

Prompt 4: (word) insufferable

Prompt 14: (dialogue) "If I had a Knut for every time (...) said that." (fill in the blank with any pronoun or name)

Thanks to my fellow Puddlemere united team members for beta-ing and helping with ideas and suggestions.

"I'm dying, my life is at an end. How could you, Prongs? I'll be forever alone!" I hear as I open the door to our dorm room, being just in time to see Sirius miss his bed as he fake faints.

I look at James, who is sitting on his bed. "You told him about you and Lily?"

James nods. "I knew he would take it badly, but this badly? It's as if he thought we would never get together."

"Everyone knows you and Lily would end up together, Prongs. And it's not as if he can complain too much. After all, how many girlfriends has he had?"

James shrugs his shoulders. "I guess. I'm going to go and tell Lily that I've told Padfoot and that he's taking it like he did when I informed him that I became head boy."

James closes the door softly on his way out, leaving me alone with Sirius, who is still lying on the floor as if he had fainted.

"You do know that Prongs left the room, right?" I ask as I go to sit on my bed, where I have the perfect view of Sirius.

Sirius turns to look at me with a pout but doesn't seem to be planning on getting up. I lift my eyebrows. "Don't tell me that you hadn't realized that this would happen sooner or later? He is your best friend, you are supposed to be happy for him?"

"But, Moony can't you see? It's the end of us, the end of the two untameable bludgers, the most eligible bachelor duo of Hogwarts is no more. We've been friends, brothers since we met during our first year. He can't just dump me for her. I can't exist without Prongs."

I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes. I am pretty sure most of what he just said, is a repeat of what he said when he found out that James was going to be the new head boy.

"Stop being a drama queen Padfoot, you will be fine."

"How dare you Moony! Padfoot without Prongs is like Snivellus without greasy hair, goblins without gold, bees with no honey or unicorns without glitter. Together we are like fish and chips, salt and pepper, bacon and eggs," Sirius continues not even looking at what I am doing.

When he becomes this insufferable, it is easier to just tune him out and wait, rather than trying to interrupt. I am used to it, so used to it in fact, that I actually managed to fall asleep.

When I wake up an hour later Sirius still hasn't finished his list, but as I want to go and get some lunch, I decided that I don't have another choice than to interrupt and then flee, before he becomes even worse.

"Yes, Padfoot, I know. I get it. You and Prongs are like Blacks and insanity, one doesn't go without the other," and with that I make my escape from the dorm.

*hphphp*

This is so typical of Sirius. He had reacted in a similar way at the start of 5th year when he found out that I was a prefect. I'm not sure who he thought would be the prefect as it's just the 4 of us in our year, but he gave me a whole rant, about how I was leaving them, and how could they continue pranking without me. After all, I was the last stop before a prank was given the go ahead.

Usually Sirius had the initial idea, going way to wild and James would run with it, making it something that would work. I would have to check the prank and make sure that it was safe, that nothing would get us expelled. Peter would help with all three steps, he was able to point out if we missed anything, but that time Peter had the idea.

Sirius was so obsessed with the fact that we couldn't do pranks anymore, that he didn't think about any. The best way to get Sirius back to normal was a prank. And we succeeded. Sirius was always bad at getting up on time, but he got worse every year.

During the process of his whining he had managed to annoy every prefect in our house, so getting them to help out wasn't a problem. To be fair, we couldn't have done it without them. We decided to go totally Muggle for the pranks and had Muggle-born send home for balloons, cling film and different types of strings.

"Frank, do you have the newspapers?"

A nod.

"Lily, have you managed to collect enough materials from other Muggle-born?"

A second nod.

"The prank is on for tonight. Balloon blowing will be in the 6th year's dorm, ahead of time.

"As soon as Sirius falls asleep Peter will grab all the loose stuff from the bathroom and bring it to the 4th year dorm. The wrapping will then start in that dorm, I'll start with putting cling film on the toilet seat, taps, and window. As soon as Peter's group is finished with wrapping all of Sirius stuff, he will bring it back and I'll put it in the bathroom where it belongs.

"Peter will then take Sirius his trunk into the dorm, all clothing items will be removed, and all other items will be wrapped. While Peter is doing the wrapping, it's team James their turn. They will start filling the bathroom with balloons. When that is finished, he will start moving our trunks down to the common room so Lily can put them in her room for protection.

"As soon as Peter is finished, we will be putting everything back in his trunk, wrapping the trunk and putting it back. When all that is finished, James will transfigure his clothes into a nightgown and Lily will apply make-up and charm it so it can only be removed while in the great hall.

"Lily and I will then place and charm the buckets.

"Male dorms 4th years and up, will be unusable during the prank so 4th years and up are grabbing what they need and storing it with the girls or younger years, leaving the rooms looking like normal, so that they don't get blamed.

"As soon as that is done, we grab the ball of strings and start at the 6th year dorm and make our way down to the 4th year dorm, making a maze with all the string."

The setup of the prank ran like clockwork, the actual prank went way better.

Sirius had only woken up during lunchtime, so everyone was in the great hall. The scream was heard through the whole castle, and the teachers went to explore to make sure nothing was wrong. It only took Sirius an hour to get down to the great hall, where everyone was waiting until the teachers cleared the school.

The nightgown that Sirius had on was covered in features in all possible colours, clashing with the make-up. He had pieces of newspaper stuck to him and had managed to set off one of the hallway traps too. It only took a minute before every single person, students and teachers alike, in the great hall had started laughing.

When McGonagall walked in 10 minutes later and saw Sirius in the state he was, she had a massive go at him for screaming and inappropriate state of dress.

I think the only reason that we got away with the prank that time was because all teachers had heard Sirius complain more than once about not being able to do any pranking.

*hphphp*

At the start of this year, we repeated the prank, but because Sirius was overreacting to James becoming head boy. We all got detention that time, but it was worth it.

Unfortunately, I don't think we would manage the same prank a third time, even Sirius isn't stupid enough to fall for the same prank three times.

I push the thoughts of pranking Sirius to the back of my mind till I can discuss it somewhere safe with the others as I reach the great hall and start looking for James and Lily.

"Lily, James. Mind if I join?"

Lily nods. "Hi Remus, go ahead. Where is Sirius?"

"Somewhere between the dorm and here? I'm not sure." I am quite relieved to have had a few minutes of peace and quiet to be honest and apparently Lily can tell.

Lily stops eating to look at me. "What's he done this time?"

"He's just being himself. Remember how he reacted after he found out that James was head boy? Well, this was 10 times worse."

"Oh, Sirius is such a drama queen."

"Tell me about it," I can't help but roll my eyes. "If I had a Knut for every time someone said that…" Then again, I am probably one of those people who calls him a drama queen the most.

I almost forgot that James was sitting with us until he asks, "What did you say to him? Is he listening at all?"

I shake my head. "He hardly let me get a word in and, I think I slept through most of it? But he did compare the two of you to salt and pepper, goblins and gold, and fish and chips. And those were the polite ones. Then I compared Padfoot and you to Blacks and insanity, to show I was following, but I walked out before he could reply."

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONYYYYYYYYYY!"

I'm pretty sure I hear some necks snap with how fast some people turn to look at the entrance of the Great Hall. Sirius is standing in the doorway looking as if he just escaped from a mental institute – flushed, pouting and with eyes burning in manic defiance. I notice that he is still wearing his pyjamas, is wearing two different socks, but no shoes and has a robe, that looks like it doesn't belong to him, thrown over his shoulders.

"I am not insane! How dare you even insinuate that I am?"

I lift my eyebrows before turning to Lily and James and saying: "Case in point."