My first ItachixSakura fanfic, it's one of those impossible pairings that I like. It may be an impossible, but hey, it's a story. In stories you follow the storyline, no matter how stupid, pointless, or confusing. (Zetsu's white side is normal print, the black side is italic: like this.)

Hana

Chapter One:

Kiss My Ass

"Kiss my ass." Was the first thing Sakura said to the black-haired Uchiha. She had been tied up by the man, and that same man had told her he was bringing her to the Akatsuki. Itachi Uchiha showed no reaction to Sakura's statement. All he showed was a small smirk. Sakura glared at him, pompous ass. Next chance she got she'd kick him right there...

"You're coming with me." Itachi told her again.

"I say this again, Kiss my ass you piece of sh-"

"That's not something a young girl should be saying."

"I'm 21 you asshole." Sakura snapped. Itachi paused a bit before continuing to tell her.

"Naruto-kun will be drawn to the hideout by you. I can't kill you just yet. Bit by bit, we'll take everyone who is precious to him."

"I don't think you know each other enough to be on a first name basis you pompous asshole." Sakura glared more intensely at Itachi. She really hated his guts for what he's done to Sasuke, and what he plans to do to Naruto. "And to be quite frank, if you release me now I won't be as severe with your punishment as I will when I break out of this rope." Sakura growled.

"You cannot escape the rope, it is made from chakra. You should know that even Lady Tsunade's super human strength cannot break it." Itachi informed her.

"Good thing I surpassed her a month ago." Sakura began struggling at the rope, Itachi sighed.

"There's no point. You can't escape."

"Bull..shit!" Sakura strained against the chakra string.

"You have a strong will, but it is all futile."

"Shut the hell up you asshole. When I break out of this you won't have no more babies!" Sakura had started to get some arm room in the rope. Itachi's eyes widened slightly when he heard the chakra rope starting to crackle.

"I cannot allow you to break free any further." Itachi chopped the back of her neck with his open palm. Sakura winced, then fell unconscious.

Sakura awoke with one thought in her mind: Asshole.

" I see you've awakened." Someone said to her from behind. She looked, Kisame Hoshigake...that asshole. Sakura glared at him, it didn't have much effect since she was all tied up. Pompous assholes. The Akatsuki are full of them.

Kisame laughed.

"You're a feisty one. I like feisty females." Kisame grinned. Sakura was utterly disgusted.

"Don't get any ideas Kisame. Remember your orders." Itachi said quietly.

"Crawl into a hole, shrivel up, and die Uchiha." Sakura spat.

"Not very friendly!" Kisame's grin got wider. Sakura didn't switch her glare from Itachi.

"There's a poker game going on Itachi, you want to join?" Kakuzu said from outside the door.

"Not today Kakuzu."

"Suit yourself." The man left.

"Are you sure Itachi? You never miss a poker game." Kisame looked at him.

"Not today, we have to guard the girl."

"Go make out with your boyfriends you asshole. Both of you. But first, how 'bout untying me?" Sakura glared.

"No can do, no matter how much I'd love to make out with Itachi-kun." Kisame said, grinning. Itachi's left eye twitched.

"Kisame, I will have to beat you for this."

"Ooh, punish me Itachi-kun!" Kisame grinned.

"Hey, I'm bored. Can we do something fun? Like truth or dare?" Sakura asked them, a horrible grin spread across her face.

"What game?" Kisame asked her.

"Truth or dare." Sakura said again, What an idiot... She thought.

"Alright. But on one condition, you don't ask that we kill ourselves or for your or Naruto's freedom." Itachi said.

"...Fine." Sakura agreed reluctantly. "I'll go first then. Itachi, truth or dare?"

"...Dare."

Sakura's evil grin couldn't have gotten bigger at this point. She whispered something in his ear, so Kisame couldn't hear. Itachi's eyes were widening considerably when Sakura was telling him what to do. Finally, Itachi sighed, stood up, and walked downstairs.

"Royal Straight." Kakuzu put his cards down to show the others. Konan threw her cards on the table and glared at him.

"I swear he's cheating! Where's Itachi when you need him!? Ugh!!" Konan screeched. Kakuzu just sat there and grinned. Hidan was mouthing off, more curse words than I care to put out. Pain stored a new one away for future use.

"Royal Straight Flush." Pain interrupted Konan's yelling. He put his cards down to prove it.

"..." Konan sat back down and looked at her own cards: One Pair. Hidan had a Full House and Zetsu...had eaten his cards... "Zetsu...you really need to stop that." Konan was looking at him with disgust.

"I try babe. Heh, my bad." Zetsu said.

"I feel so pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and...gay!" Itachi had just come down and was skipping merrily, singing this song. The group stared at him, most of them had mouths open. Itachi skipped twice around Pain, kissed his cheek, and skipped back upstairs.

"Pain! I didn't know you rolled that way! You cheater!" Konan ran to her room crying, Hidan was laughing his ass off. A horrible aura was emanating from Pain. Zetsu was staring hungrily at Hidan's cards...

Meanwhile, Sakura was laughing her ass off when Itachi came back in. Itachi was immediately glomped by Kisame.

"Get off me." Itachi glared.

"Itachi, I think we should take our relationship to the next level." Kisame said, his eyes big like a puppy's. "Itachi, can I have your babies?" Kisame puckered his lips at Itachi.

"No." Itachi threw him out of the room and locked the door. Sakura's laughter slowed down, she eventually stopped and was grinning. That grin didn't last long when Itachi picked her up by the throat and slammed her against the wall. Sharingan activated as always, Itachi's glare seemed more intense than usual. Sakura winced from Itachi's hold, she glared right back into Itachi's eyes.

"You will pay for your insolence." He growled. Sakura spat in his face.

"That's what you get from listening to a prisoner asshole." She glared. Itachi picked her up off the wall and threw her across the room. Sakura's spine hit the other wall and fell to the ground coughing. "That's right, piss the prisoner off more, that's smart." Sakura strained. Itachi slammed his foot on her back, causing her to cough more.

"Don't get cocky woman. Remember your only alive because we need you." Itachi glared at her, Sakura glared right back.

"I'm sure you'll kill me after killing Naruto I suppose. Because even you, the treacherous ass from Leaf, know that Naruto would come after me even if I was dead. You know, like, revenge maybe?" Sakura spat. "I know someone who totally agrees with me that you are the biggest asshole ever created! You might get along when your not trying to kill each other."

Itachi remained silent, glaring down at her, Sakura glared right back.

" You'd better watch your language." Itachi said, "You're going to wind up-"

"Oh sure, watch my language, when pigs fly you pompous, shitty, ass crack." Sakura interrupted him. She even continued, "I don't get how you can live with yourself. You kill the entire Uchiha clan, even your own parents! But you keep Sasuke alive so you have a torture doll! You pompous asshole!" Sakura stopped to catch her breath. Itachi figured this must be some sort of woman thing and didn't say anything to her. But he had to admit to himself, she was cute when she was angry. He'd never admit it to anyone else though, no way, not even Sakura.

Sakura was ready to continue her ranting... "You are one of the most annoying people I know! Always thinking you can't be beaten, always having that stupid sharingan on! Turn it off once in awhile, that way we get to see your other ugly-ass eyes." Sakura glared at him, "But noooo, we have to keep them on, who knows what might happen! It's not like the other person in the room can break free of chakra ropes without us noticing! Who knows when the prisoner might punch us in the face!" With a tremendous effort, Sakura broke free of the rope, rolled out of Itachi's reach, stood up, and landed a punch on him in a very quick motion while Itachi was still stunned by the chakra rope being broken. The chakra rope will shock anyone within 5 meters of it, stunning them for a few seconds. Sakura fell to her knees panting, pure willpower had allowed her to move being paralyzed.

Itachi hit the wall, which, get this, didn't give way from the force of the blow. And yes, it was supposed to. Sakura was too busy worrying about her own pain to notice or care. Itachi rose from his position on the wall, he glared down at Sakura's form.

"You're going to pay woman." Itachi growled.

"You're the one who's gonna be paying!" Sakura got up and charged at him, fist pulled back, ready to strike.

Oooo, suspense! Love it. Anyway, rate if you're up to it. There's a reason why this is rated M...hopefully you noticed it. If not, you're...yeah I won't go that far...

Anywho, review, I need to know how well I've written this. Seriously...

Anyhoot, Hope you've enjoyed the beginning and that you'll wait for the next exciting installment.