A/N: I have no idea where this came from o_o. Would you believe me when I say I wasn't high on anything when I wrote this?

Probably not.

Whatever. This is 99.99% pure and unadulterated crack.

Well, at least it was meant to be.*sigh*

Whatever. Anyway, if this hasn't scared you off(and you must be very brave then) I hope this will:

Warnings: Language, crappiness, homosexuality, OOCness(?), failed attempts at humour(or something akin to it)

First Day

Gilbert Weillschimdt was in a particulary bad mood today. Which was a rare sight, because (according to his mother and classmates) he had a skin far too thick for anything to actually affect him.

He was in a bad mood because he had been rejected from the football team. Again. He had been trying for it since he was in 3rd Grade. But his grades were too low or some sort of stuff he didn't care about.

Muttering under his breath about how the school team going to miss the awesome that was himself, he ran down the staircase – Gilbert never walked, he always ran – mostly because he always needed to be someplace five minutes before, before colliding with someone and rolling down the rest of the stairs.

His first thought was he'd gone to heaven, because the ground felt like clouds. Soft and fuzzy. Then he opened his eyes and realised he was actually lying on top of a polar bear cub that was lying on top of – something, definitely, since it was about five inches from the ground, but he couldn't see just what. So he did what anyone – anyone sane at any rate – in his place would not have done.

He kicked the space under the cub. Hard,

"Owww!" 'Kay, a plus point. Ghosts didn't feel pain or yell. But even the yell was strangely faint. Hmmm...

Gilbert stared hard at the floor, before his eyes adjusted to the paleness of the person lying there. It was...

"Alfred? What the Hell, man? Why are you carrying around a Polar Bear? Did you grow your hair? It seemed to be alright last time I met you. And I met you exactly 15 minutes ago in Algebra." were all things he tried to say at as expected, they came out like "Alfred?What..hair?Polar..Algebra?"

Needless to say, the boy didn't understand. But he tried to be friendly all the same. "I'm Matthew." He said, getting up from the floor when it became clear that Gilbert wasn't going to extend his hand and pull him up. "Would you like to take a picture?" was what he started to say, but somehow, passing through his throat, the sentence miraculously became "I'm so sorry."

"Hah..its 'kay," Gilbert said absent-mindedly, still staring at him "Do you know Alfred?"

"A-Al's my t-twin.."

"Of course that's IT!" Gilbert said, doing a weird kind of whoop in the air – the kind which had made Elizaveta dub him a goof and break up with him, just before the bell rang.

"Ah..a-are you a-a-alright?" Matthew asked. But he might as well have spared himself the trouble, because Gilbert was already half-way down the Hall.

"I guess he i-is, then." he muttered to himself, clutching his stuffed polar bear to his chest, before realisation hit him.

"A-ah! That was m-my bell too!

"Gilbert!"

"Mon ami!"

"Gilbert, amigo."

"OW!" The very well-aimed – more than necessary in fact – kick to the shin made Gilbert, who had been peacefully snoozing in his seat, fall straight down from his chair.

"Mein Gott!What the HELL, guys?"

It took him 65 seconds to shake the sleep off completely.

And another 15 to realise that the whole class – Teacher and Elizaveta and her new boyfriend Roderich included – were staring at him.

And another 45 to have his ass kicked out by the Teacher, along with Antonio and Francis, for 'disrupting the class'.

"Wow." Gilbert muttered.

"She was asking you something." Francis muttered back, though not looking very fazed. This was, after all, normal for them, The Bad Touch Trio.

"Thank God Lovi wasn't there." Antonio muttered. Both Francis and Gilbert looked over at him.

"What?" Francis.

"Lovi?" from Gilbert.

"You mean..the Vargas twins?"

"No," Antonio replied, "I mean the elder Vargas twin."

"That's good, then." Gilbert visibly relaxed. " Because if you were hitting on the younger, West would've totally sicced our dogs on you."

"That's good?" Francis shrieked, making a few people turn towards them, before they went back to their respective businesses, muttering, "Oh, its Francis."

"That's GOOD?" Francis continued, striking melodramatic poses, his background morphing into one of impending doom from the usual roses and sparkles. "The elder Vargas twin is a killer! He probably has a pet dragon at home!"

"Really?" Gilbert raised his eyebrows.

"Non non. Forget that. I mean he is probably descended from a dragon!"

"I can hear you, fuckwad." a voice screamed from behind them.

"Point taken." Gilbert muttered almost inaudibly. Emphasis on almost.

"And that too, bastardo!"

"Ow!" Gilbert flinched. Not at the language, but the volume.

"Such vulgar language..and must you shout when you're right behind my ea-"

"Shut up French Toast! I don't need to hear anything from shitheads like you. If I hear you talking about me again, I'll cut your.."

At this point, Gilbert clapped his hands around Francis' ears, who had turned pale and was shaking like a leaf in the wind. He would have liked to clap one around Antonio's too, but the worshipful expression on his face scared him off.

"..and use your remains to fertilise my tomatoes." Lovino finished his rant on exactly how he would use their body parts – Gilbert was impressed by his anatomical knowledge – and went on towards his friends.

"What..." Francis managed to whisper when Lovino had gone.

"..." Anotnio muttered something (cheesy) in Spanish.

"Who named him Lovino?" the ever-practical Gilbert asked.

"Is it just me or do you feel like dumping them into a trash can too?" Arthur whispered to him.

"Eh..Francis and Antonio?" Gilbert looked over at where the other two were engaged in a conversation about True Love and Lovino and Arthur. "Nah..I just feel like doing this." And he unceremoniously dumped his and Arthur's (well he said he wanted to dump them, right?) soda on Francis and Antonio.

A/N: 'Kay, I dunno how the school system works in other countries, but in our country, people of one paricular Standard are divided into sections and the period timings are fixed, so one Bell goes for all sections. Not Standards, though.

Also, Gil and Mat are both in Xth Std, so that makes them 16. And I tried to go by the American schooling system(I hope) as much as I could but so far I only know what I can scrape together from books and ficcies, so maybe there are some mistakes. If someone would be kind enough as to fill me in, I'll be greatful.^^''

Oh, and yes, they are in America. 'Cos that seems to be the only country where any number of Hetalia characters could be fit(Multi-Ethnicity yay!). Of course, I could place it in Canada(where?) but the only thing I know about it is that it looks freakin beautiful in the Fall, has lots of snow in the winter(and maple syrup?) and that I want to visit Canada someday. Oh, and the stupid Geographical things that would have no meaning here so I'll go with the U.S. Of A.

Also, Translations in order(like anyone needs them, but I will anyway.):

French:

Mon ami: My friend

Non: No

Italian:

Bastardo: Bastard

Spanish:

Amigo: My Friend

German:

Mein Gott: My God!

Again, I didn't have time to look up translations blah blah. I know the German and Spanish is correct since I know them, but if there was some mistake in the Italian or French, please tell me so I can correct them(I picked up loose phrases from places) and I will give you free cookies – fairy and unicorn flavoured.(just don't tell Arthur)