What She's Got…
By: Junsui Chikyuu
March 28, 2005
She was beautiful.
She was intelligent.
She was disciplined and serious when she wanted to be.
She was a great fighter.
Most of all, she wasn't her.
So, she was perfect.
She was perfect for him.
Ino wasn't very good at many things. She was good, though, at being bossy, and loud, and conniving (but only when necessary). And when it came to hiding her emotions, she could do well enough if she tried. She was best, however, at noticing. She was not the great analytic thinker, like Shikamaru, but she noticed things he didn't. She wasn't able to play go or see a hundred moves ahead, but her eyesight was fine enough, thank you, and Ino could tell when matters of the heart were being played out before her eyes.
This was, however, quite possibly the only time she regretted having this… ability. She watched as they walked together. She could see the nervous twitch of their fingers – the ones closest to each other – and knew that they were each wishing to reach out and take hold of the other's hand. But they didn't and it was a fear of rejection she could see in both their eyes.
Normally, Ino would be quite interested and even think up various ways to wreak havoc – I mean… play matchmaker… - but this was not one of those times.
Ino wasn't a fool. She had known she'd liked him. She'd liked him for a very, very long time. She had also known (because, again, she was not a fool) that she could never have him. She was a fool for falling for someone she could never have. She was a fool for getting her heart broken every time she saw him walk away or say something mean or saw him with her.
And one would think, that perhaps because of Ino's nature, she would hate this other girl. But she didn't. One would think that perhaps she would be obscenely resentful of this other girl. But she wasn't. She was jealous – but only because she was all of those things that Ino was not. And there was nothing she could do to change that. There was no way to make him see her or love her.
So. She did not envy this girl but, rather, her traits. Her situation. But not her. Because, as she had been told, she too had had a rather horrible life. It was nice to see that at least someone could find happiness in this world.
And like always, Ino would be strong. She would continue with the charade she had lived in for so long. She would continue to act the same around him. To be nice to her. Because, really, what good would it do her to reveal herself? She'd only make it worse for her own feelings – her heart to be shattered instead of broken when he decided that he definitely hated this annoying girl. She would stop talking to her. Or Ino'd find herself with yet another rivalry on her hands (one in a lifetime was enough, thank you!).
And probably, they'd move away eventually anyway. She wouldn't have to see him again. See their beautiful children run around with her disposition and his eyes. Or by that time, she could move away herself if it became too unbearable.
Maybe she'd be over him by then. At least, she should be able to stop comparing every man she saw to him – his dark eyes, unruly hair, and calm demeanor. She could perhaps have a husband of her own, like her mother wanted, a nice, respectable house, like her father said, a beautiful wedding, like Sakura insisted – and two beautiful children, a boy and girl, like she knew he would have wanted.
So, until then, she could pretend that seeing them together was cute, interesting, but certainly not the most important thing on her mind. That seeing them was not tearing her apart.
In the future, she'd begin to avoid him and push him away even further than she had in all these years together, simply to maintain some semblance of sanity.
In the future, Sakura would notice those two, if she hadn't already, and suggest that she and Ino try to set them up. And Ino would have to think quickly of a really good reason not to.
Tonight, she would lay down and cry, harder than she ever did for Sasuke, for every moment she'd lost and could have had. (The cynical side of her would laugh cruelly at the inside joke about how their children's hair could never come out well with parents like them. And then she'd cry more forcefully, because, really, she adored his hair.)
But right now, as she watched, Nara Shikamaru and Sabaku Temari were walking towards her down the street, tensely aware of each other.
And sooner or later, she'd have to say "hello".
Ahhh… tangents are beautiful, aren't they?
Dedicated to: Jer! (Even though he doesn't read!) Because it's HIS fault I wrote this! I love Shika… I love Temari… I HATE ShikaxTema… But my brain just needed some Ino-angst, so, what better way to make it work than with a coupling I hate? Hmmm… satisfaction… Please let me know what you think!