DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dr Who/Torchwood characters – they belong to BBC Cardiff and RTD. I do not earn anything except reviews from other like-minded fans. This is AU obviously, and is set two months after 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' and before Gwen's wedding. My characterisations do not necessarily conform to the television series. Be warned … there IS Gwen and Jack bashing.

Summary: Ianto Jones, Torchwood's Archivist, has had enough of his supposed 'relationship' with Jack. He's been hurt too much by Jack. He decides he has to leave Torchwood, leave Jack and forge a new life for himself and hopefully, a real relationship with someone who loves him.

IANTO MAKES A CHOICE

Chapter 1 Resignation

Ianto stood nervously in front of Jack's desk, looking down at the man who had abandoned him and Torchwood, to run off with the Doctor three months ago. He dreaded this moment but knew he could not put it off anymore. He needed closure on his former 'relationship' with Jack or whatever it was they had shared; he needed healing from the broken heart the Immortal Captain had left him with. And he couldn't do that staying at Torchwood.

They had not had a chance to be alone together, except for frantic couplings … over every flat surface on the Hub floor; rammed up against the Archives wall; and splayed over Jack's desk. But that was it. He regretted ever telling Jack that he would go out on a date with him. Jack always found the time for shagging, but never to go out on a date. He had tried talking to Jack but the Immortal just kept shunting him aside … he was too busy … he had the team to think about … he needed space.

Yet he expected so much from Ianto. Jack had insisted to Gwen that she keep her relationship with her fiance, Rhys intact by letting her finish early and have the occasional day off. He had explained that too much had been allowed to drift and Gwen had to take back her life with Rhys.

Even Toshiko and Owen, who were now an official couple, were given time off to 'explore' their new relationship, even if they both started earlier and finished later than Gwen. He gave them leeway in their personal lives to help them. Help Gwen.

But Ianto? Well … he was at Jack's beck and call. He barely got time to go home now, crashing either on the Hub couch or squashed between the cold, brick wall and his splayed out lover on the tiny cot in his bunker.

Ianto had believed Jack when he told him he had come back for him. Until recently. While tracking back through CCTV footage to ensure their 'couplings' were deleted, he had inadvertently found the scene of Gwen and Jack down in the cells when their leader had returned from his six months away. He saw the heartbroken look on Jack's face, heard the trembling voice full of hurt and disappointment at Gwen's engagement to Rhys Williams. And the broken fragments of his own heart began to shatter as he witnessed the scene between them.

There was only so much pain Ianto could bear. Having Jack leave him for the Doctor had broken his heart; having Jack lie to him, then see and hear the truth come out with Gwen Cooper … was just too much to bear. Ianto's broken heart had shattered.

"What's that in your hand, Ianto? It's kinda late and I'm not really up for looking through another report? Although, when everyone has gone home, I might be up for something else." Jack followed his innuendo with a salacious look at the young Welshman.

Ianto's cheeks coloured, but his eyes remained focused on Jack. He moved aside the smaller stack of files littering Jack's desk to create a clear space. Then he placed the manilla folder down on Jack's desk, pushing it close to him.

"It's not a report, Jack", Ianto began, strain evident in his voice. "I've compiled a list of suitable candidates whom I've thoroughly investigated. All clean. All suitably qualified. They are replacements, Jack. For me."

"What?" Jack exclaimed loudly, shock spreading across his face. "What do you mean a replacement for you? You're not leaving … you can't! Torchwood needs you, Ianto! I need you! What the hell is going on?"

Jack leapt up from his chair and stepped around his desk to face Ianto, deliberately moving into his personal space. His hands were on his hips and his face was thunderous.

Ianto stepped back and shouted. "I am leaving, Jack! I can't do this anymore. Not with Torchwood. Not with you, because you abandoned us, like we were nothing … you abandoned me, to be with your Doctor! Jack! You broke my heart. Then you lied to me … about coming back for me. You came back for Gwen. I saw the CCTV footage of you and Gwen down in the cells the day you returned to us from being with the Doctor. I have to get out of here. I have to leave Torchwood. I have to leave you!" His eyes flashed anger, but beneath that fiery gaze was pain and confusion.

Jack's anger melted away as shock replaced it. "Ianto? No! Please don't … don't say that! I need you so much, Ianto. I didn't lie to you, Ianto, I honestly came back for you! That conversation with Gwen? I was confused. It wasn't really what it looked like. It was a mistake! Honest! Please don't leave me! Give me a chance to explain! Explain everything! You can't leave! Not Torchwood! Not me! We need you here … I need you, you know that!"

Devastation was mapped out across Jack's face, in his shocked blue eyes, in his shaky voice, in his slumped shoulders. Ianto's heart melted a little … but not enough. Anger reared up in his own blue eyes and Jack recognised the stormy glare thrown out to him.

Ianto's words spat out at Jack. "I can't leave? But you can? And you did! Without a word, without a note. Zip, nada, zilch! I needed you … but you left! Don't you dare lay that on me, Jack! At least I have given you some warning and I will work my notice. My resignation is in the envelope inside the folder. There's nothing you can do to stop me, Jack! And retcon? Yeah, I'll take the retcon! I'll risk the high dosage so I can forget! Forget Torchwood, forget you!"

Leaving a stunned Jack speechless in his wake, Ianto yanked the door open and stormed down the stairs and headed straight past his shocked co-workers who had heard every word once the two men's conversation had escalated into yelling. He went through the cog door and disappeared from view, just as Jack recovered himself and appeared at his office door.

He already heard the cog door open and knew Ianto was on the run. He had to catch him up, talk to him, persuade him to change his mind. He had to! Ianto was everything to Jack and he now realised he had not taken the time to tell him. Nor had he taken the time to show Ianto how much he meant to him … not even taking him on that promised date!

Jack's legs mobilised into action as he ran down the steps, across the Hub and yelled out to his bewildered team, "I'll be back! Just carry on!" as he headed for the cog door.

"Jack!" yelled Gwen angrily, "What the hell is going on?" She shot up out of her seat as he swept past her and grabbed his arm. Jack yanked it out of her grip, shooting her an angry glare and continued on.

Along with Owen and Tosh, Gwen had heard what Ianto had said about the CCTV footage in the cells. Gwen knew Jack was lying to him. She had seen in his eyes, heard in his voice and felt in his touch the deep pain and disappointment that the news of her engagement to Rhys, had caused Jack. She regretted not acting on that open door of opportunity he had given her. When she realised what it was, it was too late. Jack had become involved with Ianto again. She had lost her chance then. But now? Maybe …..

By this time, Owen had come up from the autopsy bay and yelled out, "Harkness! What the fuck did you do to teaboy?" Toshiko stood up and glared at Jack, upset because her best friend had just stormed out of the Hub declaring he was resigning!

Jack ignored them all, impatiently waiting for the cog door to open. He slipped through it before it had even rolled back, got in the lift and sprinted out when the doors opened through the tourist office. Ianto had unlocked the door, replaced the key in it's usual place and shut it behind him.

Jack shot out of the door, guessing that Ianto was heading towards his car. He was halfway to the underground parking when he heard the squeal of a car making haste to leave. Ianto. Jack took a deep breath and sprinted to the entrance … then stood in front of it, legs apart and hands on his hips.

Ianto's car suddenly careened around the last column and the screech of brakes resounded throughout the parking area as the young Welshman desperately tried to bring the car to a sudden halt before hitting Jack. He only just made it by inches. Jack leaned forward and slapped his hands down on the bonnet.

Ianto shoved his door open, jumped out and ran at full speed back through the parking garage, Jack in hot pursuit. He couldn't take the lift because Jack would catch him, so he hoped his younger legs would carry him far enough to be able to outdistance and tire Jack out. Ianto hadn't counted on the adrenaline rush fuelling Jack. Nor the Immortal's great fear and even greater determination that he was not going to lose the man that he loved.

Jack began to gain on Ianto who was starting to tire, his leg muscles burning and his lungs screaming at him. Ianto then stumbled and in trying to avoid falling over, he faltered. Jack caught up to him and slammed the young Welshman into the nearest wall.

Ianto struggled with Jack, trying to push him away but the Immortal was too strong for him. He tried to move sideways from Jack but his foot caught on a rough patch in the concrete and he fell sideways, taking Jack with him.

The Immortal tried to prevent them falling, but only succeeded in making it worse. He flipped them over and Ianto landed with a painful grunt on his back, Jack landing on top of him. Jack's arms pinned him to the ground. Ianto glared up at him.

Panting heavily with Ianto trapped beneath him, Jack gasped out, "Please, Ianto! What's wrong? What have I done wrong that you would leave me? Tell me so I can fix it!"

Catching his breath, Ianto spoke quietly, his tone void of emotion. "You can't fix this, Jack. It's too late. My heart is shattered. You can't fix it!"

"Ianto!" yelled Jack in his face, fear and frustration lacing his tone. "What the hell did I do wrong? Please tell me! I don't know what I've done! I can't lose you, Ianto … I just can't!"

Sadness replaced the anger in Ianto's stormy blue eyes as he looked up into Jack's face. "You already have, Jack." he said softly.

"Ianto! You owe me an explanation! Please! What did I do?" Jack pleaded, his voice on the point of breaking. His eyes were glazed with unshed tears as he looked down at the crumpled face before him.

Ianto was too broken to yell back at Jack … to tell him how he had never given them any explanation as to why he had left. He had never told him why he left. Ianto had burnt out. He had run himself ragged looking after the team while Jack had been away; barely eating or sleeping; adding field work to his endless list of duties; dealing with Flat Holm Island; fielding UNIT's demands to speak to their leader. It had been a nightmare.

"Let me up. Please. You're hurting me. I won't run away" Ianto pleaded in an anguished voice, his sorrowing eyes turning to face Jack.

Jack released his hold on the young man and pushed himself off, then bent down extending a hand to pull Ianto to his feet. He apologised. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to talk. I never meant to hurt you … in any way."

Ianto nodded as he accepted Jack's hand and rose shakily to his feet. His breathing had eased a little. It wasn't so painful to breath. "Thanks", he murmured, turning away from Jack's anxious gaze and leaning back heavily on the wall behind him.

Ianto sighed deeply, then looked up at the Immortal, resignation mingled with the sorrow in his eyes. "Not here, Jack. Coffee shop. The one down by the Drycleaners on the main street. Bronnie's Bonnie Café, the only café that makes decent coffee. We'll talk there. You're right. I owe you an explanation."

Jack nodded in acceptance, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He glanced every now and then at Ianto as the two of them walked stiffly beside each other. There was only a gap of about six inches between them … to Jack it felt more like six miles. Ianto's shoulders were hunched over, his head hung low as he walked. Tension was in every part of Ianto's body … Jack could feel it.

Why the fuck didn't I see this coming? He's serious … I know he's damn serious. Even wrote out his resignation. FUCK! I've been so blind, so fucking stupid! I knew I was working him too hard … even Owen had a go at me about it. I just wanted to make it up to the team for my being away. But I didn't make it up to him. Fuck, I just worked his arse off during the day and then at night, even when I knew how exhausted he was, I turned around and fucked his arse off! So much for dating him … shit, I'd leave if someone treated me like that!

And he thinks I'm in love with Gwen? Okay, fuck it, I did get carried away with her down in the cells and maybe I would have pushed for more with her if she hadn't been engaged to Rhys. But would I really have gone far with her? She wasn't the face I saw all those long nights and painful days on the Valiant. It wasn't her green eyes that kept me holding on to hope when there was no hope. It wasn't Gwen I had dreamed of taking out on a romantic date. It was Ianto … only Ianto. But I've never told him. I have to … I have to tell him. I'm losing him … I'm losing Ianto. I can't live with that. It might tear me apart for awhile if Gwen left, but I'd get over it. I know I wouldn't get over losing him … I'd just die inside an indestructible, immortal body … a mere shell of a man. I have to explain to him that he means so much more to me than anyone else … so much more than Gwen.

And he doesn't even realize that he holds my heart in his hands. Doesn't know that I love him …