The Dmgirl: Hello everyone! (Crickets chirps) ... Yeah... You guys want me to update Dim Lights and The Three Posts, right? Heh, heh, heh... ^^' Sorry... I am working on it. Please, guys, don't murder me...
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and company. Sega does.
Smile
A smile, a laugh. Those are the only things I ever wished for. I fight every day to make sure happiness and hope rings true in every family, every home. According to the press, the people I meet, I am the light that shines through the darkness, the one the world turns to when everything else seems pointless. The first and last line of defense in life and death situations, moments that would destroy the entire planet. People cheer when they hear my name, when they see a glimpse of me.
Yet, the moment you stepped into my life, the moment we truly met, I realized that I hadn't done enough. In this world, there was still one who had all but given up on hope, whose gaze wouldn't light up for anything. In the race against time to save the world, I watched those suffocating embers slowly give off their last light. In what I first thought was your last moments, I believed that I had failed.
Knowing that one person, even out of the billions I made happy, had died in tears brought me to my knees. I wanted to cry, to shout, to beat myself up until I couldn't take anymore. It took me forever to get back on my feet, to feel like myself again. When Tails came with the note, I was happy for the distraction. Eggman doing trouble was the best thing that could ever happen.
And when you showed up…
I couldn't believe my eyes. It was as if the world was giving me a second chance, and I knew I couldn't refuse. I would try, for as long as I would live, to make you laugh or simply smile because you were happy, not because you wanted to take on a challenge.
I should have known right then and there that it wouldn't be easy. If I am stubborn, then you're probably ten times worse. You took everything out of me, from my own joy to my energy, for no results. If anything, my attempts made you angrier and angrier, to the point that, every time you'd see me, you'd want to tear me apart.
Still, I didn't give up. I couldn't. Seeing those dead eyes over and over again only fueled my desire to help you. I desperately wanted to wipe that look off your face, to get that one sign that said you were finally happy. But how? How could I get you to understand that all I wanted was to help you? What would it take for you to realize what I was actually trying to do?
Little did I know that you already did. You knew, right from the start. And you threw it back in my face one of the days I came to visit. You shouted rebuttal, you yelled that you wanted nothing of my help. You were fine with the life you had, and you refused any contact with me or any of my "happy-go-lucky" friends as you called them. You slammed the door in my face, howled at Rouge for not keeping her distances, and locked yourself in your room for weeks on end. I couldn't get close, even if I tried.
It took me forever to find my way back to you, to see you again. And, when I did, I couldn't believe the mess you were in. I don't know how much time you passed in that room, and, in all honesty, I don't want to know. All that I know, and wish to remember, is the way it was then, and that it will be never be the same. That the curtains on that window aren't ripped anymore, that the mattress doesn't bear the holes you made through it, and that the walls aren't covered with scratches. I just want to remember the day I finally pulled you out from there, never to return.
I still don't understand what I did, or what I said to make you change your mind. Was it simply something you saw on my face that made you accept that you actually needed help? I just remember the way you took my hand. The grip was firm, unyielding. You didn't want to let go, and followed me home with a look that almost drew pity out of me. It took everything I had not to hug you right then and there, and promise that I would do everything in my power to make you happy, even if it only lasted twenty-four hours.
I can't count how many nights we sat to talk, or, for me, to simply listen to your story. The first nights had been difficult, though. I fell asleep more often than not, only to wake the next morning with an empty space besides me. It made me want to hit myself senseless, and created a new habit that, if I was asked to get rid of, wouldn't be able to. It would be impossible for me to stop watching over you for a moment before going for my daily run.
And, now that I think about it, your sleeping features must have been the best indicator. For, in the beginning, you were far from peaceful. You'd toss and turn until you'd wake up, your face torn between anger and sadness. You were far, so far from what I wanted for you, and every time you'd mumble her name, it felt as if my heart split in two. I didn't want you to forget her, because I knew how important she had been to you. It is impossible to forget the ones that made you who you are, who gave you a family before the whole world shattered right in front of you. I would know. I've been in your situation.
I simply wanted you to move past it, to accept the facts the way they are and stop mulling on the past like you did. And if all you needed was someone you open your heart to, then I'd happily volunteer. I would listen to everything you wanted to share, poke at you when there was something you hid from me. All that in laughter in smiles, just to show you that, yes, you can get over it. You can maybe happy, even after living such events.
Yet, even once you were done, you didn't settle down. You didn't get angry as often anymore, and that was a real plus, but I still hadn't managed to get that smile I wished for. I found myself clueless on what to do. I bought you books, small, useful gifts that would usually make Tails smile. Nothing. All I got was a mere thank you every time, but no smile.
I tried to content myself over the fact that you were becoming a tad more sociable. You didn't just come to parties because you were forced to, anymore. You actually looked like you enjoyed it, in your own way. Amy started seeing you as a friend shortly after the first reunion party you attended without pressure. You became Tails technical babble partner after a short discussion about robots. Heck, even Knuckles seemed to take a liking into you the moment you asked if you could be his student to discover more about the Chaos Emeralds. Long story short, if you had been an important part of the group before, you became someone that nothing could replace.
Still, it somehow didn't satisfy me. Yes, you were finally able to talk to everyone without glaring them down from across the room, but you still didn't even smile when someone would tell a joke. Even our races didn't hold the answer to my constant question.
However, there was a change. Something I couldn't have expected, even though I was living with you. You turned our relationship upside-down, went from rivals to something I still can't even explain today. I discovered that if it was something not to be hated anymore by you, it was totally another to be actually loved.
I don't remember a happier moment in my life. I cannot count the number of times I ended up smiling or laughing because you showed you cared. Yet, every time you would utter the three word sentence, my heart ached. It still does today. For, even if I do respond, even if I do say that I love you, which is true, there is something, just something that some part of me can never accept. The way your eyes light up with every bit of emotion you've been through, are still living, makes my heart jump to my throat and my own eyes water a bit. It makes me want to hug you, hold you and hope that you understand that, in this very gesture, I'm not only embracing the present, but the past as well. I never want you to feel unwanted, not in my presence.
I still haven't got the smile I was looking for. I know I have managed to make you happy, for it shows a little more every day. Yet, I keep looking for that grin, that laugh that will indicate me that you truly are. I'm not sure I'll ever obtain it, or if I already have and don't know it. All I know is this. You've come a long way from the broken, no, shattered heart you once had. I can't believe I have the chance to see the changes you've been through. Yet, I know that a part of the pain remains, and I also know it's there to stay. Nothing, no one can erase the loss you had to live, and it would be wrong of me to want it to vanish.
Because, and I know this for a fact, if you didn't have the past you have, you wouldn't be the person you are now. And that is what I love you for. I love you for everything you are, and everything you want to be.
I can't be Maria, but I can be myself and say that I'm glad I met you. If it weren't for our meeting, I don't think I would have been able to find the meaning of true happiness. To my surprise, it has nothing to do with smiles or laughter. It solely depends on the persons you're surrounded with. Smiling and laughing are only consequences of it.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't stopped trying yet. I will get a smile out of you if it's the last thing I do. But I know that, even if I don't obtain what I've been searching for before I disappear from the face of this earth, you were given a second chance at happiness, something that I always knew is the most important thing in anyone's life.
The Dmgirl: I will see you next time for Dim Lights or The Three Posts!