The Password is "Fishing"
AN: Hi guys, this is my first fic in a while, I'm trying to get back into it, and this is the first time I've done something in this style, so be kind! I haven't been as obsessed with SG1 for a while, hence the lack of fic, so I hope this is okay! Feedback would be appreciated.
This is based on the letters Sam mentioned leaving in "Lines in the sand". If it does well, I may start a series, with her writing ones to other characters too. Hope you like!
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Dear Cass,
If you're reading this, I'm afraid I'm not coming back honey. I know this is horrible for you, and if there's anything in the world I regret, it's leaving you. But you won't be alone, the others will be there for you, you can count on it. As soon as they deal with trying to find someway to fix it, or hating the world, they will come and mourn with you. Teal'c you can count on for this, he's an excellent shoulder to cry on. Daniel will be good if you need someone to make you feel loved, as long as you can tear him away from his books. Don't think he doesn't care, we all have different ways of dealing with things.
And Jack? If he isn't there holding onto you and making sure you're alright, then I'm afraid you're going to have to be the strong one once again. You're going to have to pull him back to reality, because sometimes he hurts so much he can't deal with it except to push away. So I'm going to need you to make sure he doesn't end up a grouchy old man living alone with guilt and regret, because, God knows, even if he had absolutely nothing to do with it, he'll be blaming himself. I don't need to tell you any of this because you know it from experience. How many times have you been told we weren't coming back?
This is different. And as much as I hate to leave, and feel like I'm deserting you (No one should have to lose three moms in a lifetime, it's not fair) but I do not fear going. I have had the most amazing time, my life has been so full of adventure and scientific breakthroughs and danger and love.
The Stargate has allowed us to do and find so many things; we've brought back cures, new technology, ways of fighting and even defeating evil. But the best thing to have come through that gate was you. You have made all of our lives better, and you've given me the best thing in the world; the chance to be a mother to someone. Everyone used to ask why I never stopped and settled down, had a family. I told them I had one. I had the guys and I had you. That was all I ever wanted. And it's true, when it comes down to it we all have regrets, but my happiness and achievements far outweighed them. I am so grateful to have known and loved you, and please do not let yourself be consumed by hate like you were after Janet died. Sweetie, I know it's the natural way to feel, but move past that, and know that I'm okay with this. How could I not be, having a job like mine.
Just, do the best you can. I know you're going to be a wonderful doctor someday, that caring streak you got from your first mother, the bedside manner and skills you got from your second, and I hope that in some way I have inspired you too, even if it's only teaching you that a bad day can be solved with hot chocolate and cookie dough ice cream!
I've left my house to you, and there are some bits around the house that I gave you also, nothing of particular value besides sentimental, some jewellery, my mother's locket, some books. Feel free to take any pictures that I've got hanging up, make sure they're always around. Jack will take care of all the legal crap for you, even if he's dealing badly, he'll manage to do that. If you're going to force him, play on how much you love him, and how much he loves you. Don't whine or get angry, just be patient. I know you think he's superman (ever since he gave you that dog, for which I'm sure Janet never forgave him!) but he's fallible when it comes to members of his team. He's got a new life in Washington, and he's been trying hard to deal with the desk job. If you can, go spend some time with him, the longer you're around, the less he'll be able to brood.
And if they're not there? If they've died with me? Or if Teal'c is off fighting some epic battle, and Daniel's disappeared again, and Jack's off trying to prove that I'm alive? Then there's always General Hammond, or the area fifty one scientists you met, or any other air force people you charmed along the way. But I wouldn't worry, they'll be there as soon as they can. You are not alone in this world Cassie.
I suppose, if there's one thing I want to tell you to do, about how to live your life, it would be not to compartmentalize your feelings, don't put off dealing with things because they're too hard, or awkward. Feelings aren't meant to be suppressed or locked in rooms, Cass, they're meant to be felt, and enrich your life. Don't work so hard that everything else feels empty. Just because you're a doctor doesn't mean you have to be "The Doctor" all the time okay? Go out and be "The fool" or "The joker" or "The beautiful girl". You're allowed all those things, and you deserve them.
Don't wait to tell people how you feel about them, because it may be too late someday, and know that you deserve to be happy! Go and do whatever it is that makes you feel like the luckiest girl in the world!
And now, I'm going to end this, because I could write forever about how I feel and how to live, but I won't because it's your life, and as long as you're happy you should live it any way you please. We were never really conventional anyway were we? No, we had a strange life, with a twisted family that was never quite blood but twice as close. And I loved every minute of it.
Good luck sweetie.
I love you
Sam