Broken
FYI: not elaborated on, but Naruto ends up in hospital because of a mission gone wrong.
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The touch of your hand or the feel of your finger
Memories cut through my heart and they linger on.
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Uchiha Sasuke is a proud, proud man. He raised himself to be proud and dignified with the teachings of the Uchiha Clan in mind; always keeping in mind who he is and the blood he was born with. Uchihas are proud and dignified. Sasuke molded himself to be so as well.
He was only a child when his parents and family were taken away, when he was forced to grow up and be the proud, dignified Uchiha that all Uchiha males grew up to be. He learned at a young age that the only person he could really depend on, trust on, believe in was himself. He only had himself, after all. And at least if he kept to himself, he wouldn't be forced into any bonds and eventually have someone betray him. Destroy him. Take away everything he believed in, knew, loved, cherished, needed.
Because the world is a cruel, cruel place and has a knack of taking away when it deems you too happy.
He didn't want to have anything to do with the pain and suffering that came with being ripped away of something you needed with your heart and soul – something you depended on, trusted on, with such strong dependency that it was suffocating living without it; agonizing knowing you'd never get it back.
Because the world takes and takes and when it takes it won't give it back no matter how much you cry and beg.
And it's such a painful realization when you have to accept it so young.
Your world's destroyed in one night and the following day you have to grow up – that's what Sasuke had to do.
He's a man now.
But he doesn't feel so much like one anymore.
Not at the moment, anyway.
Because he made the mistake of forming bonds and – Oh God…
"He's going to pull through."
Sasuke doesn't react to the voice, to the hand on his shoulder, to the person standing next to him. He's lifeless and unmoving, because his heart's breaking and his world's falling apart all around him.
"Believe in him, Sasuke, and he'll pull through."
He wants to scream. He wants to ask, What makes you so sure?
But he doesn't, because he can't, because his world is spiraling out of control; spinning faster and faster. He knows this feeling. He's familiar with it; too familiar; too close. He felt this way as a child, but back then, he knew how to cry. He had tears to cry.
He doesn't have tears anymore.
He only has a broken soul.
He's a broken person who's afraid of forming bonds, and yet, against his fears he made bonds anyway. And there's one particular bond that is the strongest of all, a bond he could not sever in the past no matter how hard he tried. Now he would give anything not to have this bond broken or taken away from him. It kills him inside. It kills him inside knowing there's nothing he can do to make Naruto open his eyes.
We're all a little broken, Naruto once told him, smiling, holding his hand and squeezing it.
It's okay to be broken. We can help fix each other, you know?
He knows Kakashi leaves the hospital room because there's only him and Naruto and Naruto's just laying there so frail and deathly. There's no movement from him. There's nothing besides the faint inhale and exhale of oxygen flowing to and from his lungs. But he wants Naruto to open his eyes. He wants Naruto to say something. He wants to see blue. He wants to feel warmth in that body. He wants to see his smile. He wants –
Sasuke wants a lot of things now. But, he thinks as he addresses whatever deities there are existing that will listen to him, he thinks – he believes – he never asked for much in his life. He used to ask for his family back when he was younger. Apart of him still does, still craves for it, but he knows he can't resurrect the dead. And so he asks this one time, please don't take Naruto. Can't Sasuke be selfish just this once? Can't he have a little piece of happiness, even if that 'little piece' was something much larger contained in Naruto's small body?
Because the thing is, Sasuke doesn't just want Naruto, he needs the blond. He depends on the blond. He depends on Naruto like he depends on air to breathe. It's a scary, scary thing, to need someone so deeply.
But he does and he's afraid to live without him.
Because Naruto's his world now. He gave Naruto his heart, and regardless of how broken it is, Naruto still took it; still took him. And if Naruto dies, Naruto will still have his heart, but Sasuke will be left alone and he doesn't want to be alone anymore. He was tired of it a long time ago. Naruto fills that lonely void. He fills Sasuke's life. He gives Sasuke life.
He only asks for Naruto. That's all. He only needs Naruto. He needs Naruto more than he needs anything. It's sad, but so, so true.
He doesn't want Naruto to disappear.
Sasuke bows his head and rests his forehead against the edge of the bed, his hands still squeezing Naruto's. His head's down in defeat and his eyes are closed.
When I was little, sometimes, when I went to sleep, I'd pretend my parents were there tucking me in my bed. I'd pretend my dad was standing there, smiling, saying 'Goodnight, Naruto.' And my mom would kiss me on my forehead and say she loves her boy, Naruto confided into Sasuke once. There's a sad look in his eyes as he stares into the distance. I used to imagine what they look like, 'cause I never knew who they were… Now I do, and I feel like… I feel like pretending again, so I can pretend the right way and not have to make up what they look like.
When Sasuke was little, he used to pretend his parents were still there. He'd wake up in the mornings and eat breakfast and his mom would be shuffling about and his dad would be having his morning tea. Itachi wouldn't be a murderer and he'd be bickering with his little brother.
I never had anyone growing up. I was always alone.
When Sasuke was little, people flocked about him like moths drawn to a flame. Even amongst all the faces of empty smiles, he was still lonely.
And then… and then there came Iruka-sensei and Team Seven and everyone else… and I didn't feel alone anymore. I don't feel alone anymore.
When Sasuke became apart of Team Seven, even he had to admit he didn't feel so lonely anymore. With Team Seven, they were a team, because that's what teams are for. You depend on each other. Need each other.
And I never feel alone when I'm with Sasuke. 'Cause Sasuke drives away my loneliness 'cause Sasuke understands it.
And Sasuke knows Naruto does the same for him.
I need Sasuke. Naruto's smiling when he looks at Sasuke. Sasuke's my best friend.
And Sasuke knows he needs Naruto.
Knows it so bad it hurts.
So please wake up, "Naruto," I need you.
He's squeezing Naruto's hand so hard as if that alone will pull him back. And maybe it does because Sasuke's eyes snap open when he feels a weak squeeze in return. He looks up and he's staring into blues so bright and wonderful… And there's weariness on Naruto's face but a smile all the same. The blond looks tired, but there's relief, and Sasuke knows the relief reflects on his own face because Naruto squeezes his hand tighter.
Sasuke allows himself to smile too.
There's no words but then again, there's no real need for them.
"I'm back," Naruto finally says.
Sasuke looks like he wants to say something, but instead, he pulls Naruto's hand close to him and lowers his head. Naruto smiles gently at the top of raven hair and he curls himself closer to the Uchiha, closer to his warmth, and they stay there like that. And there's tears coming from Naruto's eyes because he knows how close to death he was. He knows he almost disappeared. He knows they were both almost left alone once again. He knows this so he cries – for him and Sasuke. Because he knows Sasuke won't cry; can't cry.
They're both broken boys, but they're broken together, and that's what makes it less lonely for them.
- - -
Moments are magical, pain universal
Frozen like ice and it's just too damn personal.
I need you here like a dream needs a wing
I need you more than I need anything.
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Ramblings: Two pages of angst ;o; Why oh why is sasunaru so angsty? –woes- I was watching Naruto and when Sasuke leaves after their reunion two years later… Naruto looked so torn… And my heart broke for him ;o; And anywho, ze poem thing is from A Personal Thing, a poem by Neil Gaiman and Graham K. Smith. So no. not written by me. I'm not witty or creative enough. uu;;