The usual, not mine blah blah blah. Review please.

This idea came to me while listening to the song "It's Been A While" from the band Staind. While I'll be putting the lyrics to the song in the story, it isn't a songfic. The song is needed for what I'm having Tony do. It's a great song and frankly, the words fit him and his situations perfectly. I don't own the song of course, just using it here. Silly idea I know, but it begged me to write it.

This is post season four.

It wasn't easy that's for sure. But Michelle couldn't possibly be any happier than she was with her life right now.

Since leaving CTU with Tony six months ago, she'd been scared, nervous, excited and happy all at differing times. She'd found a job doing security consulting work in the private sector. Tony had found a job as a bartender. At first she was apprehensive about him being around so much alcohol, but if he was going to get over it she had to trust him. He'd been at the job four months now and he hasn't had a drop. She didn't think she could be any more proud of him. She'd offered to visit him at the bar but he didn't want her to. Michelle had a feeling he was still ashamed by the job.

Which is why she's surprised to see Carlos, Tony's younger brother, on her doorstep asking her to join him at his brother's work.

"I don't know Carlos, he said he doesn't want me going. I think he feels ashamed. I don't want to make him feel worse."

"Michelle, I really think you should join me. Trust me when I say he isn't ashamed."

She studied him for a few seconds. There was something he wasn't telling her. Carlos looked very much like Tony only younger. They both had expressive eyes. Eyes that Michelle had more than enough experience to read.

"What aren't you telling me Carlos? Is everything ok? Tony isn't…he isn't…drinking again is he?"

"God no! Michelle I swear it isn't that. Just come with me…please."

She had no idea what was going on but he wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Ok fine. I don't understand what's going on but I'll go. Just let me get my purse."

They walked up to the front of "Southend" and Carlos waved to the doorman.

"Hey Bobby, busy night?"

"Hey Carlos! How ya doin' man? Yeah it's been busy as hell out here. You come to see Tony? He's hasn't gone on-"

"Ah yeah Bobby I'll just go in and find him. Oh Bobby this is Michelle, Tony's wife."

"Mrs. Almeida! No kiddin'? Nice to meet you. We all love Tony here. Quite a talented husband you have."

"Uh thank you. But what do you mean by-"

"Yeah so Bobby we are gonna go ahead and go in. I'll see you later." Carlos took hold of Michelle's arm and started making their way through the entrance. Once inside Michelle took a few minutes to look around. It had the typical bar like atmosphere. It was rather dark inside and slightly smoky. The building was made from brick and the first floor had no chairs but standing tables. There was a stage at the front to the left of the main door and all the way in the back to the right was the bottom bar. The stairs to the next level were against the far wall and lead to a wrapped balcony with yet another bar. The place actually looked decent. It was freshly painted and looked well kept. She gazed over at the bottom bar looking for Tony but didn't see him.

"Carlos, does Tony work at this station or the one up top?"

"He works the bottom one. He must be moving stock right now. When they run out of something he's usually the one to bring in the cases. Tony is a rather built guy as you know." He poked her in the side to add to his tease. Last week he and Michelle had gotten together for lunch and she'd embarrassingly let slip the fact that Tony was working out again now that he'd stopped drinking. He found out a few things about his brother's body and just what his sister-in-law liked about his brother's body that he felt he could have done without.

While searching the crowd of people for Tony, a stocky man of about 5'11 with sandy blonde hair walked up to Carlos.

"¿Carlos, éste la nueva muchacha? Ella es caliente." (Carlos, this the new girl. She's hot.)

"Ningún Jason. Ésta sucede ser esposa tony. No la deje saber qué va en la autorización de la esta noche. Tony no sabe que ella está aquí." (No Jason. This happens to be Tony's wife. Don't let her know what's going on tonight ok. Tony doesn't know she's here.)

"Tony's wife?! Really? Nice to meet you, I'm Jason. I'm the head bartender around here. Tony is pretty popular around here. Especially with the ladies. I know of a few who left with broken hearts when he told them he was married."

"Thanks Jason. We'll just go up near the stage to our table." Carlos gave him a glare before ushering Michelle towards the stage.

"So Tony is popular with the ladies huh?" Michelle stared at him hard once they'd reached their table. It was off to the right side of the stage but had the best view on the floor. A small "reserved" sign sat in the middle of it.

"Michelle…we're Latin." He said this with an air of confidence she had come to realize all the Almeida boys had.

Raising her eyebrow at him she had reached the end of her rope. "Ok Carlos I give. What are we doing here? I know you said something you didn't want me to know to that Jason guy. You only speak Spanish in front of me when you don't want me to know something."

"Hey Tony speaks Spanish in front of you and you don't think he's being secretive."

"Carlos, there is only one reason Tony does it and believe me, you are not using it for that."

The look she gave him explained. Yeah, he was definitely not going for that.

"Look, just stay here and I'll get you a drink. All will be revealed shortly."

"Does Tony know we are here?"

"No, he doesn't. I'm doing this. I'll be right back."

He moved off back to the bottom bar and she watched him order their drinks. Looking around she saw several people engaged in conversation. A few looked to have been there a while; the wobbly way they walked told her that. She turned back to face the stage. There was a usual set up. The drum set was in the back with a bass guitar on the left of the stage and two acoustic guitars up closer to the front. Two wooden stools were by the guitars at the front along with two microphones.

Carlos came back to the table and handed her a beer.

"I got you a Sam Adams Light. They were out of Purple Haze."

"That's ok, thanks."

She took a pull of the beer and continued to stare at the guitars on the stage. Tony had a guitar. She'd only seen him play it a few times. He was rather shy about it actually. She remembered the first time he'd played for her.

They had just gotten back to his place after Paula's funeral. It was a very emotional day and she wasn't taking it very well. She went straight to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, burying her face in a pillow.

"Ya gonna be ok baby?" He sat on the bed next to her and pushed the hair out of her face trying to reveal at least some of her face.

"I'll be fine. I'm just not fine right now." She felt the bed move as he stood.

Five minutes later she hears a few chords from a guitar and sits up. He's sitting in the chair by the window with a guitar on his lap, his tie gone, a few buttons on his shirt undone and his sleeves rolled up.

"Where did you get that?"

"It's mine. I play, I just don't play in front of people."

A smile broke out on her face. "So I should feel privileged?"

"Very." He continued tuning the guitar and then started softly playing.

She didn't recognize the song at first. She was concentrating, trying to think of what it was when to her surprise he started singing.

"We both lie silently still

In the dead of the night

Although we both lie close together

We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did

Did my words not come out right

Though I tried not to hurt you

Though I tried

But I guess thats why they say

Every rose has its thorn

Just like every night has its dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Every rose has its thorn"

She sat there, not saying a word while he sang to her. She closed her eyes and let his voice roll over her. By this time she already knew she loved Tony. She'd loved him for a while by then. But while he was singing, while she was listening to him trying to cheer her up, she realized she'd never in her life love someone as much as she loved Tony.

She remembered asking him why he didn't perform for a living. He was very good and she told him he had the kind of voice that could make women swoon.

"It's got to mean something Michelle. It doesn't feel the same when it's empty, therefore I never sound right."

Taking another pull of her beer the lights go down and the stage comes to life.

"Michelle, I brought you here because I felt there was something you should see. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Tony loves you. But, I just wanted to bring you here so you could see just how much. And I really hope he doesn't kill me."

"Carlos what are you-"

Right then a man came onto the stage and spoke into the main microphone.

"Good evening everyone. Welcome to Southend." Cheers rippled through the crowd. "I know you are all excited to see Shinedown tonight. We are happy to have them perform here for us. First though we start with something that's become a tradition. We always have a local open for the main acts here, but tonight we have one of our own who'll be performing. Our regulars know him and I'm sure everyone will be surprised by his performance. So I'll go ahead and give you Southend's Tony Alemeida."

People began clapping and whistling. Michelle's eyes grew big. She turned around to look at Carlos. He had a huge grin on his face and pointed back to the stage.

"Pay attention Michelle. This is something he used when you left. It wasn't always a good thing. Sometimes it seemed like writing and playing were bringing him more into depression than out of it. But I honestly believe it helped him get back to you. He told me one day right after the divorce that there are only two things left in life to make him feel; you and music. He decided to put them both together to try and pull his self back up."

Before she could respond, she heard her husband's voice come through the loud speakers and she turned her attention back to the stage.

"Thank you." It was him. Her Tony. He was sitting on the stool closer to the middle of the stage. All the other positions had been filled by various band members she was not familiar with. Michelle could do nothing but stare.

"I'll only be playing one song. I wrote this a short time ago after getting something back I thought I'd lost. This is for Michelle."

Michelle drew in a gasp. She felt like she was intruding on something. He didn't know she was here. Would he still go through with this if he did?

And that's when he started to play.

"It's been a while

Since I could hold my head up high

and it's been a while

Since I first saw you

It's been a while

since I could stand on my own two feet again

and it's been a while

since I could call you

But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it all may seem

the consequences that I've rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means"

She felt her eyes begin to water. She knew he blamed himself for their parting. Yes, he drank. Yes he was angry and pushed her away, but she had her own responsibility for things going wrong.

"It's been a while

since I could say that I wasn't addicted and

It's been a while

Since I could say I love myself as well and

It's been a while

Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do

It's been a while

But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it all may seem

the consequences that I've rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again"

Oh God Tony. A few tears had escaped her eyes. She would spend as much time as it takes to make him believe he is the same strong man she fell in love with.

"Why must I feel this way?

just make this go away

just one more peaceful day

Its been awhile

Since I could look at myself straight

and it's been awhile

since I said I'm sorry

It's been awhile

Since I've seen the way the candles light your face

It's been awhile

But I can still remember just the way you taste

But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it all may seem

I know it's me

I cannot blame this on my father

he did the best he could for me"

Michelle watched his face. He looked so pained. Like he was pushing out something he'd had tearing at him for a while. He had his eyes closed and she thought he'd never looked more beautiful to her.

"It's been a while

Since I could hold my head up high

and it's been a while since I said I'm sorry"

The last chord continued till it was silent and a cheer went up in the crowd. He thanked the audience and the lights went down. Michelle just sat there, tears streaming down her face.

"I didn't bring you here to upset you Michelle. I hope you feel what he's trying the best way he knows how to tell you."

She turned around and looked at Carlos. She felt someone come up behind her.

"Michelle?" Tony stood there slightly confused and very shocked.

She turned around and looked at him. Here was her husband. He was rougher around the edges than when she'd first known him. He looked more tired, more worn. Polished wasn't a word to describe him anymore. He looked like a man who'd lost everything and is now doing what he can to hold onto whatever he had gotten back. He looked like a man utterly and completely in love. A man who is devoted to that love with everything he is.

Michelle walked over to him and pulled him into her arms and kissed him fiercely. The kiss was passionate and deep and both kept it going till they couldn't breathe.

Tony pulled away from her to rest his forehead against her's.

"Baby, what are you doing here?"

"It's been a while Tony. It's been a while since I said I love you."