A/N: Juuuuust for the record, I don't normally ship Stelena OR Delena, unless it serves a purpose with a plot I am doing, because I am simply Team Salvatore. HOWEVERRRRRR- the scene between Stefan and Elena in 3x11 on Wickery Bridge... Wow. It broke my heart, and now I am inspired. Also, it didn't help that I listened to the PERFECT song to describe them afterwards. That damn Adele. Anyway, this will be just a one shot, so read/review/whatever if you enjoy it! :)
Don't You Remember?
"When will I see you again? You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams, I had no idea of the state we were in,
I know I have a fickle heart, and bitterness; and a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,
But don't you remember? Don't you remember the reason you loved me before?
Baby, please remember me once more"
-Adele
I don't care what you think about me anymore, Elena.
Stefan gripped the steering wheel even tighter, and pressed hit foot on the gas even harder as his own words replayed in his head, on a continuous loop.
He felt himself choking on his words all over again, even though he was just thinking them, and he thanked God that Elena didn't get back into the car before he sped off.
He wouldv'e broken down- he could feel himself beginning to waver as he stared into her big doe eyes that were filled with fear, sadness, and disappointment.
Is that what you're doing? Trying to make me to hate you?
She didn't hate him yet, despite everything he had done to her lately, in hopes that she would.
He disrespected her by calling her the 'human blood bag.' He told her that he wished they'd never met, as he sat strapped to the chair in the old dungeon during Lexi's version of "Ripper Rehab." He told her she weak for still believing in him, consequently, earning him a punch to the stomach with her wooden knuckles. He "saved" Klaus' life with no explaination, and let her believe he had betrayed her and Damon. He'd stolen the coffins of the Original Family, and gotten the hybrid unneccessarily riled up. He said he didn't care about whether Jeremy lived or not, and he grinned and beared it as she slapped him in the face.
And still- she didn't hate him, like he wanted her to. He needed Elena to hate him- to see him as a complete and utter monster. He needed her to believe that he was irrevocably destroyed, and he could not be saved; at least not in her lifetime.
And so he took her to Wickery Bridge- the very place where her parents perished, and he anonymously saved her life. He knew all about Elena's tragic memories tied to the bridge, and he devised a plan that would play into her fear.
He never planned on really killing her- or at least that's what he told himself.
I lost you the minute I left town with him. You just haven't let yourself admit that, yet.
Stefan watched as the speedometer neared 110 mph.
He'd lost Elena when he disappeared, whether she agreed with him, or not. He was high on human blood most days, or loathing in his own self-pity others. He pretended he could be the Ripper Klaus wanted; he acted as though nothing mattered.
He lied.
But Elena was gone, anyway. Even if he did come right back to her, she'd never be able to accept this part of him- the angry, vengeful, addicted and conflicted side of his personality. She'd been waiting for him for three months. He couldn't make her wait the rest of her life for him to be "normal" again.
Damon would take care of her.
His wrist still stung from his self-inflicted bite, and he recounted the thoughts in his head when he pressed his skin to Elena's lips, and she cried out in pain, as she ingested his blood.
She didn't deserve that. He knew she didn't, but that didn't stop him anyway. He had to prove a point-he had to get Klaus to back down.
He accelerated as he simultaneously recalled speeding over Wickery Bridge, and the sound of Elena's sobbing resonated in his head.
"After everything, that's what matters? Destroying Klaus?" she asked, as her tears stained her cheeks.
"Destroying Klaus is all that I have left," he said flatly.
"You had me!" she screamed.
Stefan swallowed hard as he kept his eyes on the road. He felt detached; not only from Elena, and Damon, but from himself, as well. How could he have done this to Elena? Elena, of all people. He knew it was a cruel move taking her to the very spot where her parents died- where he once saved her- but he had to do it.
He had to be cruel, calculating, and downright heartless if he wanted Klaus to back down, and simulataneously get Elena to give up on him. It was the only way.
Stefan suddenly halted the car, and huffed frustratedly as he nearly ripped the steering wheel out of it's spot.
Simply reflecting on all of these thoughts was a form of "caring." He didn't know why he kept doing this to himself. The harder he tried to force his humanity out of his mind, the harder it bit back.
Damon was right- maybe his "switch" really was fried.
Stefan's tires squealed as he spun the car around, and he began heading back, before he could stop himself, or his annoying impulsiveness. He returned in five minutes flat, and Elena was still there- standing at the bridge, and overlooking the water.
She refused to even acknowledge his presence.
"Get in the car, Elena," he said calmly.
She let out a laugh of disbelief, and he noticed as her tears glistened in the moonlight. Elena shook her head, as she sniffled.
"Damon's already on his way," she said in a stiff voice. "I found my cell phone on the road."
Stefan pursed his lips tightly, and folded his arms across his chest. Elena still had her back turned to him. He stopped himself from moving in any closer.
"I can wait until he gets here," Stefan offered in a low tone. She didn't answer- she just continued staring out over the bridge. "Elena-"
"There isn't anything you can say, Stefan, that will make me forget this," she cut him off. "My parents died here. I almost died-"
"I know-"
"But you did it anyway!" she shrieked, and he let out a long sigh.
His face remained stoic.
"You know my reasons, Elena-"
"They aren't good enough, Stefan," she said through her teeth, as her tears began flowing down her eyes again. "Nothing that you've said can make this okay."
Stefan nodded silently, and Elena finally turned around to face him. He watched as she tried to hold in the water that threatened to burst from her eyes. Her nose was red from sniffling, and her cheeks were red from crying. She looked cold- he should have offered her his jacket; that's what the Old Stefan would have done, with no hesitation.
His green eyes stared directly into her chocolate ones, and her eyebrows furrowed as her pain seared right through her.
"Don't you remember, Stefan? Don't you remember anything?" she asked.
Stefan shut his eyes for a quick second, and a burst of memories flooded his brain as he thought about what he and Elena had before things got so damaged.
He remembered the day he officially met her; her smile, as big as the sun, when he bumped into her in the hallways on their way to class. She was always just so naturally beautiful.
He remembered their first talk until the sun came up. He remembered their first date. He remembered their first kiss.
He remembered the ferris wheel, when he took her to the top. He remembered taking her to dances, even though he hated them, because he wanted to make her happy.
He remembered waking up to her in bed some mornings, and missing her too much when he hadn't.
He remembered their fights and arguments that never lasted too long, simply because they just needed each other, that much.
He remembered letting her go with Klaus, and watching her die, as the Original drained her dry.
He remembered the sound of her voice when he called her on her birthday, though he couldn't bring himself to say a word. He was just so thankful that she answered.
He remembered all the times she tried to save him; in the woods in Tennessee, and in Chicago when he found her hiding in the closet.
He remembered trying his hardest to keep from feeding on her in the gymnasium because he "owed her that, because he loved her."
But from then on- he didn't want to remember.
He didn't want to remember how jealous he felt when he saw her talking to Damon back at the Boarding House, where he promised to stay by her side, forever. He didn't want to remember calling her the human blood bag. He didn't want to remember witnessing Elena be jealous, firsthand, of Damon and Rebekah. He didn't want to remember the look in her eyes or the feeling in his stomach when he saved her from falling off the bleachers.
He wanted it all to be a blur. He wanted her to forget him, and he her. He wanted to let her go- because he "owed her that, because he loved her."
"I don't want to remember," he said quietly, though his eyes were filled with emotion.
Elena blinked softly, and Stefan heard the roar of Damon's engine approach them. He turned around to face his brother, who was staring back him, obviously a bit angered, but unwilling to hash that out right now.
"Elena, let's go," Damon said gently, and the doppelganger nodded quickly as she took a step towards the car.
She stopped once more when Stefan's eyes met hers.
"Just as long as you remember," she whispered so softly, he almost didn't hear her.
Elena then silently brushed past him, and got into Damon's car, quickly slamming the door behind her. The car sped off before he could coherently string together the words he really wanted to say.
I'm sorry Elena. I want to remember.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed my first Stelena fic! Review and let me know your thoughts. Maybe I'll ship it more in the future. ;)