AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first fic in a very long while so I apologize that it's such a mess. Rated M for self-harm and character death. Un-beta:ed. Major trigger warning.
His childhood hadn't been a happy one.
His father was an alcoholic too deep in his addiction to even notice his son's existence and often took to violence when the "fucking freeloader" tried to get his attention. Needless to say, but important to know, he soon passed away from alcohol poisoning.
As far as his son knew, his so-called "father" never knew he even had a son.
And so, Merlin grew up with a single mother who worked too much to pay attention to him. His grandparents hadn't approved of his parents' marriage and refused to acknowledge young Merlin and his mother.
Merlin grew up on his own, cooking his own food, basically doing everything on his own. He never had friends because honestly, who would want to be friends with a freak that even his own mother didn't care about?
Instead he found comfort in cutting. He would cut his arms, legs, stomach. Anywhere he could reach and still cover up with layers of clothes. The pain helped him cope with the suffocating pain in his heart. His mother never found out.
One day, the day before he would start his freshman year in high school actually, a police man knocked on his door and told him his mother had passed away in a freak car accident.
And so, Merlin was alone.
His grandparents finally acknowledged him enough to offer to pay for lodging and school so Merlin simply packed his belonging and moved to a dingy little apartment two blocks from his high school.
He missed the first week of school, naturally, and turned up after the class had already gotten to know each other.
Class 1b. Full of jocks and cheerleaders, and only one "freak" that no one wanted to hang out with.
Ironically, that other "freak" would become someone very important to him.
It was there he met Arthur, the rich kid that was neglected by his family.
Uther, his father, expected him to take care of himself while he spent his time showering his adoptive daughter with gifts and love.
Arthur needed the attention more that Morgana ever would.
Merlin and Arthur became a tight duo. Their friendship was a silent kind where not much was said, but much was understood.
One day, while they were up on the school's roof – their safe haven, the wind caught Merlin's shirt so it flew up, revealing his many scars.
Arthur said nothing, and only hugged Merlin from behind, his hand sprawled out over the latter's stomach as if protecting it from evil. He kissed Merlin's shoulder once, twice, thrice, before letting go and walking to gym class.
School was monotone and boring, and their grades were average so the teachers wouldn't complain. The jocks were jerks, or well, the grand majority were, and the cheerleaders were mostly stuck-up. There were exceptions of course, but they would ruin their image if they were seen with either halves of the duo so nothing ever went past a small smile in the hallway.
Arthur and Merlin didn't mind. Lancelot was a nice guy and his girlfriend Guinevere was a complete sweetheart. Too bad they didn't want to be seen with "the freak duo".
Merlin's grandparents eventually found out that he was friends with the wealthy Arthur Pendragon and immediately threw a fit that why would he milk them of money when he was such friends? And promptly stopped paying for Merlin's rent and tuition fee.
Arthur offered to let him live at his house for a while; Merlin rejected the offer. He could take care of himself. He always had, he always would.
He rapidly lost weight after that, and his grades slipped to only barely passing his courses. His teachers became worried and tried to notify his grandparents to voice their worries only to find out that they had moved away, leaving Merlin completely stranded.
The social workers were called in, as Merlin was still underage, and chaos ensued. His grandparents were never found and frankly, no one would want to adopt a 17 years old high school student so they ended up paying for his rent and school fees.
Arthur became even more worried about his friend when Merlin went missing from days at a time, and then came back broken and sad. Those days they would sit on the roof of the school, skipping all their classes, just holding each other, occasionally carrying some smalltalk but mostly just sitting in silence.
It was here Arthur spilled his secrets; that his dad never really bothered about him and that his mother had passed away while giving birth to him, that most likely being the reason his father never liked him. He looked a lot like his mother, if he judged from the few photos he found at home.
Arthur's sister, Morgana, was a nice girl when it was needed but other than that she followed her adoptive father's attitude when it came to the son in the house and mostly ignored Arthur. He grew up feeling lonely and sad and was blamed for something he could control at all.
He spoke of wanting to die as he obviously wasn't wanted in this world; he would much rather die and become the kings he always read about in his books that continue living in such a lonely world.
That was the first time Merlin kissed; really kissed him. Lips against lips, fingers tangled in already-messy hair. They ended up making up.
Lancelot and Guinevere were the only ones that saw them. They didn't tell anyone.
A couple of months passed. Merlin still cut. Arthur still felt lonely. But they had each other, and they loved for the first time. They loved another human being so much more than they could ever love themselves.
They pulled a surprisingly bold move and kissed in the canteen.
They were nearly beaten to death.
They stood on the rooftop together, hand-in-hand, bruises and cuts from the beatings covering their bodies.
Below, a crowd had gathered, along with police officers and fire fighters. Amongst the crowd Arthur could see his father and adoptive sister, and Merlin could see his grandparents.
They could see people from school down there in the distance, amongst them Lancelot and Guinevere.
Arthur and Merlin locked eyes, and smiled before they stretched out their free hands and fell.