It was me.
Hi, I'm guessing you don't remember me, why would you? I was a small part in that day, small but I was there and I saw it, and it affected me too.
The call came through as any other in this crazy ass city, a truck had smashed into a cafe, shots fired. We rolled.
When we arrived it was carnage, bodies everywhere. Word was that it was a break out. I went in, my partner too and the other guys, and we stared at her, Detective Angell, on the floor bleeding. You get the kick in the gut every time, when you see one of your own down, you want to save them, to kick the ass of the guy that put them there.
She was hot, Angell. She was also a damn good cop. I'd been with her a few times and trust me, you didn't want to be on the receiving end of her, she had bigger balls than most guys I know. Except of course Flack. The guy has a sensor for scumbags, he can sniff one out at 30 paces. Old man was the same, I worked with him too as a rookie before he retired.
He arrived seconds after us, I dunno how he knew, but he did, and suddenly the squad room gossip was confirmed in the worst way possible, I saw the guys face when he picked her up off the floor, he loved her. I saw her face too, and in that second it broke my heart, she looked at him as if she wasn't dying, as if he was the best thing she'd seen all day. Then her look changed, sorrow and regret were in her eyes, she knew this would be the last time she saw him, and she just looked, as if she knew she'd have to take this moment with her for eternity.
As he threw her into my car, ordered me to drive them to the hospital I knew, I knew she was going to die on my back seat. Maybe even would have if it hadn't been him with her, I could see her fighting, for him, she could see the heartbreak in his eyes, as he begged her silently not to go like this. I could hear him telling her she was going to be OK. The last person I expected to hear call anyone baby was Flack, but there he was. My heart twisted for the guy.
As he laid her on the gurney at the hospital, and they wheeled her in, I knew it would be the last I saw of her, I followed behind, my car abandoned, back seat full of her blood. I didn't want to face that yet. I saw the last look between them, it spoke louder than any words could have. Hers said goodbye, his said No.
I sat around, keeping my distance, but staying anyway. I didn't want to leave Flack, alone. When they told him she was gone, I'm not sure what affected me most, the thought that another scumbag had killed a cop, or Flack's face, I thought he was gonna join her right there.
I thought about approaching, offering support, and was saved that. Messer arrived, the CSI guy, the funny one, only he wasn't laughing now. Flack told him, tears in his eyes. Messer punched the wall, they were close these guys, they had a bond like only cops can get.
I crept back to my car, my heart in my size 10 boots. I drove slowly back to the precinct, I couldn't look in the back just yet. I went for a smoke, a few coffee's that needed a whole lot more than cream and sugar in.
I leaned in to the back seat. Angell's blood taunted me. I could see her smile as she flirted lightly with guys like me, hell we knew we didn't stand a chance, we'd all seen her and Flack together. Even if there was nothing going on, she obviously had feelings for him. But she made you feel good, part of a team, not just a pawn she controlled to get her job done. Flack was like that, respected the uniforms, I wondered how the guy was doing.
I searched the back seat with my gloves, red staining the white. I couldn't do this, it was too much. My fingers touched something that had fallen from the seat, I picked it up, turning it in my hands. It was blood soaked, as everything else that day seemed to be. I should turn it in to my boss, or the chief, they'd want it. But there was one guy I knew needed it.
I cleaned it up, signing the car off active duty and in to be cleaned, I couldn't do it. I had been given the rest of the shift, my boss could see that I wasn't right, he was a good guy like that.
I looked at what I had retrieved from the car, now clean, shiny. I had a fair idea of where I could find Flack, it was only an hour or so since I'd left him in the hospital, but her parents were due there, and Flack wanted to be the one who told them. As much as it broke his heart and ate him up, he knew there were others who would take this worse. I respect and admire men like that.
He sat staring into space, as I approached him. Messer was talking on the phone.
"Flack" I offered him the object, I knew no words could do anything here, nothing was gonna make this better. He took it, turning it over in his hands. He gave me a sad smile.
"Thanks" he said, before staring into space again. I saw him running his thumb over the numbers of it, 9521 "I'll give it to her Dad, it was his before he retired"
I wanted to give him something else, something he could hold onto, but then maybe he didn't want that, maybe he had enough in his head to hold on to.
I left then, went home, hugged my wife, played with my kids and looked out my dress blues. I'd be needing them for the funeral of the fallen colleague I hadn't been able to help save today.