What if Sophie was too late? What if she couldn't sever Calcifer and Howl without killing them both, and what if she chooses to live with the conseqences...

"Sophie…" Howl's voice was a quiet moan. "Promise me you won't leave me alone."

"I promise."

Howl wasn't the same anymore. He was darker, more removed, less human. Calcifer was meaner too. She'd been too late. She had saved Howl, but she hadn't saved his soul, and now she watched as he lost himself to his fallen star. She couldn't leave though. She had promised him, and he did need her, she told herself. She helped him to hold on to himself.

He had killed the Witch of the Waste. The old hag was dead and Sophie was back to herself. Whether that was due to the witch's death or Sophie's own innate magic she wasn't sure… but perhaps she owed that to Howl too.

In the dark she dreamed of how it could have been. If only… but it was too late for ifs. Now all she had left was the present and she wouldn't fail this time. And she couldn't give up on Howl. Not when it was partially her fault.

"Sophie, I'm so cold. Why am I cold?" He stood before her shivering in the dark. He sounded so lost and confused: a child crying in a storm. He looked down at her curiously. "You're warm Sophie. Why are you warm while I am cold?" She couldn't answer him. She just stared up into his lost blue eyes and tried desperately not to cry for the pain he never let her see. He hated it when she cried. "Make me warm Sophie, make me like you." Save me.

She took him in her arms and held him. He was cold and he chilled her to the bone, like dew covered stone. But she wouldn't let go, wouldn't leave him, she had promised. Even if he didn't remember why she stayed, she wouldn't let him down. Not again.

"Sophie don't let me die." His eyes were clouded. Even though she wouldn't leave him he was leaving her. Her heart was breaking. Everyday it broke a little more, but she would stay strong.

He kissed her. She couldn't hope anymore, but she didn't protest. She let his cold lips move over hers and surrendered to her memories of the past when his eyes sparkled with life and joy.

Afterward he was warm against her, and she was afraid she might cry. The warmth was so much like hope, and she couldn't stand anymore lost dreams.

"Sophie, I don't know why, but if you tried to leave, I think I might kill you." She gazed at him silently. He looked vaguely confused. He rarely showed any emotion anymore. "Why do I care so much?" Because you loved me once.

"I don't know Howl"

"Promise me you won't try to leave Sophie. I don't want to kill you" I'd rather you killed me than leave.

She was so tired. She spilled the bucket while mopping and watched in detached horror as the water spread across the floor to the hearth. Calcifer was so angry.

"Did you think you could leave if I were dead?" Howe roared at her. Looming. "Did you think you could kill me?" Silent tears streamed down her face. He was so far gone, she rarely saw him in his eyes any more," What are you doing? Stop it. Stop crying, you know I don't like to see you cry!" She couldn't stop though. He gripped her shoulders and shook her. "Stop it!" She could hear the anger and panic in his voice but all she could do was remember the sound of him laughing, happy…

He pulled her close, crushing her against him. He kissed the tears streaming down her face. Kissed her eyelids and her mouth and she hung limp in his embrace. Something of him was still in his body. Some part still cared; still drove him into jealous rages and cold bouts of depression. No matter what he did, she wouldn't leave that part of him. And if one day he killed her, she would die happy, knowing that at least this time, she hadn't let him down.

He had let her down.

I'd like to thank my reviewers for reminding me that its Calcifer, not Kelcifer.

Now you others who haven't reviewed... Please! I really like it when you tell me you like what I write.