This is nothing new, just something originally posted to SpyMaster's Complicated Story site a while ago. There are a few minor alterations, but nothing much. Many thanks to the people who read and reviewed it there. Thanks to jbird for insisting I not rush so much and to Diane for her exemplary beta-ing skills...I'm hoping to begin posting something new here soon...
Yet Another Christmas Story
By: Mariel
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks
dressed in holiday style.
In the air there's
a feeling of Christmas.
The street was filled with people carrying packages and shopping bags, their faces glowing from both the frosty air and large doses of holiday excitement. Christmas lights and the joy of the holiday had brightened people's spirits, and the glow of their smiles lit up the street.
Among them was a man not so merry. Trudging towards the restaurant everyone had agreed to meet in, Jack Malone hunched his shoulders against the heavily falling snow and wished for summer. Not because he wanted warmer weather, but because he wanted Christmas over and done with as quickly as possible - because, as with so many things in his life of late, this Christmas looked as though it was going to be painfully horrible.
Maria, his ex-wife, had told Hannah and Katie she wanted to take them on a Disney cruise for their Christmas break - providing, of course, Daddy was willing to give up his time with them and gave his permission.
Which of course had put him in the position of looking like the Grinch if he said no.
So he'd said yes.
He tried to console himself with the thought that at least the girls would be happy. And firmly set aside the memory of them giggling and laughing as they tried to sneak out to see their presents early Christmas morning.
He sighed. Not that he'd experienced many of those mornings. Maria had been right: he hadn't been there much.
And now he wasn't there at all.
The other thing that weighed heavily on his mind was the loss of his father. The wound created by the senior Malone's death only weeks earlier had been surprisingly deep. He'd finally begun to feel he was getting to know the man he'd spent most of his life fighting or avoiding. His death seemed all the more cruel for its timing. He wondered-
"Hey, Jack!"
Jack started, disturbed from his thoughts.
"You were a million miles away!" Martin joked. "I thought you were going to walk right by!"
Jack tried to shake off his morose mood and smiled. "Nah, I was just wondering if they carry my brand of scotch."
Martin reached out to open the large wooden door of the restaurant and pulled it open. As he motioned Jack to go in before him, he said, "I'm sure they do. This place has everything, I'm told."
Stepping past the younger agent, Jack looked around and immediately felt relief. There was no music blaring, just the soft sound of piano coming from somewhere off to the left. The murmur of muted dinner conversations and the scrape of metal utensils on fine china did much to help ease some of his tension. "Did Vivian make reservations?" he asked, noting how filled the place was.
"You bet. I expect everyone else is here already." With an engaging smile at the receptionist, Martin asked if their party had arrived, and they soon found themselves being led to their table.
Martin had been right: Vivian, Danny, Samantha and Elena were already there.
After greeting everyone, Jack raised an eyebrow at the pre-dinner drinks scattered on the table and joked, "I see Martin and I have some catching up to do."
"I'm sure someone of your experience will have no trouble doing that," Vivian smiled. With a wave of her hand, she made his seating decision for him: "You're here at the head of the table, Jack."
He moved towards the seat Vivian had indicated.
"This is a round table, Vivian. There is no head."
"Jack, the head is where I say it is."
He grinned. Vivian had appointed herself the Director of Christmas Festive Activities, so he supposed she had the right to assign seats. He pulled out the chair she'd indicated. "Yes, m'am."
She eyed him critically. While the others focussed on something Martin was saying, she said quietly, "I didn't know if you'd come or not. I'm glad you did."
He looked at her, saw the sympathy in her gaze, and looked away. "I'm okay, Viv. I'm just adjusting, that's all."
She reached out and put a gentle hand on his arm. "I know. Something tells me everything is going to work out fine, though; just be patient with things."
Jack frowned slightly at her positive mood. He knew she wasn't particularly crazy about him seeing Anne; in fact, she'd made comments that indicated she felt it was too much, too soon, for both of them. Maybe she was right, too. There were cracks developing in the intimate relationship they'd developed after her husband's death and his father's fatal heart attack. But Anne had flown to Oregon to be with her parents this Christmas. It was hard to see how that would help anything 'work out'.
Then he felt her eyes on him.
He looked across the table. Samantha sat quietly, her gaze steady, her eyes dark and filled with something that gave him pause. Unresisting, he found himself carried back in time by her smile and his memories...
Children laughing, people passing,
meeting smile after smile,
And on every street corner you'll hear:
Silver bells, silver bells,
It's Christmas time in the city.
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring,
soon it will be Christmas day.
They'd spent the whole day together. They'd put up a Christmas tree together the night before, had made eggnog, and sat in the glow of candlelight while they'd sipped it. He'd stayed the night. And, because Maria had taken the two girls out of town for the weekend to spend time with her relatives, he'd known he'd be with Samantha again that night.
It had been heaven.
Walking down streets filled with busy shoppers and happy children, he'd wondered if life could have gotten any better. If he could possibly have felt any happier.
It had been strange to feel what he was feeling at his stage of life. Strange to feel his heart lighten at the sight of someone. Strange to thrill at sitting around and drinking coffee while watching an old movie...to feel elated to be out in the cold and snow on a crowded sidewalk.
But when he was with her, anything was good, so long as he could look over and see her. He'd had no idea then how she had managed to fill up every empty spot in his soul. No idea how she'd made him happier, more content.
But she had.
And now, years and many trials and tribulations later, she was sitting across the table from him.
And still having the same effect on him.
But she wasn't supposed to. Not any more.
He held her gaze, unable to turn away. The sounds of conversations and laughter momentarily dimmed.
"Samantha's stuck in the city this Christmas, too," Vivian said. Her voice was low, and held a knowing that disturbed him.
Shaken from his reverie, Jack turned to look at the woman on his right. "Oh? I didn't know. She usually goes to see her sister or her mother, doesn't she?" He knew damned well Samantha had always gone away for the holidays. Always, that is, except for that one year...
That special year...
Vivian smiled. "I guess so, but it's her sister's turn to go to her in-laws for Christmas, and her mother decided to take one of those last-minute senior's cruises with a group of friends. That left Samantha kind of on the outs, so she's just staying put."
"I'll have someone to call if a case comes up, then."
Vivian nodded and looked at him with dark, unfathomable eyes. "Yeah," she agreed. "You'll have someone to call."
City street lights,
even stop lights,
blink a bright red and green,
As the shoppers rush home
with their treasures.
The evening was wrapping up. Food had been eaten, many drinks had been imbibed, and small gifts had been exchanged amidst jokes and laughter. Vivian was the first to go. Smiling, and really not looking too tired, she said, "I've got to get going."
Jack nodded. He knew that the doctor was still monitoring her closely, and was pleased to see that she was paying attention to his advice.
Danny, who felt like dancing, named a popular nightclub not too far away, and suggested, "Why don't we all go? It'd be fun."
Martin was immediately all for it. Cane-free and his pain killers doing their job quite effectively, he looked forward to having his first night on the town since he'd been shot. Turning to Elena, he said, "You have to come, too. Unless, of course, you're afraid you can't keep up with us!"
Elena laughed, and said she was in.
Danny looked at Jack. "You want to come?"
Jack knew no one was surprised when he shook his head and declined. "Nah," he said, "I think I've had enough to drink. I'm going to head for home. I'm on call, remember."
Martin smiled at Samantha. "You coming?" he asked. He was still a little uncertain about their new situation, still unsure about how he should deal with her, but she seemed to hold no grudge - or feelings of guilt, for that matter - about the somewhat abrupt ending of their relationship. A sign, he figured, that theirs had not been much of a relationship to begin with - at least not in the sense he had hoped it would be. The friendship was still there, however. Tenuous and uncertain, but it was there, and he was glad for it. All in all, he decided, the breakup had gone much easier than he could have hoped, and with far less fallout than might have been expected.
Samantha shook her head at the invitation. Knowing her presence might cause some discomfort, and knowing she wasn't up to noise and large crowds, she said, "Not tonight. I don't think I feel up to it."
"Come on. You'll be fine once you get there!" Danny chimed in.
Again, she shook her blond head. "No, but thanks," she said honestly. "I think I'll just head home. I've got a few things to do, and I want to phone my mother before she leaves."
"Maybe we can get together over the break," Danny suggested, glad for the extra few days off that were coming their way because of the way Christmas and New Years were falling.
She smiled. "Call me when you get back into the city. It'd be fun."
Destinations determined, everyone rose in a flurry of movement.
Outside, Vivian grabbed the first taxi to come by, while the three night clubbers decided to walk the short distance they needed to go. Left alone on the sidewalk, Jack and Samantha waited in silence for another cab to drive by.
"Do you really feel like going home right now?"
Her voice was soft, her eyes dark.
His first impulse was to lie, but honesty won out. "No, not really," he admitted. "I just don't want to spend time in a place where I can't hear myself think. I'm too tired for that."
But he didn't want to be alone, either.
"Got energy enough for one more drink somewhere quiet, then?" she asked, her lips curved in a smile.
Jack smiled back. He couldn't have said no if he'd wanted to.
No worries there, though.
Gesturing in the opposite direction Danny, Martin, and Elena had just headed off in, she said, "There's a place just a couple blocks from here we can try."
Feet crunching in the crisp snow, and with their breath forming wispy halos around their heads, they decided to walk there.
Hear the snow crunch,
see the kids bunch,
This is Santa's big scene,
And above all this bustle you'll hear:
Silver bells, silver bells,
It's Christmas time in the city.
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring,
soon it will be Christmas day.
Shaking the snow off their coats, Jack hung them up on the coat hook attached to the end of their booth. The bar was dark, but busy, and they were pleased to have found such a private place to sit. Most people, they guessed, were interested in seats closer to the evening's entertainment, which was set up at the very rear of the long, narrow establishment.
Sliding into the seat opposite Samantha, Jack nodded towards the back and said, "They must be on break."
"Thank heavens," she said. "I've heard them before, a long time ago. They're good, but they're loud," she warned.
"Maybe this isn't the place to be, then," Jack said, uncertain.
Silently, Samantha agreed. She wanted to ask him home. Wanted to so badly she had to clench her teeth to stop herself. She knew about his budding relationship with the Anne woman. Knew that it wouldn't work. Knew that Anne was just a variation of the Maria theme and that he wouldn't be any happier with her than he had been with the original. It made her worry for him.
But she was angry, too. Angry that she and Martin were over, and that, once again, the timing was wrong and she and Jack were too out of step to be together.
There was new information to temper that anger, however: there was, after all, the look in his eyes as they'd stared at one another across the table. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe they weren't too out of step. This was another time and place, and it was two days from Christmas and there was no one around to interfere. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe...
The band walked onto the small stage and began to tune up. Wincing at the loud, discordant sounds, Samantha shook her head in frustration. "Let's go for a walk. Maybe we'll find another place further up that's quieter," she suggested. "It's not that cold, and the snow is pretty."
Willing, so long as they remained together, Jack rose and got their coats. In minutes, they were back on the sidewalk, walking in the still-falling snow.
After a few moments, she took his arm. Looking up into the sky, she exclaimed, "I love this. How can people who live where it doesn't snow really feel Christmassy? It doesn't make sense to me. It's so beautiful."
Jack shrugged, but gently, so as not to have her think he minded her holding his arm. Leaning against her slightly, he pressed her arm tightly against his side and placed his hand over hers. "You've always been such a romantic about Christmas."
It was true. There was something magical about this time of year, and it always affected her; always brought out her softer, more hopeful side. She always expected better, always thought the best about everything, when there were carols being sung and presents being bought.
And there had been one special Christmas she had wanted to last forever...
"It's a sickness, what can I say?" she joked.
"It's a nice one."
They both stopped speaking and walked in silence, suddenly struck by a sense of deja vu. Years ago they had walked just like this, down a similar street saying similar things.
But it had been much different.
They had been in love, and deep into their affair. They had felt wrapped up and insulated from the cold reality of what they were doing. Had felt far from discovery or breakup or anything that might disturb the wonder they felt at what they were experiencing.
"That Christmas..." she said, looking up at the falling snow, "...I'd never felt like that before, you know." Her voice softened. "I don't think I ever will again."
Jack knew exactly what she was talking about. That one, unforgettable Christmas, when everything seemed possible... Heart full of memories, he told her, "Me, neither."
She stopped and turned to look at him. "What happened, do you think?" Her eyes showed her pain at not being able to hold on to the magic they'd experienced.
Wounded by the hurt he saw, he resisted the urge to reach out to her, to brush the snow from her hair with his fingertips. "Reality, I guess. It wasn't right."
She looked away. "No," she agreed. "It wasn't."
Her head could think that, and her lips could say it, but her heart made her look at him again and add, "But it was wonderful. We were good together. We were good for each other."
She said it with a touch of defiance, because she knew he went through times when he remembered only the pain the affair had caused, and times he assumed all of the blame for what they had done. He didn't want to hear that she'd thought of his marriage and thought of their careers and had said to hell with it all because she'd wanted him. He didn't want to hear that it had been warm and good and comforting, and all the things that they'd needed at the time...
But tonight was different. Tonight their memories were close and their longings closer still. Tonight, he might hear...Unconsciously holding her breath, she waited for his reply.
"Yeah," he admitted in a deep rumble. It had been special. Real. Wonderful. And they had been good for one another in some strange, unfathomable way. Finally giving in, he lifted a hand to brush the snow away from her hair. Unable to stop them, his fingers then trailed down the side of her cheek. "Sam-"
Time seemed to slow, and each became breathtakingly aware of the other..
She didn't know what to do. Or what to say. The warmth that had built in the air between them drew her to him, and she rested her forehead just under his chin. "I miss you..." she said in a small voice.
He groaned softly, and pulled her hard against him. Bent his head and buried his face in her neck. "Sam-"
"...So much..." she said, slipping her arms around him to bring their bodies still closer together.
Snow fell on and around them, gently frosting their dark overcoats with silver.
Silver bells, silver bells,
It's Christmas time in the city.
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring,
soon it will be Christmas day.
A group of rowdy party-ers turned the corner and headed towards them. Breaking apart slowly, Jack noticed tears glistening on her eyelashes.
Something broke inside him.
Ignoring the drunken comments as the group passed by them, he bent his head and touched his lips to hers.
Her response was all he could have hoped for and more than he could have dreamed.
A Christmas gift.
Slowly parting, they stared at each other in wonder. Fearing anything he said would be incoherent, Jack gathered her into his arms again, trying to make sense of this sudden change in course. He'd had it planned, had had his life figured out. He thought he'd closed the door on this happiness forever, and now, here it was, his dream back within reach, his plans to take the safe, sensible route in tatters at his feet.
"What are we doing, Samantha?"
Samantha smiled into his overcoat. Looking up at him she said in a suddenly mischievous tone, "Going to your place?"
Jack threw back his head and laughed. Then, gathering her into his arms in exuberance, he swung her off her feet.
"We must be crazy," he said, before setting her down and once again bringing his lips down to meet hers.
"Christmas crazy," she murmured, loving the taste of him, and feeling overwhelmed by emotions she'd thought she'd never be able to admit to again.
Silver bells, silver bells,
It's Christmas time in the city.
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring,
soon it will be Christmas day.
Hours later, they lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in contentment.
They had made love. The first time as though making up for lost time. The second time more slowly.
Jack's deep voice broke the silence. "Let's get a tree tomorrow."
"And something for Christmas dinner," Samantha added. "We should do the whole dinner thing..."
Thinking he should also go out and buy something special for the woman beside him, Jack smiled and drew her closer. "I love you. I don't think I ever stopped."
"I know," she smiled, snuggling against him, feeling finally at home. She twisted her head to look at him. Finding it uncomfortable, she struggled up onto an elbow, her body resting partly on top of his. She looked down at him, her eyes suddenly serious. "And I love you. With all my heart."
"I know," he replied, his own heart filling with gladness.
They remained like that, enjoying the warmth of their bodies where they touched, content with their lives. Jack lifted a hand to caress her face. "So no worries until after Christmas, right?"
"Until after New Years," she corrected. "Christmas isn't over until the New Year," she insisted.
It was true. Unless they were called in, they had the whole time off except for two days. They could go in together. Make them short days. Jack made the mental calculations, quickly multiplying the remaining days into hours. They had forever.
Pulling her down beside him and arranging himself around her, he murmured, "A lifetime."
She hugged the arm that held her so securely. "A lifetime," she echoed, her heart content.
Closing their eyes, they fell peacefully into sleep.
In the distance, bells pealed out into the night.
Their sound was sweet, as though they were made of silver.
End
Yet Another Christmas Story