I could see him snogging her in the corner of the common room, his hands running through her fiery red hair. It sent a thrill of longing, misery and self hate through me.
No matter how many times I told myself to just be happy for him I couldn't and truthfully I would never be happy for him. I would always be a selfish bastard who would want him for myself, even if he was happy.
She stole him from me there was no other way to put it than she stole him, it seemed as if he never had time for me anymore, because of the red head attached to his lips. I couldn't control my little outburst of anger, I knew it was unfair but I couldn't help it.
He was practically gone, she didn't like me, she didn't out right voice, but I knew she still thought I hadn't grown up yet. Like she knew anything about me, I could see the resentment in her eyes when she looked at me and I found her insufferable. So being around the two of them wouldn't of worked, besides he was different around her.
Of course he was different all the time now, he had changed into what she wanted him to be. She didn't truly love him not like I did, not the pure unconditional love I felt for him. I stilled loved him just as much even though he had changed, but I missed the old him just as much as I loved him.
It was like a chunk of me had been ripped out now that he was hers and there was no more room for me. How could I be his best friend when she was his best friend?
I knew why he would never want me, but my mind still struggled with why doesn't he want me. I knew I was unlovable not even my own mother could love me, but I had always felt safe with James. I let him inside my mind like I had let no one else and to yet still be second best, burned.
It was pathetic how I would follow him around like a puppy, how unquestioning my loyalty was to him. I would do anything for him and he said he would do the same, but he wouldn't he would do a lot for me, but not on the level I would for him.
I couldn't leave, I loved him to much he had taken to much from me to have any less would kill me. So I was stuck in my own self loathing and misery, missing someone who was right next to me.