"No! Bad Boonata! It's not your destiny to fight back and have self-confidence! You're destined to cut yourself over some guy you'll never have 'cause you're overweight and ugly, then overdose on Advil!"

-Booji, Supah Nario Bros. #141

The Shinobi's Guide to Sentai
By Kaori

Warning: References from various sentai (Power Rangers, Gekigangar, Daitenzen et al), magical girl shows (Sailor Moon, Pretty Sammy, Puni Puni Poemi), and kaiju/kaijin (Godzilla) shows and movies abound. Also, the author had WAY too much fun writing this.

Creative Credit to: the writers at Bandai and Saban, Koshi Rikudo, and Seventh Sanctum for giving me the idea in the first place.

"You can't run from us forever Kamen (1)!" yelled a ninja dressed completely in gray and wielding what appeared to be a rapier. "Surrender the Kaiju Scroll!"

"There is no way I'd let the likes of you get your hands on this scroll!" he turned around in mid-air to face his pursuer. "Take this! Star Flaming Fusion!"

There was an earth-shaking, multi-hued, smoky explosion (2) followed by the screams of the gray-clad antagonist. Kamen landed on the ground gracefully and struck a pose (2) before continuing on his way.

Gai and his team were practicing in the forest nearby when they felt the ground shake.

"An earthquake?" TenTen wondered.

"No," Neji said, Byakugan already active. "someone is coming."

Twenty seconds later, a man with spiky (3) blue hair stumbled out of the bushes. He was wearing a red shirt, white gloves, black pants, and red ninja shoes. A large scroll was strapped to his back. He stood up quickly and then locked eyes with Gai. "Help me! Please!"

Before anyone could answer him seven men dressed completely in gray dropped out of the trees. One of them, obviously the leader because he had a special crest on his forehead, stepped forward.

"Natsume Kamen of Altered Ninja Team Delta, give us the Kaiju Scroll or die!" he demanded.

"I'll never give the scroll to you, Dynascavenger scum!" spat Kamen. "Go lick your master's boots, Taka!"

Gai and Lee watched the exchange with stars in their eyes. Neji and TenTen were wondering where these weirdoes had come from and where were the jounin that were supposed to be patrolling the area.

"Have it your way Kamen. Dynascavengers…ATTACK!" The gray-clad men rushed at Kamen who struck a pose (right hand pointed in the air, left arm across his chest).

"Transformation: Shifting Reincarnation!" There was a bright flash of red light that lasted for about thirty seconds, during which the attackers stood frozen (4). Kamen was now dressed in red spandex, a red ninja hood and mask with a white sash around his waist and matching boots and gloves. The scroll was still strapped securely to his back and a ninja-to was sheathed on his left side. "I am Natsume Kamen: Delta Team's Red Dasher! You who would bring chaos and destruction into this world," he posed dramatically and pointed at the leader. "prepare to die!"

"Wow! He's so cool!" chorused Lee and Gai. Neji and TenTen rolled their eyes. Could this get any stupider?

Yes. Yes it can. You'll find out how much stupider in the next chapter. Prepare yourselves! There will be action! Fight scenes! And horrendously cheesy dialogue! YAY!

1) Kamen Rider XD

2) Every sentai show you've ever seen.

3) According to the rules of sentai the leader of the group (if animated) must have spiky hair.

4) Another rule of sentai shows (and anime by extension) is that you're not allowed to interrupt the heroes' transformation sequence.