Title: If You Can't Beat Them
Characters: Sirius, James
Summary: "What happened?" Sirius asks James, shifting on the bed to make more room for him and leaning against the wall. "I can't really remember… Did I fall off my bike? And where is it?" When James doesn't answer, doesn't even move a muscle, Sirius looks up. James' skin looks almost swallow, and he's staring around the cell with an expression he's seen given to Remus as Moony scores the Daily Prophet for a job. Pain. Pity. Sympathy. Helplessness.
Authors Note:
Just something I thought of when driving home from Uni on a rainy, cold night, after spending a day with my own James Potter. Please Review!
Sirius is laughing when he is thrown into the cell.
It's a laugh that reminds him of Hogwarts, when they'd sit by the lake and re-tell stories of trip-jinxing Snape and their latest adventure around the castle.
Yet now there's no warm sunlight, no cool water lapping at his toes. No pokey, itchy grass he can feel through his trousers.
He knows he should stop laughing. It's not proper conduct for Azkaban. But Sirius has never been one for conduct, not within Grimmauld Place and certainly not within his grim, old cell.
The cold is what finally stops his laughter. He sucks it in and it freezes his laugh in his throat , almost choking him.
It's when his mirth has finally, fully left him that Sirius realises he's exhausted. He realises the seriousness of what has happened.
Sitting down on the creaky, dusty bed, Sirius rests his head in his hands. He can't remember how he got in here. It's an explosion of colour and stars that make his head spin when he tries.
The thin mattress dips lower and Sirius realises that they've thrown James in with him. He suppresses the urge to laugh again, he knows James is probably in inner turmoil, worrying about Lily and Harry and what the Ministry has told her.
"Moony did always say we'd end up behind bars…" He says. Why was his voice hoarse and scratchy? He can't remember shouting.
When James doesn't answer, doesn't even move a muscle, Sirius looks up. James' skin looks almost swallow, and he's staring around the cell with an expression he's seen given to Remus as Moony scores the Daily Prophet for a job.
Pain. Pity. Sympathy. Helplessness.
Feeling guilty, Sirius looks away. What James is feeling isn't for them. It's for Lily and Harry, and for betraying Dumbledore's requests, no doubt.
"What happened?" Sirius asks James, shifting on the bed to make more room for him and leaning against the wall. "I can't really remember… Did I fall off my bike? And where is it?"
He smirks as he thinks of his beast, and what they could have possibly done to end up in here. Terrorised Muggles? Chased Death Eaters? Captured by death eaters? Had it come to that?
James leans forward onto his knees and rests his chin on his hand. Sirius can't see his face. He is however starting to hear what's going on in the prison around him. Screaming, shouting and above all of that, an eerie silence.
"James…"
Sirius is tired of the silent treatment. He's also terrified of that screaming.
"I know I shouldn't have dragged you out today… I know you promised Lily and Dumbledore. But I just felt… we had to go out together, cause mischief, Padfoot and Prongs."
He thinks he hears James sigh. But he still hasn't moved from his position.
"I'm sure Lily and Harry are fine, James. Dumbledore's probably with them or they're with the Order…" Sirius says, clapping James on the back. He pulls his hand away. James feels stone cold, and as hard as stone, rough. James gets up and walks towards the door of the cell, staring out.
"Just get to bed, Black!"
Sirius recoils slightly. It doesn't sound like James at all. It's harsh and even James' voice is hoarse. He feels the same guilt he felt at sixteen, exposing Moony to Snape and almost killing him in the process. James had grabbed him by collar and shouted at him until his voice had gone and he'd almost collapsed with exhaustion and relief that everyone was alive and safe and they'd come out okay.
What followed was stony silence for a week.
He knew James' temper, and his anger with him wouldn't last very long. He'd soon begin to worry so much he'd have to talk about it, and he'd come to Sirius when he was ready, like before.
They'd come out okay, Sirius thought as he glanced once more at James' back and settling against the lumpy pillows, attempting sleep, a bitter form of refuge.
It's still night when Sirius wakes with a start. The explosion of stars and colour had invaded his dreams, making his head ache and his stomach clench and his heart pound.
He's breathing heavily, panicking and what makes him panic more is the shouting in his pounding head.
"PETER! HOW DARE-"
"Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!"
Screaming, an explosion, innocent Muggles staring or passing by.
Peter gone.
Lily and James gone.
Sirius flings himself of the bed and claws at his chest, to stop his pounding heart, to stop the shouting and oh God, I'm suffocating.
"Sirius…"
Sirius' head snaps up. He feels his tears freeze as they slide down his stone cold cheek. It's James, the James from the night before, swallow and different and not James because he's dead.
"I'm sorry, Sirius,' James chokes out, "I've been here all night, listening, there's no sign of Peter, and they're not even going to give you a trial…"
Sirius shakes his head and covers his hears and shuts his eyes even though that causes more tears to spill. It's all coming back to him now. He's seen James' swallow form before, and it was broken and lifeless on the floor of Godric's Hollow.
"I can't stay…I've been here too long…" It says and Sirius realises he doesn't care if it's dead James, its James and it looks like him, it speaks like him and he'll do, he needs something, he needs James.
He scrambles off the floor and is about to fling himself at James when he's given that look.
Pain. Pity. Sympathy. Helplessness.
He knows James has gone when he collides with the solid steel door. He doesn't feel the pain.
He stifles his sobs and sinks to the ground.
Although Azkaban has that eerie silence, he can hear that terrified screaming.
Sirius can't help it.
He joins in.