Mind Monsters

She had that dream again. The one where she causes a great earthquake that takes the entire Playground down around her, killing her friends and demolishing the building she'd come to recognize as home. It was her first week sleeping in her self-imposed prison, but it didn't seem to matter where she was, the nightmares still happened.

This time she woke to her face in the pillow, muffling the screams she knew would wake the others. Her forehead was damp and her clothes stuck to her. She was laying in a huddled ball on the cot in the corner of the room, focused on calming her breathing. She ran a hand through her sweaty hair, pushing her bangs out of her face. Thankfully, her nightmare had not triggered any outer effects like before. Just when she was about to try and settle back into sleep, she noticed that she was not alone once again.

There, sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room, was Coulson. His body was reclined, chin resting almost on his chest and he looked to be fast asleep. Ever since her first night in here, he'd found his way to that chair, keeping watch over her as well as the night terrors at bay. They didn't usually speak on these nights. Typically, he arrived after she fell asleep and was long gone before she woke the next day. He never mentioned his visits and she didn't either.

Skye wasn't stupid. She knew Coulson was worried about her. She could read it in every line of his face when he looked at her. She was isolated, lonely, and slightly bitter; maybe his anxieties were well founded. Fitz and May were really her only visitors outside of the occasional observation she knew Simmons did from afar. Fitz kept her well entertained while May continued to stubbornly teach her control. Every attempt at pushing them away was met with apt resistance. It seemed they at least hadn't given up on her yet.

"You have another nightmare?" She startled slightly even though his voice was quiet and still laden with sleep. He sat up a little in the chair, rubbing a hand down his face. His blue eyes watched her intently, unreadable as always.

She settled for a head nod as she took a seated position on her cot, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She let her chin rest on her arms, unable to completely meet his gaze as he stared at her.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, after a second of silence. She could tell that even though he didn't know what to say, he was making an effort for her.

"Nothing good will come of it if I do," she responded. Even though she had to relive her greatest fears every night didn't mean she had to share and burden anyone else as well.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he waited for her to tell him anyway. After a couple tense moments she caved. "It's the same. It's always the same. I …cause an earthquake that reduces the Playground to rubble and kills everyone inside or near the building. It's very vivid. I can feel the shaking and hear the crack of rock and brick crumbling. I can almost feel the residue of the dust the destruction leaves when it's over. I'm standing in the middle of it all. The center of the catastrophe and yet I'm completely unharmed. I wake up just before realization falls on me of what I've done." She lifted her head off her arms and stared at the wall over his shoulder. "I guess what Lady Sif said stuck with me. Maybe I will get stronger. Maybe one day I'll bring down buildings; tear continents apart. Maybe I am the abomination they were talking about."

"You shouldn't assume the worst will happen, Skye. There is still time to figure this out," he tried to reassure.

She scoffed, finally looking up at him. "Shouldn't I? When have things ever truly went my way? Sure, I've always been the glass half full type of girl but how much can someone really take before their glass breaks entirely?"

He leaned forward in the chair. "If the glass breaks than you pick up the pieces and put it back together again. It's the only way I know how to survive in this world. You've been through too much to give up now. We'll take care of this, Skye, all of us together. I promise we're not going to let you face this alone. But in order for this to work, you have to believe you can do it. No matter what happens, we'll stand behind you but you'll have to fight for yourself too."

"I'm not sure I have any fight left in me," she admitted. "I keep thinking about what could have happened when that Kree came for me. Maybe you should have just let him take me. It would have made all of this easier. If he's right and I was designed purely for destruction than this might be beyond us all. Fighting might not do any good. We may be just drawing out the inevitable. I don't believe it was a coincidence that I joined your team when I did or that we were led to that underground city. Maybe I was always destined to be a monster."

Coulson shook his head. "You're not a monster, Skye; the farthest thing from it, actually. You are one of the strongest, smartest, and most compassionate people I have ever met. Your faith inspires me every single day to keep on going, even in the darkest of moments when I think I have nothing left. Please, don't lose that, Skye. It's one of the things that makes you, you. Ever since I first met you, you had the uncanny ability to see the good in everything and if you can't do that right now than I'll do it for you. Who cares about fate? I've always believed since I was a kid that everyone makes their own destiny. You will fight this, Skye, and you will win."

She was staring at him openly now, in awe of his loyalty to her. She was reminded then, of all the times he'd gone to immeasurable lengths to protect her and, realized this time was no different. Even after everything that had happened and all the secrets she'd kept from him, he still stuck by her side, fighting for her till the very end. She may have never had someone to call father growing up, and Cal was a huge disappointment, but if she could have one, she would have wanted him to be like Coulson. He was more a father to her than Cal would ever be.

It was all too much. Too many emotions raging inside her and to keep from shaking up the place again, she just decided to let loose in a different way. Skye couldn't stop the tears and buried her face back in her arms. Her body shook with her silent sobs. She couldn't believe she was falling apart in front of her director, but she couldn't really bring herself to care. It felt good to just let it all out. She was crying for everything; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

She stiffened only slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder as the cot dipped down with his weight. Needing some form of contact, she threw herself at him blindly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and burying her tear-stained face in his neck. He grunted slightly with the impact but scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her. His hand automatically rubbed small soothing circles over her back as he listened to her sniffle quietly.

"I got you, Skye. Everything's going to be alright, I promise," he whispered into her hair as he squeezed her tighter against his side. She clung to him and he let her, not letting go until she was ready. Shifting them to a better position, he pulled her back against him so her head rested on his chest and her feet stretched out opposite him on the cot. They stayed that way until he felt her breathing even out and her arms lose their grip from around him.

He knew it wasn't professional, but he honestly didn't care. It had been a long time since he'd dropped the act in front of anyone and even longer since he'd dropped it in front of Skye; the person that probably needed him the most. He hated feeling so helpless. He was used to seeing a problem and knowing exactly how to fix it, but this was a whole other ball game. He had no idea how to help Skye; only that they needed to get a handle on her powers and soon.

May had an idea that until tonight, he hadn't strongly considered. She wanted to contact her ex-husband who had consulted for S.H.I.E.L.D. before. He knew Skye would despise having to talk to another shrink when she'd had more than her fair share as a kid. May thought if Skye could get a handle on her emotions than she'd also be able to control her powers. Coulson wanted to believe that was true, but knew special abilities were unpredictable. Things were usually never that easy.

Skye stirred slightly in his arms, murmuring unintelligible words. Her eyebrows furrowed and her hands clenched in his jacket. The floor began to rumble and Coulson knew she was having a nightmare. "Skye, wake up," he said, calmly but firmly shaking her shoulder. After a couple tense seconds, she jolted awake, her eyes shooting open.

She tried to pull up and away from him, but his arms kept her against his chest. "Hey, hey, no, you're okay. Take it easy. Just breathe for me." As soon as she realized where she was and who was holding her, she stopped trying to pull away. The shaking subsided a few minutes later, once she got her breathing normal again.

His hand rubbed her back gently as he gave her a moment to calm down and get herself under control. She wiped the stray tears off her cheeks before finally letting herself look at him. He seemed to be gaging her emotional state; like if he let her go she might fall apart. She didn't want to admit how true that might be. She wondered how much more she could take of this. Skye had lost track of the last time she'd had a decent night's rest. It was wearing her down.

Not knowing how to help her, killed him. He wanted to take the nightmares away and never let her experience the pain of watching loved ones die ever again, but he didn't think it possible. People lived. People died. It was the way the world worked. It didn't make losing a team member or a friend any easier though. Trip was the best of them and now he was gone. Coulson decided that he was just going to have to show Skye the light in the darkness, just as she'd done for him before.

"You have to stop torturing yourself, Skye," he said calmly, pulling away so he could see her whole face.

She pulled away from him, glaring. "You think I want to relive my worst fears every damn time I close my eyes?"

"Consciously? No. But I think a part of you is punishing itself for what happened down in that temple. What better way to make you suffer than to watch everyone you love die from something that you caused? If you ever want to sleep again, you need to accept everything that happened and let it go. None of it was your fault. What's done is done. The past can't be changed, so don't drive yourself into the ground trying to undo it. Trip gave his life for you. Do not make light of that by throwing away yours. The world is full of terrible things that sometimes you're not prepared to deal with, but you can't hide from it. You can only face it. The only way you're going to get past this is by facing it head on. If you don't fight back, it will consume you and you're too strong, too good to let it destroy you." She stared at him for a moment.

"Let's say I stop the nightmares…I still have no earthly idea how to control my powers. You said it yourself, these are uncharted waters. We have no idea what we're doing."

He pursed his lips. "True, we don't, but May might know someone who can help. It's a long shot, but it couldn't hurt." His hand squeezed her shoulder. "But Skye, you have to promise me you'll keep an open mind."

She frowned. "Why? Am I not going to like this plan?"

"Well…it involves talking to a psychologist," he answered carefully, watching the way her eyes widened in frustrated disbelief.

"How is talking to a shrink going to help me get my powers under control?"

"May thinks your powers are tied to your emotions. If you can work through some of those bottled up emotions maybe controlling your powers will be easier. I know you hate shrinks, but if there's even a chance it could help, I think we should try," he explained gently, placing a hand on her arm, glad she didn't pull away this time.

"If you think it'll help…I guess I'll give it a shot," she grumbled after a few seconds. "But just know I'm not happy about it. Shrinks are super stupid and very annoying with all their head shrinking." He chuckled and squeezed her arm in reassurance, understanding how talking to a shrink could put her on edge. He didn't much like it either.

"That's my girl," he said affectionately and she huffed at him, but let her head drop down on his shoulder and stay there. She sighed and he felt her trying her best to stay awake. "Sleep, Skye. Everything is going to be alright."

"You gonna keep my monsters at bay, A.C.?" she mumbled sleepily, into his shoulder as he pulled them back on the cot again. His heart swelled at hearing the old nickname.

"Always, kid."

END