Scary Skinny

I'm Still Breathing

Chapter 1

I curled into a ball sitting next to the toilet in my bathroom. I felt my stomach growl even more as I closed my eyes tighter, as if that eased the pain. I opened my eyes. But as soon as I did I regretted that. The whole bathroom was spinning crazily before my eyes.

"Ugh" I groaned as the spinning stopped.

I grabbed onto the edge of the toilet to try to get up. After I did so, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I almost gasped at how skinny the reflection seemed. But I knew better. The mirror was lying to me; it was telling me that I wasn't fat. That I was just skin and bones. But I know better. Everyone told me that, and I knew it was a lie.

"Sharpay? Shar, are you in there?" My brother asked and knocked on the bathroom door

"Yeah, I'll be right out" I said as cheerfully as my voice let me

I washed my hands and I put my make-up on. After I was done, I grabbed my sidekick from the counter and opened the door. Ryan was sitting on my bed looking at an old picture from our freshman year. He smiled up at me and patted me to take the seat on the bed next to him.

"Do you remember when we were so small? I can't believe it" He smiled

I looked carefully at the picture. It was me and him sitting on the fountain of our East High and we were smiling. I was wearing jeans and a black vest over a lilac shirt. Ryan was next to me, waving at the camera. He was wearing jeans and a gray sweater. We looked happy, something we haven't been for years.

"Hey, Ryan, I think we should get going now" I said getting up

He put the portrait on my nigh stand and simply nodded after that. He got out of the room first, me following after him. As I closed the door in my room, I heard a scream. I turned around, rapidly looking for the sound source.

"Why would you ever think that I would be cheating on you?!" My Mom screamed

"Oh, yeah? Then who was that man at the liquor store the other day?!" My Dad screamed back at her

I heard her huff, "That was Mark! Your 'supposed' best friend!" I could almost hear the quotations in her voice.

I didn't bother to hear anymore, so I turned around and made my way downstairs. I went to the kitchen and found Ryan eating his cereal. He didn't bother to look up knowing it was me. I went to sit in the kitchen counter and look at him eat.

Even though I wasn't eating, it felt good to watch him eat. I don't know why, but it does. It could be one of two reasons. Option one: I was happy that at least someone was eating, and not suffering the pain I am in. Or option two: it made me happy knowing that everyone else was gaining weight, but not me.

I looked away trying not to think about the difference. The point was that, either way, it made me and Ryan happy.

Ryan got up from his chair and went to leave the plate in the sink which was next to me. He was already used to me not eating in the morning; he thought I ate at school. He looked at me and said,

"Are you driving, or am I?"

"Hmm? I think you should. I'll let you drive for today" I answered winking at him

I got off the counter and grabbed my Dolce & Gabbana bag from the chair next to where Ryan was sitting a couple of seconds ago. Ryan and I went directly to the garage after that. He opened the door and I went to his silver Mercedes Benz convertible. I sat in the passenger's seat as he took the one next to me.

He started the car and I turned the radio on changing it to KIIS FM. He looked at me and he turned down the volume.

"Shar", he said keeping his eyes on the road, "We need to talk"

"What? A-are you breaking up with me?" I added jokingly but quickly changed my mind and looked away from his eyes

"Shar, I know you haven't been eating lately" He said taking he eyes off the road for a second, "and I want you to tell me right now why you are not eating"

Great. He had me up against a wall, with a gun pointing to my head. And I was unarmed. Think fast, I thought.

"Because…I'm sick….and I haven't been very hungry lately" I was lying right through my teeth.

I hated to lie to my own brother like this, but I have never told anyone I have anorexia, and I am not planning to stop that. I have always heard that anorexia is bad, it's gonna kill you, people will notice sooner or later. Lies. I was perfectly fine, and I am not even that bad to stop in a hospital.

I love Ryan, but Ana and Mia are helping me. They are making me pretty and gorgeous. They get mad easily when I eat anything, though. Even though sometimes I think about leaving them, I stop for a second. And then they talk to me. They ask me if I want to end up fat and ugly. It's very much like a love/hate relationship.

"Are you okay, Shar?" Ryan asked interrupting my chain of thoughts. I had clearly worried him, and he would forget about the not eating subject.

"Yeah, I hope so. I'm just a little light headed, but other than that, I'm okay" I lied smiling up at him.

"Why don't you let me take you to the doctor?"

"No!" I answered a little too quickly, "I don't want them to give me a…shot"

He looked at me carefully, he knew I hated shots. But the shots had nothing to do with me not wanting to go to the doctor. If I went they were most likely to find out that I was anorexic, and I couldn't let that happen no matter what.

"Okay, I just don't want you to get any more sick" he said looking worried

"Oh don't worry, Ry," I said putting the best smile I could possibly force out of myself, "I promise I'm okay"

Another lie, and another promise I couldn't keep. I couldn't promise anything, even though I wanted really bad to do so, it was hard and unreal. I looked at him and he wasn't looking at me anymore, he was concentrated on parking the car.

As I was reaching to my side to take off my seatbelt, I felt something unusual about where we parked. I looked around, and noticed the normal amount of people passing by, but they were staring.

I got off my brother's car and immediately turned my confused face, into an icy façade.

"What's going on?" Ryan asked coming from behind me. I shook my head truly knowing nothing about it.

"Ryan!"

I groaned, because I immediately knew who it was.