And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft
Please know that you were mine as well

Tick...tock. Tick…tock. Tick…tock.

The constant tick…tock of the clock is the only thing you hear in the dead silence. It has been this way for the past hour, no one making a sound. You're afraid to move, thinking that the slightest flinch would sound like an explosion in the silence.

The half empty bottle of tequila sits discarded on the table in front of you, along with your still full glass. You stare at it, trying to stop the spinning in your head. He was called a murderer. He beat the shit out of Mark. Your little sister is sleeping with the one man you hoped to god she wouldn't go near. The constant swirling of your brain. It never stops.

You look over at your boyfriend, and see that he is staring straight ahead. You don't say anything, and turn back to looking at your glass on the table. Your eyes shift from the glass to stare at the almost empty tequila bottle, wondering how your boyfriend isn't passed out. It astonishes you how much he drank tonight. You contemplated telling him to stop after his sixth round, but you knew his pain was just too raw. Just too real. It scares you to think of what is going through his mind, and you shudder a little at the thought.

You wring your hands together, not knowing what to do. Should you leave him here, and head up to your bedroom? No, you tell yourself. You are not leaving his side. Not when he is in this much pain.

You turn to look at him again, and he is still staring. His usual sparkling blue eyes are dead. His usually smooth skin is shadowed by slight stubble. The sight of his swollen left eye and the large cut on his nose makes you cringe, but still you don't do anything. It pains you to see him so broken. So fragile.

You keep trying to push yourself to do something or say something for him. But courage is nowhere to be found tonight. Not yourself, and definitely not for him.

So you sit there for what seems like another hour, and you feel the nausea start again. You take deep breaths, willing it to subside. Your mouth starts to water, letting you know that you could possibly be sick at any moment. You close your eyes, and silently wish that you don't have to bolt out of the room.

Derek must have sensed a change in you, because you can see him staring at you out of the corner of your eye. You close your eyes again, and when you open them, the feeling goes away.

"Mer…" he murmurs. It is the first time he has spoken since you brought him home.

"Hmm?" you say as you turn to look at him.

"Are you…nothing," he says as he turns to stare at the wall again.

"Derek, what?"

"Nothing. Forget I said anything."

"No, Derek. What is it?" you question.

"It's nothing, Mer."

You sigh, "Okay. Well, how's your hand?"

"It's fine."

"Derek…"

"What?" he snaps.

You're silenced by his forceful question. You have never seen him like this, and it scares you. You gently take your hand off your lap and place it over your stomach. Tears start to form behind your eyes, and you close them quickly, hoping that they would go away. You turn and look at him, hoping that the blurriness you are seeing doesn't show up to him.

He is nursing his right hand in his lap, and you just stare at him. He doesn't look at you, and you close your eyes again. This time a lone tear slips out and makes a wet path down your cheek. You choke back a sob, and hope to god that he doesn't hear you.

You hear keys jingling outside of your front door, and you open your eyes. Derek is staring at his hand, oblivious to the fact that someone could be coming in to rain on his alcohol drinking fest. The door unlocks and you hear it squeak as it is pushed open. You quickly get off the couch, and walk to the foyer to see who has imposed on your eerily quiet night.

"Hey," Alex says as he sees you come from the living room.

"Hey," you breathe.

"How's your guy?"

"Alex, I…I have never seen him like this."

"It's that bad, huh?" he questions.

You nod your head, "It's that bad."

"Are you okay? Has he done anything to you?"

You gasp, "No! No! He wouldn't do anything to me."

"Mer, I just have to ask. I don't want to hear that he hurt you."

"He would never do anything to me, Alex," you say firmly.

"Okay," he murmured. "So you're okay?"

"Yeah…Yeah, I think we're okay," you say with a shaky breath.

"Mer…"

"I'm okay. We're okay."

"Well the tears in your eyes say differently," he says with a slight frown.

"Damn it," you whisper.

"So…clearly it's not alright."

"I…I'm scared."

Alex closes the space between you in one quick step, and before you know it, he is pulling you tightly into his chest. You don't stop the tears this time, and you just let them make their way down your face.

"It's okay, Mer. It's okay," he whispers.

"It's…It's just that he is so broken," you say through your sobs. "Alex, he drank so much tonight."

"Do you want me to go talk to him?"

"No, he barely even talks to me."

You break off the hug, and wipe your eyes with back of your hand. You stare down at your hands, and when you do, the nausea starts again. You cover your mouth, and make a beeline for the bathroom.

You barely make it to the bathroom before you are empting the contents of your stomach, over and over again. You slowly sink to the floor, holding your stomach. Alex appears in the doorway with a look of concern on your face, but you just ignore him.

"How much did you drink?" he questions.

Damn it. I can't tell him. Derek doesn't even know.

"Not that much," you whisper.

He frowns, "Not that much? And you are puking your guts out? I don't buy that for a second."

"Well, it's the truth."

"Whatever you say. So… you got this under control?"

You nod your head, "Yeah, I think so."

"Well if you need me, I'll be up in my room."

"Okay," you say as he exits the room.

You glance down at your stomach and whisper, "Baby, be good for mommy. Please? I need to take care of daddy tonight. So you just really need to be good for mommy and not make her sick, okay?"

The wave of nausea stops and you slowly get up off the floor. You contemplate going back to Derek, but head straight for the kitchen for a glass of water. You slowly sip the cool, refreshing beverage and finish it before you hear Derek yelling your name. You quickly run into the hallway, to see him wobbly standing in the foyer.

"Derek…" you breathe.

"Where did you go?"

"Alex came home, so I met him at the door."

"Oh," he says.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm just tired."

"Oh, do…do you want to stay down here or go to our bedroom?"

"I…I don't know, Mer," he says as a sob racks through his body. "I just don't know anymore."

"Derek…" you say as you quickly wrap your arms around him. He shakes violently through the sobs, and you hug him tighter. You knew that eventually he would break down; but you weren't expecting it to be this hard. His sobs get harder as you stand here, and you are certain that Alex can hear him upstairs. But for now it's just you two, and you know that you are the one who has to be the rock.

"Derek…" you whisper again. "Do…do you want to go up to our room?"

He lifts his head off of your shoulder, and the sight of him breaks your heart. His face is tear stained, and his swollen eye has gotten worse as the night went on. You gently reach up and wipe the tears off his cheeks, while kissing him softly. You can taste the mixture of tequila and tears on his lips, and you smile at him.

"Yeah…I…I think I want…"

"Shh, it's okay," you say as you hug him again. You hope that the hug will help him realize that you are here for him.

"Mer…" he says as he chokes back another sob.

"Let's go upstairs," you whisper into his chest.

"Oh. Okay."

You gently take his left hand in your right, and lead him up the stairs. When you get to Alex's room, you look and see that he has his door cracked open. He glances up at you as you walk by, and you give him a slight smile. When you finally reach your bedroom, you help Derek on to the bed. He lays down on his side, and you get in beside him. You snuggle up to his chest, and breathe in the comforting scent.

The crying has stopped, and you think that he has fallen asleep. You lift your head off his chest, and your green eyes are met with blue. You gasp a little at the sheer intensity of them, and quickly sit up in bed.

"Derek?"

"What?" he whispers.

"You…you know you can talk about it."

He closes his eyes before responding, "I don't want to talk about it."

You nod, "Okay."

"I…I'm not shutting you out, Mer. It's just…I don't know where to start. I'm trying to figure it out myself."

It's at this moment when your stomach starts to churn again, and you quickly cover your mouth. You dash off the bed and across the hall into the bathroom to empty the already limited contents of your stomach. You heave for a couple of seconds, before the wave leaves you. You sit down on the floor, and glance up to see Alex standing there.

"Mer. Uh, don't take this the wrong way, because you don't look like it, but are you…you know?"

"Shhh! Alex!" you hiss.

He smiles, "That explains it."

"Mer?" Derek yells from your bedroom. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Shit. What am I going to do now?

You shoot a warning glance at Alex, "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'll be there in a second."

"Okay," you hear him yell.

"Alex, please. Please don't tell anybody," you beg as you slowly get up off the floor.

"Don't worry, Mer. I won't tell anyone until you tell him."

"Thank you."

"So…how long have you known?"

You glance down at your still flat stomach before looking back up at him, "About a month."

"And you still haven't told him?"

"I just haven't found the right time."

"You haven't found the right time?"

You sigh, "No, I wanted to tell him the other day, but Addie called and you know what happened."

"When you do find the right time, I'm sure he'll be happy."

You giggle, "Yeah, I'm sure he will."

"I better let you get back to him, before he tries to get up out of that bed without your help."

"You're right. Good night, Alex."

"Night, Mer," he murmured.

You walk across the hall into your bedroom, and crawl into bed. Derek is asleep, his dark curls a mess. You kiss his cheek, and snuggle up to his chest. Sleep calls to you, and you feel your eyes start to droop.

"Good night, Der. I love you," you whisper.

You then rest you hand on your still flat stomach, and say, "Night, baby. Mommy loves you, and so does daddy. And don't worry, everything will be okay. It will be okay."

Something was bound to go right sometime today
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us
It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing
That we could see for miles and miles