"But Nic," said Sonic, his blue hedgehog fur still a mess from drunken movements on the shag carpet, "how can we possibly hope to defeat the werewolf? It's much bigger and stronger than each of us."

"Separately, yes," replied Nicolas Cage, a condescending smirk crowning his flattened jaw, "but you've yet to consider the full situation, Sonic."

"How so, Nic?" asked Sonic.

"According to Newton's third law of biomolecular fusion, the size of the output of a fusion attack will be ((X+Y)/2)*(1.50+Z), where X and Y are the two means of input for the fusion-in this case the people-and Z is one-tenth of the current force of gravity in Newtons."

"So what you're saying is..."

"Yes," finished Nic. "We will become equal to 2.48 times the average of our current sizes. Simply put, we will become a hulking behemoth, easily a match for even the likes of this werewolf."

"Then what are we waiting for?!" Sonic exclaimed as they took the position.

"Fuuu-sss-iiioooonnn... HAH!" the two said in unison. In an instant, SoNic Cage was born. SoNic Cage felt power coursing through every muscle in his body. The intensity was unparalleled, as if reality itself was merely a catalyst for which to activate his hurricane of energy.

He was sure, more than anything else, that this would be sufficient to take on the werewolf, for werewolves only gained half hit points starting at level 15 in order to balance them out for post-20 adventurers.

Just then, Tails walked in.

"Sonic," he began, "I... WOAH! You're not Sonic!"

"That's right, punk. I'm SoNic. There's a huge difference. And I'm about to go stop the werewolf."

"Well, that's great!" Tails said, the glee in his voice unmistakable, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah, there is! I'm gonna need a lot of rings! GOLDEN rings! Gold rings, gold rings, gold rings! GOLD RINGS! I NEED GOLD RINGS! Gold. Rings. Goldringsgoldringsgoldrings."

"Are you-?" Tails started.

"GOLD RINGS! I! NEED! GOLD! RINGS! LOTS OF GOLD RING GOLD RINGS GOLD RINGS GOLD RINGS!"

Tails started to back up but it what too late. SoNic Cage's massive size permitted him to grab Tails from nearly halfway across the room, causing the fox to be pulled back into a vice-like grip. Soon SoNic was holding Tails up to his face, screaming.

"GOLD RINGS! GOLD RINGS! GOLD RINGS! GOLD RINGS!" he screamed. The tone rose and rose, the vibrations shaking the whole of the house more and more with each repetition of the crazed words. Tails squirmed, but to no avail.

SoNic Cage bit down on the chest of the Tails, his mouth easily covering half of the tiny fox's torso. He tore back, pulling out the heart along with a massive chunk of fleshy meat. Tails survived for but a moment, long enough to know a great spasm of pain that no man ever should as he pondered the meaning of this ultimate betrayal, and then his body was on the floor like a discarded candy wrapper as SoNic Cage feasted on the heart, greedily holding it like a squirrel hording an acorn.

After he gulped down the last of the heart, SoNic Cage looked up, remembering his mission. Using the back of his hand, he wiped away the blood that was liberally pouring down his chin.

"Alright, werewolf," he grunted. "Let's do this."

And with that, he hobbled out the door into the cool night air, knowing only one thing for certain: his mission had only just begun.