A/N: This story is AU, M-Preg(because I love them), SLASH, and there is abuse in the beginning.
Pairing(s): right now Ryan/OMC, future Ryan/Eric, past Ryan/Speed. Ryan/Eric happens really soon, so that is the pairing I'm putting it under.
Abuse is NEVER okay. If you or someone you know is being abused there is help out there. I'm including a website and the two phone numbers on the site. This is an American website, because I'm in America. For anyone outside the U.S. and territories, you should be able to find hotlines and help lines by typing abuse hotline or abuse help into your search engine.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www(dot)the hotline(dot)org
1-800-799-SAFE(7233) and 1-800-787-3224(TTY)
The website even has a quick escape button. You click it and it will take you to Google. That way you can keep what you're looking at private.
Don't own. (Always forget that part)
He woke up with tears streaming down his face and his shoulder aching. He kept thinking about last night and the fight he had had with Jesse. How Jesse had shoved him, how he knew he should have walked out the door after he left him there on the floor, and how he was too much of a coward to tell anyone he knew. He shook his head and tried to stop the thoughts of walking out, knowing that there would be hell to pay if Jesse found out. But his mind kept going back to walking out. Maybe no one would have to know,
"Maybe I should..." Ryan whispered to himself.
"Maybe you should what, baby?" Jesse asked him from the doorway. "You weren't thinking of getting up were you? Because I personally think that would be a horrible idea." He said, walking into the room while slowly stripping his uniform off.
Noticing the look on Ryan's face, he started in on the apologies and the excuses. "I'm sorry for last night. You know I didn't mean it. You do forgive me, don't you baby?" He whispered into the room as he descended onto Ryan's prone form.
"Did my baby miss me?" He whispered into Ryan's ear, licking the shell.
"Yes." He moaned into Jesse's neck while arching into his body.
"Say you'll forgive me Ry. It was an accident. You know I love you, only you." Jesse said, working his way down Ryan's neck. Jesse knew he had him when he felt Ryan grab his hair. And he knew he had driven all thoughts of leaving out of the younger man's mind when he whimpered as he closed over the sensitive nub on his right side.
"Tell me what you want. Ryan, tell me what you want." He demanded while jerking his head back and pressing his hardness into the young body beneath him.
Ryan was gone the moment Jess had said the words "only you". With the way all of his past relationships had turned out he knew that those words were golden, like silence. And like silence, he knew just how rare they were. So, when his lover asked him what he wanted, he answered him.
"You, in me." He whispered while taking Jesse's hand and guiding under the thin layer of fabric dividing them.
'Maybe you can forget.' He thought as Jesse slipped off his boxers and slid the hand on his stomach down around the base his cock. 'He'll get better when the pressure from work is off of him. I know it. Right?' Ryan's shoulder twinged, but he moaned as Jesse's finger entered him. He bucked as another followed the first, and when a third joined, he screamed in pleasure when Jesse hit his spot. 'I'll forget. It's easier.' Was the last coherent thought to cross his mind.
Jesse removed his fingers from his lover. And with hands gripping Ryan's hips, he plunged into the tight heat that awaited him.
"No one can have you. Your mine." Jesse growled, slowly thrusting into the willing body beneath him.
He adjusted their positions when he felt Ryan's legs wrap around his waist. With each continuous thrust he growled, "Mine." Over and over again until it, along with Ryan's moans and whimpers, was the only thing that could be heard in their room.
Ryan cried out as he felt a hand stroke along the underside of his cock. He screamed as he felt Jesse's thumb rub over the head. And he came when Jesse's thumb dipped into the slit. After a few more thrusts, he sensed more than felt Jesse's release inside of him. Still entwined, he groaned when their contact was broken.
Jesse smirked and pulled Ryan closer. Falling into the after-sex haze while listening to their combined breathing.
Knowing his shift would start soon Ryan disentangled himself from the sleeping man and walked into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror after he got out of the shower and ended up regretting it instantly. The bruise was spreading from the outside of his shoulder to the point where his collarbone started to jut out.
With 'Only you.' echoing in his mind, he decided not to look in to any more mirrors without a shirt. He quietly put his uniform on and picked up the mess of clothes on the bedroom floor. He put them in the laundry room and left a note saying he would call on break.
As he walked out the door he hoped Lee wouldn't notice his shoulder. But he knew not to wish for much.
It had been a slow night, with everyone either catching up on paperwork or patrolling. Ryan had just gotten off the phone when the call came in. He, along with Lee, had gone out to the pretty house in the pretty neighborhood. The first thing they saw from the street was the open door. Drawing their weapons and calling for backup as they approached.
They had all seen things in their line of work, but nothing had prepared them for what had gone on in the pretty house in the pretty neighborhood.
Ryan had found the little boy hiding in the basement. With the wounds he had, it was a shock to everyone that he had still been alive. Somehow he had managed to survive the wrath of his father. Whether he would make it was still up in the air. The ambulance was just pulling away when they arrived.
"Are you alright?" A voice to his left said. "You should see someone about that." It had added.
Ryan stopped rubbing his shoulder. "It's nothing, sir." He said finally turning to look at the red haired man.
"What's wrong?" Lee's voice broke through the silence that had descended. "Why should you see someone Ryan?"
"His shoulder-" Horatio was cut off by Lee.
"What about your shoulder. You promised. You said if anythi-"
"Shut up." Ryan hissed at his friend. "I'll get the statements for you." He bolted, catching sight of Tim.
"Is he okay?" Alexx asked, walking up behind Horatio with Tim.
"Yes. And I'm Houdini." He muttered the last part.
"Excuse me?" Speed asked.
"Nothing. This way." Lee said finally looking at them. "Don't worry, we didn't muck up too much. But the boy..." He trailed off as he led them toward the scene. Several officers were crying as they passed.
It prompted Speed to ask. "What did you find when you got here?" Already dreading the answer.
"We got the call around two. Door was open, blood leading in." Lee started.
"Five bodies..." Ryan said from behind them. "One male, one female, three children. Two boys one girl. Found..." It got quiet as he explained what they had found. "Photographic memory. Two lost it over there, one over there, and one actually made it to the storm drain." He pointed to his left, right, and behind him, all without ever looking at them.
"Media." Craig shouted from the right. "Oh goody. Vultures."
Ryan had run. He could admit that. After they were finished, they had all quietly gone back to the station. He had gone to the locker room and scrubbed himself raw in one of the showers. Trying to forget. Forget Lee's questioning looks, forget seeing Tim and his lover, and most of all, trying to forget the little boy. The blood covering his body, barely able to breath, and his terrified eyes. The eyes that were pleading 'Don't hurt me'.
The water had turned cold and his skin raw before he got out. Ryan dried off and changed, then he headed home.
He put his shoes away as he walked in the front door. When he got to the bedroom he stripped and put everything in the hamper. He went back to the kitchen where he set the timer on the coffee maker. He did the dishes Jesse had made the night before, and then he cleaned like his life depended on it. Part of it did in a way. His OCD had to be satisfied and he couldn't face sleep yet. Not with the memories still so close to the surface.
But no matter what he did, they wouldn't go away. And he knew if he didn't go to bed soon he'd miss any chance of comfort from his lover. Even if he was still sleeping. So Ryan crawled into bed and curled around Jesse's sleeping form. And he dreamed.
Light spilling in from the open window, falling across the bodies moving together under the covers, moaning, screaming, and grunting each others names. That was all Ryan Wolfe saw and heard when he entered his boyfriends apartment. They had both known months ago that they made great lovers, but even greater friends. And they both always knew they wouldn't make it to forever, but he never thought Tim would break them this way.
He didn't even realize they had stopped moving until he heard his name.
"You should have told me before I came all the way over here. Would have saved everyone from embarrassment." He muttered, retreating out of the bedroom and out of the apartment...
Ryan woke up with the tears still falling. It had been two years and he still had dreams about that afternoon. He had never cared about losing their love life, it was the friendship that had mattered most to him. And it had shattered when Tim lied to him. He still felt the hole in his heart from where that friendship had been. He felt it was kind of sad to admit it now. They had wasted all that time holding onto something they didn't have with each other, only to end up breaking what good things they did have together.
He felt Jesse's arms wrap around his waist as the bed shifted on his right.
"Nightmare?" He asked.
"The little boy. His eyes." He lied. Tim was a sore subject all around, and he didn't want to have another fight so soon. "So cold." He whispered. "Just hold me, please. And don't let go." Ryan curled into Jesse's arms trying to burrow into his body.
"It's okay. I'm never giving you up. I promise." He whispered into Ryan's ear.
A/N: I published this almost 3 years ago on LJ. I stopped writing this and my other stories because my grandmother became ill and almost passed away. She got better and then she became ill again. It was a roller coaster for over a year and I just couldn't write anything during that time. Lucky for me she's doing well now and I have rediscovered my stories, and my muse has come back for them. I had wonderful comments on LJ and I know that some people read both sites. So for anyone who was following the story over there(and you've found it here), I won't be posting anything over there until I'm done with the story. But I do have several chapters already done so I should be able to catch up and probably finish this story in a couple of months. I'm not sure how long this story will be now, as it has decided to take a different direction from where it was headed before I stopped writing. Not that big of one, but still a different fork in the road. Thank you to all who read that. I hope you enjoy the story.
Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bon fire to tell this story by.