My Dearest Sweetheart,
I started this letter on May 8th and I'm not quite sure when I will be done writing it. But I do know that I will be writing it over many days so I can perfect it for you. So you can know everything you need to and have the memories you need to get by. I'm writing this so over the next four years you will have a part of me with you to remember and love. I'm writing this because I love you.
Please don't ever forget me. Remember every little thing about me if you can. And I will do the same for you. Remember my laugh, my smile, my eyes, my arms around you, my lips against yours. I will remember your smile, your eyes, your arms around me, your lips against mine. I will hold on to every memory I can. I'll keep them next to my heart. These memories will be memories of the heart, not the mind so they will never fade. Will you do the same for me?
In between classes, I love when you hug me. You hold me so close and everyone knows that you give the perfect hug. Your arms wrap around me and hold me so close, like something will hurt me if you let go. And I can't help but feel so calm and peaceful. Then you get that "nice Wally smell" as Abby likes to call it. I like that nice Wally smell. It adds to the peacefulness. And then we go our separate ways and I can't wait until I see you again so I can have another hug and experience the same feeling.
You're so adorable when you play baseball. You get so into the game. By the time it's over you are exhausted and listen to your coach talk to you. It's kind of scary but I know he means well. And if you make a wrong move, you beat yourself up about it and it breaks my heart. Like when you were pitching that Saturday morning and then you got put out in center field and I saw you just tearing yourself up. It made me want to break down and cry. But I'm also so proud of the things you do for the game. Like on the Monday you were playing Hoagie and there was the ball coming to the outfield and you and that one dude looked like you were going to kill each other just to get the ball. I was so proud that you were willing to get hurt just for baseball.
When I went to your chorus concert, I was so happy that I finally got to hear you sing—even if it was with a monster group of people singing too. It made me so happy to hear that because Abby told me many times that you were nervous to sing in front of me because of my opinion. No matter how many people told me how good you were I wanted to hear it for myself. And I did. Do you know how glad I was that I finally heard you? Even if you don't think you sing that well, I can grantee that you do. I could make out your voice and I loved it. I hope that you sing for me by yourself one day.
I'm jealous of the L.A. chicks. They'll get so see you everyday. They'll get to play with your hair and hear your laugh and see your smile. They'll get to see your eyes and hear your caring voice and I hate them for that. What if they happen to see what I love about you? What if they happen to fall in love with you? What if they hear about how much you love Star Wars and find that as adorable as I do? I can't bear that. And if they ever get a hug from you, they'll get that nice Wally smell. And if some of them fall in love, they'll do the things that I do and I hate that. They'll smile every time they hear your name. They'll blush a little bit when every they tell their friends how sweet you are. Their heart will skip a beat every time they see you smile. I don't want them to be able to feel that way about you because what if you start feeling the same way about them and forget about me?
Do you want to know the cutest thing you ever did? I don't know because there are so many cute things you have done. I could always tell you a few of them, but just so you know. They are in no specific order:
You've let me in my house
You argued with me that you loved me more
You argue in general and that is just adorable
You get that cute voice when ever you say certain things
You kiss my hand
Sometimes when you kiss me there is little stubbles and that tickles
You hold my hand when I get scared
You hold me when I get confused
You love Star Wars
The way you say "I love you"
Nigel has told me how much you love me. That's adorable. When your friends can tell me how much you care about me and can tell me how much you love me. I hear that and just want to give you a hug. When they say not to worry about the L.A. chicks because you love me I just go "aww" and want to give you a hug. Or when they say not to worry because you will come back for me I want to give you a kiss. And I love the fact that they know that. Or when Napoleon ((who is a real mean kid by the way)) starts to say that you're going to move to California and fall in love with all of the girls and forget that I ever existed and Hoagie says that you love me and that won't happen. At least I hope it doesn't.
Please forgive me. I am just a simple girl and like all simple girls, I worry way too much. I worry about my friends, my family, my grades, school and you moving. I worry about if my friends are suicidal or if my friends will be able to make it through a break-up without my help. I worry if my Mommy will have enough money to pay the bills and pay for gas and food. I worry that I will be kicked out of my advanced classes and I will be thrown into a world where I know practically no one. I worry that something bad will happen to someone at school and if I'm sick, I won't be able to help them. I worry that you won't come back for me. That you will forget or won't want to. I worry about that the most.
I am supposed to tell you the rules. I told you I would. I still don't think I will ever tell you. But I can tell you other things about chicks. I could tell you about what chicks love guys to do but if I tell you that, you might use that as reference to L.A. chicks. I could tell you why I love you, but there is way to many reasons. I could tell you the rules chicks have to follow. Maybe a few wouldn't hurt…
Always ask a guy's two recent ex-'s if it's okay that you go out with him
Never ask a guy out
Never give the first "real" kiss. Guys should have the balls to do it themselves
Don't talk bad about someone's boyfriend unless they talk bad about them first
Be ready to drop everything if someone just got their heart broken
Always protect your guy friends from heartache like little brothers
If you fall in love, make sure never to let that person go
Go see scary movies with your boyfriend so they can protect you
A peach ain't a peach. A plum ain't a plum. A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue. So open your mouth and close your eyes. And give that tongue some exercise.
Don't give up on me when you move. I'm not the best girlfriend in the world and I'm far from perfect, but I love you. I will mess up. I can guarantee you that I will forget your birthday and won't call you. It's not my fault. I can't remember anyone's birthday but my own and that's the honest truth. And if I get mad at you for not remembering if we've been going out for a year, don't be mad at me. I will mess up many times and I hope you can see past that and still love me for who I am and who you are going out with because I will still always love you.
I hope that during those years in California you still stay in love with me. I know I will stay in love you. I hope you don't forget me and I hope you come back for me. I'll always wait. My heart will always belong to you. You are my first love. My first love-filled hug. My first kiss. I love you with all my heart and that will never change. I hope that stays the same for you. I hope you'll always love me too. First love never dies. I love you and I mean it. I really do.
xX Kuki Xx
And as days go by, the memories remain
I'll wait for you
and as days go by, the memories remain
I won't let go
these days remain the same
pictures fade away
please don't ever change
please don't change your mind
no matter what they say
I'll always wait
I know it's hard to make this work
When you're all alone
And I've been waiting for so long
To hold you in my arms